The courage and strength of the many people who shared the intimate, often painful details of the suicide of their loved ones for this book will remain with me always. I am grateful for their confidence that in my telling of their experiences, the stigma surrounding suicide will begin to diminish through understanding and compassion.
In every survivor’s journey, there are sources of comfort and direction that help to ease the anguish and clear the confusion. I would especially like to thank my mother, Lillian Fine, for her love and unwavering support, and my sisters, Jill, Janet, and Ellen, for showing me the true definition of family. I would also like to thank my “hermana,” Dolly Velasco, for her passionate faith in the triumph of the creative spirit in the face of adversity and fear.
A survivor remembers every kindness extended during a time when the world seems suddenly threatening and unfamiliar. I am grateful for the consideration given to me by Patricia Hennessey, Marie Stareck, Doreen Liebeskind, Phil Fierro, Jean-Claude Deshauteurs, Peter Klausner, and Jeffrey Schwartz. I am also in debt to Debby Glazer for her humanistic insight and steadfast presence, and to Elaine Frances for her conviction in my ability to flourish with change.
This book exists today as a result of the determination of my agent and friend, Barbara Lowenstein, who trusted in its worth from the beginning, and my editor, Judy Kern, who championed its cause and helped me communicate its message as clearly as possible. I truly appreciate their warm encouragement and belief in my work. I am also grateful to Mary Mooney for her keen intellect and astute suggestions, and to Edward Dunne for his enlightened counsel and thoughtful input.
Out of the ashes of tragedy, unexpected gifts often emerge. I will always cherish the friendship of Sonia and Ron Heuer, with whom I have spent endless hours baring my soul yet instinctively connect without the necessity of words, and to Gerry Graffe for her generous heart and wonderful gift of knowing how to laugh. I am also honored by my friendship with Suzi Epstein, a wise and courageous woman, and with Aukia Betancourt, whose future knows no bounds.
I am especially indebted to Ilka Tanya Payan, who in her fierce struggle against the terrible plague of AIDS taught me about the beauty and dignity of the human spirit. I am also grateful to Pam Parlapiano, Vicki Ciampa, and Maxine Gold for their humor and loyal support.
Most important, I would like to thank Alex Kopelman, my eternal soulmate, who has been with me through every step of this odyssey. A fine writer who helped shape the tone and direction of this book, Alex’s vision and faith in me have never wavered. And, of course, I must not forget Cinco, who reminded me that there was joy even in my deepest darkness and who never left my side.
Finally, I would like to pay tribute to my husband, Harry Reiss, and the memories of others whose lives have been ended by an unrelenting despair and sadness that only they could know. It is my hope that their stories will provide some kind of insight for those of us who are left behind, ensuring that their deaths will not have been in vain.