Chapter Twenty-Three

Abby didn’t care if she ate another thing. It didn’t matter what she’d put into her belly over the last two days, nothing satisfied her. The pain in her gut remained, right along with her memories of Daniel’s mouth and body on her, the glide of his long, hot shaft against her. She’d been fighting the desire for him for the last pair of days. It made her hurt and she wanted it to end. She hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since she left Camlochlin. She was exhausted.

She ate to survive, but with no inns around in which to eat and spend the night, they slept on the cold hard ground and ate the remainder of their dry food. Sooner than she had hoped, the lack of food and sleep began to take its toll on her. When her escort insisted on getting them something fresh to eat, and taking her with him on the hunt, she didn’t refuse. Better to be with him, even if he tempted her to cast all to the winds, than be alone in the forest. She was glad he took her without her having to ask.

A brisk, northern chill washed over her and reminded her of home. She was lovesick for it. Even if Daniel did share her foolish fancies and considered a future with her, it could never be. She could never leave home. And he… She preferred not to, but she looked at him while he waited patiently for his prey in the gray-blue mist of predawn… He could never go home with her.

Was that what she wanted? To take this man home as her husband? He certainly had the fortitude and the skill to be wed to the MacGregor chief. He didn’t have to be as brawny as some of her kin; he was fast on his feet and quicker of mind.

But he was more than an experienced soldier, more than the right-looking kind of husband to have on her arm.

He was always kind to her, even when he first brought her from Camlochlin and considered her an enemy. He’d been valiant since the beginning.

He’d explained to her why he’d demanded her obedience. He worried for her because of his Charlotte. She understood and promised to do her best to do as he suggested. If he barked orders at her, she couldn’t make any promises.

Saints, she did want him. She wanted him for the rest of her life. Her revelation didn’t offer her any peace. What was she going to do? He’d drawn her in with his deep melancholy and then seduced her with the slow graze of his eyes over her and the wide, confident grins only she could pull from him. He lured her away from her responsibilities and made her careless of moments beyond the ones spent with him. But he hadn’t done it with any malice or insincerity.

He favored her. It was plain to see. She’d been foolish to doubt it. He hadn’t withheld his seed because he didn’t care for her. He did it to protect her. Always to protect her. She had won this knight’s favor.

Favor that could get her killed, according to him.

She was thankful that at least one of them was levelheaded and didn’t waste time imagining a future together.

He motioned to her that he’d spotted a grouse and for her to take the shot, and then the next. She realized quickly that he was making her practice. He didn’t mind that she caught their dinner. In fact, he smiled at her, pleased with her aim.

She didn’t smile back. She couldn’t. She felt too miserable. How could she have let this happen? How could she lose her heart to him? Could she save herself? Was it too late?

“Abigail.” He carried her name on a cloud of cool breath as they walked back to camp, their supper in his hand.

She tried to remain strong against his charms.

“Will you be angry with me forever?” He stepped in front of her to block her path, then bent his head to catch her gaze and hold it.

She saw something in the sea-green depths of his eyes that stilled her breath—a glimpse of his heart through a hole in the wall he’d built to protect it.

She’d broken through, and it frightened him.

“I thought you’d forgiven me. How long will you withhold from me even your slightest smile?”

Look away from him, she commanded herself, but that thread of desperation in his voice and the way his second breath descended on her made her defy reason.

“I’m not angry with ye, Daniel,” she promised softly. “I… have allowed my heart”—she paused for a deep breath—“to rule me and have acted foolishly.”

“Abby, I—”

She shook her head and held a finger to his lips. “Let’s never speak of it again, aye?” she begged. “I have too much to lose to be a fool. Ye may have as well.”

He nodded, withdrawing his gaze and his body from her path with reluctance. “Yes, of course.”

Was that regret she saw in his forced smile? Resignation?

“Do I not still represent all that ye hold in contempt?” she called out as he moved past her.

“Apparently not all,” he replied, glancing over his shoulder at her. “If you did, I wouldn’t let you trouble me the way you do.”

She gave his back a dark scowl. She’d tried not to be any trouble at all and it was impolite of him to say so. But now that he brought it up, she wanted an explanation.

“How do I trouble ye?” she asked him.

He stopped, turned, and tilted his brow at her like some curious aristocrat.

The memory of his teeth along her breasts, and his hungry tongue in her mouth, flashed across her thoughts.

He might fool his peers, but she knew better what he was.

“You trouble me by staying inside my thoughts. You trouble me when I find myself willing to do whatever you ask in exchange for a smile.”

Och, that kind of trouble. He did care for her.

The thought of it tickled her belly and made her want to smile for him right now, but he wasn’t enjoying his self-professed obsession. His feelings for her troubled his mind and his heart.

Why did knowing that twist her insides in a painful knot? How did she make the ache of giving up her heart to him go away? How did she get it back?

“We’ll come to the next inn tomorrow night when we reach the border,” he told her a little later while he fed the last stick of wood to the flames of their campfire. “You will sleep better on something soft.”

She looked up from plucking one of the grouse as he came around the fire and sat next to her. He picked up the other carcass and joined her work.

“I made no complaint.”

“I know,” he said, stilling her breath as his eyes left the flames and settled on her.

Her heart pounded hard in her chest. She needed some kind of defense against him, against even his most casual smile.

Home. She thought of home. Only Camlochlin could turn her from her personal desires.

“I’m quite used to sleeping on the ground. I’ve often done so with my kin on hunts. Dinna’ make exceptions fer my benefit; I’m perfectly fine with sleeping beneath the stars.” Who cared that she was lying through her eyeballs? She hated sleeping outside. Her back was killing her and she was sure a critter or two had tried to make a nest in her hair last night while she slept. If she didn’t sleep in a bed soon she’d go mad. But her pride prevented her from grumbling. She watched him while he prepared the grouse for the spit. They didn’t speak. What was there to say? Odd, that the silence wasn’t awkward, though. They weren’t angry at each other. They were… resigned.

It made Abby want to cry all the more.

They practiced swords while their dinner cooked. Their glances lingered and he even brought several smiles to her lips, but that was all they shared.

He finally spoke to her while they ate. “Tell me about these hunts you’ve been on where you had to sleep on the ground.”

She smiled, remembering them, and realized that Daniel knew exactly how to draw her out and pull her closer. He did it slowly and with supreme patience.

She had no defense against him.

She happily told him about some of her hunting expeditions with her cousins. It wasn’t as dangerous as it might sound, she explained. They all knew the terrain like the backs of their hands, even in the dark.

Somewhere within, a small voice warned her to pull back. What was she doing? Why was she telling him so much about her kin when she knew nothing of him? If he was her enemy, she should keep him close, shouldn’t she?

“I’ve told ye enough aboot me, my lord. Now tell me of ye. Nora told me that ye’re renowned fer yer skill on the ballroom dance floor.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Did she? She mentioned it to me. I’ve wondered how she knows.”

“Then ’tis true?” She offered him a smile that made his gaze soak her in all the more. “Will ye dance with me at the palace?”

He didn’t answer her immediately, but then shrugged. “We shall see.”

“What aboot yer upbringing? I know nothing aboot it.” She wanted to know about the other thing Nora had told her when she’d run into her in the hall after she hit Daniel over the head.

He looked into the flames. Would he tell her the truth? When he told her about his father and his childhood, she knew—not by anything Nora had told her—that he wasn’t telling her everything.

“I was taught at a young age to be loyal to the crown. My family was quite rich and sent me off to Whitehall Palace, where I spent much of my life. I also spent many years at Kensington, and St. James’s Palace with Anne.”

All wrapped up neat and tidy.

“Where did ye learn to fight?”

“Everywhere. I had different tutors at different palaces. How about you?”

He didn’t want to continue talking about himself and she let it go, hoping she could earn his trust one day, if they knew each other long enough.

“I know that judging by my skill, ye wouldna’ think I practiced as much as the other lasses,” she was happy to tell him. “But I did. I just never fought real enemies before. A chief must be able to fight, Daniel, so I intend to learn everything I can. My brother is a master with a bow, but he doesna’ know how to properly fight because he always had other interests to see to when we practiced. He doesn’t have an ounce of interest in taking over after my father. Who knows who the council will choose as chief? It worries me. Why are you grinning?” she asked him. “Are my concerns humorous to ye?”

“Not at all. I find you completely wonderful and altogether beautiful, Abigail MacGregor. I don’t know much about Highland clans, but I’m sure being chief of one requires many skills, strength, and determination. The fact that you want to follow in your father’s footsteps says much about you that a warrior would find very attractive.”

She returned his smile and blushed. Goodness, she blushed! She also thought about how thankful they should all be that she wasn’t trying to follow in the footsteps of anyone on her mother’s side of the family.

“There are still some things I need to learn, General.”

His teeth flashed as his grin brightened. “Leave that to me.”