In the days after, I threw myself into work with a vigour I hadn’t felt for months. By Wednesday, I realised it was a coping mechanism. I used my mid-morning coffee break to try and consider what for: the new sexual experiences and the questions they were bringing about; the old relationship; the woman-to-woman advice from Penny that I’d carried like a small nugget of gold in the back pocket of my jeans in the days since we’d spoken. It could have been any number of things. Or a hideous mixture of them, I thought with a groan as I poured coffee, sipped two mouthfuls, then poured again to top up what was missing. I was looking out onto the city, like I might find answers written across massive Post-it Note displays in the windows of other high-rise buildings, when Diane caught my attention.
‘Everything okay, Edi?’
I turned. ‘Of course. I needed a screen break.’
‘Boy, you’re telling me. I feel like meetings make the world go round these days, but when you’re meeting people up and down the country …’
‘You’re not really meeting them, you’re Skyping them.’
She nodded. ‘Got it in one.’
Diane had always been a kind manager to work with – or rather, work for. As the company had expanded, we’d seen less and less of her. But she occasionally popped by the communal coffee station for no reason at all beyond the chance to rub elbows with one of us. I moved out of her way and gestured to the half-full pot. ‘Don’t let me bogart the caffeine.’
‘Actually, I was hoping to pin you down for a chat, if you’ve got time?’
Any distraction is a welcome one. ‘Absolutely. What can I do for you?’
‘Lucille, she … Actually, do you know Lucille?’
Only by reputation. I swallowed hard. Lucille was Diane’s boss, and she was known about the company for the best and worst reasons: dedicated, respected, terrifying. ‘I haven’t met her, no.’
‘You’ll get on just fine. She’s having an office day today and she’s asked whether you’re available for a meeting, which you aren’t because I checked the team calendar.’ Christ, where is this going? ‘But I’ve shifted your meeting with Nicola to Xander’s diary so you can pop along this afternoon and talk to her about a few things. Now, I can see your face and I want to reassure you from the off that it’s nothing to worry about.’ She reached across and patted my hand. ‘The opposite, I’d say. Half past two suit you?’ She didn’t wait for an answer before thanking me and hurrying out at the same speed she’d miraculously appeared at.
I turned back to the window. I sipped again. Great, another thing to worry about …
*
The front of Lucille’s office was floor-to-ceiling glass, allowing everyone to see her daily goings-on. She was on the phone when I got there, so I lingered awkwardly outside and waited to be ushered in. In the seconds that ticked by, I found myself stealing hooded glances at her. I’d only ever seen her through a pixelated image, on her LinkedIn profile and our company’s website. But neither of those had done her justice. She was gorgeous. Not Fred-gorgeous, either, but intimidating-gorgeous. She wore a pale blue suit with a white blouse underneath, and high heels that implied she wouldn’t be going far from her desk. Her hair was a platinum that’s impossible to maintain – unless you’ve got the time and money for it – and it was cut in an angular bob, longer at the front than the back. Straightened to within an inch of its life, too.
Her actual face, though, was harder to get a read on. She didn’t wear much make-up but what she did wear would have rendered Betty weak at the knees with jealousy. Every now and then she arched an eyebrow, as though whoever was on the phone had either shocked or impressed her. Impressed, I decided, she looks far too controlled to be shocked by anything. Without any sign that it was coming, then, she slammed the phone back into its cradle and looked my way. She’d hardly taken a breath between ending the call and beckoning me in.
‘Edith?’
‘Edi.’
‘Edi.’ She smiled. ‘Lovely to meet you. I’m sorry to have kept you outside.’ She didn’t stand, but I leaned over the desk and offered her my hand to shake anyway, and she arched her eyebrow again as she reciprocated the gesture. ‘Take a seat.’
I did as I was told. ‘It’s lovely to meet you.’
She was looking at open folders on her desk as she spoke. ‘I’m grateful you could make the time.’ She shuffled papers and looked at me. ‘Now, you’ve been with us for some time and you’ve got a glowing record from all of your superiors. But are you happy here, Edi?’
Is this a well-being check-in? ‘I enjoy my work, absolutely,’ I said, baffled by the mere suggestion that anyone might ever say otherwise when faced with a question like that – being asked by their boss. ‘I certainly don’t have any plans to leave,’ I added.
She nodded, and looked away from me, like she was considering something. ‘Well, I’m delighted to hear that.’ She handed over the paperwork she’d been reading. ‘We’re looking to restructure some of the teams and yours happens to be one of them. Diane is wasted at her desk as it stands so she, and she’s aware of this, will be moved to a more forward-facing position so she can engage with clients out and about, interviews, developing PR plans in the field. I won’t bore you. But we’ll be looking first and foremost to replace her, but secondly to make it a more pronounced managerial position. You’ll oversee the team you currently work with, and another three teams besides that. Ahead of this happening, though, we’d like to give you the opportunity for proper managerial training. Just to hone those skills that you’ve been flaunting already.’ She winked – oh my God, an actual wink – at me between breaths. ‘Now, tell me, Edi, how does that sound so far?’
Terrifying. I cracked into a toothy grin. ‘I mean, amazing. Is there a catch?’
She shook her head. ‘No catch. We’ll look at a pay increase, too, of course, for the extra work you’ll be doing. Diane will want to talk to you about the workload distribution, though, so that might be something best saved for when you’ve discussed your duties with her?’
‘Okay.’ I nodded, still smiling. ‘Absolutely.’
She leaned on her elbows and rested her chin in the palm of one hand. ‘Questions?’
‘When does all of this happen?’
‘Ah, of course.’ She leaned back. ‘Diane has a twelve-month changeover period to finish up outstanding work, but for six of those months you’ll be shadowing her. So, the start date is fluid. But the paperwork you’ve got outlines a number of modules, available through the city centre university, so if you want to take a look through that and liaise with Diane about your choices then we’ll look to get you signed up for the next start date.’ She glanced over at her screen. ‘September, by the looks of that email.’
‘Perfect. Okay. That’s all perfect.’
‘Edi.’ She stood, then, and held her hand out. ‘It’s been a pleasure.’
I’ll say, I thought, matching her gesture. It had been the exact thing to turn a ridiculous few months into something salvageable. If I’d been talking to Diane I would have said so. But Lucille looked ready to rush me out at break-neck speed, so I thanked her another two times and hurried out of the office, clutching the paperwork to my chest like I was holding government secrets.
I took the stairs back to my normal floor, to give myself time to calm down, take deep breaths, and dance about like Chandler Bing post-orgasm. I threw my arms out, kicked my legs, grabbed my phone and typed a text: AMAZING NEWS AT WORK. Got a second? xxx
But I was dumbstruck. Who should I send this to?