Chapter Thirty-One

James resisted the urge to look out the window of his room to see if the car he’d requested for Andrea had arrived. The fact she’d ignored a dozen of his calls proved it was the only gesture she would accept from him. She was sticking resolutely to her decision, and forcing a confrontation would only make matters worse.

Worse. He barked out a harsh laugh. As if leaving him with no intention of having any contact with him again could get any worse. James took his time packing his bag and vacating the hotel room.

He still had three more days in Skye before he left for Glasgow. He momentarily considered flying directly there since he was already in Inverness, but he couldn’t abide the city right now. He wanted the familiar, beloved scenery of the island. It was the perfect place to brood and curse himself for his own daftness.

He checked out of the hotel, shoving the envelope the desk clerk gave him into his laptop case, then threw his suitcase into the back of his car and pointed himself back toward home. He drove automatically, cataloging the reasons he should move on with his life and forget Andrea completely. He failed miserably. How could he have let her get into him so deeply he could no longer imagine life without her?

He should have listened to Ian. Not that his brother had been right about his intentions, but if he’d been smart enough to let her go, he would never have noticed the gaping emptiness she’d exposed in his life.

He was so engrossed in his own musings as he turned down the road leading onto Sleat that he didn’t see the scattering of sheep until it was almost too late. He jammed on the brakes with a squeal of tires and lurched to a stop just before he would have flattened one of the stupid creatures into the asphalt. It lifted its head and looked straight at him, then lay down in the middle of the road. James laid on the horn, but instead of hurrying out of the road, half the flock decided a nap was a cracking idea and joined it.

James threw his head back against the headrest and stifled the cry of frustration in his throat. Perfect. All he wanted to do was get home and wallow in self-pity, and he couldn’t even manage that because of a flock of mindless animals. Could this day possibly get any worse?

“They lie in wait for motorists and then fling themselves into the road.” He’d been trying to make Andrea laugh. It just figured that he’d get a personal demonstration today of all days.

Beside him on the passenger seat, his phone buzzed, indicating a message. He snatched it up, his heart thrumming as if he’d run a marathon. Only one bar, but a miracle all the same. He dialed his voice mail, where the robotic voice told him he had two messages.

“James, it’s Alice. Call me immediately.”

Disappointment spiked through him when he heard his publicist’s voice and not Andrea’s. What could be so urgent to warrant a call on Saturday? He played the next message.

“For heaven’s sake, James. Will you call me back? Or at least check your e-mail.”

That didn’t sound good. He deleted Alice’s second message and opened his e-mail. The photo that came up knocked the wind out of him: him and Andrea last night, locked in a passionate embrace. He threw his phone into the passenger seat and reached for the envelope the desk clerk had given him. He’d assumed it held the second copy of the signed contract, but when he opened it, a handful of ragged scraps fell into his lap.

Andrea had left him, and now she’d probably lose her job too. He had managed to single-handedly ruin her life.

James held his head in his hands. He hadn’t understood before, but he did now. He’d thought when she said she couldn’t handle this type of life, she’d just been trying to say she didn’t want him. If he’d known about the photo . . .

“It wouldn’t have made a difference.” Heaviness settled over him like an oppressive fog. That was part of his life. He was in the public eye, and the public liked gossip. With his reputation, he was surprised she’d ever entertained getting involved with him at all. He’d been a fool to think they had a future.

After what could have been minutes or hours, the sheep decided to meander off the road. He put the car in gear and drove numbly back to Isleornsay. He only debated for a moment before heading to Muriel’s house. His aunt wouldn’t press him. If he were lucky, she’d have a bottle of Scotch stashed in one of the cabinets. If he weren’t so lucky, he could take out his frustrations on the ingredients for dinner. He’d come up with more than a few new recipes after Cassie left.

He didn’t think it was possible to feel any worse until he saw Ian’s car in Muriel’s driveway.

“Brilliant.” He wasn’t going to back down today or let his brother run him off. He slammed the gear shift into park, shut off the engine, and threw open the car door.

When he entered, Ian sat on the sofa, reading a book with the television turned on low in the background. He took off his reading glasses and set them aside when James stormed into the house.

“She’s gone?”

James ignored the question and passed through the living room to the kitchen. He rummaged in a cabinet and finally found a mostly full bottle of single-malt Scotch in the back. Ian watched him from the doorway as he pulled out the cork and poured a dram into an old-fashioned glass.

“So you’re just going to drink yourself into a stupor?”

“That’s the plan. You here to stop me?”

Ian shrugged, retrieved another glass from the cabinet, and took the bottle.

“What are you doing? You don’t drink.”

“I do when the occasion calls for it.” Ian poured a finger of Scotch for himself. “I think the occasion calls for it.”

James threw back his whiskey with a defiant look at Ian and blinked at the burn down his throat. It had been years since he’d had anything stronger than wine or ale. “Go ahead and say it. I want to be sober enough for you to enjoy it.” When Ian stared blankly at him, James said, “You told me so.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You told me I never thought of anyone but myself. Well, congratulations. You were right. My reputation came back and bit me.” He pulled his mobile from his pocket, brought up the photo, and shoved the phone across the island. “Go ahead.”

Ian looked at the photo and sighed. “I’m sorry, Jamie.”

James blinked. “I thought you’d be pleased to know that, once again, you were right, and I was wrong.”

“I’ve always loved you, no matter what you think.”

“You have an odd way of showing it. When you moved to London with Mum, we no longer existed to you. You had your exclusive school, your rowing. You never looked back.”

“Did you ever wonder what it was like to have to go to London with Mum so she wouldn’t be alone? You and Serena wouldn’t leave Dad.”

“That’s right. Always so self-sacrificing.” James reached for the bottle and poured himself another glass, daring Ian to interfere. “Perfect student. Perfect athlete. If only I could live up to your example.”

“And yet Mum always loved you best.”

James laughed humorlessly. “Right. That’s why she left us.”

“She was unhappy, Jamie.” Ian’s expression turned sorrowful. “She never wanted to live in Scotland. Dad promised her it would be only for a few years. A few years turned into twenty. She got tired of waiting.”

“If she loved us, she would have stayed.”

“And if he had loved her, he would have seen how miserable she was and gone with her. Instead he put everything else ahead of her. The hotel. His students.”

“So that’s why you didn’t tell me he was sick,” James said quietly. “Out of spite.”

“Don’t be daft.” Ian downed his whiskey and thwacked the glass down on the counter. “He needed his will amended, and Mum knows practically every lawyer in London. He didn’t want you two to feel sorry for him.”

“Then why go to you?”

Ian met his eyes, and for the first time, James saw the full force of the bitterness his brother carried with him. “Because he figured I wouldn’t have any sympathy to spare for him. After all, I was the son who abandoned him.”

James pressed his fingers to his eyes. How could things have been so convoluted and he had never known? “You should have told me. I could have said good-bye.”

“Yeah. I should have told you. But he was the one who didn’t want you to know. How could you forgive him for that and not forgive me?”

“Why did you hold on to your share of the hotel, then? Why not sell out your portion like Serena?”

“Because of you.” Ian’s eyes darkened. “I didn’t just lose my father; I lost you and Serena too. I thought maybe, finally, here was something we could do together. But you wouldn’t see past what you thought was my betrayal. You’re just like Dad. Anyone who doesn’t do it your way, you walk away from. You did it with us. And now you’re doing it with Andrea.”

“No. Andrea left me.” James lifted his glass to drink, then set it down again. All he’d gain from getting drunk was a headache. It wouldn’t ease the ache in his heart.

Ian’s anger faded. “Do you love her?”

“Doesn’t matter. She doesn’t feel the same way.”

“For heaven’s sake, how blind could you be? Every single one of us could see she was head over heels for you.”

James put his head in his hands and dug his fingers into his hair. “If she doesn’t want me, I’m not going to chase her.”

“Jamie, men in this family are rubbish at relationships. We fall in love, then we let them walk away from us without a fight. Don’t make the same mistakes Dad and I did.”

“Cassandra—”

“Wasn’t worth fighting for. Andrea is. Unless I’m wrong. Unless this really was just some game to you.”

James hung his head and stared into his glass. He could try to convince himself otherwise, but he loved Andrea. More than his life in Scotland. More than his pride. Drinking himself blind and stupid wouldn’t change matters.

He pushed away from the counter and lifted the bottle. “You done with this?” He recorked it and replaced it in the cabinet, significantly fuller than he’d intended to leave it.

“I’m sorry, Ian,” he said quietly, afraid to turn. “I was unfair. I didn’t understand.”

“Yeah, me too.” Ian clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m driving back to London tomorrow. Come with me. I’ll drop you in Glasgow.”

“A road trip?” James shot him a frown, but there was no heat behind it. “Why would I want to be stuck in a car for five hours with you?”

Ian smiled. “Because it will give us time to figure out how you’re going to get Andrea back.”