This is a message of both/and. It’s crucial we approach this message as both a love story full of life and a tragedy full of loss at the same time. When we leave room for both/and in another person’s story, we start to leave space in our own life for both sorrow and celebration to coexist.
As Kayla brings her story, her heart, her tears, her brokenness, and her healing to these pages, I pray you and I bring something too. I pray we bring our willingness to enter this tender place with enough humility to admit we need this message and enough humanity to set aside all harsh opinions. The both/and of this story is that it’s one of both darkness and victory. It’s both wondrous and will leave you wondering why. It’s both comforting and tragic. It’s both full of answers and questions. It’s both full of brilliance and bottoming out. It’s both a breathtaking love story and a breath stealing gut punch.
Andrew was both a captivating speaker, loving pastor, invested father, and smitten husband, and a man haunted by a darkness that wrestled him to the ground. We must let the enormous light and love of Andrew stay as authentic as it truly was, without rewriting his death by suicide or rescripting any piece of his beautiful legacy. We don’t deny any part of his mental illness; that’s part of this story for sure. But it’s only a part. We are all carriers of sorrow, struggle, and burdens that are hidden in the shadows, still chasing us from hard yesterdays. Through my conversations and processing with Kayla, I’ve learned a few things I need to know to be a better friend, a better mom, and a more equipped human in our world full of people fighting to win their own battles with mental illness. And I’ve learned to be kinder to myself.
This book isn’t one you’ll be able to read and put on a shelf. It’s one that will move into your soul and stay there a long, long while. And oh, what a welcomed treasure these words will be. I knew from the first blog post of Kayla’s I read that she was destined to get this book out into the wild. No message like the one pouring out from her heart should stay caged.
We are unfinished, but my beautiful, brave, bold friend Kayla will help us all know we are not unseen. This book was always meant to make its way to you and me. Now, bring your heart out from hiding. There’s nothing to fear. There’s nothing to shrink back from. Your tenderness and your toughness are both welcome here. I’m going to take your hand and place it in Kayla’s and let her take you on this journey. I am safe with her and so are you.
Now, let’s turn this page and trust the wise words Andrew constantly proclaimed, “God’s got this.” Indeed, he does.
—Lysa TerKeurst