Monica and I were sitting on a bench opposite the Royal Pavilion, waiting for a better class of person to walk by. Well, Monica was waiting for a better class of person to walk by.
‘So tell me again,’ she said. ‘How exactly did he say it?’
‘He just said it, why?’
‘Because it’s important. Was the emphasis on the word my or the word love?’
I closed my eyes and thought about it. He’d said, ‘Yes, we will, my love.’
‘I don’t think he emphasised either word, he just said it kind of softly,’ I said.
‘Softly is good,’ said Monica. ‘And you’re definitely sure that he said the word “my”?’
‘Definitely.’
‘Because if he’d just said “love”, it wouldn’t have meant as much as “my love”.
‘Wouldn’t it?’
‘No, you can say “love” to anyone. You can say “love” to a shopgirl or a clippie or a girl that works in a factory with you and it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a friendly thing to say.’
‘Bloody hell, Monica, how complicated can two words get?’
‘You swore,’ said Monica, looking shocked. ‘You haven’t sworn for ages. When you were a kid you used to swear all the time.’
‘I stopped.’
‘Why?’
‘Two reasons. The first was that Daddy said that if I was going to be a doctor’s wife I might have to stop swearing and the second was that Brenda had started to copy me.’
‘Do you miss it?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, I love the word “bloody”.’
‘Me too,’ said Monica.
‘So do you think it meant something, what Jack said?’
‘I think it’s a start,’ said Monica. ‘But I don’t want you to get your hopes up too much because he might not say it again any time soon. That’s not to say he won’t, but be prepared for a long wait.’
‘I’ve been waiting eight years already.’
‘Which means you could be waiting another eight before he gets round to proposing.’
‘Thanks, Monica, that’s very encouraging.’
‘You’re very welcome.’
Monica and I sat watching the better class of people walking by. I was beginning to think that we were wasting our time. I didn’t much like it there. The Royal Pavilion was too sort of majestic and big and man-made. I preferred the sea and the Downs, the places I’d been with Daddy. Me and Daddy had never come here. We hadn’t needed a better class of person to make us happy.
‘I think I’d like to light a candle,’ I said suddenly.
‘What, now?’
‘Yes. I want to ask our Blessed Virgin Mary for some help with Jack.’
‘I think you might be better off going to the main altar, Maureen, and asking God for a miracle.’
I made a face at her and she grinned. ‘We might as well go now,’ she said, getting up from the bench. ‘I think I’ve given up on a better class of person stopping to talk.’
‘I gave up weeks ago,’ I said.
I hadn’t been to my old church for ages on account of the fact that I was finding it hard to forgive them for not burying Daddy. It felt lovely to be back though. I loved the stillness of the place. It was chilly inside, the only warmth coming from the rays of watery winter sun filtering through the beautiful stained-glass windows. The familiar smell of the place took me back to my childhood – I was always fascinated by the altar boys in their white robes, swinging the incense back and forth.
Me and Monica walked down the main aisle, genuflected in front of the Blessed Sacrament and headed straight for the little side altar. We knelt down in front of Our Lady’s statue. I looked up at her and she smiled gently down at me; I’d missed her. We put our pennies in the old tin box and lit our candles.
‘What are you going to pray for?’ whispered Monica.
‘I’m going to pray for two doors down’s dead dog cos I haven’t prayed for him for ages and he must be feeling a bit neglected. Do you think he’s still squashed, Monica?’
‘No, once you die you lose your body and all that’s left is your spirit. I shouldn’t think Anne Boleyn is wandering around the place without a head.’
‘I hadn’t thought of that.’
‘I am a very thinking person, Maureen.’
‘I never doubted it for one minute, Monica.’
‘What about Jack?’
‘Once I’ve said a prayer for the dead dog, I’m going to ask Our Lady if she can give Jack a bit of a nudge. What are you going to ask for?’
‘Well, I was going to ask her if she could see her way clear to sending me a chap with loads of money.’
‘I don’t think you can ask for money, Monica.’
‘Can’t you?’
‘I don’t think so. Why don’t you ask if she can send you someone with a good job? I mean, it stands to reason that if he’s got a good job he’s bound to have a bit of money.’
‘Good idea, Maureen.’
I watched my candle flickering away and I felt at peace with the world. I suppose that I was still a Catholic; after all, I’d been baptised a Catholic. I just hoped that the Blessed Virgin Mary could overlook the fact that I hadn’t been to Confession or Holy Communion for ages so I wasn’t in a state of grace. I hoped that she would still listen to my prayers.
I left the church feeling hopeful. I was glad that we’d come. Now all I had to do was wait for the Blessed Virgin Mary to come up with the goods. I hoped we didn’t have to wait too long.
Since Jack had spoken those two words I had been bursting with happiness. Maggie said it was like I’d developed some kind of awful illness and I was scaring potential customers away by walking up to them with a weird sort of grimace on my face.
‘It’s not a grimace, it’s a smile.’
‘Well, it’s a very weird sort of a smile.’ Maggie screwed up her face and started walking towards me looking like something from another planet. ‘That’s how you look,’ she said. ‘It’s putting people off.’
I finally told her all about Jack and how he was the only boy for me, otherwise she would have thought that I was going soft in the head.
‘You’ve been in love with him for how long?’
‘Just the eight years.’
‘Bloody hell, Maureen, please don’t tell me you’ve never been out with another boy?’
‘Never,’ I said. ‘My heart belongs to Jack.’
‘But how can you be sure if you haven’t tried another boy?’
‘What do you mean, tried another boy? It sounds as if you’re talking about a new brand of soap.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘Well, don’t you want to kiss another boy?’
I made a face. ‘I’d rather be boiled in oil. How many boys have you kissed then?’
‘Plenty,’ said Maggie, grinning. ‘I love kissing boys.’
‘Well, I’m saving myself for Jack.’
‘But is Jack saving himself for you?’
I thought about it and said, ‘Probably not but it doesn’t matter, because he always comes back to me.’
‘I don’t know whether you’re a complete idiot or a saint.’
‘I’m a saint, Maggie. You are working with a saint.’
Maggie looked at me kindly. ‘I just hope you don’t get hurt, Maureen, because you deserve to be happy.’
‘And I will be,’ I said. ‘There are some things in life, Maggie, that are worth waiting for, and Jack’s one of them.’