When I got back home they had started on the leftovers and mince pies.
‘Good God, girl, you’re soaked!’ said Aunty Marge, jumping up and peeling my wet coat from my shoulders. ‘I said to your mother, “If that girl’s got caught in that rain, she’s going to know it.”’
‘We sheltered in a barn,’ I said.
‘Well, that barn must have a leak,’ said Aunty Marge.
I knelt down in front of the fire and held out my hands towards the warm coals. I could see the steam coming off the cuffs of my cardigan.
‘You should get out of those wet clothes, Maureen,’ said Mum, ‘before you catch your death.’
‘I don’t want to leave the fire,’ I said.
‘Go and get changed, love, then come down and have something to eat.’
‘I’m not hungry, Mum.’
‘Maybe later then,’ she said.
I stood up and started walking towards the door.
‘Was Jack with you?’ said Mum, suddenly.
I turned around. ‘No, why?’
‘He called in earlier, I told him you were with Monica.’
‘Oh.’
I left them and went upstairs. Jack’s book was on the little table beside my bed, wrapped in red Christmas paper. It looked jolly, a damn sight jollier than I felt. From the moment I’d seen Jack, from my perch in the tree, I hadn’t doubted for one minute that one day we would be together. I thought that I had enough love in me for the both of us. Maybe I’d been wrong all these years, maybe my love wasn’t going to be enough. Maybe Jack was never going to love me. I wished Daddy was here, he would have understood. He wouldn’t have thought that I was silly for feeling this way, he would have known what to say to me. I closed my eyes and tried to picture him and there he was. I could almost smell the yellow margarine on his hair. I could almost feel the stubble on his cheeks and the smell of Senior Service on his breath.
‘What should I do, Daddy?’
He smiled at me and that smile seemed to say, ‘You’ll know what to do,’ and then he was gone. I opened my eyes. Monica was right: I had to tell Jack how I felt. I might be about to make a complete fool of myself but it was time he knew.
I pulled the curtains, took off my wet clothes and put on some dry ones, then I lay down on the bed. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Mum was gently shaking me.
‘Jack’s downstairs, Maureen, shall I send him up?’
I rubbed at my eyes and sat up. ‘What?’
‘It’s Jack,’ she said, ‘he’s called round for you. Shall I send him up?’
‘OK,’ I said.
I got up, grabbed a comb and ran it through my damp hair. I looked in the mirror: the face staring back at me looked white and puffy-eyed from sleep. I’d wanted to look nice for Jack when I told him, instead I looked like something the cat dragged in.
There was a tap at the bedroom door and Jack came into the room, smiling. ‘Happy Christmas, Maureen,’ he said, holding a small parcel towards me.
I picked up his present and handed it to him. ‘Happy Christmas, Jack.’
We sat beside each other on the bed and I started unwrapping my gift. Jack was smiling at me as I took off the paper. I folded the paper carefully and placed it on the table beside the bed.
I was holding a small black velvet box. I opened the lid and inside, laying on a bed of pink satin, was a beautiful silver cross and chain.
‘I hope you like it,’ said Jack. ‘I know you don’t go to church much these days, but I thought it was pretty.’
‘It is pretty,’ I said. ‘It’s lovely and I love it, thank you.’
Jack took the necklace from me. ‘Let me put it on for you.’
I turned around. He gently moved my hair away from the back of my neck. Neither of us spoke as he did up the clasp. I could feel his breath, cold, on my skin and I wanted this moment to last forever.
I turned around and faced him. ‘Now yours,’ I said.
He grinned and tore the red wrapping paper from the parcel, then dropped the paper on the floor. ‘Wow!’ he said as he looked down at the picture of Rita Hayworth on the front cover of the book.
He put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me.
‘Do you know what, Maureen?’ he said. ‘You know me better than anyone else in the world. No one but you would think of buying me this. Thank you, it’s perfect.’
After that I didn’t know what to say to him and it seemed by the silence in the room that Jack didn’t know what to say to me either. After what seemed like forever, he broke the silence.
‘I called for you earlier,’ he said.
‘I know you did.’
‘Your mum said you were with Monica.’
‘That’s right. We were up on the Downs, we got caught in the rain.’
‘So you sheltered in the barn,’ said Jack. ‘It was you in the barn, wasn’t it?’
‘And how would you know that?’
‘You know how.’
‘Yeah, I do. You were canoodling with Marion bloody Tucker when you told me you’d be at your gran’s.’
‘I was at my gran’s, but she wasn’t feeling well so we brought her back to our house. You sound angry,’ he said. ‘I told you, I called for you. I went up the Downs, guessing that’s where you might have gone. That’s when I bumped into Marion. You are angry, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not angry,’ I said, getting off the bed and going over to the window. I pulled the curtain back. It was pitch-black outside and the rain was trickling down the window pane. This was the time: if I didn’t tell him now, I never would. I turned round and faced him. I could tell that he was totally confused – he didn’t have a clue, not one bloody clue.
‘Don’t you know, Jack? Don’t you know?’
‘Know what?’
I looked at him sitting there on the bed, the book still in his hands.
‘I’m not angry, Jack, I’m jealous.’
He shook his head; he still didn’t understand.
‘Of Marion? You’re jealous of Marion? Why would you be jealous of her?’
‘Because you were with her in the barn when you should have been with me.’
‘But you were with Monica.’
‘Are you blind as well as stupid, Jack Forrest? I love you, you idiot.’
I watched the book slide off his lap. ‘You love me?’
‘I’ve always loved you. You must have known.’
He stared at me, then he pushed his hair back from his eyes and he leaned down and picked up the book. He looked worried, he looked shocked.
‘But we’ve always been friends,’ he said quietly. ‘Best friends. You and me and Nelson, we’ve been mates. You’ve been great, Maureen, one of the boys.’
Then he realised what he had said and started mumbling. ‘I mean, I know you’re not a boy…’
‘No, I’m not,’ I spat back. ‘I’m a girl, Jack. I’m as much a girl as Marion Tucker is.’
‘I know, that was a stupid thing to say. I know you’re a girl, of course I do, but I’ve never thought of you in that way. We’ve always been friends, such good friends. You’ve been like a sister to me.’
‘I don’t want to be your sister,’ I said sadly. I could feel the tears running down my face. Jack jumped up off the bed and came across to me. ‘Don’t cry, Maureen. Please don’t cry.’
‘I’m not,’ I said.
‘You are, my love,’ he said, gently wiping my face.
He took my hand and led me back to the bed. We sat side by side. He put his arm around my shoulder. ‘I never realised how you felt, Maureen, and I’m flattered, I am, but I’m not worth your tears.’
‘You are to me.’
Jack lay down on the bed and he pulled me down beside him. We lay there quietly. I’d done it, I’d told him and the world hadn’t come crashing down on my head. He hadn’t run from me, he was still here, beside me.
‘I never realised,’ he said softly. ‘I just never realised. I thought maybe you and Nelson. You are both so alike, so kind, so loyal, so funny… I never realised.’
‘Only you, Jack. It’s only ever been you.’
He sat up and rested on his elbow. He stared down at me as if he’d never seen me before. He casually tucked a strand of hair behind my ear then he stroked my cheek, so gently, so very gently. I held my breath as his lips touched mine and then we were kissing and it was the sweetest kiss in the world. He drew away from me and shook his head. ‘I’ve been a fool, I’ve been such a fool.’
I looked into his eyes that were as blue as the sea. I touched his lips that had touched mine. In that moment it felt as if the weight of the world had lifted from my shoulders. I felt like a child again, as if I’d just been born, and I wanted to laugh out loud. I wanted to dance – I wanted to dance with Jack.
He lay down again and held me close to him. My head was on his chest. I could feel his heart and mine beating in harmony. I was safe in Jack’s arms, where I had always wanted to be. I had come home.