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Cal rarely got angry at himself. He was used to his occasional stupid behavior. It was just a fact of life, so what point was there in being angry?
But that Thursday, he was walking up to the house when a delivery person arrived with a vase of red roses.
Yep, someone was sending his roommate roses, and he didn’t like it.
As Cal set the vase of roses on the kitchen table, he remembered that different colored roses had different meanings—and weren’t red ones the most romantic?
His hand curled into a fist.
If he hadn’t been the doofus who’d had his phone run over by a truck—a feat so ridiculous that Rose hadn’t believed him until recently—he could be the one sending her roses instead.
Even if they were getting along well as roommates, she’d made it clear that his chance had passed. So Cal didn’t let on that he kept thinking about the night they’d met, nor that he wanted to make her smile as much possible.
Usually, he’d just shrug it off and move on—there were lots of other women out there—but faced with these red roses, he was finding it particularly difficult.
He was...jealous? Was that the name for this feeling?
Huh.
He wasn’t used to feeling jealous. It was strange.
After having a shower and putting on some fresh clothes, he headed back downstairs, and he was debating what to have for dinner when he heard a key in the front door.
“You got a delivery,” he called out.
Rose bounded into the kitchen. “Ray told me he was going to send me something... Oh my God! He sent me flowers.” She leaned over, closed her eyes, and took a deep sniff. An expression of delight crossed her face.
It wasn’t that Cal hated the idea of anyone but him putting that look on her face. If a night out with her friends made her happy, he was all for it. But this guy was clearly something other than a friend.
“Are you seeing someone?” Cal asked, trying to sound like his usual casual self.
“I guess?” she said. “We met a few weeks ago. I tripped on my feet, and Ray caught me and asked for my number. We’ve been texting, and we’re finally going on a date this Saturday.”
But from the sounds of it, Ray hadn’t slept with her, hadn’t licked her until she screamed, and nothing could change the fact that Cal had apparently been the first person to do that to her.
“Cal?” Rose said. “You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Of course I am. I hope you enjoy your date.” It was difficult to tell such an enormous lie.
Rose shot him an odd look, but then she grabbed the vase off the table and headed to the staircase. “We’ll watch a few episodes later, okay?”
She skipped up the steps, and Cal was thankful that she was taking the roses to her bedroom. He didn’t want to see them sitting on the kitchen table for the next few days. This Ray guy was probably better suited to her than Cal, and he likely didn’t get his phones run over by trucks.
Cal hated the bastard.
Yep, he could use a night out this weekend. Get his mind off the situation. He texted Marv, and a few minutes later, he noticed that Rose had posted a picture of Fred sniffing the flowers.
Hmph.
Time for a beer.
* * *
Rose twirled in front of the mirror. She thought she looked pretty good in this black dress, a purchase from a recent shopping trip with Nicole.
It was the sort of dress her mother might have picked out with her, back in the day. She’d enjoyed shopping with her mom.
Rose had never been thin, unlike her parents and brothers, but Mom had never made her feel like that was a problem, and she was always trying to find flattering clothes for Rose. When they went to a store and couldn’t find anything nice, Mom would complain about the retailer’s sizing and styles, never about Rose’s rather apple-shaped body.
And when Po Po criticized Rose’s weight, Mom fought back. When Rose faked a headache and didn’t want to go to Po Po’s for dinner, Mom hadn’t pushed her.
With another mother, Rose might have developed a fucked-up relationship with food, but she’d been lucky. Sure, she sometimes wished she looked different, but in general, she was fine with her body—and she thought she looked hot tonight. Ray hadn’t told her exactly where they were going, but he was taking her out for dinner. They planned to meet at a subway station near the restaurant.
Rose was humming and touching up her makeup when her phone buzzed. She read the text from Ray.
I’m so sorry...family emergency...
The words swam in front of her face and tears came to her eyes. One canceled date, and he had a good excuse—she shouldn’t cry. No, she should be worried for Ray. She knew what a family emergency could look like; she knew all too well.
It’s okay, she texted. I understand.
She ought to say more, but for some reason, the words weren’t coming.
It was rare for her to have a date, and she’d been looking forward to it all week. As it turned out, she’d been excited for nothing. She was pissed at herself for being so disappointed when she knew they could reschedule and her concerns should be for Ray and his family.
Dammit, why was she like this? Was she too unstable to date at all?
She tugged off her dress, threw it on the bed, and put on her pajamas before heading downstairs, where Cal was tying his shoelaces.
“I thought you had a date?” he said.
“I was supposed to.” She tried not to sound morose. “But he had some kind of emergency, so I’m going to...I don’t know. Eat ramen and watch a movie, maybe.”
No big deal, right? But sometimes, when a whole night of being alone stretched in front of her, it was a little scary.
Chin up, Rose. She and Fred would find a nice movie, and sure, it seemed a little pathetic to spend the evening with her stuffed alpaca, but it was okay! There was nothing wrong with her.
At the thought of all the positive self-talk she’d have to do to keep herself from spiraling downward, she already felt exhausted. She could do it. It was just...yeah.
“What are you up to?” she asked Cal.
“Meeting some friends at the pub,” he said. “You want to come?”
“Oh! I wasn’t asking because I wanted you to invite me. I was just trying to be friendly...I didn’t mean...”
He chuckled. “Rose, I didn’t think you meant it like that, but you’re welcome to come with me.”
“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“It’s just a bunch of people drinking beer, watching baseball, and playing pool, maybe. Nothing formal.”
The idea of spending time with people she didn’t know was a bit alarming. It might take a lot out of her, but she really didn’t want to stay home.
“Well...”
“Aw, come on,” he said. “It’ll be a good time.”
He was talking as though it was no big deal, and maybe for him, that was true. But Rose was often incapable of relaxing, no matter how much she tried. Or maybe the fact that she was trying was the problem, but if she didn’t...
“Does anyone know about us?” she blurted out. “I mean, do your friends know that your roommate is also your one-night stand from last August?”
“Only Marv knows. I’ll text him and tell him not to say anything.”
“Okay. Cool. I guess I’ll come. Just give me five minutes to get changed, alright?”
Rose headed upstairs to put on jeans and a T-shirt. She decided to go full casual and wear running shoes rather than the heels she would have worn for the date.
The pub turned out to be within walking distance. Fairly close to Nautilus, in fact. It was a generic sort of pub that you could find all over the city—not a place you went to for the amazing food or amazing drinks, but for the company.
When they stepped inside, Cal approached a table with a white guy and a South Asian woman. She was wearing a Jays jersey, and they were both half watching the baseball game on TV as they drank their beer.
“Yo, Cal.” The guy stood up, and he and Cal gave each other a back-slapping hug.
“I didn’t know you were bringing someone tonight,” the woman said to Cal.
“This is Rose, my housemate. Rose, meet Meena and Levi.”
There were a bunch of murmured nice-to-meet-yous, then Rose busied herself with looking at the menu. Once the waitress came around to take their orders, Cal’s attention was drawn away by a guy he knew from work—Peter—who was sitting a few tables down.
Levi turned to Rose. “How’s living with Cal? You didn’t know each other beforehand, right?”
“We didn’t,” Rose lied, “but it’s been going well. He’s a good roommate.”
“And he brought you out tonight,” Meena said, perhaps sounding a little suspicious that there was something going on between them.
“Oh, that’s just because I was supposed to go on a date,” Rose said breezily, as if dates were regular occurrences for her, “but he canceled at the last minute and I had no plans tonight.”
“This guy canceled on you?”
“Family emergency, so here I am.” Her voice sounded a little weird. She wasn’t used to meeting new people, and she really wanted them to like her, even if she wasn’t meeting them as Cal’s girlfriend.
Whoa. Why was the phrase “Cal’s girlfriend” on her mind?
The waitress brought over their drinks. Rose’s lager was perfectly drinkable. Not the kind of thing she’d go out of her way to have, but it would do.
Cal returned and sat down next to her. “When you want to go, let me know and we’ll head out.”
“Don’t worry about me,” she said. “Stay as long as you like. I’ll be safe walking home.”
“Might as well walk with you, since we live together.”
“If you’re sure.” Rose looked around the table. “Where did you all meet?”
“High school,” Levi said.
“What was Cal like in high school?”
“He was super emo,” Meena said. “Dyed his hair black and... Hey, Cal, what are you doing with my drink?”
“Just keeping it safe until you talk about something more appropriate.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Rose asked Meena.
“No, no, I’m kidding of course. Here, I’ll show you a picture.”
Meena pulled out her phone and it took her a surprisingly short time to come up with a picture of Cal, his body a little smaller, his hair a lot shorter.
“We were theater geeks,” Meena said.
“You were?” Rose looked at Cal, wide-eyed. She hadn’t expected that.
He shrugged. “Yeah, I was mostly backstage.”
A Black guy with glasses showed up a few minutes later. He was introduced to Rose as Damien, and he immediately started talking up Cal, until Cal said, “Hey, man, she’s my friend. I’m not trying to get laid.”
A few moments later, when no one was looking, Cal turned to Rose and winked.
She couldn’t stop her face from heating, and she chugged some beer to cool herself off. What exactly did he mean by that wink? He was just playing around, right?
Yet as the evening continued, she couldn’t help but be reminded of the night they’d met, all those months ago. Something about being out at a bar, she supposed, even if this place didn’t have murals of kraken.
What would have happened if they’d gone on that date? Would they be together now? Would she have met his friends last year?
Or would it still have ended in heartbreak?
“Hey, you okay?” Cal leaned closer to her, and his nearness made her momentarily disoriented.
“Yeah, I’m good,” she said at last.
“Sad about being stuck with me rather than on a date?”
Yes, that was right. She should be thinking about Ray, not Cal.
“I’m managing,” she said.
When Marv and his girlfriend finally arrived, Rose had a little trouble looking at Marv, knowing that he was aware of what had happened between her and Cal. But he didn’t say anything, as Cal had promised.
However, when she came back from the washroom a little while later, she noticed that Marv and Cal had their heads bent together, talking separately from the rest of the group. She couldn’t help wondering if they were talking about her history with Cal, but when she sat down beside him, she realized it had something to do with baseball.
“Not a baseball fan?” Meena asked.
“Uh, no,” Rose said. “Not really.”
“That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about the sport. Just which players you think are cute.”
At that moment, Cal and Marv’s conversation became a little more animated, and Cal knocked his half-full pint off the table with his elbow. Rose leapt out of the way before it could soak her; only a few drops splashed on her jeans before the glass fell to the ground and smashed.
“Aw, hell,” Cal said, without much annoyance behind his words.
For some reason, Rose couldn’t help remembering the time she’d broken an empty mug back in the winter. She’d burst into tears. Not a normal reaction for her, but the thought of having to clean it up had been overwhelming.
Cal found the waitress, apologized for the mess, and handed some napkins to Rose.
“It’s okay, I barely got wet,” she said.
Oh, no. Now that word was making her think of...other things.
She pushed those thoughts out of her mind and concentrated on talking to Cal’s friends.
It was a decent night out. She didn’t have a wonderfully amazing time, no, but it was enjoyable enough, and much better than trying to figure out how to spend the evening alone without getting too sad. Cal was attentive, making sure she was included in the conversation and had enough to drink. She didn’t have too much of an appetite, but he ordered the table some nachos, and she enjoyed a few of those.
At eleven thirty, she told him she was ready to head out. As they walked home together, she was reminded, once again, of that night back in August—that was the last time she’d been out after dark with him. They’d headed back to his place together...
And now, his place was her place.
She opened the door, and as she untied her shoes, she said, “Thanks for inviting me out tonight. I appreciate it. It was just what I needed.”
She’d never been very good with canceled plans. She had to mentally prepare herself for social occasions, and when they didn’t happen, it was a letdown.
Her shoes off, she stood up, and Cal was...closer than she’d expected him to be. Only a few inches separated her head from his chest, and when her gaze darted to the side, it landed on his biceps. She couldn’t help wanting to grab them.
“Thank you,” she said again, to stop herself from saying any of the thoughts floating around in her mind.
He shrugged. “No big deal. Glad you could come out with us. I mean, I’m not glad your plans were canceled, but...”
She’d always been envious of people like Cal. Ones who could just shrug and move on, who could go with the flow.
She took a step but tripped on his foot. He caught her, holding onto her for a few seconds so she could find her balance, but even once her feet were solidly planted on the floor, she was off-balance. He was so close, and once upon a time, he’d made her feel things that nobody else had.
She nearly asked how seeing those red roses from Ray had made him feel, but thankfully, she hadn’t lost complete control over her mouth.
It was silly to think there was a chance that Cal would have been jealous...right?
It was silly to want that.
Sure, he might have intended to call her back in the summer, but he was the sort of guy who’d move on without a problem. She doubted he was thinking of kissing her now, whereas she was thinking of tilting her head up and...
Holy shit! She was thinking of kissing her roommate.
Bad idea, brain. Bad idea.
“Goodnight!” she called as she hurried upstairs.
In her bedroom, she closed the door and sank to the floor, wondering what might have happened if his phone hadn’t been run over by a fucking truck.
No, she shouldn’t. She should leave the past in the past.
She walked over to the roses on her desk and gave them a sniff.