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Cal was gone, and Rose missed him.
And she was obsessing about the fact that she missed him. Should she miss someone when they’d been dating for such a short period of time? She remembered being weirded out when Ray had sent her an I-miss-you text. Was it strange that everything seemed a little less vibrant and she was counting down the days until Cal returned from his canoeing trip?
It wasn’t her depression getting worse. It was different from that.
Being in a relationship had given her all sorts of new things to freak out about, and ever since they’d tried that K-drama—which she’d decided not to continue watching—she’d been freaking out a little extra.
Fun times.
Was she truly ready to be in a relationship if she had a breakdown from a K-drama?
And what if it blew up and she had to sort out a new living situation?
The idea of getting a new roommate or finding a new place to live was overwhelming, but heartbreak scared her more than anything. She remembered how she’d felt last summer when he didn’t text her...and she’d only known him for one night at that point.
Now, she knew him so much better.
Now, she was accustomed to his stable, smiling presence in her life.
His current absence showed her just how used she’d become to having him around. She missed coming home to him. She missed snuggling him on the sofa. She missed snuggling him in bed before returning to her own room to read and sleep.
It’s normal, Nicole assured her in a text. I missed David when he went to a conference a few months ago. But Nicole and David had been together for well over a year at that point.
Rose firmly told her brain to stop it. This was what she wanted; she was in a relationship with a kind man. She shouldn’t worry so much. Maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn’t, but such was life.
Okay, that attitude was taking things a little far, but still. She should enjoy it and not obsess over what would happen if it didn’t last. What was the purpose?
She imagined putting those worries in a box. The box wasn’t properly sealed, but still. She was doing her best at compartmentalizing.
Cal had left for his trip on Thursday; it was now Sunday. He’d texted her a couple of times, but he’d warned her that he might not have a good signal, so she shouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t hear from him often.
That afternoon, she went out with Amy, Victor, and Hudson. It was a pleasant summer day, and they walked all the way to Parkdale for momos at a Tibetan restaurant. Rose had wanted to try this place for a while, and Amy was always up for trying new things. The butter chicken ones were Amy’s favorite; Rose preferred the chili ones. Hudson tried to grab all of them.
Monday evening, when Rose heard the key in the lock, her heart rate kicked up a notch—but not in a bad way. Cal was home, and she ran to the door and threw her arms around him as soon as he set down his bag. He looked like he hadn’t had a proper shower in a few days, but he was handsome all the same, and just being in his arms was calming.
Yes, this relationship was worth it...right?
* * *
Saturday morning, Rose slowly became aware of a large presence in her bed. She and Cal had slept in their own rooms last night, but she was pleased to open her eyes and see him beside her now.
“Morning,” he said.
He was wearing a white T-shirt and boxers, and his hair hung loose. She was so distracted by his appearance that it took her a moment to realize there was something else on the bed: a package wrapped in flowered paper. It was an odd shape, and the wrapping job wasn’t professional—excessive amounts of Scotch tape had been used—but for some reason, that just made her smile more.
“Is this for me?” she asked, even though she knew the answer.
“Nah, it’s for Fred.”
She gave him a playful shove. Aside from Ray’s flowers, she couldn’t remember the last time someone had gotten her a present when it wasn’t Christmas or her birthday. Her father wasn’t much of a present person. Her mother, on the other hand, had bought her random stuff all the time. Clothes and jewelry. A mug with a bad engineering pun. A cute umbrella. When Rose had lost the umbrella two years ago, she’d been devastated.
“It’s the start of your special day,” Cal said.
“My special day?”
“Yup, I have it all planned. Sometimes I’ll ask you to pick between one of two things, but you won’t have to figure anything out.”
He’d realized that “figuring things out” could be difficult for her. She wanted to kiss him.
And so she did.
“Don’t you want to open your present?” he asked, pulling back with a smile.
“Oh, yeah, I should do that.”
She picked up the package. It was soft and squishy and clearly a plushie. She tore off the paper to reveal a blue kraken with a red ribbon tied around one of its tentacles. Another tentacle held a tiny plush boat.
“Because we met at a steampunk bar,” he explained. “Do you like it?”
“I love it! I’m gonna take a picture of him with Fred. ‘New friends,’ that’s what the post will say on Instagram.”
“Alright, then you can come downstairs...”
“Yeah? You don’t want to make out a little first?” She whipped off her sleep shirt then felt a moment of uncertainty. Maybe she was ruining his plans, or maybe she was a frightful mess right now with her hair every which way.
But Cal looked like he wanted to devour her, in a completely different way from how the smiling kraken was devouring that boat.
When they finally got out of bed, he had to reheat the coffee, and he apologized that the peanut butter cookies were no longer warm, but she didn’t care about that. She was having coffee and cookies for breakfast, and she hadn’t had to make any of it herself.
He cleaned up the kitchen while she looked at stuff on her phone, and then he said, “What would you like for lunch?”
General questions like that were sometimes overwhelming for Rose, but as he’d promised, she wouldn’t have to figure anything out. He gave her two options: bento box or tacos.
She chose the former. “But isn’t it a little early for lunch?”
“The restaurant isn’t all that close,” he said. “I figure it’s a nice day for a long walk, if that’s okay with you?” He looked like he was eager to make her happy.
“Sounds good.”
They headed out, hand in hand, and Rose was tempted to tell everyone she passed that the man next to her was the most wonderful person ever and she was so lucky, but she restrained herself and just focused on the feel of his large, callused hand around hers.
How had she thought he’d never intended to text her when he asked for her number? It wasn’t at all like him to do such a thing. She supposed she hadn’t known him as well back then, but she did now.
The words “I love you” came to her mind, but she didn’t say them, not yet.
* * *
After lunch—during which Rose may have embarrassed herself by rambling about her love of food served in rectangular compartments—they walked back home, and Cal suggested they start a new drama. He had three picked out, and he’d read sufficient spoilers to know there weren’t any suicides in them.
She’d seen two of the shows before. Although she wasn’t always in the mood to try something new, she was today, so she picked the other one and they watched three episodes. She lay with her head in his lap, and she may have eaten another peanut butter cookie during the third episode.
Afterward, he gave her a second present: tea and a China-set steampunk novel called Gunpowder Alchemy. He told her to drink tea and read the book while he prepared dinner.
“Look at you, bossing me around,” she teased.
The teasing part was apparently lost on him. “Of course, you can do whatever you want, but I know sometimes you don’t like to think about what to do next—”
“No, no,” she said. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
She went to the reading nook on the second floor, and a few minutes later, he brought her a mug of tea. The tea was...well, honestly, he didn’t have the greatest taste in tea, but that was okay. He could learn, and she was just delighted that he’d arranged all this for her.
She looked out the window as she sipped her tea, snuggling her new kraken to her chest. It really was amazing, the way that he was just so sweet.
Don’t ruin it, brain. Don’t ruin it.
It wasn’t like her brain could find fault with today, though. The minor imperfection of the tea made it all the more endearing.
This, however, was followed by guilt. She didn’t need something like this—a full day just for her. But she could do something special for him another time, right?
Finally, Rose was able to lose herself in the book, and she was a few chapters in when Cal entered the room, wearing her pink floral apron, and she smiled.
“Dinner’s ready,” he said.
Dinner was a big Caesar salad with grilled chicken breast, accompanied by garlic bread. She didn’t know what he’d done to this bread, but honest to God, it was the best garlic bread she’d ever tasted. When she let out an admittedly exaggerated moan and licked the butter off her fingers, his easy smile disappeared, and his gaze was laser-focused on her mouth.
She assumed dinner was the end of his plans for the day, although he might have a few movies picked out.
But he surprised her by saying, “Let’s go to Nautilus for a drink.”
* * *
The very best thing in life, Cal decided, was making Rose smile. A year ago, he hadn’t known this pleasure, and now he practically lived for it.
When he’d told her where they were going, she’d put on the dress she’d worn on that night back in August—there was no way he would have forgotten that dress. He had distinct memories of where the hem hit her leg, of lifting her skirt and feeling how wet she was for him.
Maybe coming here was a mistake. He was desperate to sink inside her, and now they were in public, though perhaps they could find a small washroom on one of the upper floors...
“Ooh, look, it’s free!” she said as they stepped inside Nautilus.
He had no idea what she was talking about, but then she scurried toward the table under the blimp, and he understood.
The exact place where they’d first met.
“How about you get us some drinks?” she suggested. “I’ll guard our table. Wouldn’t want someone to steal it if I just left my cardigan.” She winked.
“Yeah, that really would be too bad,” he said. “You stay here and protect our table from the kraken. What do you want to drink?”
“Surprise me.”
“Dangerous words.”
He got them each something called “Adventurer’s Punch,” and when he returned to the table, Rose was positioning the stuffed kraken he’d given her earlier.
“Where did that come from?” he asked. “I didn’t see you carrying it.”
“Oh, it came in my purse.”
He regarded her purse. It seemed like a miracle of physics that she’d been able to fit the kraken in there, but then again, what did he know about physics? He’d leave that stuff to Rose.
“I remember,” he said, “that you wished you’d brought your stuffed alpaca.”
She put a hand to her mouth. “Oh my God! I did say that. Worst thing to say when a cute guy tries to steal your table.”
“I honestly thought someone had forgotten their sweater, and I said you could have the table, but thanks for calling me ‘cute.’”
She laughed into her drink. “Mmm. This is good. But seriously, it didn’t scare you off when I started talking about my stuffed alpaca?”
“Nah, I was curious.”
“You were hoping I’d invite you back to my place so you could meet him?”
He laughed. “What can I say?”
“But instead, we ended up at your place.”
There were a few uncomfortable seconds of silence. She was probably thinking about how he hadn’t texted her, and he did feel bad about being such a klutz, but it had turned out alright in the end, hadn’t it?
Once they were done their drinks, Rose led him to the top floor of the building, which appeared to be some kind of fancy English tea place. Huh. She ordered them tea that came in a dainty teapot with a pattern of roses and...gears? He wasn’t quite sure. Some kind of technical thingies and flowers. Rose would probably know the details, but she was busy oohing and aahing over the baked goods that had arrived.
Yes, he was happy he’d brought her here. His hands looked like freaking bear paws around the dainty cups, but it was all good.
And he soon discovered he had a thing for women eating scones.
Okay, maybe just Rose eating a scone, after slathering it with something that she called clotted cream. He couldn’t help himself from sliding his hand up her bare leg, and when her lips parted in shock, he quickly drew back.
“No, no,” she said, as though she already missed his touch. “It’s just...maybe...”
He enjoyed when his touch made her unable to form words. “Wanna get off behind the building again?”
Her cheeks pinkened, and she pushed her glasses up her nose.
Yep. Adorable.
“You know I can give it to you good.” He slid his hand up to stroke her inner thigh.
“I...know.” She squeezed her thighs together, capturing his finger between them.
He was filled with the urge to feel her tremble and clench around him, even if it had last happened only that morning. God, he needed her.
“Let’s go home,” she said.
Home. It was the same place for both of them, which made him smile, even if he’d have to wait a little while to touch her properly.
As soon as they were inside the house and he’d closed the front door, she dropped to her knees, a saucy look on her face. A look she hadn’t worn the night they’d met, but she was more confident and comfortable with him now. She slid down the zipper of his shorts, and he scrubbed a hand over his face.
Oh, fuck.
She gave him a few strokes, until he was rock hard.
“Thanks for planning such a lovely day,” she said.
“You’re welcome.” He thought those were the right words in this situation, but it was difficult to remember. His brain wasn’t functioning.
Then she put her mouth on him.
She was still wearing her glasses, and oh God, that was hot. And the way it felt, being in her mouth, was incredible.
He slumped against the door and shoved his hands through his hair. “I won’t last long.”
She released him. “I know.” With a little smile, she licked the underside of his cock, then took him in her mouth again.
He clenched his hands at his sides. Her mouth was so warm and wet and...
He exploded, and she continued sucking on him until she’d swallowed every last drop. That image of her licking his cum off her lips, while still on her knees and wearing her glasses... He could jerk himself off to that again and again.
“Let’s go upstairs,” he said. “I still gotta fuck you.”
“You just came.”
“The advantage of dating a younger man.”
Inside his bedroom, he practically tore off her clothes—but he made sure he didn’t ruin her pretty dress—before tugging off his own shirt. Her panties hit the floor next, and when he gently pushed her back onto the bed, she laughed.
She was certainly a sight to see. Fucking gorgeous.
It was his turn to put his mouth between her legs. He gave her one long lick.
“Cal,” she said.
Oh, yes. Hearing her say his name was as good as seeing her smile.
He circled her clit in the way she liked best—he’d always known how to please her, but now, he fancied himself an expert.
She bucked her hips against him. “Please... I want...”
He gave her pussy another lick, and then he shed the rest of his clothes and rolled on a condom. She spread her legs wider, inviting him in, but he turned her onto her stomach so her ass was in the air. Oh, yeah, that was nice. He gave her ass a light smack before sinking inside her in one smooth motion. After the way he’d prepared her, she came immediately, clenching around his cock and sobbing into the pillow. It sounded like she was sobbing his name, but it was hard to tell because he was overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside her.
He slowed down after her orgasm, knowing that was what she preferred, and gradually increased his pace again. Her cries filled the room, and her hips collapsed on the bed—she was unable to hold herself up anymore.
He lowered his body and pressed kisses up and down her neck, her shoulder, barely able to think of what he was doing, only able to feel. She turned her head and pressed her mouth to his. Her kisses were desperate and sloppy, and when he came inside her, she toppled over the cliff again.
And as he held her afterward, he knew he never, ever wanted to let her go.
* * *
Cal woke up at three in the morning when Rose climbed out of bed and left the room. He wasn’t sure if she was using the washroom or returning to her own room to sleep.
When she came back to his bed, he smiled. “Hey.”
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
He didn’t answer, just wrapped his arm around her. He knew she couldn’t usually fall asleep like this, but he needed to touch her briefly.
She rolled away from him a minute later. He thought he heard tears, but he didn’t know; maybe he was imagining it.
“You okay?” he murmured.
“Yeah.”
But he wasn’t sure she was telling the truth.
If she was upset now, he didn’t think it had to do with him. They’d had a good day, and she’d said she’d enjoyed herself—Rose wasn’t the sort to leave you in the dark about such things.
Cal knew he couldn’t fix all her problems, no matter how much he wanted to take away her pain. And he did want to do that. Badly.
Instead of going back to sleep, he tried something he rarely did: thinking of the future.
You never think. That was what Levi had said about Cal the other week, and Cal assumed his friend had been talking about what had happened several years ago. Cal had started something with a woman in their friend group. One he knew had a crush on him; he’d known she liked him more than he liked her, and of course their relationship hadn’t lasted. He’d ended it, and she’d left their group—and they didn’t see her again.
But Cal wasn’t twenty-two anymore, and he did think about consequences. Sometimes.
Yes, a breakup could be messy because they were roommates, but he was determined to make sure they didn’t split up. Although he’d never thought a lot about having a future with someone before, he pictured him and Rose taking care of each other for years to come. Getting gray hair and creaky joints and shit like that.
He’d screwed up other things in his life, but he hoped this would be different. He was gonna do his best and pray it would all work out.
* * *
Rose’s brain was freaking out again, because of course it was.
Cal was asleep now, and maybe it would be best if she went back to her own bedroom, but she foolishly wanted to stay near him, even if it made it harder to sleep.
He’d arranged such a nice day for her. He didn’t seem to think the things he did were a big deal, but she’d never been in a relationship like this before.
With every day, she fell a little more in love with him. Every day, the pain she’d feel when it ended only grew.
He’d gotten her a plush kraken, and he hadn’t been weirded out when she’d brought it to Nautilus. He’d made decisions for her, but not in a bossy way; rather, in an I-want-to-ease-your-mental-load-and-make-you-happy way.
How could she not be in love with him?
This was the supportive romantic relationship that she’d yearned for. In fact, it was even better than what her brain had been able to conjure up.
And she couldn’t help feeling uneasy.
She didn’t think Cal was pretending—he seemed like an open book—but his feelings could change. Something could change that would make this all go to shit.
Maybe she was catastrophizing, but look at what had happened with Ray. She hadn’t seen his misogyny coming.
And with her mother...
Even though Rose had known her mother was very sick, and even though Rose had been familiar with suicidal thoughts, she’d never imagined her mother would just be...gone. She’d understood, but she’d never expected.
Sometimes the worst really did happen, and her personal experience had given her no reason to expect the best.
Was this supportive relationship an illusion? Or something that could only be temporary?