Thirty

Ruth got back to her flat at two o’clock.

As she walked up the stairs, she found Kieran already waiting for her on the landing, and her heart leapt. Theo was sitting on the floor.

‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, smiling.

‘Have you heard?’ he asked. ‘It’s on the news—the bloody regional news!’

‘What is?’ The temptation to press herself into his arms was intense, but his attention was fixed elsewhere. He was seething with rage, and turned abruptly away from her, as she put her key in the lock and opened the door. They went in and Kieran watched her as she put her bag down.

He lowered his voice. ‘I’ve had to bring Theo here,’ he said. ‘There are press people all over at the Priory. They were banging on the door, even on the windows. They frightened him to death.’

‘I’ll give you my spare set of keys,’ Ruth said.

In the sitting room she sat down with a thump on the nearest couch. Kieran took Theo into the kitchen for a glass of water. A couple of minutes later, Kieran reappeared.

‘What’s he doing?’ Ruth asked.

‘Eating.’ It sounded like an aside, an irrelevance to him. ‘Was there anything on the radio?’

‘I haven’t been listening to it.’

He paced to and fro. ‘What’s this going to do to me?’ he asked. ‘She’s making me a laughing stock.’

Ruth eyed him patiently. ‘Kieran, would you like to pour me a drink.’

He looked at her. ‘What?’

‘A drink. A drink?’

‘What sort of drink?’

‘A vodka.’

‘What for?’

She got up, walked to the cabinet, and fetched it for herself.

‘What’s the matter?’ he asked.

‘I’m being sued for malpractice,’ she said.

‘What?’

She sat down. ‘It’s just a boy. A boy who refused to call an ambulance. And he claims it’s my fault,’ she said.

‘And he can sue you for that?’

She waved her free hand. ‘Oh, it won’t get that far,’ she said. ‘It’s just the bloody inconvenience of it all.’ The words belied her ragged tone.

‘He must be mad.’

‘He is mad—mad at himself. Looking for someone to blame, that’s the problem.’ She slammed the glass down, and cursed. ‘They never fail to amaze me, the complete irrationality.’ She looked up, past Kieran, to the doorway, and suddenly made a visible effort to smooth away her grimace. ‘Hello, Theo,’ she said, ‘how are you?’

The boy walked past them, to the window.

‘Go and finish your biscuit in the kitchen,’ Kieran said. ‘I want to talk to Ruth.’

‘I finished,’ Theo said. ‘I want to go home.’

Kieran took his hand. ‘Sit down and watch Sesame Street.’

Reluctantly, Theo sat where he was put, his eyes still straying to the window even when the set was switched on.

Kieran went into the kitchen. As Ruth followed, he asked, ‘Have you had lunch?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m not hungry. What was on the television?’

He closed the door on Theo so that he wouldn’t hear.

‘Some woman who claims Lin healed her son.’

Ruth shook her head. ‘What on earth is the hospital thinking of?’

‘Lin’s not in hospital,’ Kieran said. ‘I just phoned Werth, she discharged herself. Harry’s with her.’

‘Harry? Where is she now?’

‘Coming to see me here.’

Ruth looked at him for a long moment. ‘Coming for Theo?’

‘Maybe she just wants to see him.’ His hand rested on the rim of the coffee mug, into which he had been spooning sugar. ‘It’s a bloody nuisance. I need to see Caldwell this afternoon. I have an appointment.’ He looked up at her. ‘You’ll have to take Theo somewhere.’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked. ‘I’m on call today.’

‘Take him with you.’

‘You can’t be serious.’

The doorbell rang.

They looked at each other; then heard Theo running for the door. He flung it open.

As they came out of the kitchen, they saw Lin leaning down to scoop Theo up in her arms. Harry stood behind her, in the corridor. Lin walked forward into the sitting room, carrying Theo muffled in her embrace, the boy’s head pressed hard into her shoulder. She kissed his downturned head, and sat down on the couch, where both stared delighted into each other’s faces.

‘Look at you,’ Lin murmured. ‘All crumbs.’

‘I got chocolate doughnut for breakfast.’

‘Did you? Wow! What else?’

‘Orange squash in a flower cup.’

‘He wouldn’t eat anything else,’ Kieran said from the doorway. He turned back and stared accusingly at Harry. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Lin wanted to see Theo. With all the fuss going on at the hospital, Werth accepted her discharge providing she came back in the morning.’

Ruth had also moved into the sitting room. She smiled at Lin, though Lin didn’t raise her eyes. Ruth sat down opposite her.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.

‘I’m fine,’ Lin said.

‘Are you really?’

‘Yes.’

‘No headache?’

‘She has a scan in the morning,’ Harry said.

‘What kind of scan?’

‘MRI.’

‘What is that for?’ asked Ruth in a cool voice.

There was a silence.

‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ she said when it was obvious there would be no reply.

‘No,’ Lin told her. She whispered something in Theo’s ear and, grinning, he wriggled down from her lap and ran out of the room. ‘We’re leaving,’ she said.

‘Just a minute,’ Kieran said.

‘Where are you going?’ Ruth asked.

For the first time, Lin looked her in the face. ‘Home, to the Priory. Unless, of course, you’ve changed the locks.’

‘Don’t start being rude,’ Kieran said.

Lin looked up at him properly, for the first time too.

‘We don’t want an argument,’ Ruth countered.

‘Good,’ Lin said. She was still staring at Kieran. ‘Will you take us home?’

‘She wants to go home,’ Ruth mimicked.

Lin glared at her. ‘I’m talking to my husband,’ she said. She looked back at Kieran. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I’ve nowhere else to go,’ he countered, furious. ‘Your little display has seen to that.’

‘It wasn’t a display.’

He was standing within three feet of her, looking down at her, exasperation written over his face. ‘I don’t understand what’s going on with you,’ he said. ‘First you disappear from home. Then you’re sick. Then you discharge yourself. Now this!’

‘You wouldn’t bring Theo to see me. You forced me to discharge myself,’ Lin said. She was shaking and very pale. ‘I wanted to see him. That’s all I want.’

‘You’re crazy,’ he said.

There was an absolute silence in the room. Lin stood up.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean that.’

She tried to brush past him.

‘I am sorry, darling,’ he said, catching at her arm.

She flinched from his touch.

‘What is it?’ he said.

‘Don’t touch me,’ she said.

‘Lin …’

‘I mean it. Please don’t touch me.’

They looked at each other. Lin began to cry.

‘Lin, darling …’

‘No,’ she whispered. ‘No lies. Nothing.’

‘What?’

She squeezed her eyes shut. ‘I know how you feel,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve known it since the other evening at the hospital.’

‘Feel about what?’

‘Me.’ She opened her eyes.

He stared at her. ‘I love you,’ he protested.

The tears began to fall. ‘I’ve been alone all my life,’ she said. ‘And nothing has changed. Nothing until Theo.’ She wiped her face.

‘What are you talking about?’

She looked down at his hand still on her arm. ‘I’m talking about you wanting Ruth and me, and not loving either of us,’ she said softly. A peculiar vibration of tension filled the room. Still staring at his hand, she continued, ‘When you touch me, I can feel your thoughts.’ She finally raised her eyes to his face. ‘You never loved me at all. Not what I would call love,’ she said. ‘You only love yourself—not even Theo. That’s the pity of it … the pity of it.’

She began to cry in earnest. He tried to take her in his arms, but she pushed him away. He looked around himself, first at Harry, then at Ruth.

Theo came running back into the room, dragging his coat.

Lin held out her hand to him.

‘Hold on a second,’ Kieran said. ‘You can’t just leave like this.’ He walked forward, snatching Theo’s hand from the direction of Lin, and placing himself between her and the boy. ‘You have to go back into hospital tomorrow,’ he said. ‘What will happen to Theo?’

‘He can come with me.’

Ruth made a derisive noise. ‘Not into an MRI scanner.’

‘Someone will look after him,’ Lin said, panic now rapidly climbing into her voice.

‘Why not his father, then?’ Ruth asked.

‘You’re not well,’ Kieran said.

‘I’m all right,’ Lin told him.

‘No, no,’ Ruth murmured.

Lin rounded on her. ‘Look,’ she said, ‘you keep out of this. This is nothing to do with you. This is to do with his father and me.’

‘This is to do with a child’s welfare,’ Ruth countered.

‘I’m the one who’ll decide that.’

‘Are you?’

Lin looked from Ruth to Kieran and back again. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Sit down,’ Kieran said. ‘Let’s just talk about this for a while.’

Lin resisted his arm, still on hers. ‘What’s she talking about?’

‘Kieran and I will look after Theo,’ Ruth said. ‘Until you’re better.’

‘Oh, no,’ Lin retorted. ‘Oh, no, you won’t. You won’t!’

‘I don’t think this is helping the situation,’ Harry intervened. Everyone ignored him.

Lin tried to get past Kieran. ‘Theo!’ she said. ‘Come to Mummy.’

‘Sit down,’ Kieran said firmly.

Lin pushed him in the chest. ‘Get out of my way.’

‘Lin …’ Harry interjected.

‘Theo!’ Lin shouted. The boy tried to extricate himself from Kieran’s grasp.

‘This won’t work,’ Kieran said.

‘Don’t tell me what works and what doesn’t,’ Lin retorted.

‘No one wants to hurt you,’ he said.

Lin stopped short. ‘Hurt me?’ she echoed.

Ruth walked quickly over to Harry, behind Lin’s back. ‘What is the MRI for?’ she demanded.

‘I don’t know.’

Ruth turned to Kieran. ‘Are you going with Lin?’ she asked.

‘I don’t want him,’ Lin said almost hysterically. ‘I want my son.’

‘Are you going with Lin?’ Ruth repeated. ‘Because if you aren’t, Theo must stay here.’

‘No, no!’ screamed Theo. ‘Mummy!’

‘This isn’t doing anyone any good,’ Kieran said desperately. ‘Least of all Lin.’

‘Don’t worry about me,’ Lin said angrily.

‘Especially with your friend being ill, too,’ Ruth said.

Everyone turned to look at her.

‘What?’ Lin asked.

‘Caroline Devlin. She’s in ITU.’ Ruth looked at the faces which formed a loose semicircle around her. ‘Oh, you didn’t know?’

‘No,’ Lin said.

‘You really don’t know?’ Ruth repeated. ‘Oh … so these voices and so on are not exactly infallible, are they?’

Harry caught Ruth’s arm and pulled her backwards, turning him to face her. ‘You really are a lovely piece of work, aren’t you,’ he said.

Ruth did not reply. The merest trace of triumph was in her expression. She looked down at Harry’s grip on her arm, and smiled. ‘I’m simply thinking of Lin’s health. So is Kieran.’

‘I’ve told you—’ Lin began.

‘I mean your mental health.’

‘My …?’ Lin wheeled round to Kieran. ‘Do you hear what she’s saying?’

Kieran stood with his back to them all, pulling at his shirt collar, then biting on his thumbnail.

‘Kieran!’ Lin said.

‘He has to stay here,’ he muttered.

‘No!’ Theo shouted.

Ruth suddenly picked Theo up, barged out of the room, and began to run down the corridor. Theo screamed as if he had been burned. As Lin started after them, they heard the bathroom door slam, and the lock bolt being rammed home. Inside, Theo yelled and sobbed.

Lin ran to the bathroom door. ‘Open this!’ she shouted. ‘Open it!’

Kieran ran after her. ‘Lin …’

‘You planned this!’ she said.

‘No. No, I didn’t. But you’re not well enough to look after Theo. You weren’t even well enough to leave the hospital. Let me take you back there, where they can look after you.’

‘Like last year?’ she said.

The two of them froze, their faces within an inch of each other.

‘That’s not fair,’ Kieran murmured.

‘Like last year, when she came round and looked after him, and when I came back, he had nightmares for weeks,’ Lin said.

‘Because you had left, not because Ruth was there.’

‘How you dared bring her into the house—our house …’

‘Ruth isn’t a monster,’ Kieran said.

‘Isn’t she?’ Lin asked. ‘Isn’t she?’

They looked at each other for a long, fraught moment.

‘I do love you,’ he said. ‘It’s true.’

‘That’s the shame of it,’ Lin replied. ‘Because you don’t—and never have. But I love you.’

Kieran frowned, and put out his hand to steady Lin, who was suddenly swaying where she stood. ‘Please … sit down,’ he told her.

‘I’ll show you,’ she said quietly. ‘I’ll show you that I’m not insane. I’m not sick. I’m as rational as you are, more rational then you are. I’m more than fit to look after Theo. Better equipped than she is. She hasn’t got a heart. She’s totally selfish. And you want to subject him to that! Can’t you see it—can’t you see how she is?’

Lin stared into his face, then closed her eyes for a second as if unable to hear what she saw written there. ‘No, you can’t,’ she murmured. She turned away from him. ‘There are things that matter more than either of you, and I’ll prove it. I’m going to the Priory—I’ll be there overnight. That’s all. You’ll see. I’ll show you.’ She elbowed her way past him.

Harry stepped forward. Lin turned to him. ‘Take me home,’ she said.

Harry glanced back at Kieran.

‘I’ve got to stay here with Theo,’ Kieran said. ‘I must.’

Harry touched Lin’s hand briefly. ‘What shall I do?’ he asked. ‘What do you really want?’ He hated the way she looked: white, drained, sick.

‘Take me home, Harry,’ she said brokenly. ‘Please, for God’s sake.’