Chapter 8
At rehearsals that week, no one said anything more to Marissa about the Rose Fairy part, including Madame.
Marissa sometimes saw Clarice and Kelly staring while she practiced. She tried to ignore them.
While she danced, Marissa tried to put everything out of her mind except the music and the steps.
Sometimes, she even danced with her eyes closed. That way, she could really pretend she was the Rose Fairy.
But even with all her hard work, something still wasn’t right. She still couldn’t feel the music in her body the way she had the day of auditions. She was distracted by feeling like she was much bigger and taller than everyone else around her.
During practice one day, Madame Stone told Andy to stop the music.
“No, no, no, Marissa!” Madame called across the stage. “You’re just dancing the steps. Anyone can do that. I want you to be inspired by the character. I want you to become the Rose Fairy.”
“Okay, Madame,” Marissa said.
She saw Clarice whisper something to Kelly. Marissa’s face turned hot. She danced worse than ever after that, even stumbling on an easy plie.
* * *
On Friday, Marissa walked to school with Rachel. “I can’t believe the recital is today,” Rachel said. “I couldn’t go to sleep last night until midnight. I was so nervous. Are you scared?”
“I’m terrified,” Marissa confessed. “My whole family is coming. A ton of kids from school will be there. And I still haven’t tried on the Rose Fairy costume!” She shook her head and went on, “Plus, I’ve been dancing horribly this week. You saw how Madame yelled at me the other day. This whole thing is going to be a disaster.”
“You’ve got to stop beating yourself up,” Rachel said. “Maybe you’ll feel different once you get onstage tonight.”
“Yeah. I’ll probably feel worse!” Marissa said.
Marissa did her class work in a fog that day. She barely heard anything her teachers said.
After school, she went straight home. She wanted to rest and eat dinner before the recital.
At dinner, Marissa could barely choke down her chicken and baked potato. She felt sick every time she thought about the recital. She asked to be excused as soon as she could.
“Of course, honey,” her dad said. “We’ll see you at the studio soon.”
The dancers had to be at the studio early to get their costumes on and to hear last-minute instructions from Madame. Marissa’s family would come later.
Marissa hurried to the studio alone. The building was all lit up, and warm yellow squares of light from the windows lay on the sidewalk.
Inside, the place was full of dancers. Parents were standing around, and eager grandparents were already snapping pictures.
Marissa pushed her way through the crowd to the locker room. Madame was handing out the costumes.
“Hi, Marissa,” Madame said. “Here’s the Rose Fairy costume.” She handed Marissa the red leotard, red tights, and pink tutu.
Marissa put the costume down on the bench in front of her locker. All around her, girls were pulling on their own costumes. Marissa felt a soft hand on her shoulder. She looked up.
Rachel was standing there. She gave Marissa a big smile.
“You’re going to be great!” Rachel said. She hugged Marissa. Then she hurried out the door.
The dancers all headed backstage to hear Madame Stone’s final instructions. As the locker room emptied out, Marissa continued sitting on her bench.
She hadn’t even taken off her sneakers yet. She felt frozen. She couldn’t go out there. She just couldn’t.
Rachel’s worried face appeared in the locker room door for a moment. Then it disappeared. Marissa still didn’t move. She didn’t touch the red leotard sitting next to her.
After a few minutes, Marissa heard someone else come in the locker room, but she didn’t turn around. Then the person sat down on the bench next to her. Marissa finally looked up. It was Kelly.