“I lost so much weight I could float above my bed!” — Lida Blair
“All my life I’ve suffered from low self-esteem. I hated my body, and I hated that I ate so much. I tried every diet out there and none of them worked. Then I tried the Possession diet and WOW has my life changed! I was matched with Krokkatokka The All Powerful, Supreme Demon of All He Surveys — Even the Bits He Has to Stand on a Chair to See!
“He taught me my true worth, and how to enjoy the small things in life — like having people prostrate themselves at my feet, trembling in fear in case they displeased me and I had to snuff out their puny, meaningless lives.
“Now I love my body, and I have a twelve-point plan for world domination!” — Sherry-Ann Smith, Future Ruler of the Known World — Even the Really Small Bits She Has to Look Up on the Internet.
“I LOVE this diet. My partner of six years had just dumped me and my self-esteem was in the toilet. Then a friend told me about Dr. Crapper and his Possession diet. It was AMAZING. I lost forty pounds in a week! But best of all I got to ruin my cheating, conniving, ex’s wedding.
“I didn’t mean to. I only wanted to weird him and the ho out a bit. I mean, can you BELIEVE they actually invited me to their wedding? Talk about nerve. Well, anyway, I thought I’d give them the slow 360° head turn but ... my demon had other ideas and, before I knew it, I was in a full on Head Spin of the Projectile Vomiting Kind.
“The wedding video’s on YouTube. It’s had 400,000 hits. Almost as many as my ex!” — Jilted Jill
“I’d tried everything to lose weight. I’d had a gastric band fitted, my jaws wired shut. I’d even had my nutritionist break my fingers with a surgical baseball bat. Nothing worked.
“Then a friend told me about the Possession Diet and I haven’t looked back since. I was paired with a Brontosaurus and it gave me a TOTALLY different perspective on ideal body weight. Now I LOVE my body. And I LOVE salad. All I need now to make my life perfect is a second brain!” — Swamp Lover
“This is the BEST DIET EVER!!! I eat what I want, when I want, knowing that at the end of every month I can lose all the weight, AND hang out with my new BFF!
“It may cost a lot more than other diets, but it is SO worth it! And you soon get used to the tusks.” — Elephant Girl
“A lot of people at work say such negative things about Satan, but, BOY, does he help you lose weight!” — Archbishop Thomas of Norwich