“Let me ask you something,” Nurse Joya said from where she stood behind the doctor. Her bright red lipstick was as bold as ever, a clean white cap still pinned impeccably around her perfect blond bun. “Do you think it’s possible that the stresses of your everyday life have culminated in this manifestation? By making you believe that your parents have been replaced by impostors?”
June was once again sitting in the office with the yellow and brown triangle carpeting, on the white wooden chair facing the enormous desk. She’d been brought in a few hours after she’d finished breakfast with the girls, where Lauren had sat silently in her wheelchair, her head still covered in bandages postlobotomy.
When she had first been called back, June was afraid that the doctor and Joya would somehow know about the weird drug trip she’d had. Now, she nervously threw a glance over to the spot she thought was where she’d seen the doctor through the air vent.
In that location, there was a trash can pushed up against the wall, completely out of place and blocking her view. June did not remember seeing it the last time she was there, and she thought she’d been thorough as she looked over the room.
Don’t be silly, she scolded herself. Of course there isn’t an air vent there. The trash can was there last time, and you missed it.
“June.” Nurse Joya was still waiting for an answer.
“Sorry,” June said, looking away from the trash can at last. “Can you repeat the question?”
She wished so badly that the doctor would speak, for any amount of time. She didn’t like Joya, and she also knew that he was the one who spoke whenever Eleanor was in here. Why would he not speak to her?
“Your life at home.” Joya looked down at the chart in her hands, rubbing her lips together. “Was there anything going on in your life that was especially stressful before the incident that led you here? Anything that weighed on you or caused you distress?”
At least she was saying the sorts of things that June would have expected from a medical professional. It may have been the first thing about her stay so far that felt normal. She felt hope begin to unfold in her heart for just a second before remembering Lauren with her pus-stained bandages and her forever frown.
“Not anything that would amount to something this drastic,” June answered after hesitating. “It was just the same old stuff.”
No it wasn’t. There had been some extra stress, loads of it actually, surrounding her graduation, and the writing program and everything that came after, especially the big party that took place the night before she was admitted. But was it enough to push her brain over the edge in such a visceral way? She doubted it.
On the other hand, here she was.
“Last time you mentioned that you knew your parents had been replaced because your mother had called you—” she turned a page “—Nightingale. You said that she wouldn’t have called you that, especially after that previous night. So what happened that night? You got too nervous to talk about it last time.”
Good morning, Nightingale.
“There was...a party.” June desperately wanted to leave. She missed Eleanor in a strange and unexpected way, very much wished she were here right now. “It just didn’t go very well, that’s all. My parents were...very unhappy with me.” Because I hurt someone very badly. She thought back to it, remembered the sounds of the glasses breaking and people shouting, her mother hysterical. Fred grabbing her roughly, lifting her from the floor. Get up, June. Move, damn it!
“Why?” Joya was getting impatient. “Tell me everything. Everything that happened that night. Everything leading up to it. Everything you remember.”
The urgency in her voice made June take pause. It was like Nurse Joya was looking for something important, more important than possible sources of stress—something personal to herself and not just to June. The paranoia bloomed in one unfurling motion.
June remembered the last time she was in here, how the nurse had essentially threatened her with various methods of handling her in order to find out what had happened that night. She remembered what the monster in the tunnel had said about her brain and what Simpson had said at breakfast about worms being implanted into brains. June looked again to the trash can shoved against the wall and shivered.
“I can see that you’re not going to make this easy for us or yourself.” The nurse snapped the chart shut, and the doctor gave a quick but sharp nod, causing the old skin on his neck to ripple. “We’ll have to continue your treatment until we can get to the bottom of this and decide together when you’re ready to go back home. All it’ll take from you is honesty, June.”
Nurse Joya led June back to the enormous door, while the doctor stayed seated behind the desk. June followed, relieved to be leaving the duo. The uncertainty and fear that were flooding her were overwhelming, making her feel as though she might faint at any minute. Was there an air vent behind that stupid trash can or not? Was there an underground tunnel snaking around below the institution or wasn’t there? Did these people want their brains?
Impossible.
“The doctor hopes you can begin the process of accepting our help to fix yourself,” the nurse said cheerfully, laying a heavy hand on June’s shoulder. “If you help us, we can help you. That’s all we want here, Nightingale.”
June’s spine tingled, and her mouth went dry. Joya was watching her very closely. Why would the nurse say such a thing, especially after June had just talked about what had happened when her mother used the word? It felt intentionally antagonistic. That wasn’t how it should have been; she was certain of that.
Mumbling a hurried Thank you, June walked away as quickly as she could, already turning over Nurse Joya’s words in her head, already building a plan from them. The next time she was brought into the office, she’d tell Joya everything that had happened that awful night, the night that still haunted her with confusion and upset. Then she’d lie through her teeth and confess that the incident with her parents must have indeed been a coping mechanism. And then she’d be free, discharged to the care of the parental intruders, but after that she could run away immediately. She could escape both options. She could get out of here before she ended up like Lauren.
Clearly, she wouldn’t be able to go home, but June would have been happy to cross that bridge in lieu of this one.
“That didn’t take long,” Eleanor remarked as June approached her in the recreation room, on the couch where the other girls were lounging in various states as Fantasia played on the television set in black and white. “What’d you say to get out so soon?”
“Nothing,” June said, sinking down next to Eleanor, leaning against her. Eleanor leaned back. “I didn’t say anything. Next time I’m going to, though. Next time I’ll tell them everything.”
“It won’t help,” Eleanor whispered. “They never stop looking for the answer.”
I’ll just help them find it, then, June thought, and turned to see Eleanor looking at her. They stared into each other’s eyes for a lingering moment before June asked, “Where’s Lauren?”
The other girls all looked at her then. “They came and took her away pretty soon after you left,” Adie said sullenly. “She’s gone now.”
Somewhere behind her, June heard the sound of squeaky wheels and a rattling tray. Her heart skipped a beat as she turned to see Nurse Joya pushing her little cart toward them, a serene grin on her brightly painted mouth. She felt Eleanor stiffen beside her and fully expected to be stuck with a monster needle any second; instead, the nurse kept pushing the cart past them and ended up parking it behind Simpson.
“Just a little something to relax, babycakes,” Joya cooed, preparing the injection while the other girls watched in frozen horror. “You’ve been all up in a tizzy these last few days.”
“No, I haven’t,” Simpson cried, but she didn’t try to run away as the nurse cleaned her arm with a wipe. “I’m calm, Joya. Look at me. I’m just sitting here, watching Fantasia and minding my own goddamn business...”
“You know what I’m talking about,” Joya insisted with a sudden edge to her voice and stuck the needle into Simpson’s arm. “You’ve been saying some wicked things lately, haven’t you, buttercup?”
June watched as Simpson slumped back against the couch, her breathing already long and deep. Joya noticed the other girls were watching her and shot them all a theatrical wink. “I’ve got to go get ready for more appointments with the doctor,” she said as she began to wheel the cart away. “Eleanor, after I finish up with Miss Adie here, it’ll be your turn, darlin’. Adie, please follow me.”
“Okay,” Eleanor said, and June could tell that she was nervous but trying to hide it. “It’s been a while.”
“Yes, it has,” Joya replied over her shoulder. The sudden coldness in her voice was chilling. “We sure do have a lot to talk about. Adie, now please.”
Adie stood up and walked after the nurse quietly, her hands curling into themselves.
Nobody moved or said a thing until she and Joya were completely out of sight. After the click of the door to the office echoed down the hallway and into the rec room, the conversation level resumed its normal, constant buzz. “That goddamn bitch,” Simpson slurred from where she was slumped on the couch. “I know just what she’s doing.”
Cassy and Jessica, who had been sitting right next to Adie, moved over to the couch with Eleanor and June, as if the other girl had been cursed by Adie’s summons. Sometimes you only get called back once in a blue moon, Jessica had told June sometime during her first day there. Sometimes you go every day.
Simpson’s eyes were red and wet and unblinking, and she wasn’t talking anymore. June went over to her and took her hand: nothing. Complete dead weight. “Simpson,” June said directly into her face. Again, nothing.
“Damn it.” June turned back to face Eleanor and the other girls. “What was she going to say? About Joya?”
“Why are you so obsessed with Joya?” Eleanor asked, grabbing at the ends of her own sweater.
“Why are you going along with all of this like it’s okay?” June shot back, her voice raised. “This isn’t a real hospital—you said so yourself. Nobody here is a real doctor or nurse. Something is happening...”
The girls looked as though June had just spoken in tongues.
“What do you mean?” Cassy broke the silence. “Why wouldn’t we do what they tell us? They’re caring for us.”
“What?” June felt the space behind her nose tingling. “What about everything you’ve talked about before? Have you ever heard of anywhere that treats patients like this? What would your parents say if they knew how things were in here? Your friends?”
“We are each other’s friends and family,” Eleanor answered, and the other girls nodded. “We’ve never had anyone else. We’ve never been anywhere else but here.”
“No,” June cried out, then realized that there were a few nurses behind the glass partition watching her. She knew she needed to calm down, or else she’d soon be drugged out like Simpson. She took a second to breathe, tried to look more at ease in her body language. “You guys had lives before you came here,” she tried again. “You had to have.”
Still, silence and stunned gazes.
“Eleanor.” June sat down beside her roommate and took her hand. “You told me that you came here three years ago. After you died. You talked about your family. Cassy, what about all that stuff about the Titanic?”
Eleanor’s face looked strained. “I... What in the world...”
“What’s wrong?” June asked. Cassy and Jessica looked as confused as they did before. “Don’t you guys remember? Don’t you remember anything about your lives before this place?”
The girls’ faces were all overcome with the same blank confusion. It made June feel sick, truly sick to her stomach. Why could she still remember her life? Because she’d only been here for a little while? Would she forget soon? As of now, she remembered everything. She mustn’t let herself slip away, she knew, and decided that every morning and every night she would remember her old life, repeat everyone’s names in her mind, as painful as it may have been.
“We were all born here,” Cassy said, and June knew it was a lie. She’d be far more willing to believe the time travel story than this. “You’re the only one who’s ever been new.”
It wasn’t true.
“You’re the weird one,” Cassy went on, her eyes welling up despite her triumphant stare. “You’re here because you think your parents were replaced.” She giggled cruelly, and a single tear fell down her cheek. “How does that even make sense? You are never going to get out of here.”
Beside her, Jessica started to rock back and forth slightly, her long hair falling forward and covering her face. Eleanor stared at June. Simpson didn’t move, her mouth slacked open. June wondered what Adie was going through right this very second. What had happened to these girls in the short time that June had been here?
“Simpson mentioned that thing about the worms,” she said aloud, trying desperately to understand something, anything. “Is that what Joya meant when she said that Simpson was saying wicked things?”
Was it possible Joya and the doctor needed to silence her for whatever reason? Was it possible Simpson had seen something?
One night while I was sleeping, some nurses came in and held me down and I felt something go into my ear, June remembered Simpson saying at breakfast that morning. I can hear it eating every so often—I swear I can. I can hear it crunching.
“Something feels funny,” Eleanor said. “Whenever I try to think about what’s outside these walls, I...” She appeared unable to speak.
“You had a family,” June urged, tightening her grip on Eleanor’s hand. “Remember them. Fight it! Whatever is doing this to you, fight it—”
“You’re right,” she says. “How did I die? And why?”
“You’re not dead.” June was finished playing along. “You’re alive. Your name is Eleanor, you’re seventeen years old just like me, and you’re alive.”
“I am dead,” Eleanor said. She looked into June’s eyes. “I don’t know how I know it—I realize it sounds insane—I just... I know I’m dead.”
“Because they told you that you were?”
“No.” Eleanor’s eyes went glassy like she was remembering something. “I...died before I came here. I remember that much. It happened, and then they brought me here. It was like the doctor had been expecting me or something. They acted like this was my new home from the start...”
“Tell me more,” June urged. “What were your parents like?”
“My head hurts,” Eleanor whimpered, lifting her free hand to her temple. “Please stop.”
“Stop fucking with her,” Jessica hissed from Eleanor’s other side. “And shut your fat mouth unless you want them to find out what you’re doing—”
“They’ll punish you if they know,” Cassy interrupted. “They’ll punish all of us. Just look at Lauren and Simpson. Look what they did to them.”
When Lauren was lobotomized, June remembered, the other girls had instantly cut all emotional ties to her. June had felt it happen in that moment during breakfast. And now they were ready to do the same thing to Simpson if it came down to it.
“But the worms Simpson mentioned...” June said weakly. “And all the things that are wrong with this place...”
“Stop it,” Eleanor pleaded. “Please...my head. I think I need to lie down...”
“I’ll go with you back to our room.” June helped pull Eleanor to her feet, happy to get away from Cassy and Jessica. She cast one last pained glance Simpson’s way, making a note to have a private conversation with her as soon as Simpson came around a bit more. It was possible that she knew things.
“They were mostly leaving us all alone until you came along,” Cassy said bitterly after them, before they were too far away so she could keep her voice low and still be heard. “And now they just won’t stop digging.”