Natalie didn’t know what Drake was thinking, but his jaw was clenched and his eyes pensive. Confused maybe. Surely, he understood what was happening with Willow.
But maybe not, and Natalie needed to tell him. “Willow’s really searching for love and attention that her parents didn’t give her. And it seems as if Ulani didn’t either.”
“Breaks my heart to see kids suffering because of screwed-up adults. And these kids have some seriously screwed-up adults in their lives.”
“They do.”
“But you see stuff like this all the time.”
“Yeah,” Natalie said and resisted sighing. “I mean not serial killers, but unfit parents. I also see parents who would be good role models if they only got some help. I can do the most good with those parents, but I have to give the others more of my time because the children are at greater risk.”
He didn’t speak for the longest time. “I’m amazed at how strong you are. You help these families and haven’t become jaded. And you’re doing such a good job of coping with this situation.”
“It’s really all thanks to you and your family. You’re giving me the strength.”
“You’d do fine on your own. You need us to provide protection, but caring for the kids in a tough situation? You don’t need us for that.”
Natalie wasn’t quite as confident. Sure, her determination didn’t allow her to fail often, but caring for three children was a huge responsibility that she wasn’t sure she was cut out to handle for much longer. She never thought she’d have children at all, but in the rare times when she did think about it, she always imagined having a baby and learning the parenting ropes along the way. She might hold a Ph.D. that included child development, but it was one thing to know how a child grew and developed and give advice to other parents. It was another thing altogether to put it into practice for three young children who were thrust into her care when emotions were running high.
“I’m ready,” Willow called from the landing.
Natalie spun. She’d forgotten that Willow could hear their conversation. Natalie had to be more careful.
She stepped back to let Drake take the lead, but she would join him in saying good-night as rules prohibited leaving a man alone with these children. Even a fine responsible man like Drake. It was great that he was bonding with Willow, but he wouldn’t be around after Kirk was found and jailed. So Natalie needed to keep a close relationship with Willow. No matter how much Willow had come to like Drake, Natalie would be the one to break the hard news of her father’s extracurricular activities.
In the loft that was toasty warm, Logan was tucked in and Willow was snuggled in bed, covers up to her neck.
Drake sat on the edge of the bed. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“I’ve never tucked a kid in, so I don’t know what to do.”
“Really?” She blinked up at him, her feathery lashes a pale red. “Someone as old as you?”
“Yeah, I’m, like, ancient.” He grinned, and the cute dimple showed up again.
Willow gave Drake an odd look. “How come you’re not married?”
He didn’t even bat an eyelash at the question. “I’ve never found someone I want to marry.”
Willow’s expression turned very serious. “Natalie’s kind of nice. And she’s old too. I didn’t want her to before, but maybe she should get married.”
Natalie’s mouth dropped open, but she quickly snapped it shut.
“She is pretty nice, isn’t she?” Drake grinned back at her. “And you’re right, she is old. She should be married too.”
Willow nodded. “If you married her, then you could get some kids too.”
“We could,” Drake agreed.
“I think you’d be a good dad.”
“Thanks, Willow.”
She turned onto her side and hugged George close. “’Night, Drake.”
“Good night, kiddo.” Drake tucked the covers close then got up and stepped back.
Willow gave Natalie a longing look, and Natalie wanted to hug the child and kiss her good-night, but physical connection of any kind was discouraged on the job, and she’d already crossed that line once.
Natalie’s job wasn’t to make these children dependent on her. It was to be kind and caring but keep a wall up so that, when they moved on to their foster families, they didn’t want to cling to her.
“Good night, Willow. Sleep tight.” Natalie turned on the nightlight and swallowed her desire to hug the child while following Drake out of the room.
On the landing, she closed the door firmly so Willow couldn’t listen in and she jogged down the steps, Drake’s footfalls sounding solidly behind her. At the bottom, she took a few deep breaths before they went out to join the others in the workshop again.
Drake stopped to look at her. “You okay?”
“The rules of my job prohibit me from giving children the hugs I think they need.”
“Willow does seem like she could use one. I even thought about it, but figured it would be odd for her.” Drake looked at the living area. “Tell you what. I’ve really come to appreciate my parents more. No more taking them for granted.”
“You hit the parent lottery with them. They’re great.” She shook her head. “I just can’t believe I spent so much time with Kirk and had no idea what a terrible person he is.”
Drake ground his teeth. “Did he ever do anything to make you uncomfortable?”
“No. But as you can imagine from what I told you, his personality makes a person uncomfortable—that whole self-centered behavior thing. And as I said, I suspected him of killing his wife. He professed his love and need to find her, but the way he talked about her was creepy. He always changed the subject. Very evasive. I’m surprised the detective didn’t pick up on it. Or maybe he did but ignored it because Kirk is a police officer too.”
Drake nodded. “Let’s get back to work finding Gentry.”
On the way out to the workshop, he stopped near his parents, who sat on the couch. Peggy was nestled up to Russ, and he had his arm circled around her. “Could I ask you to keep an ear out for the kids so we can go back to the workshop?”
“No need to even ask.” His mother smiled. “Of course we will. I’ve already become quite fond of them.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Drake said. “I can always count on you. You too, Dad. I’m lucky to have you guys as my parents.”
“What’s wrong?” Peggy jumped to her feet and put a hand on Drake’s cheek. “This is the second time tonight you’ve said something about our parenting.”
“Nothing’s wrong.” He smiled. “Seeing the Gentry kids, I’ve realized I’ve taken you guys for granted all these years.”
His mother waved her hand. “No need to even think about that. We do what we do because we love you and the Lord. And trust me, I’m praying like crazy that things will work out for these kids., and God will give us the answer we need.”
Drake hugged his mom. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, son.” She squeezed his arm. “Now go find that terrible man and make him pay. Not only for what he’s doing to these women, but to these precious children too.”
“Will do.” He gestured for Natalie to head for the door and shared a fist bump with his dad on the way past.
A bolt of jealousy pierced Natalie. She knew she shouldn’t be jealous—that it was a sin. That God had given her the life she was living for a reason. But for the first time in many, many years, she didn’t want to be alone anymore. She wanted people she could count on in her corner. Honest, caring, loving, God-fearing people like the Byrds.
She grabbed the sweatshirt Russ had bought for her and slipped into it as they strode to the workshop. In the daylight, she’d seen the beauty of Drake’s property. Soaring spruce trees mixed with maples. Ferns, hostas, and other plants she couldn’t identify scattered beneath the trees along with pine cones and a thick bed of needles. Now they were cloaked in darkness, and the area seemed threatening. Seemed like a bear could be hiding in the shadows. Worse yet—Kirk.
She moved closer to Drake, and their hands brushed. She went to jerk hers away, but he latched onto it with his warm fingers until they reached the door.
The guys were seated at the table, and they looked up when Drake opened the door.
“I think we start at the beginning,” Aiden said, having just come back from watching the road. “Until Erik completes his background search on Tracey and we find an actionable item, I say we look into his victims to see if there’s any leads missed there. And I suggest we start with Gina. See if we can find any motive for someone to kill her.”
“I disagree,” Drake said as he stepped past Natalie to enter the room. “I think it’s a good idea to look into the victims, but we’d have better luck talking with the family and friends of Laura Zimmer. She was murdered a few months ago, so the trail isn’t nearly as cold.”
“I have to agree with Drake.” Erik rubbed his eyes, and the dark circles under them attested to his shortened nap due to playing with Logan.
Clay, looking far more alert at the end of the table, nodded. “We go with Laura.”
Aiden tapped a thick stack of papers in front of him. “According to Erik’s report, she lived with a roommate.”
“Roommate is Faye Babcock, and she still rents the same apartment where Laura was killed.” Erik mimicked a shudder. “Wouldn’t catch me living in a place where someone was murdered.”
“Me, either.” Natalie took a seat. “Especially if it was a rental and not a place I owned.”
Drake grabbed one of the reports on the table and flipped a page. “Babcock’s a nurse. Works the night shift and gets off at nine. I’ll go talk to her then.”
Natalie looked him in the eye. “If your mom will watch the kids, I’m coming with you.”
He widened his stance and worked his jaw muscles as if he were restraining himself from saying something. “I’d rather you stay here where it’s safe.”
“Your SUV is armored.” She raised her chin. “So I’m fine, right?”
“Yes, but—”
“She’s got you, bro,” Erik said.
“Plus I’ve talked to Faye before, and I know she’s uncomfortable around men after what happened to Laura. She’s more likely to open up with me.”
“No good excuse to leave her behind,” Erik said.
Drake glared at his brother.
“You’re the one in charge for once, vacating your devil’s advocate role. I need to take over.” Erik grinned, a boyish smile that seemed to fit the youngest member of the family. Natalie hadn’t noticed any other behaviors of a younger child, like acting spoiled. In fact, he seemed well-rounded and an all-out good guy. So why was he still single?
Drake scowled at his brother. “Not necessary.”
“That’s odd.” Erik tilted his head. “It’s always necessary when you weigh in.”
Drake’s fingers curled into fists, but he unfurled them and shook his head. “I guess you’re right.”
“Say what?” Erik gaped at his brother. “You actually said I’m right. Mind repeating it so I can get it on video.”
The brothers laughed, including Drake, who gave Erik a friendly sock in the arm. “Just know when this is over, I’ll be returning to my role as the family bad guy.”
“Fine,” Erik said with an easy acquiesce. “You can have it. Too much responsibility.”
“Footloose and fancy-free,” Aiden said. “Both of you.”
“Not a bad thing to be,” Drake said, grinning at his brothers.
Despite his desire to be free when her opinion was swinging in the opposite direction, her heart twanged. He was so devilishly handsome, and his bad boy vibe was almost impossible to resist. She didn’t see Drake fully in that role, but he fulfilled enough of it—a rebel, walked on the wild side, and volatile at times. All the opposite of her staid existence. She really fit the stereotype of a librarian, not a social worker. Prim and proper. Socially, on the shy side.
They complimented each other well, but Drake wasn’t looking for a woman to compliment his personality. He wasn’t looking for a woman at all.
“I just talked to Willow,” he said to the group. “She told me her mom filmed videos of her makeup and clothes. I got to thinking she might’ve been making them for the internet, somehow making money on it. Maybe if we find those videos, we can find a lead in the background or in something she says.”
“I’ll get going on looking for them,” Erik said. “Starting with YouTube, which is the most likely place she’d post videos. But you should know, if it’s a private channel, finding the information will be next to impossible.”
“Thanks for doing it, man,” Drake said. “I’m gonna owe you a lot when this is over.”
“You know it.” Erik grinned.
Drake was sure Erik would hold him to it. “If everyone’s good with us taking off for the interview, I’d like to spend the night in Portland so we don’t have to fight rush-hour traffic in the morning.”
“We’ve got things here,” Erik said. “As long as you make sure Mom and Dad look after the kids. I’m glad to do whatever you need on this investigation, but I draw the line at babysitting.”
Drake smiled, but the unease that had been in his gut since he learned Gentry was a serial killer remained. He knew the kids were safe with his brothers, and he was needed where he would be. Right by Natalie’s side at all times.
Natalie crashed on the plush sofa in Drake’s condo, but he paced at supersonic speed on the far side of the room. He was acting like a caged animal. She wished they could’ve stayed at the cabin, where he’d seemed more relaxed. This fiercely intense guy striding across the floor, pent-up energy oozing from his pores, felt like a stranger.
“You okay?” she asked.
He spun. “Too much sitting and not enough doing. I need to burn some energy off.”
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think about that.” He ran a hand through his hair, leaving a few strands sticking up.
She could almost see the thoughts of how he was going to find this serial killer racing through his brain. She would suggest going for a walk, but he would veto that.
“You mentioned a gym in the building. Why don’t we go there?” she suggested. “Some physical exertion could help us both get a good night’s sleep.”
He studied her. “That would be great for me, but are you sure you want to do that?”
She stood. “Just show me where to get changed, and I’m good to go.”
“You can sleep in my bedroom tonight and can change in there.” He grabbed the bag holding her limited clothing, carried it down the hallway, and set it on the king-size bed. “Let me grab some clothes, and I’ll change in the bathroom.”
He went to a long dresser and took out shorts and a T-shirt then picked up sneakers from the closet. At the door he glanced back at her as if he wanted to say something else but gave his head a quick shake and left the room.
She didn’t even look around the room but quickly slipped into a pair of sleep shorts his dad had gotten for her and left on her T-shirt. By the time she joined Drake, he was dressed in athletic clothes and filling water bottles in the kitchen. She admired the muscles in his legs. She would be no match for him in the gym. And she was taken aback by the fact that he was wearing his gun holstered at his hip and it looked totally odd with the athletic attire.
He turned. “Ready?”
“As I can be in this outfit. Good thing it’s a private gym.” She chuckled.
She shouldn’t have said anything as it drew his attention, and he ran his gaze from her head to her toes, and the heat of a blush rose over her cheeks. His eyes flared with interest, a place neither of them needed to go, so she bolted for the door like a startled deer.
He caught up and led her through the halls and down to the large room with a wall of glass overlooking the hallway. The room was spotless and smelled of lemon cleaner. She wasn’t a gym enthusiast but thought the equipment was top-of-the-line. She went straight to a treadmill and got it moving. He stepped to the one next to her and was soon jogging along. They settled into a comfortable routine, but still, she was acutely aware of him. Of his confident stride. The fluidity of his body. Of his masculine form.
She nearly groaned at her wayward mind and forced it back to thoughts of finding Kirk.
“Would it be okay if I read the reports Erik compiled?” she asked between breaths.
He arched an eyebrow and didn’t miss a beat on the treadmill. “You think he missed something?”
“No, but sometimes something stands out to another person.”
“I don’t think reading them is such a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Gina’s report will have graphic details of her murder. Things you won’t want to see.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Natalie firmed her shoulders. “If it might help to have fresh eyes on it, I can handle it.”
He slowed to a walk and looked her deep in the eyes, mining for something she couldn’t fathom, and she needed to know the answer to. “What?”
“I…it’s just…” He shook his head. “I hate that you’re suffering in all of this, and I don’t want to add to that. I want you to have a wonderful life not filled with such strife and turmoil.”
The challenges of her life flashed before her eyes, and she came to a stop. “We don’t often get what we want.”
He jumped down from the treadmill and took her hands between his long warm fingers. “You’ve gone through so much already. And here I am, pretty much skating through life with very few issues. I actually feel guilty.”
“Hey, don’t.” She had to work hard not to focus on the touch of his hands. “God has a plan for each of us. His plan for me is different than His plan for you.”
“I don’t know how you stay so positive, but I respect it. And you.”
“Thank you,” she said as she didn’t know how else to respond.
She expected him to back away, but his gaze seemed to search even deeper, and his expression changed. Gone was the pity. Replaced by blatant interest in her. She warmed under the fire in his gaze. Loved it, in fact. Loved having someone show they cared for her.
He inched closer. Cupped the side of her cheek. His touch mesmerizing. “I want to kiss you.”
She wanted that too. So much. But it wasn’t a good idea. Not at all. It could go nowhere for either of them.
She opened her mouth to say no. Stopped. Let her emotions run free.
What was one kiss? Just one, and then she’d go back to her everyday existence.
That was what she wanted, right?