CHAPTER SIXTEEN
For the first time ever, I have two separate invites for tomorrow.
The first is from Cassidy.
She’s asked me to go to a dumpling place in the city she’s heard is amazing. After that, Jason has asked me to come and watch him play baseball. I feel so lucky. I’m not sure what I did to have my life change like this … but I’m really enjoying it.
All that stuff is happening tomorrow, though.
First, tonight, Dad is coming home.
It means today is weirdly hectic.
I’m really relieved he’s coming home. He’s still going to need a lot of rest, but his being home will make me feel less anxious. To me, it means he’s out of the woods. Luke’s gone to get him now, and they’ll be home at any minute. I thought they’d be here by the time I got back from school, but they’re still out. I hope it doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong.
Ever since I got home I’ve been cooking pasta for Dad, because it’s his favorite. There’s a bubbling pot of sauce on the stove, and the whole house smells like tomatoes and garlic. I’ve been cleaning as I go, because I know any mess will undo any goodwill I’ve built by cooking for him. I know I don’t make it as well as he or Luke do, but I thought I’d at least try. It still tastes good if you drown it in Parmesan anyway.
I stir the pot, then lean against the island and check my phone.
Cassidy’s invite was for six thirty, and Jason’s game starts at seven. Which means I don’t have time to go to both, unless I alter one of the plans slightly. That makes me kind of nervous, though. Like I’ll piss them off by asking.
It’s not a big deal to move the plans by an hour. If I keep telling myself that, hopefully I’ll start believing it.
I open up my messages to Cassidy. My hand is shaking.
Hey, I was just wondering if we could we make it five thirty? I have plans at seven.
I’m so nervous. I know I shouldn’t be stressed over something so minor, but I can’t help it.
On top of that, I’m anxious to tell her that I have plans. Because then she’s sure to ask me what those plans are, which means I’m going to have to lie to her. I can’t tell her I’m hanging out with Jason Donovan, after all.
I hate lying.
It’s messy, and I’m really not good at it. Keeping a secret by omission, like what I normally do with my sexuality, and how I feel about my family, is one thing. Actual lying is way harder. I feel like I need to create this whole elaborate story in my head about what I’m doing if she asks. I need to make sure it all fits, like it’s something I could actually be doing.
My phone buzzes.
Look at you, busy man! 5:30 actually works great for me. See you then, rock star 
I find myself smiling.
I think I might be making another legit friend.
I hear a car pull into the driveway. Eddie stands up and runs over to the door. That’ll be Luke and Dad. Still, I peer out through the glass to make sure. I was right, it’s Luke in his car. Dad is sitting beside him.
I go outside. It’s cloudy today, and the sky is gray.
Dad makes his way up to me. He’s walking on his own, but every step is clearly labored. Sweat has broken out on his brow, and his teeth are clenched.
“Hey,” I say.
“Grab my bags,” he says. “They’re in the trunk.”
I don’t think he’s being mean, I think every word hurts, so he doesn’t want to waste the energy on manners.
“Sure.”
I jog down and grab his suitcase. I heave it out and bring it inside. It’s really heavy, but I’m not about to complain. No way, no sir. I wheel the suitcase to Dad’s room. His room is the biggest in the house and is really nice. The walls are cream colored, and the furniture is all designer.
Dad lowers himself down onto the bed, wincing in pain. Through his shirt, I can see a white pad over his stomach. Luke moves the covers aside and then puts them over his legs. They look really thin. I’m surprised Dad is letting Luke take care of him like this. I’m sure if I tried it, he’d lose his shit at me.
“Did you make dinner?” he asks.
“I did,” I say. “It should be ready soon, if you want some.”
“I’m not up for it tonight, but we’ll eat as a family tomorrow. I need to rest. Thank you, though.”
“No problem,” I say, trying to ignore how my chest is aching. I can’t help but feel like it’s just because I made it. “Take all the time you need.”
Whoever recommended this place to Cassidy was right. The dumplings are amazing.
The restaurant is getting hyped up online, so it’s crowded. We even needed to wait for ten minutes, which Cassidy assured me is the sign that a place is worth our time. She said she tries to not eat anywhere she can just walk into.
I lift one of the pork-and-chives dumplings, dip it in soy sauce, and take a bite. It’s so damn good. I could live off these.
“It’s official: I love this place,” says Cassidy.
“Me too,” I say, my mouth full. I swallow, and wish I’d taken the two seconds to do that before I spoke. That would’ve been way cooler.
She takes another. “So what are you doing after? I have no plans. Pathetic, I know.”
“Story of my life.”
She laughs, which makes me smile. I’m glad she thinks that I was joking.
“Um,” I say. “I’m going to my friend Lev’s place. We’re just going to be huge nerds and play games all night.”
She scoffs. “And here I was, thinking you were cool.”
“I’m surprised you thought that for even a second.”
She laughs. “I’m just messing with you. I like games, too.” She sighs. “But okay, I guess I’ll let you two have your nerdy guys’ night.” Her eyes light up. “Wait, are you and Lev, like…” She makes a pretty obscene gesture with her fingers.
I laugh.
“God no,” I say. “We’re just friends. He’s straight.”
“You’re friends with a straight guy? In this economy?”
“I know, right?” I guess I’m out to her. I actually love this.
“Do you have pictures of him?” she asks.
“Yeah, I do,” I say. I take out my phone, and show her Lev’s Facebook. At least we actually are Facebook friends. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d said I was hanging out with someone else.
She swipes through his photos.
“Oh wow, he’s cute. Nerds with muscles are such a weak spot of mine.” She narrows her eyes. “Are you sure this is a just-friends thing for you? Straight guys are off-limits, in case nobody has told you that. I’ve seen too many of my gay friends get crushed by them. I don’t want to see that happen to you, too.”
“Yeah, I know. He’s not my type, anyway.”
That’s not true. He totally is, at least physically, but I want to change the subject.
“And what is?” she asks.
I’ve never talked about this. With anyone.
I glance across at a waiter. He’s got black hair, cut neatly, and has scruff on his cheeks. I noticed him, like, the second I walked in here. There’s also a tattoo poking out from under his shirt, running down his beefy forearm. I tilt my head toward him.
She grins. “Oh, honey. You, me, and the rest of the male-loving world like that. Trust me, they’re a bad idea. Fun, for sure, but definitely a bad idea.”
“Noted.”
We have a few more dumplings.
“Hey,” I say. “Can I ask you something?”
She nods. The restaurant is so loud, I figure we can talk, as long as I keep my voice down.
“What do you think of the Friend Scheme?”
“The plan of the Donovans’, you mean?”
I nod.
“I guess … I dunno. A part of me thinks it’s risky, but also it’s kind of genius? Even now that it’s been found out. Like, I have this theory that the whole point of it might’ve been to freak us out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, ever since we found out about it, everyone has been super paranoid. And your dad has closed ranks, Mom told me. Some of the big meetings have changed to be Millers only, and Mom’s been left out of some stuff. She says she gets it, but I can tell she’s pretty upset. If you look at it that way, it’s genius.”
Ever since he was shot, meetings have been taking place in Dad’s hospital room instead of at Jimmy’s. It’s not ideal, but Dad paid the hospital a lot of money in order to ensure privacy. I haven’t been invited to these meetings, but Luke’s been to a few.
“Right.”
That actually does make sense.
If we’re fractured, not as strong as we used to be. Maybe that was a big part of their plan, and we played right into it?
I should talk to Dad about this as soon as possible.
But after I’ve watched Jason play baseball. I’m not going to miss that for anything.
“What are you thinking?” she asks.
“Just that you might be sort of brilliant.”
“Sort of? I’m offended, Matt.”
“Okay, you’re totally brilliant.”
“Thanks,” she says, and she grabs another dumpling with her chopsticks. “I know.”