Tana says homeless people are God’s people and Harper’s church is going to give them coats so they can stay warm.
“Sort of like Uncle Rick,” she says when Polly asks what God looks like. “Except not as fat. And his beard’s longer.”
Heaven is like a golf course except white. Like snow but warm. Kind of like whipped cream.
People are like balloons, helium balloons floating around. “Actually, more like astronauts,” Tana says. “On the moon.”
Polly and I moon hop around our room, but we don’t float like we want to. “I can’t wait for heaven,” Polly says, so now I have to think it away. Please don’t send us to heaven, please don’t send us to heaven.
“Anything you want,” Tana says when Polly asks what people eat there. “It’s heaven.”
“Candy?”
“Of course candy.”
“Ice cream?”
“As many scoops as you want. And you never gain any weight.”
“Mom’s going to like it there,” Polly says.
Tana is being all nice so we beg her to play with us. “Please,” I say. “Please,” Polly says.
Tana says she will but we have to hurry. Harper’s picking her up for church any second now.
“Wonder Woman!” Polly says, and Tana says fine, but only if she gets to be Wonder Woman.
Polly’s Wonder Dog and I say I’ll be Wonder Girl but Tana says that’s too many Wonders so now I’m Thunder Girl, which doesn’t even make sense but it was the only thing I could think of with Tana looking out the window for Harper’s car every two seconds. Plus I’m kind of scared of thunder, and how can your superpower be something you’re scared of? There was this man, he was mowing his lawn and he got hit by lightning. It hit him right on the head and he died before he could even turn off his lawn mower.
Wonder Woman can freeze people and she has a net for catching them, and Wonder Dog has bionic teeth and superspeed. I pound on people with my feet and throw lightning at them. “They’re the same thing!” I say when Tana says I’m thunder, not lightning. Dad told us. He told us thunder is the sound of lightning, it just comes later because light travels faster than sound. “Whatever,” Tana says, which is what she says when she doesn’t want to say I’m right.
I don’t want to use my stuffed animals and Polly doesn’t want to use her ponies so the bad guy is a pillow. Polly and I say the bad guy’s Gordy Morgan but Tana says Gordy’s just a stupid little boy and she can’t believe we’re still scared of him. I say I’m not scared even though I still am and I think Tana should be scared of him too (unless she isn’t scared of guns) but I want Tana to play with us so when she says the pillow is the murderer I say okay.
I throw lightning at the murderer and jump up and down on him, but now Wonder Woman is mad because she can only use her net, because how can she freeze the murderer if he’s just lying there on the ground. Wonder Dog says she wants to bite the murderer before Wonder Woman throws her net on him. “Fine,” Wonder Woman says. “Bite.”
Wonder Dog bites. She growls and shakes her head. Then Wonder Woman throws her net on top of the murderer and says, “Wonder Woman strikes again!”
“We need a name for all of us!” I say. “Like a team.”
We ignore Polly when she says, “Purple Ponies!” We ignore her when she says, “Girl Power?”
“Protectors of the Universe!” I say.
“Protectors of the Universe!” Polly says.
Tana just says, “Whatever.”