Chapter Nineteen

Mallory stretched out her legs on the padded rubber floor of the gym and grinned over at Kelsey. “This is the most at ease I’ve felt since we got here.”

Slowly, Genevieve turned just her head—like an animatronic figure—to face them from her spot against the wall. “You’re about to be schooled in how to defend yourself against an attacker. Either you’ve got a strange kink I do not want to know about, or you aren’t fully cognizant of the serious nature of today’s lesson.”

Funny how the Moncriano accent sounded sexy in Elias and Marko and yes, even in Christian’s voice. But it just made everything Genevieve said come off as snippier. Bitchier. More condescending.

Or maybe it was that it was always going to be one step forward, three steps back with her.

For once, Mallory—who had turned obsequiousness and dignified respect into an art form over the past two weeks—didn’t just nod and try to blend into the metaphorical curtains. She crossed her legs into a Lotus pose. Settled her wrists on her knees and breathed deeply. Then she turned to Genevieve.

“Nobody’s judging us, for once. We’re all wearing workout clothes—a level fashion playing field. And I’ll be learning to take control of a dangerous situation. That’s empowering, and puts me at ease. Perhaps you aren’t fully cognizant of how good it feels to revel in your own strength.”

It was a long-winded smackdown, but a smackdown nonetheless. One point to the American team. Not to mention the extra point Kelsey awarded herself for resisting the urge to high-five Mallory.

The twisted grimace that Marko aimed at Elias made it look like he was trying to hide a grin as he clapped his hands for their attention. “Your Highness. Your Highness. Miss Wishner. Today we’ll cover basic defensive maneuvers.”

Genevieve looked at him from beneath slitted lids. “You mean the basic ones I learned years ago?”

“Yes. But remembering how to do something and making your muscles actually do it are very different processes. I requested your presence today precisely for that reason. It has been years since you’ve done this.” She opened her mouth, but Marko shook his head. “I checked with your entire rotation of bodyguards. They’ve asked, but nobody’s been allowed to train with you.”

Genevieve’s cheeks turned the same mottled red that afflicted Kelsey. “I…I don’t want people who work for me pawing at my body. Knowing what it feels like.”

“Of course not!” Kelsey couldn’t help but rush to her defense. Under the fancy clothes and fancier jewelry, they were still both women. “You wouldn’t ask a CFO to let the people who report to her graze her boob or squeeze her ass. That’s insulting. Inappropriate.”

Eyes wide, Genevieve said in a near-whisper, “Thank you.”

Marko bowed his head. “My apologies, Your Highness. It did not occur to me, since you have two female guards, that it would be a problem. Clearly an oversight on my part.”

“I trust my team, but…I can’t wholly trust anybody,” she murmured. “One unintentional joke after a few beers about the size of my bra cup could spread like wildfire. Make international news. I have to guard my privacy as fiercely as…well, as you all guard the rest of me.”

Elias stepped forward. He’d stationed himself at the opposite side of the room from Kelsey. Genevieve was the only one in there who didn’t know the two of them were together…and they intended to keep it that way. “I’ll make sure that for our next training session, we use officers not on rotation for the immediate royal family. Will that be acceptable?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

Kelsey tried to catch Elias’s eye, to give him a smile of thanks for smoothing it out. But oddly, he wouldn’t look at her.

“Would you like to skip today?” Marko offered as he removed his shoes and socks.

“No, I’m all right with you and Elias.”

Mallory said, “I’ll partner with you, Your Highness.”

Again, Kelsey bit back a grin. No doubt Mallory would enjoy having a legit excuse to slam Genevieve into the ground. Or shove an elbow in her belly. Probably both.

“We’ll all be switching off with each other. Good practice to try everything on different heights and body types. Now.” Marko raised his hands to get them to stand. Elias joined him in the middle of the floor. Kelsey zipped her gaze away. It was far too tempting to ogle the man in the tight tee that showed off every ripple of his abs, pecs, and biceps. “If everything goes right, you’ll never use what we go over today.”

“Unless we move back to New York,” Mallory said under her breath. “This’ll be as useful against muggers as assassins.”

Damn it.

How was it that reminders of the decision Kelsey had to make were coming so often now? She wanted an hour, sixty little minutes, to go by where she was not confronted by Destiny with a capital D. To not think about all the ways her life could change.

It had been all of maybe seven minutes. On the way down here, Elias had informed her, in an oddly formal, factual manner, that Sir Evan would have two draft statements for her to review when they finished. Both acknowledged that she was, indeed, Princess Valentina. One version embraced her journey to get to know her birth country. The other was a goodbye, of sorts, in case she chose to go back to New York. Kelsey had to approve them before they went on to the king for his approval.

The only part of this she approved of was not having to write them herself.

Elias shouldered in front of Marko, eyebrows furrowed into an almost single line. “No. He’s oversimplifying, which isn’t safe. You can’t assume that things will go right, no matter how much faith you have in your protection team. That’s sloppy, dangerous. Better to always assume that things will go wrong.”

Marko plastered on a broad, reassuring smile that was in stark contrast to the rough threat portrayed in Elias’s voice. “Well, we don’t want the royal family walking around in fear. Prepare, but don’t panic.”

Elias’s frown expanded to include deep lines bracketing his mouth. “Don’t candy coat it for them. They’re grown women. They deserve to know the facts.”

“Facts, not fear-mongering,” Marko spat back, on the verge of yelling.

Now the two of them were facing each other, not the women. Kelsey hadn’t seen this aggressive, argumentative side of Elias before.

She didn’t care for it.

Was he trying to pick a fight? Or send Genevieve, her, and Mallory into full-blown anxiety attacks? His entire attitude and demeanor were sharper. Harder.

What on earth was going on with him?

Elias thwapped the side of his palm into his other hand, repeatedly. “The irrefutable fact is that every member of the royal family is a target. Every day. There’s no letting our guard down. Not for us, but not for them, either.”

She couldn’t touch him, not without betraying the secret of their relationship. But Kelsey inched forward, mindful of his karate-chop motions. “Elias, that’s enough. You’re starting to freak me out.”

“Good.” He swung around to face her. There was no warmth in his eyes, no softening of his stance. The man was in attack mode. “Because you need to be aware. You are a target.”

She’d had enough of this silliness. Kelsey let a small smile play across her lips as she shook her head. When would this get through to any and every one in Alcarsa Palace? “I’m nobody.”

Elias loomed over her, hulking and scary. “You are third in line to the throne. A blood princess of the royal house of Villani.” His voice rumbled like thunder over mountains against the walls of the room.

But now Kelsey felt bullied by his continued scaremongering.

No way would she cower before such behavior. Especially not to her boyfriend. “Yes, I’m a princess, but in name only. Not even my name, technically. All I am is a problem. An awkward reboot of something that went down decades ago.”

Marko shook his head. “You can’t believe that, Your Highness.”

Couldn’t she? How was anything in Moncriano improved by her coming back onto the scene?

The citizens at large didn’t need another royal figure. The king was fruitlessly trying to recapture the years he lost with a baby. Christian didn’t know what to do with her. Genevieve didn’t want her back in their lives. All her reappearance did was complicate everything.

Kelsey plucked at the neck of her yellow tank top. Not one of her own, from home. Those clothes still seemed to be lost in the palace laundry. Switched out for more appropriate princess-wear. But they couldn’t so easily switch her out, or her voice, or her opinions.

“Look, I disappeared once before and life went on.”

“That’s a selfish, ill-considered thing to say,” Genevieve snapped.

Oh, wow. Her sister didn’t approve of what she’d said? Color her #notsurprised.

But she was damn well going to finish making her point. Making them all listen to her. Even Mallory, who was shaking her head and drawing her hand across her throat in the classic shut it gesture.

“I’m not saying I want to be kidnapped. I just think the risk, especially for me, is minimal, because the reward would be minimal. I’m your average American computer nerd. Nations would not rise up in outrage. Citizens would not weep. And I’m quite sure the government would not change course to give in to any demands to get me back.”

Elias cuffed her biceps with his big hands, his grip tight almost to the point of pain. His eyes blazed with indigo fire. “I would make them do so. I would do anything to get you back. I would not stop until you were safe, here, once more.”

His fervent declaration made all the hair on her arms stand up. But not entirely in a good way.

Not when he still was so scary in both his tone and touch. Not when she didn’t understand any of his reactions that he’d had in this room. And not when he risked exposing their secret relationship with a declaration that was far too sincere to be anything but deeply personal.

She did, however, believe him.

For all that Kelsey had never thought of herself as anyone special, worth saving? Elias, in this moment, made her believe.

She believed without a doubt he’d find her—again. And moreover, the depth of his sincerity made her believe that, indeed, the world would and should be turned upside down if she disappeared again.

Because if Elias thought she was worth that effort…it disrespected his fierce faith in her if she didn’t believe it, too.

Marko clapped his hands once more. “To recap, everyone is safe. Today. And if you work hard for the next hour, you’ll have a better guarantee of staying safe in the future. No more talking. Time to get to work.”

How was Kelsey supposed to concentrate on moves and grips and stances when Elias had just tilted her entire world on its axis? Could it be that she was the only one who didn’t believe in her ability to be a princess?

And what the heck was wrong with her boyfriend? How could he be so borderline mean to her before saying all that?

When they were alone, she’d get to the bottom of it.

If she had to, she’d play the princess card and order him to tell her what was up.

…

“You’re very quiet,” Kelsey remarked in a subdued tone as they jogged through the forest behind the palace.

“We’re running, Your Highness. Training.” At least, he was trying to get her to do so. The princess kept pace with a steady jog well enough. But every time he tried to push her into a sprint—like she’d need if being pursued—she lagged behind. And Elias couldn’t protect her if he stayed in front of her. “If you’re running as fast as you should be, there’s no air left to chat.”

“I’m not in the mood to run.” The powdery thud of her shoes against the dirt slowed even more. “I’d rather use all that spare air I’m hoarding to chat. I think we need to talk.”

Nope. He was barely holding it together while not talking. “You agreed to continue training for another hour once we left the self-defense course.”

“I changed my mind.” Kelsey tossed her ponytail in an unconscious mimicry of her older sister. “Isn’t that the prerogative of a princess?”

Really? After fighting the title for weeks, now was when she decided to embrace her rank? Elias was tempted to bang his head against the nearest pine tree. “Your schedule doesn’t have any other openings. If we do this, we do it now.”

“Running for another twenty minutes won’t ultimately make any difference.”

Well, tough. She wasn’t in charge of her security. Elias called those shots. “Not today, but it could someday. You know the secret to perfecting a skill? Practice it for ten thousand hours.”

She stopped completely, braced herself with her hands on her thighs, and shot him the smile that always melted his heart like a ray of sunshine. “That’s hilarious.”

“It’s proven fact.” Elias had read the book about outliers years ago and applied its theories to his shooting and fighting techniques. Putting in the time made all the difference. It was why he felt confident protecting the princess by himself right now.

On royal grounds.

Still connected to his team by earbud.

And wearing a revolver as well as three knives.

“No, it’s hilarious you think you can goad me into running for ten thousand hours. That’s more than four hundred days. More than a year straight. Not. Gonna. Happen.”

Elias adored her stubborn streak. The way she stood up for what she wanted and believed, no matter what. Personally, at least. Professionally, her attitude made his job much more difficult. “I’m not suggesting you do it without breaks. Merely that if you must start sometime, you might as well start today.”

She extended her hand to him, fingers outstretched. He didn’t rise to the bait. After tossing him a questioning glance, she awkwardly laced her fingers through his. “I’d rather rely on you to keep me safe. Becoming a better sprinter doesn’t seem like the best long-term solution.”

“Correct.” Holding her felt so right, and it also felt so wrong. He let go, quickly backing up a few steps to separate them. “That’s why you’ll need to keep at your hand-to-hand. Start learning karate. Something that will help you use your own weight as leverage against a far bigger attacker. We’ll get you down to the gun range, as well. Perhaps a short dagger.”

“A knife?” Sunlight shafted through the trees to highlight her look of incredulity. “You want me to walk around with a knife sheathed to my thigh like I’m an assassin?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Her voice was flat. Like she damn well expected him to do what she said, no questions asked.

Like a princess.

Elias hated them being on opposite sides. Hated not letting her live in a bubble of happy naivete. “Your Highness, this isn’t a discussion. You can’t pull rank. Not when it comes to your safety. For now, I’m in charge of it. You must follow my direction.”

She crossed her arms. “One step at a time. One measured step at a time.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“God. Why are you being like this?” She backed away from him. As if to make it clear they were on opposite sides. The yawning chasm between them was palpable. “Look, personal weapons have a high statistical rate of being turned around and used against you by an attacker. I don’t want to be stabbed by my own knife. On top of being dead, I’d be mortally embarrassed.”

“You want to quote statistics? Fine.” Because he had them. Reams of information never released to the general public about thwarted attacks against royalty, all over the globe. If Elias had to scare her into submission, he would. “Meet me back here tomorrow and I’ll have pages of statistics supporting my very rational request that you take your personal safety into your own hands.”

She lifted her chin. “I have people for that. Not because I’m lazy or not listening to you, but because you and Marko and everyone in the Royal Protection Service are far more highly qualified to protect me from an attacker. I have faith in all of you.”

Damn it, why did she have to look at him with those wide, trusting violet eyes? Like she believed he could hold off entire armies with his bare hands? It almost made him believe, too.

Which was dangerous.

Elias thwacked his palm against the trunk of the elm tree next to him. “You can’t, Kelsey. You shouldn’t. Your parents did, and look how that ended up. They left you alone, trusting your safety to the head of the RPS. My father, whom I’d entrust my own life to. And he failed them. He failed you. I could do the same.”

“Elias, where is all this coming from?” There was a catch in her throat, confusion that he hated knowing he’d rooted there. “You can’t have received a specific threat against me because the world doesn’t know I’m alive. So why are you harping on this?”

“Because I’m not enough. No one man would be.” The thoughts that had been churning through his brain since his talk with Christian finally coalesced into a gut-wrenching decision. “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, but there’s no guarantee I’ll succeed. We’ve been lax, Your Highness. Letting other things distract from the basic tenet that you need to be kept safe.”

She threw up her arms, surprising a squirrel into skittering away with loud cheeps. “How about happy? Who’s in charge of keeping me happy?”

Elias swallowed hard. Gritted out the words he wished were a lie. “Not me.”

Her arms dropped, limply, to her sides. “What?”

He’d always known he’d have to be the one strong enough to let go. To push away. To stop the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Elias hadn’t known it would be this hard. That they’d spend every day and many nights together, and already meld into a tight, cohesive unit, a couple. That their hearts would already be so intertwined.

Elias hadn’t known it would hurt so damn much.

He spread his feet wide and locked his hands together behind his back. Hopefully that would be enough to keep him from reaching out to comfort her as he broke her heart.

“My sole job is to keep you safe, Your Highness. I’m afraid I’ve let you down. Once the announcement about you is made public, we’ll adjust your team. I’ll go back to guarding Prince Christian.”

Kelsey pinched her eyes shut, rubbing at her temple. “Explain something to me.” Her eyes flew open, those violet depths sucking him in deep, like a velvet-lined black hole of feelings. Her voice was thick, clogged with emotions he didn’t have the courage to name. “How did you let me down? And, on the ridiculous assumption you did, how is your punishment to guard someone higher in rank than me? What on earth is going on?”

“I’ve let myself become distracted. It is entirely my fault. I’ve let my feelings for you cloud my judgment. Weaken my focus.”

It was happening even as they spoke. With it being summer, there weren’t twigs or leaves on the ground to crunch and give away if someone approached. Having this conversation out in the open was just another in the countless risks he’d taken since assuming protection of the princess. And Elias was grateful that Christian had pointed it out before things got any more out of hand.

Swiftly, he brought his wrist to his mouth and requested an immediate shift change, because he was quite certain the princess wouldn’t want to be escorted back to the palace by him once this conversation ended.

Kelsey fisted her hands on her hips. Her entire body was strung taut, cocked for battle. “You mean because we have sex, you can’t properly scan a crowd for potential assassins?”

“More or less.”

“Elias, you’re the most dedicated person I’ve ever met.” The frustration in her tone was overlaid with a thin edge of anger. “If anything, I’m the one who breaks protocol. I keep engaging you in conversations when I should let you do your job.”

He shook his head. “I should be able to do both.”

Almost yelling at this point, she hurled the words across the forest floor. “So you’re quitting on me? After putting in considerably less than those ten thousand hours you just touted?”

She was still not getting it. So he’d spell it out very simply and clearly.

“I’m ending our professional relationship.” Elias clenched every muscle in his body. Knotted them up into a single, tight fist. Strength with no feeling. Especially his heart. “And our personal one.”

“What?” A snort of disbelief cut off almost before it started. Then her eyelids fluttered. God, was that to beat back tears? “I thought this was just a fight, that you were in a lousy mood. You’re breaking up with me? Already?”

“This can’t be a surprise. We both knew it would have to end on Sunday, when you’re revealed as the Princess Royal. I’m simply jumping the gun by three days.”

“We could pack a lot more into those three days,” she said, her tone pleading.

Why did she force him to keep stabbing at her, painfully, with the truth? “Your Highness. A princess can’t date a commoner. This must end. Now.”

“I’m not your full-blown, standard princess. I’m mostly a quite common American.”

“There is nothing common about you.” His arm twitched, trying to surge forward and stroke her cheek. The one with a single tear rolling down it. “A princess most assuredly can’t date the son of the man who is responsible for her kidnapping.”

“Why not? The king and queen forgave him, kept him on duty back when it happened. Now? Twenty-five years later? Who would dare treat him any differently?” Her arms were flailing, gesticulating wildly.

And again, it ached not to catch them, pull her close and soothe her. More to the point, to stop being the one inflicting the pain…even though Elias knew it was for the best, in the long run.

“You don’t understand…yet. But you will. The royals are held to a higher standard. Different expectations.”

“My expectation in life is pretty simple. To do good and be happy. You’ve helped me see the good in this country since the moment our plane touched down. And you’ve helped me be happier than ever before. How can that possibly be bad?”

“Not bad, Princess. I don’t want you to think I regret a moment of our time together.” Because he’d cherish it for the rest of his life. “Just…not right. I’m not the right man for you. For the country. I won’t ever be good enough for you.”

Kelsey’s mouth turned down and her eyes glared violet-tipped daggers at him. “Funny. That’s what I keep saying about being a princess—that I’m not good enough, special enough, to pull it off. Which you contradict every time. So tell me, Captain Trebanti, how is this different?”

“It just is.” He refused to say it’s not you, it’s me, no matter how true.

Because it wasn’t about anything to do with Kelsey. All the reasons they couldn’t be together were Elias’s fault. Just like them getting together in the first place and thus leading to this fucking painful moment was also his fault.

How could he have been so stupid? So selfish?

“We’re good as a couple.” Kelsey stabbed her finger into the air between them. “Don’t you dare deny it. Don’t lie to me.”

“My beautiful, stubborn fighter, I can’t lie to you, but I can’t give you hope, either.” Elias stood at attention; the tight line triggered muscle memory of hours on end holding this position on deck, in review, in their barracks. It ought to be enough to hold him in place—away from Kelsey—while he finished this. Forever. “It doesn’t matter that I want to stay with you, that I care so much for you. How I adore you. What matters is that Moncriano deserves their Princess Valentina fully restored to them. And that includes her being with the right man. One worthy of royalty.”

“You’re worthy of me, Elias.” Tears were streaming down her face.

“No, Your Highness.” A crackle in his ear let him know that Marko was almost to their location. “But I wish more than life itself that were true.”