Trainers and participants alike need to be mindful of pitfalls. After displaying schema mindfulness score sheets, each training session starts with a mindfulness exercise that facilitates a change from the action-oriented state of mind, to the attention-oriented state. This opening exercise is sometimes interrupted by latecomers knocking on the door. When this occurs, it is important for trainers to beware of lapsing back into action-orientedness. A common impulsive response among trainers is to go and open the door, thereby disrupting the mindfulness of the group. It is better for everyone present to remain seated and complete the exercise, even if the latecomer continues to knock. The trainer should mindfully identify the event as a mental distraction, one that urges toward an action-oriented state. If allowed to run its course, this distraction may trigger the trainer’s Self-Sacrifice schema, evoking the idea that he should let the latecomer in; “it would be unkind to leave him waiting outside.” Besides that, the Unrelenting Standards/Hypocritical schema might be activated, giving rise to judgmental thoughts like “the latecomer is inconveniencing the group,” and “he should make more of an effort to arrive on time.” Once the exercise is finished, the person can be let in, upon which a discussion may take place, emphasizing a nonjudgmental stance. Mindfully addressing the issue has a double effect: not only does it reaffirm the group’s rule of starting and finishing on time, it also allows the trainer to illustrate how to deal with situations that tempt the mind to switch back to an action-oriented state.
A similar approach can be taken in regard to the session’s conclusion. Participants often have a tendency to prepare their exit a few minutes prior to the session’s end, so that they’re ready to leave right away. The trainer can identify this action-orientedness and suggest that the session is concluded with a short mindfulness exercise. Participants can then choose to embark on the rest of their day from an attention-oriented state, without going into automatic pilot.
Participants sometimes forget to bring their notebook sheets containing their schema mindfulness scores. Ask these persons to grab a new sheet and rewrite their schemas and modes, along with their mindfulness scores. When a sheet has been forgotten, it may be pertinent to make a behavior analysis. Do this from a nonjudgmental and mindful stance. Take a moment to consider how this person managed to forget, and see if you can relate it to his schemas and modes. Does their lapse of memory have anything to do with the Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline schema? Is the participant continually busy caring for others, so that he lacks the time to care for himself (Self-Sacrifice schema), causing him to forget his notebook?
Participants are sometimes highly anxious at the idea of keeping their eyes closed during exercises. For example, the Mistrust and/or Abuse schema can cause individuals to worry about being abused by others while in a vulnerable state. These participants might feel safer knowing that one of the trainers is with them in this state of vulnerability, also with his eyes shut. Trainers should inform the group that members are allowed to look for their own ways to carry out exercises, so that they feel comfortable while practicing. Let them know that it’s okay to keep their eyes open, if that’s what they need. If so, advise these participants to concentrate on a specific spot in their field of vision.
For some participants, exercises performed in the group can bring up painful images and memories. Members who grew up in unsafe and unpredictable conditions may feel very threatened when asked to join in exercises where the goal is not stated in advance. Their Mistrust and/or Abuse schema may be activated, sometimes to such a degree that they find themselves unable to focus on Healthy Adult and/or Happy Child schemas. This inability may upset them. Take time with these individuals to consider what is happening inside them. Address them in an open, empathic, and inquisitive way. What sort of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are they experiencing? What do they feel in their bodies? Invite them to continue the exercise with eyes open. When someone indicates that an exercise has given them too much to manage and they need to stop, show them understanding. Explain that an observation of something painful, or of being unable to identify the Healthy Adult or Happy Child within oneself, each represent an opportunity to continue observing with an open, curious perspective, without necessarily orienting oneself for action. In other words, now could be a time for mindfulness; action can wait till later.
Another pitfall involved in mindfulness exercises is the risk of falling asleep. Do not judge a participant for falling asleep, but explore what has led to his sleepiness. Is this person simply tired from lack of sleep, or is falling asleep a strategy for avoiding self-awareness? Explain that it is important to stay awake during this exercise. Sleep makes it impossible to monitor thoughts, feelings, and physical experience. In order to stay awake, suggest that the participant open his eyes and make small movements once in a while. Then refocus attention on the breath and on the exercise at hand.
Homework assignments can also come with pitfalls. After some attempts, participants may stop doing homework altogether. Look into this development when it occurs, and explore which schemas and modes might play a role. Some participants may feel that the training isn’t yielding results as fast as they would like, and so they abandon any further efforts (Unrelenting Standards/ Hypocritical schema or Failure schema).
Although the Everyday Mindfulness exercise seems fairly straightforward, many participants have trouble with it. It is important to select only one routine activity, like brushing teeth, drinking tea, or eating lunch. Participants should preferably practice this exercise while alone and at a regular time of day.
Sometimes the Everyday Mindfulness exercise is not practiced, simply because the activity poses too much of a challenge. A participant with the Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline schema might say that he will attend to his dirty dishes every day, but if dishwashing isn’t a normal part of his daily routine, he is unlikely to start now. In other words, failure to complete the exercise is a predictable outcome. Although this failure could in turn become the subject of mindfulness, expecting too much from someone already unaccustomed to attention-oriented behavior is simply unrealistic.
Participants may also stop listening to exercise audio files after just one session, particularly if they are bothered by the tone or quality of the narrator’s voice. Invite these participants to try listening to the audio files from an open and enquiring place, to pay attention to their own experience without jumping into action-mode. If the problem persists, start looking for alternatives. One option to consider is letting participants or their loved ones record their own narration of the material.
When group members fail to carry out their assignments, trainers can investigate whether or not schemas, modes, or schema coping have been of any influence. However, the group should be aware that schema avoidance, compensation, and surrender aren’t necessarily maladaptive coping strategies in each and every case. What’s important is to make a mindful selection from possible strategies for dealing with situations, emotions, and thoughts.
The same principle applies to participants who discontinue the body scan or other breath-centered mindfulness exercises. Some members of the group may notice that being mindful of their breathing produces feelings of anxiety. Explain that nothing about the breath needs to be changed. People often believe that they should breathe from the stomach. Help participants to recognize that the urge to escape from breath exercises usually reflects a tendency to escape from anything that feels unpleasant.
When despondent participants continue to feel hopeless throughout the training and, for example, keep wondering about the purpose of all these exercises, trainers may themselves begin to experience feelings of desperation, inadequacy, and failure, along with thoughts of self-blame and admonishments to try harder. Underlying such experiences is usually a need for efficiency and control (Unrelenting Standards/Hypocritical schema). The fact is that participants are typically slow to adopt the rationale behind these exercises. They keep asking how these practices can help them, for instance, to better handle emotions, like sadness and anger, or the urge to cut, or recurring thoughts of death. When these kind of questions arise, it is extra important for trainers to remain mindful by, for example, returning to the breath as a neutral anchor point. This provides the (experienced) trainer with more space to consider his possible responses. Oftentimes it will suffice to empathically and mindfully explore these participants’ feelings of desperation, using a notebook write down exactly what it is they may be experiencing—in terms of thoughts, emotions, and behavior—and in what part of the body their feelings are most strongly felt. Do not enter into discussion about their observations or challenge their thoughts and feelings. Simply explore what it is they notice about them. Endeavor to respond with renewed attention whenever a participant brings up his doubts or feelings of despair, as if for the first time. Examine the activity of modes, such as the Vulnerable Child, Demanding Parent, and/or Punitive Parent. When a trainer succeeds in remaining empathic and inquisitive, he is prevented from automatically participating in participants’ schemas and modes, freeing him up to provide limited reparenting.
Group settings allow participants to play supportive or corrective roles for each other while sharing their experiences. A related pitfall is when group members are overly parentified and come to the aid of other members due to particular schemas and modes. It is the trainer’s job to check such reactions in participants, and to explain to them the value of not succumbing to action-oriented behavior. Group members provide sufficient support to others simply by paying attention and listening without responding in an action-oriented way. It’s important for these participants to learn how to deal with recognizing painful emotions in others. They do this by concentrating on their own experience. When a member appears to be experiencing painful thoughts and emotions and the group responds by offering all sorts of tips and advice, the trainer can take the opportunity to start a mindful discussion on what sort of benefits these responses actually provide. The troubled individual in question will usually explain that, in spite of everyone’s best intentions, their suggestions do little good. This person has either heard it all before and tried to no avail, or simply doesn’t see how any of it could help. This is a reality check for the group, which can be used to illustrate the difference between being attention-oriented and action- or solution-oriented.
It is not uncommon for trainers to receive phone calls from participants outside of training hours. In some cases, as demonstrated below, the individual may be in crisis.
It is important for trainers or other colleagues to be available for phone calls outside of training hours. The emotions experienced by participants in Vulnerable Child mode can be extremely intense. Another scenario involves group members in Punitive Parent mode, who may become angry with themselves and attempt self-injury. Another issue worth mentioning concerns the Detached Protector mode. Participants in this mode may detach and become highly indifferent toward themselves. This is an additional mode that can bring about self-mutilating acts or other destructive behavior. Let participants know that they should learn to recognize those moments, and call the available contacts for help. When trainers pick up a crisis call, they will do well to remain mindful and avoid action-oriented responses. In Andrea’s case, an action-oriented state was clearly not required. Participants need to feel that they are being heard, that they have the trainer’s full attention. Oftentimes, that is all it takes for people to see a way forward once more.