Tunnel Vision
Lauren sat silent in the back of her parents’ Mercedes while they chattered about the upcoming vacation. A blanket of sadness had wrapped itself around her the moment she woke up this morning. Considering the reason behind it, this heaviness would take a long time to shake off.
Her condition was deteriorating and nothing scared her more than the idea of being alone in a world of darkness. Soon the cones in the left retina would stop working like the right. Everything would be seen through a blurred tunnel. One day, those two tunnels would permanently seal shut. It was inevitable. She had hoped it would be when she was ninety-nine, not twenty-nine.
Her thoughts drifted to Ben and this morning. He was right, she was running, but it was the safest thing for everyone involved. Lauren knew herself too well. She was in a vulnerable place and probably would be for a while. The last thing she needed was to make bad decisions and create even more chaos for herself and those around her in the process.
When he kissed her, there was no heat. It was just skin touching skin. She realized, as their mouths connected, she didn’t love him anymore. But his promise to always be there and take care of her stirred something deep within. It gave her the guarantee she’d never be alone.
A little voice inside her head urged her to move forward with him. To let him in. At least someone would be by her side when the darkness arrived.
“Love will come later,” the voice promised.
One failed marriage later, she couldn’t afford to make the same bad choices again. This morning, she tuned it out and tried to do the right thing. Leading him on would have been wrong. He was a good man who deserved to be with someone who loved him and all he had to offer. As much as she wished it was her, she knew the door had shut.
Unlike the one with Ben, her kiss last night with Gabe was passionate. She wanted him, all of him. Lauren blinked those thoughts away. By the end of summer, he and Evan would go back to Houston. He was a temporary fling. Nothing more. A couple of months in Hawaii would be enough time to get some needed distance and build herself back up.
Lauren’s father exited the highway and turned onto the boulevard leading to her house. The three of them had survived two doctors’ appointments, lunch and six entire hours together with minimal tension and no discussions about her fall or her “disability”. Things were good. Too good. The whole thing reeked of a Baxter ambush.
When he cleared his throat, Lauren braced herself. James Baxter, corporate lawyer extraordinaire, was the official speaker of the Baxter tag team. The other player on the team, her mom, was diabolical. She filled his head with her thoughts, bent him to her will, and made sure he calmly and diplomatically forced that will upon Lauren.
“I don’t like this part of town. It’s not a safe place for you to live.”
On a positive note, Lauren reminded herself, he at least omitted his favorite part: the “because you’re blind and handicapped” portion.
“If you were living at home, you wouldn’t have hurt your leg and scarred your face. I keep thinking how you could have died out there and we wouldn’t have known it.”
Her mother sniffled at his words.
Lauren kept her tone cool when she responded. “I do live at home. Mine. And I’m obviously alive. Most parents hope for their adult children to become independent and do the things I’m doing.”
“It’s not that we’re not proud of you. We are, but we worry about you,” he said. “Whether you accept it or not, you have a handicap and living alone isn’t easy for someone with your condition.” He paused, as if trying to figure out how to word the rest.
Staying calm was becoming progressively harder. Lauren bit her cheek and waited for the point of this particular speech.
“There’s a house in our neighborhood on the market.”
She bit harder into the soft skin of her mouth and drew blood. The point was finally reached.
The mastermind jumped into the conversation. “It’s the Morris’ home.”
“You mean the Morrises who live next door to you?” It was becoming hard for Lauren not to laugh. After years of trying to keep a distance, did they really think she’d agree to this?
Her mother appeared oblivious to Lauren’s annoyance and continued her pitch. “It’s perfect for you: four bedrooms, four baths, gated community and a jogging trail nearby where I can come with you. You could keep your independence and we’d feel a lot safer if you were there.”
They were getting way too excited about the idea. She needed to shut it down immediately. “I can’t afford their house.”
“But we can,” her dad shot back. “You pay us whatever your current mortgage is.”
“Wait, you already bought the house?”
“Of course not.” Her mother hesitated. “The closing’s tomorrow afternoon.”
Lauren rested her head against the seat and counted backward from ten to one several times before speaking. “Tomorrow you’re buying me a house without discussing it first?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now? And it’s more of an investment,” her father said. “If you don’t want to do it now, we’ll rent it out until you’re ready.”
She laughed. “Good plan. Go ahead and lease it, because I’m not moving in.”
The tension in the car grew exponentially.
“You’re not married, you’re a woman, you’re blind and you go jogging by yourself. This whole lifestyle of yours is dangerous. I hoped after yesterday you would have realized as much. Dog or no dog, it’s not safe. Your mom sits by the phone every night until you call to make sure you made it home safe. Every night.” Even though he spoke calmly, each word was chosen to hurt. And they did, but Lauren would never let him know how successful he had been.
“No matter what you say or think, it will never happen,” she said.
“This is all Ben’s fault,” her mother said as the car pulled into her driveway.
Lauren rolled her eyes. She considered telling them the supposed root of all her troubles was currently asleep upstairs in her house. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. If they thought a single woman living alone was dangerous, her current housemate would probably put them over the edge. In the end, she decided it would do more harm than good, and kept her mouth shut.
“He planted crazy ideas in your head.”
She grinned at her mom’s description of Ben. “Absolutely, he did. Dangerous ones at that. Like going to college, getting a career, becoming an adult. Obviously my handicap makes it hard for me to come up with those thoughts on my own.”
“You’re twisting our words again. What your mom is trying to say is in your life there have been two constants: us. Your mother and I are the only people who have stuck around, even when you’ve made it clear you didn’t want us. At some point, you’re going to have to wake up and see it. Even today, you called and we rearranged our lives to be here for you.”
“Everybody else will come and go, Lauren,” her mom whispered. “Don’t forget who’ll still be around when it’s hard to be.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. None of what they said was new, but today her own fears had left a gaping wound in her chest. Their words sliced into the tender part of her. Lauren’s bitterness bubbled up.
“Family is the reason I’m in this situation, isn’t it? If we’re blaming people, you might as well point your finger at Granddad.”
“My father was a good man,” her mother said.
“I didn’t say he wasn’t, but he was also a blind man with RP who decided to have children and pass on the gene. It was an irresponsible thing for him to do.”
The car fell silent. Lauren could almost hear the wheels in their heads turning. She had said too much and, in the process, ripped open another painful subject she swore she’d never discuss.
Her father cleared his throat. “You don’t want to have children?”
“No.” Her eyes burned but she pushed the emotion away and continued. “I would never allow anyone to go through this. That should be a relief to you. Obviously, I can’t take care of myself and am unlovable because of my condition, so how could I possibly handle another life?”
“You’re missing the point. Once you find the right man. Someone who can take care of you, the way you deserve…”
Lauren interrupted her mother. “We probably shouldn’t have this conversation right now. My leg hurts and I need to go in and take a pain pill.”
Her father opened the door and helped her out. “The truth doesn’t always feel good, Lauren. But it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be spoken.” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. She decided not to argue the whole truth concept and hugged him back.
Somewhere in the distance she heard Evan’s laugh, which meant Gabe was near as well. The thought of both of them relaxed her muscles. The little guy was healing, and when he was ready he’d share whatever secrets he had. They would be okay without her, everyone would. She just needed to disappear and give them all a chance to do it.
“I bought you something.” Her mother slid a smooth cold bracelet onto her wrist. “It’s gold with delicate lilies engraved on it. When I saw it, I thought it was perfect for you.”
Lauren traced the outlines of the flowers. “What’s the catch?”
“Nothing,” she said. “It’s my way of saying thank you for coming to Maui with us.”
“I didn’t say yes until this morning.”
Her mother laughed. “I figured you’d give me an excuse to give it to you at some point.”
Lauren considered telling her she didn’t trust her but she had already said no to the house, called the woman’s father irresponsible for spreading his seed, and told them she wasn’t going to give them grandbabies. She leaned over and gave the woman a kiss. “Thank you. It’s perfect.”
Gabe stood in his driveway, his chest filling with pride as he watched Evan pedal his new Transformers bike toward home. A few yards down the street, the little guy grinned from ear to ear on his two-wheeler. The jumpy kid with the blue hockey pucks for eyes had disappeared. This one had on a bright yellow helmet with matching shin and elbow guards. He was currently biting his lip and pumping his short legs uphill.
The therapist had been right, getting Sprout away from Houston was the miracle cure. He still missed his mother and always would. Having lost his own father at twelve, Gabe understood. But the kid was healing. Something Gabe never imagined as possible. Now it was time to see if he’d talk about what happened to Autumn.
A black Mercedes pulled into Lauren’s drive as the bicycle rolled up theirs.
“Did you see me, Gabe?” He pulled off his Transformers helmet. “I got over the hill on my own.”
“Sure did, Sprout. You’ve got some strong legs.”
Evan talked excitedly as Gabe unbuckled his shin guard. “When I hit the brakes, it skidded. Did you see it too?”
“Sure did, I also saw how you kept going even though you were scared. That was the coolest part.”
Evan’s chest filled, just like Gabe’s had done minutes ago. “Can we go around the jogging trail next time?”
“Don’t see why not,” Gabe said as he looked across the lawn.
“Hey there, handsome. How’d it go?” Nana asked from inside the garage.
As Evan began his detailed account of events, Gabe fixed his gaze on the car’s occupants.
An older gentleman, tall and dark haired, got out of the sedan. Even though the stranger wore blue jeans and an untucked dress shirt, the man’s clothes probably cost more than all the things Gabe had currently stuffed in his duffle bag.
The visitor walked over to the rear passenger door, opened it, and held his palm out. Lauren took the hand and hobbled out. His lungs turned to ice as he watched her. He wanted to memorize everything so when he dreamed tonight, he’d have a new encounter to envision.
A picture of her leaning against the car popped in his head. He imagined yanking off the tight little shirt and pulling up her skirt. The thought sent heat shooting into his crotch. Now if only he knew what color her panties were. He grinned. Didn’t matter, maybe he’d go over later and investigate for himself.
A slight breeze blew through and he watched her skirt flutter. It was then he noticed the black boot strapped to her foot.
The man put an arm around her waist and pulled her into an embrace, Gabe’s eyes narrowed. When the asshole leaned down and kissed her cheek. He bristled.
How many men were there?
It wasn’t until the woman in the front passenger seat got out that he relaxed. Brown hair, same height, same smile. She and Lauren could be twins, except one was about twenty years older.
So these were her parents. Gabe squatted beside Evan and unstrapped one of the shin guards.
With the little guy blocking him, he had a clear view of the people across the lawn. Lauren’s mother held out a box to the man he assumed was the father. Her dad pointed his cell at something inside the container. After a few seconds, the man looked at the phone’s screen and gave a quick nod. The woman took a bracelet out of the box and put it on her daughter’s wrist and hugged her.
What the hell?
Gabe got up and patted Evan’s sweaty head. “Mom, why don’t you take Evan inside and get him to take a shower before dinner? I’ll be right in.”
He rubbed his hand dry on his jeans and was already on his way across the lawn before she answered.
The bracelet and cell phone incident bugged him. Something didn’t smell right.
“Hi there,” he said as he approached.
“Hey.” Lauren smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. Fortunately for him, it was the arm with the bracelet.
“Your scrapes are healing well,” he said and pretended to check out the wounds on her arm while he scanned the band. It was thick and polished smooth, except for the flowers around it. A small circle was visible on the back of the bracelet. It looked like a compartment but what was inside? More importantly, what was the connection between it and her father’s cell phone?
“Mom, Dad. This is Gabe.” He pretended to be oblivious to the glance passing between her parents and the stiff smile they flashed at him. “He is the reason your handicapped daughter isn’t lying dead in a ditch somewhere, where you can’t find me.”
Gabe’s brows shot up. There were apparently a lot of things here he was missing. Her mother’s grin fell and dad’s face flushed red while Lauren’s smile grew. “Gabe, these two are James and Sarah Baxter, and they are the reason I’m handicapped and incompetent.”
Her mother’s mouth dropped open while her father’s twitched. The tension between the three thickened. Gabe cleared his throat and stuck out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Lauren’s a tough woman. She would have been fine without my help.”
She laughed. “I’m afraid they don’t agree with your theory, my friend, but I do.”
“Regardless, we’re relieved you showed up when you did,” James said politely. He took Gabe’s hand and gave it a firm shake. Lauren’s grip on his shoulder tightened. One thing was sure. The parents were ready for him to leave and the daughter was begging him to stay.
“Dad, you and Gabe are both ex-military.”
Mr. Baxter suddenly looked interested. “What branch?”
“Marines, sir.”
“You must have seen a lot of combat.”
“Not much. I was a Scout Sniper.”
The man looked him over as if noticing Gabe for the first time. His stance relaxed and he even flashed a real smile. “Impressive.”
“And yourself?”
“I didn’t see combat. I was a Judge Advocate General for the Air Force.”
Lawyer. It explained the way he carried himself.
“What do you do now?”
Gabe shrugged. “I got out a few months ago and have been investing in properties. Fixing them up and renting them out.”
The man’s brows rose. “We bought a house. It needs some work, actually. Do you have contractors you use?”
Lauren’s mother took her husband’s cell and wandered away. The woman appeared to be texting someone. “No, sir. I do the work myself.”
“Well, here’s my card. I help out fellow military when I can, and you took care of my daughter yesterday. Both of which mean a lot to me. Call me. We’re going out of town in a few days and, if possible, I’d like to get the reno stuff going while I’m gone.”
“He’ll call you tomorrow, Dad. Right, Gabe?”
As long as she’d keep touching and leaning on him, he’d do whatever she asked. “Yes, sir.”
Her father gave a brief nod and made his way back to his wife and the luxury car. After they walked off, Lauren stayed behind, glued to his side. The parents kept looking over at them. Her mother was obviously not pleased with her choice of company.
When their car started, she waved and leaned in closer. “Call him and whatever you think is a reasonable rate, charge them double.”
“You’re using me to piss them off.”
She grinned. “You are a smart man.”
Gabe locked his gaze on her mouth and its proximity to his. What he wanted to do was breach the distance and taste her like he did last night in the woods, but she was right, he was a smart man. Instead, he stayed rigid and enjoyed her heat.
Her parents’ car pulled alongside the curb and the passenger window slid down. Lauren’s mother leaned her head out. “The car will be here to take you to the airport Tuesday morning at five. We’ll see you at the terminal.” Seconds later, they disappeared down the block.
Gabe’s chest tightened. “Airport?”
Lauren pulled her hand away. “I’m leaving town for a little while.”
He searched her face, saw the sadness engraved there. “What does ‘a little while’ mean?”
“Not sure, yet.”
Before Gabe could delve deeper, she changed the subject. “If it’s okay with you, I’d love to have Evan over for dinner and a movie tonight.”
“He’d love to.”
When she started to walk off, he grabbed her arm. “Just Evan?”
“We’re going to watch The Lion King and eat pizza. You and your mom are welcome to come.”
“Will Officer Dawson be there?”
She smiled. “He should be leaving for his night shift at the precinct soon. So, no Ben.”
The idea of not having her around didn’t sit well with him. A feeling he couldn’t quite describe was crawling its way from deep in his stomach into his chest. “I’ll be there.”
She tried to pull away again, but he tightened his grip. “What about Sunny hiding your toilet paper?”
“Ehh.” Her eyes filled a second before she blinked the moisture away. “There are way too many people trying to run my life. To hell with them.”
She flashed him a smile and winked. “Anyway, I have a hidden stash.”
The chatty woman who was beside him when her parents were present had disappeared into one who kept her face down.
“Everything okay?”
“Nope. But nothing I can’t handle. See you in a couple hours.” She pulled away. This time, he let her go and stared on as she disappeared into her house.
When Gabe got to his garage a few feet away, his mom stood there waiting for him with a big grin on her face.
“Stop smiling, your face might stick like that,” he said as he put Evan’s bike and safety gear away.
“She invited us over for dinner, of course I’m excited.”
“Didn’t know you liked pizza.” He headed for the door and opened it, knowing she was far from dropping the subject. “Anyone ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop, by the way?”
“Why aren’t you happy about this?”
There were so many things bothering him. The bracelet. The sadness he saw in her face. He shrugged and pointed out the one on the top of his list. “She’s leaving.”
“What do you mean, leaving?”
“I mean on Tuesday morning, she gets on a plane and goes away to parts unknown, indefinitely.”
“Are you going to let her?”
Gabe laughed and grabbed a beer from the fridge. “Lauren Baxter doesn’t let anyone tell her how to do anything.”
She snatched the bottle from his hand and put it back in the fridge. “Go give her a reason to change her mind.”
“Not my place. Just like it’s not your place to take my drink.”
“Like hell it’s not. I’m your mother. I don’t want you reaching for the poison, ’cause it won’t make things any better and she deserves to know how you feel.”
He shrugged and went to the one place he knew she wouldn’t follow, the bathroom.
Lauren lounged on the couch with her feet resting on the coffee table. As she tried hard to detox from her day, Ben came clomping down the stairs. He sat down, his leg rubbing against hers.
She pushed her sadness aside and flashed him a smile. “Ready for work?”
“Yup. How’d it go?”
The fact Jack hadn’t left her side since she got home was clear indication of how it went. She patted the dog’s head and shrugged. “They’re buying me a house.” She waved her arm. “Bought me this bracelet. And did you know you are the cause of all my problems?”
“What?” He laughed. “They haven’t changed much, I see. How did the doctor’s appointment go?”
Lauren leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. “I had two of them. The first one told me my ligaments are torn, hence the boot.” She lifted her ankle to show off the lovely synthetic support wrapped around her leg. “And I need to take it easy the next six weeks.”
“And the second?”
“Said what I expected. The tunnel vision is a natural progression of the RP and we have no clue how long it will take, but blindness is inevitable.”
When he tucked her hair behind her ear and ran his fingers across her cheek, Lauren stiffened.
“Ben, we need to talk.”
His hand froze. She sat up and took a breath. “I’ll always care about you and I missed you, more than I realized, but…”
“I know.” He interrupted her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “Just don’t say it, okay?”
The sadness in his voice made her throat tighten. Guilt welled inside of her until finally the emotions she’d fought all day seeped out.
“Hey.” He cupped her chin and kissed her nose. “Don’t cry because of me. I’ve made you do too much of that already.”
Lauren shook her head. “I don’t like hurting you.”
“You didn’t do this, Cat. I did.” Ben’s voice cracked.
“And I don’t want to lose you again,” Lauren whispered.
He laughed. “You won’t, I’ll keep coming back until you tell me to stop.”
She didn’t respond, just smiled and nodded. He kissed the top of her head and held her tight. “Just promise me if you ever decide different, no matter when or how long it takes, you’ll tell me.”