When Jessica came to grab breakfast, she was surprised to see Lance at a small table with Jaden. But then again she shouldn’t be because she remembered hearing that Jaden had put in a good word for his friend. Same as Iain. Apparently they all knew each other from a previous center. Better still, Lance had come down under his own steam. She liked that too.
As she stood here, studying his color, Dennis called to her and said, “You can’t just stop there, mooning over people,” he said. “My heart won’t take it.”
She chuckled as she walked toward him. “Dennis, your heart is already stronger than anybody’s I know.”
“Maybe,” he said, “but you know I consider all of you to be my special ladies.”
“And then you lose us, one by one,” she teased.
He passed his hand over his heart and said, “Yes, and it’s just devastating.” Then he grinned at her and said, “What can I get you for breakfast?”
“I was going to have some yogurt and fruit,” she said, “but I’m wondering if I need a bit more protein.”
“How about a parfait with seeds?” he asked. “I’ve got chia seeds, pumpkin, sesame, and more fruit. And we could do a little bit of cheese on the side.”
“Maybe I’ll mix up something,” she said. Walking over and picking up a bowl, she started with fruit on the bottom, then yogurt. She added a heavy layer of seeds, more yogurt, and topped it off with fresh berries. She looked at it and smiled. “This looks perfect.”
“Couldn’t have made it better myself,” he said with a chuckle. “You should enjoy that.”
“I absolutely will,” she said. Then she walked over, poured herself a cup of coffee and an orange juice, put a spoon into her bowl, and, with her tray in hand, she headed out toward the sun. When she heard a voice, she turned to see Lance, calling out to her. She walked over with a smile and said, “Wow, it’s good to see you up.”
With a motion to the gentleman across the table, he said, “I presume you know Jaden, right?”
“Yes, we’ve met several times,” she said cheerfully. “Is it you we get to thank for bringing Lance out of his bed?”
“Hey,” Jaden said, “I just invited him to have breakfast with me.”
“And I’m glad you did,” she said.
“I would have come earlier,” Lance said, “but I was struggling with the whole getting-out-of-bed thing.”
“Bed is an easy and comfortable place to stay,” she said with a laugh. “So it only makes sense that you wanted to stay there.”
“I guess that’s the problem though, isn’t it?” he said. “It becomes too comfortable.”
“Often, yes,” she said with a smile. “But that’s not the issue. Right now the fact is, you’re up, and you’re moving, and I’m sure the rest of the team will be happy about that.”
He winced. “So now they’ll put me to work, won’t they?”
“They sure will,” she said, chuckling. “So eat your breakfast. Just don’t eat too much.”
“Will I regret getting up?”
“Had to happen one day,” she said with a gentle smile. “And no better day than today.”
And, with that, she picked up her tray again and headed out to the sunshine. If there was one thing she absolutely loved about Hathaway House, it was the location of the center. She could see the animals and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. The food was great too, and it was hard to argue with very much about the place. She had worked in this field for some time and was thrilled to be working at this center that achieved such amazing results.
The fact was, she also got to meet some pretty special people, whether they believed in themselves or not. She had suspected that Lance would be another one who struggled with self-confidence now that his whole world had shifted. But maybe he’d surprise her. Maybe his problems would be something completely unrelated. She knew that, over time, they’d find out one way or another. This place was all about wiping out the false fronts and making the real person show up. Good, bad, or ugly, each was forced to deal with who they really were on the inside. Sometimes it was painful, and sometimes it was incredibly invigorating to watch. The bottom line was, she looked forward to seeing who Lance was on the inside.
“You haven’t been here very long,” Jaden said. “Yet it looks like you’ve already got Jessica’s attention.”
“She’s the nurse who’s been looking after me since I first arrived,” Lance said, by way of explanation. “Now that I’m up and about, I feel like I’ve been hibernating in my room. I’ll have to kick that habit pretty fast. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not pulling my weight or taking this opportunity for granted.”
“Give it your best, and you’ll move on,” Jaden said. “The thing about Hathaway House is that only so many beds are here. So they really need to have people who will make good use of it.”
“Right,” he said, wincing. “Definitely time to get going on that then.”
“Don’t push yourself beyond what you can do,” Jaden warned. “But, when you find you can do more, do more. If you give it your all, you’ll leave here with no regrets.”
“Glad to hear that,” he said, and he listened to the words of his friend over the next few days, as he went through testing, testing, and more testing.
When Shane looked at him at the end of a session, he said, “You look disappointed.”
“I guess I figured I’d be doing something constructive by now.”
Shane laughed. “You are doing something constructive. Or I am, at least. I get it, but it’s all about finding the starting point. In order to do that, we have to find out what’s wrong.”
“I would have thought that was pretty obvious,” Lance said.
“To you, yes,” he said, “but I need the details, so I can fix things.”
“If you say so,” he said.
“Have you met with everybody on your team so far?”
“Except for the shrinks, I think,” he said with a mock shudder.
Shane laughed. “Everybody has the same reaction,” he said. “Don’t worry. Even the staff who works here have to see them twice a year,” he said.
“Why is that?” Lance asked.
“Because our mental health is affected by being around all these patients all the time,” he said with a grin. “But it’s all good.”
“So, these shrinks aren’t something I have to be scared of?”
“I hope not,” he said. “They’re just here to help you. Remember that. And, if you have trouble and need a little room, just ask them to back off a bit.”
“I wonder what they’d think of that,” Lance said with a laugh. “I doubt if too many people tell them to get out of their heads.”
“Actually I think a lot of people do,” he said, “but it’s all about setting boundaries. The thing is, it’s better to set a boundary and to know that both of you can cross it, if you need to, than to slam a door shut and lock yourself inside. Because we can’t help you if you’re locked up inside.”
“You aren’t the first person to mention something like that to me,” Lance said.
“Good,” Shane said. “Give it some thought. So, I want to see you tomorrow at nine a.m. here, in shorts and a muscle shirt, ready to work.”
“Is that a warning?”
“Not necessarily,” he said. “Just letting you know that the testing is over for now, and it’s time to go to work.” He looked at his schedule and said, “Speaking of that, you’re heading for the shrink today, aren’t you?”
“Apparently,” Lance said. “Dr. Monroe.”
“He’s new here,” Shane said. “Let me know what you think of him.”
“Will do,” he said, and he slowly pushed his wheelchair out of the large gym area and through the door. He stopped in the hallway and tried to get his bearings.
Shane called out behind him, ‘Turn left and then take the first right.”
“Thanks,” he replied with a wave, then headed out, thankful for the assist. He got to a small office and knocked on the door. Almost immediately he heard a voice call out a reply.
“Come on in.”
Pushing his wheelchair back, Lance reached forward, grabbing the door, then awkwardly managed to get around it.
“Looks like you made it after all,” Dr. Monroe said, looking at him. “I wondered if I’d need to open the door for you.”
“Apparently not,” he said. “It was close though.”
“Close is good because you still made it,” he said, “and that’s what counts. So, come on in and take a seat up at the desk. Just move that chair over, if it’s in the way.”
“Okay, I’m working on that,” he said, and he wondered why the doctor wasn’t helping him. Then he realized it was probably more testing. If there was ever anything this place appeared to really enjoy, it was testing their patience. He was a little tired of it, but, at the same time, he didn’t want to show impatience because he figured everything he did would be suspect and questioned.
“There. Are you comfy now?”
“Good enough,” Lance said.
“Okay, so now let’s talk about you.”
“Or we could not,” he joked. “It’d be fine with me to just let that slide today.”
“Any particular reason you feel that way?”
Lance smiled, shook his head, and said, “I was joking, and I know perfectly well what this is all about.”
“All about you. It certainly is,” he said, “and lots of it.”
At that, Lance winced and said, “You guys have such a bad name. It makes it all seem intimidating.”
“I don’t think it’s deserved,” the doctor protested. “Honestly, I’m a nice guy.”
“Sure, but, if your job is to figure out what makes us tick and how to make us tick better, nobody really wants to get their head examined.”
The doctor stared at him in fascination. “I like that analogy,” he said, and then he picked up a pen and wrote a note down on the notepad in front of him.
Almost instinctively, Lance could feel his back tensing up. “What did you write down?”
The doctor looked up, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “Your clock analogy.”
Lance relaxed a little bit. “Oh, I guess that’s not so bad.”
“What is it that’s so threatening about somebody writing notes for your file?”
“In a scenario like this,” he said, “it’s all about what you’re writing about me.”
At that, the doctor put down his pen, clasped his hands together, set them on his desk, and said, “Okay, so I won’t write anything today. The last thing I want is to make you feel insecure.”
“Too late,” Lance said. “I’m on the opposite side of the desk. You’re a doctor, and I’m not, so I already feel insecure.”
At that, the doctor got up, walked over, shifted things around somewhat so he could face Lance without the desk between them, and sat down. “Well, we removed the desk. What next?”
Lance stared at him in surprise. “Why would you do that?”
“Because it’s not about doctor and patient or notes and files,” he said. “This is just about the two of us. I need to know what I can do to help your sessions here be the most effective they can be.”
Lance didn’t have the slightest idea of what to say to that. Things had already changed from being a formal doctor visit to just two men sitting in chairs. He knew it was different, yet somehow it didn’t feel that different.
“I’m not sure how to do that myself,” he said slowly. “I’ve heard a lot of good things, but I guess I’m already afraid that I’ll be the exception to the rule.”
“Ah,” the doctor said. “And that’s always the worst, isn’t it? I remember trying out for the basketball team in high school. Everybody else was good, and I’d always been told that I was good,” he said. “Yet, when I saw everybody, throwing these shots up there and dribbling like crazy,” he said, “it was just like everything went flying out of my hands, and I couldn’t do anything. I tripped on the floor, if you can believe that. I couldn’t shoot or even pass. I was a complete failure and figured I would be the only one who didn’t make the team.”
“Did you make the team?”
“I did,” he said, “but not in the first tryout. As it was, later I was playing with a bunch of guys, just tossing hoops and having fun. Apparently the coach saw me, called me over, and asked me what had happened at the tryout.”
“So what did you tell him?” Lance asked.
“I told him that I figured I would be the one who didn’t make it. Sixteen of us were there that day, and he was only looking for fifteen. My own insecurity told me that I would be the one who didn’t make it. So it was almost like a foregone conclusion, and I sabotaged my own tryout.”
“That’s an interesting way to look at it too,” Lance said, listening to the words and feeling the shock in his heart. “Do you think I’ve already sabotaged myself being here?”
“I don’t know,” the doctor said with a smile. “Did you?”
“God, I hope not,” he said. “I’ve barely even begun. I know that I’m afraid that I won’t do well here, but I hope I haven’t already started to make that a reality.”
“What were your first few days like?” the doctor asked.
“Basically, a case of trying to hide away for a few days. I found the whole trip and adjustment a little shocking.”
“And now?”
“I think I’ve adjusted,” he said. “I’ve been through several days of testing, and I’m showing up for my meals and my appointments on my own,” he said slowly. “Though we haven’t really done anything yet.”
“That not really having done anything yet, it’s more of a judgment on your part,” he said, “because I’m sure your team is gathering the information they need to put a program together for you. Which means that they’re doing what they need to do.”
“But it seems like I’m not doing anything yet,” Lance said. “So your analogy just makes me feel like I’ve sabotaged myself and not done my part.”
“Well, why don’t we put that analogy off to the side for later, and you think about it as you go through the next few days to see if you’re actually sabotaging yourself or if you’re just waiting for things to get started and taking the time you needed to adjust being here.”
“That sounds like a cop-out.”
“Look. Maybe for the moment a cop-out is okay too,” the doctor said gently. “We can’t always be on, and we can’t always be perfect all the time. So relax and take it one day at a time.”