Ethan hadn’t come to a complete stop before Amy threw off her seat belt and bolted from the car. He’d driven her in his Bronco to Austin. The hospital’s emergency entrance was illuminated in bright red letters covered in a thin sheet of ice. Only the salt pellets that maintenance had sprinkled on the walkway earlier prevented her from sprawling face-first on the concrete as she ran toward the glass doors.
“Dr. Amy Wheatley,” she said breathlessly to the triage nurse. “You have a patient here, Grayson Phillips. I was called.”
“Yes, he’s in X-ray right now. Down the hall to—”
Amy was already running down the beige tile, looking at the signs. She’d never practiced out of this hospital, so she wasn’t familiar with the floor plan. But they were all similar, these emergency rooms and related services. She’d find Gray.
“Amy, wait!”
She heard Ethan’s voice behind her, and then his footsteps pounding up the hallway, but she didn’t stop. He’d catch up to her soon. She had to find Gray. She had to see his condition for herself.
Fortunately Ethan was still wearing his uniform, so no one would question him. In fact, if anyone gave her any trouble, it was reassuring to know she had an armed law enforcement officer beside her.
The last time she’d been in a hospital emergency room as a visitor, not a physician, she’d been a young girl. She’d walked in with Pastor Carl Schlepinger, who’d driven her to the hospital because her daddy was already here. Was already at the bedside of his wife, who’d never gained consciousness after her car accident.
She’d gotten there just after her mother was pronounced dead. Her father had been in shock. She’d never seen him like that, so devastated, so lost.
She imagined she looked very similar at this moment.
“Grayson Phillips,” she asked breathlessly to the person at the X-ray desk. “Car accident.”
The young woman looked slowly through forms attached to clipboards across the desk.
Amy rushed into the hallway leading to the exam rooms.
“You can’t go back there.”
“I’m a doctor,” Amy called back to her.
“Wait!”
“Let her go,” Ethan commanded. “She needs to be near him.”
Although they’d barely spoken on the ride to Austin in his four-wheel-drive vehicle, she knew he was worried about his friend.
“Grayson Phillips?” she asked a technician. The young woman pointed to the second exam room. The red light wasn’t on, so Amy slipped inside.
“Gray?” she whispered.
“We don’t allow visitors back here!”
Amy peered across the room divider. All she could see from this angle was a draped body on a gurney. “I’m a doctor…and his fiancée. Is he conscious?”
“Yes. Now please, stay back. I need to do another film.”
“Amy?” The weak voice sounded so different than Gray’s usual well-modulated, commanding baritone that she wanted to weep.
“I’m here. Just stay still.” Her voice broke. “I’ll be outside when you’re finished.”
She forced herself to turn away, push open the door and stumble into the hallway. Tears stung her eyes as she walked along, staring at the beige speckled tile. She sensed a presence, looked up and found Ethan standing at the intersecting halls.
“How is he?”
“I don’t know. He’s conscious, but he sounds so weak. They were doing a C spine—a skull and cervical spine x-ray—but I couldn’t talk to him because the tech was working on him.”
“How long will he be inside X-ray?”
“I don’t know. Maybe just one more film.” She took a deep breath, wiping her eyes. “I need to find his doctor.”
“Let’s wait for him here. Then we can walk back to the ER with him.”
Amy nodded. Please, let Gray be safe. She felt so helpless, torn between her desire to find medical information and her need to stay by the man she loved.
Oh God, she did love him. She’d fallen in love with Gray despite all her warnings to guard her heart. What would he say if she told him how she felt? Should she tell him? No, she couldn’t put him in the situation where he’d be faced with her feelings. He needed time to figure out how he felt. Time to grow to love her too, without pressure.
First, he needed time to heal.
A few minutes later, the door opened and Gray was wheeled out into the hallway. Amy couldn’t stop herself from running to his side, from laying her palm along his cheek. The other side of his face was bruised, with butterfly closures from his cheekbone to his hairline.
She tried to smile, but failed miserably. “Oh, Gray.”
“I’ll bet I’m a sight.”
“Don’t worry,” she said, trying to hold back her tears as she walked next to the gurney, “you’ll look worse tomorrow.”
“Gee, thanks, Doc,” he said as cheerfully as possible, considering his obviously painful contusions. “I didn’t know you had such a great bedside manner.”
She sniffled. “I do my best to be informative.” She turned to the tech, who continued to push Gray down the hall, back toward the ER. “Who is his attending?”
“Dr. Rashid.”
“I’m going to stay with you. Ethan’s here, too. He’s right ahead,” she explained, because Gray couldn’t turn his head. “He brought me in his four-wheel-drive because I didn’t want to end up in here with you.”
“The roads are terrible.”
She smiled, sniffling again. “You should have stayed in Austin.”
“I wanted to come home to you.”
“Watch out,” the tech said as they reached the double doors into the ER. Amy stayed back, wiping her eyes, crying silently. Ethan came up and put his arm around her.
“He’s going to be okay.”
“He wanted to come home to me,” Amy whispered.
“Of course he did.” He handed her a clean folded handkerchief. “Come on. Let’s go talk to his doctor.”
GRAY WAS ADMITTED TO the hospital overnight for observation due to a concussion, two bruised ribs, a laceration on his face and a dislocated kneecap. All in all, he felt pretty lucky. The Lexus was still at the bottom of the ravine and probably would be until the roads cleared and it could be towed to the dealership. Thank God he’d been able to call for help on his cell phone. They’d had a terrible time getting him out of the car and up the steep embankment, and he’d felt each jarring motion, each pull and tug on his bruised body.
With all the pain medication he’d now been given, he barely felt his various injuries. And Amy was beside him.
“I’m sorry I put you through this. You were right—I should have stayed in Austin when I realized the roads were getting worse.”
“This wasn’t your fault. You’re one of the safest drivers I know.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she answered, stroking his hand where a stained patch of skin had once held an IV.
“I mean for everything. For coming so quickly, even though the roads must have been worse for you and Ethan than they were when I had the wreck. And for talking to my doctors, checking up on my injuries.”
“It was the least I could do. Besides, that’s what I’m trained for. Believe me, it’s easier to react as a medical professional in a situation like this than when someone you…care for is hurt.”
He turned his hand so he was holding hers. “Your mother died in a car accident, didn’t she? This must have brought back terrible memories.”
Amy nodded. “You’d think the hospital was the last place I’d want to spend any time, but I suppose I reacted just the opposite of some people. I knew the doctors had done everything they could. My father explained her injuries so I wouldn’t wonder how she died. He thought it was better that I understand she wasn’t in any pain at the end.”
She stroked his temple near the butterfly closures. “Like you, she had a head injury, but hers was massive. There were no airbags then, and she hated wearing her seat belt. She always complained that it was uncomfortable and wrinkled her clothes.”
Gray nodded. He’d heard similar complaints from others, but he’d always worn his seat belt. It was the law in Texas, but it also made sense.
“She bled out from internal injuries before paramedics could get her stabilized. At least she was unconscious. She didn’t know what was happening to her.”
“Your father must have been devastated.”
“He was. The experience was so terrible, but it made us closer.”
“And now you want to please him.”
She shrugged. “I suppose I’ve always wanted to please my dad, but I don’t think that’s so bad. He’d a good father. He had a rough time right after my mother died, but he bounced back and we did okay, just the two of us.”
“Are you sure you aren’t marrying me to please him?” Gray wasn’t sure if the medication had loosened his lips, or if the accident had just cast a new light on the situation, but he needed to know.
“I’ve thought about it. Until today, I wasn’t really sure.”
“You mean the accident?” He frowned. “I don’t understand.”
She took a deep breath, looking away from their clasped hands to stare into the darkness outside the window. “When I got the phone call, I was so worried. I have to admit that I thought of my mother, and how it felt to rush to the emergency room, only to discover half of your life was gone. But when I saw you lying in X-ray, so weak and pale, so unlike I’d ever seen you before, I realized…”
“Go on,” he said.
She turned back to him, her blue eyes shiny with unshed tears. “I realized I love you.”
He wasn’t ready to hear this. He clasped her hand tighter, but he couldn’t look into her eyes any longer. He couldn’t bear to see what had been right in front of him for days, maybe weeks: Amy believed she was in love with him.
He couldn’t tell her the words she wanted to hear, not without lying. He cared about her, certainly. He enjoyed being with her in every sense. But love? That was a myth, something created to make people believe in fairy-tale endings or keep them committed to each other through guilt.
He wasn’t going to lie to her. He couldn’t say he’d suddenly changed his mind; now he believed in romantic love.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I don’t expect you to tell me anything. I know how you feel.”
He looked into her weary, resigned eyes and wondered how she could know something that had eluded him for years: his true feelings.
SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TOLD him, Amy realized as soon as the words left her mouth. Confessing her love was not the way to make her life calm and secure. Just when wedding activities had subsided to a manageable level, when everyone in town had stopped declaring their amazement that she and Gray were getting married, she’d thrown a monkey wrench into the works.
Now Gray looked at her differently. Oh, he’d never admit it, but she could see his reservations in his stormy eyes. When she’d visited the hospital first thing the next morning, he was polite, warm, but not the Gray she’d known since November. He’d even suggested she go on back to the clinic because he’d asked Ethan to drive him back home when he was released.
She’d tried to keep the hurt out of her voice and hide her expression from his eyes, but she didn’t know if she’d been successful. He was trying even harder to maintain control and she didn’t know what to do.
Ethan had called her around four o’clock to report Gray was home and looking forward to seeing her later. As soon as the clinic closed for the day, she drove to the Four Square Café, picked up a container of their chicken vegetable soup and a couple of pieces of pecan pie, and headed for Gray’s house.
The ice that had blanketed the area yesterday was gone, so the curving road up the hill wasn’t difficult to negotiate. She parked in the circular drive and debated whether to ring the doorbell. If he was resting, she didn’t want to disturb him. Walking on his injured knee would be difficult.
She tried the front door; it was unlocked. Easing inside, she looked around. Gray was asleep on the couch, an Indian print blanket covering him. On the coffee table sat a bottle of water and two bottles of prescription medicine. Apparently Ethan had gotten everything set up nicely before he left.
Amy tiptoed past the living room and entered the kitchen. She’d never needed to locate anything in this room, but Gray’s utensils, pots and pans were as orderly as everything else in his life. She had no trouble heating up the soup and making hot tea. In the cupboard she found crackers, salt and pepper.
“Ethan?”
“No, it’s Amy,” she answered. She walked back into the living room to find Gray propping himself up against the back of the couch. He looked uncomfortable, to say the least. She imagined he was in pain, despite the medication. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I rolled my car down a hill,” he answered, attempting a smile. “Thank goodness for air bags.”
“Have you taken anything?”
Gray nodded, then winced at the movement. “Before Ethan left.”
He wasn’t even looking at her. This man, who had always given her undivided attention, now found it difficult to meet her eyes. Oh, she knew she was being silly. He was in pain, he felt helpless, and his life had been disrupted. Still, she felt disappointed. In her own way, she was as helpless as Gray to change the situation.
“I brought some dinner. Something light, something a bit more decadent,” she said cheerfully.
“Sounds good. They didn’t bring me much in the hospital.”
“I’ll get you a tray.”
“I can get up.” He pushed up from the cushions.
She placed a hand on his arm. “There’s no need. You should rest your knee and your ribs.”
He slumped back, looking up at her for the first time. “You’re the doctor.”
She turned away so he didn’t see the disappointment on her face. Now she was a doctor, not his fiancée, not his lover. It’s just the accident, she tried to tell herself. This was temporary. After he felt better, things would return to normal.
But as she finished heating the soup, she wondered if anything would be the same, or if Gray would forever resent her declaration of love.