6 Lessons I Learned from Crisis
IF YOU’RE ENTERING the battlefield and choosing to fight back with joy, you’re not alone. If I could meet you in person, I’d give you a hug, a red balloon, and ask to hear your story. And if you asked what I’ve learned during my own crisis this past year, here are some lessons I’d share.
1. Crisis changes our lives.
All of us experience loss. The loss may arrive through a single event or series of them. Sometimes the loss is public, a devastation that can’t be hidden as hard as we try. Other times it’s private; few souls know. These encounters with crisis are refining moments in our lives. Life will never go back exactly to what it was. We are different now. We must learn to live a new normal.
2. Crisis changes us.
Most people who have experienced trauma feel like they’ve lost a part of themselves. Loss rebrands our identities. Sometimes the new labels thrust on us feel foreign. Words like divorcée, widow, single parent, cancer patient, autistic, orphan, or convict challenge our identities. As we come to the end of ourselves, we open the door to discovering the One who created us anew. The One who can whisper to us who we really are as we pilgrim toward our truest and deepest selves.
3. Healing takes much time.
When we experience significant loss, it’s normal to ache for our old lives. Healing of our minds, hearts, emotions, and bodies takes time; the path to wholeness is anything but straight. The terrain is steep, the path winding curlicues. The anniversary of the loss can make us wonder if we’ve made any progress at all. Healing takes a long time. We must learn to be patient with others and ourselves as we courageously take this journey.
4. Mixed emotions are normal.
Loss, crisis, and trauma expand our emotional bandwidth. Feelings that once seemed opposites now intertwine. We erupt in laughter as tears flow. Hope and despair cross paths in our hearts. The coolness of peace intersects with hot anger. Rather than suppress our emotions, we need to recognize them as healing our souls. Don’t be afraid to feel. Be afraid when you stop feeling.
Our culture likes to rank and quantify loss. How many people died? How many cars were involved in the pileup? How much will the rebuild cost after the natural disaster? Though news reporters tally losses, we must not. No two losses are ever the same. Even if they share the same diagnosis, description, or name, every loss inflicts a different kind pain on the person enduring it. We must resist the temptation to compare and quantify losses.
6. Running from sorrow will only take you to scary places. Running from sorrow never leads anywhere good. Moments of pleasure that provide windows of escape soon become sources of temptation. Perhaps this is why many who go through trauma become addicts. Food. Alcohol. Sex. Prescription drugs. Shopping. Work. Gaming. Television. We must face sorrow with courage. Learn to grieve in a healthy way. If needed, seek the help of a professional counselor to embrace sorrow in a way that leads to healing and restoration.