ROMAN STARED DOWN at Sadie, his breath gusting, the promise he’d made to her still spiralling through his mind. He’d meant it: he’d never hurt Sadie, nor risk hurting Milly. He would always strive to put his new family first. That this amazing, beautiful woman had been so badly let down in the past brought all of his protective urges to the fore.
Plans he’d been mulling over ever since he’d known about Milly solidified. He wasn’t sure exactly how yet, but he wanted to be around to help to raise his child, whether or not he and Sadie were romantically involved.
He loved his daughter. He never wanted to miss another bath time.
But tonight was about him and Sadie. And she was right; they would need to be careful. This time, there was more at stake.
‘Come here.’ Sadie took his hands, drawing him close.
Roman leaned over her and pressed a kiss to her lips, determined to go slow and wring every drop of pleasure from the night. Desire urged him to kiss a path along her neck, pausing when she sighed.
‘I want you to know,’ he said, kissing her collarbones and the tops of her breasts, ‘that because of you, for the first time in years, I feel hopeful.’
Her pupils dilated, her breaths coming faster as she gazed up at him, her stare pleading. ‘Roman...’
She tugged the belt loops of his jeans, her hands skimming his ribs, back and shoulders.
But he wanted her to know that she’d turned his life around. ‘I haven’t slept with anyone else since that night in Vienna.’
For the intervening months, he hadn’t questioned why, but now, with her scent on his skin, with her beauty softened by the dim glow of lamplight, with nothing but Sadie in his head, he realised that subconsciously he’d been waiting for someone...extraordinary, like Sadie.
Her eyes widened in surprise.
‘I couldn’t get you off my mind. It was as if fate had some important reason to draw me back to you.’ He stripped off her jeans, skimming his hands up her legs as he lay at her side.
And fate had been right. No matter what the future held for him and Sadie, they would always stay connected.
‘I want to make you feel good.’ He traced her ribs, cupped her breast, swiped at the nipple with his thumb, watching her reactions. ‘Are your breasts tender?’ he asked, noticing her shiver.
‘No.’ She turned to face him, wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his. ‘Don’t treat me like I’m fragile. I want you.’
‘I want you too.’ It scared him how much; they were so in tune. They’d figure everything else out.
‘These need to come off,’ Sadie said, her hands working at the buttons of his jeans. Obviously the time for talking was over.
He smiled against her lips, brushing her hair back from her flushed face. ‘All in good time.’
She pressed her mouth over his chest while her hands roamed his back, making it hard for him to cling to his sense of control. Roman closed his eyes, momentarily lost in the intensity of her touch, the brush of her nipples, the thud of her heart alongside his, the scrape of her fingernails against his skin.
Unlike the last time they were intimate, now they were so close. For him, it was more than lust and gratitude. More than their shared views and values. More than the way she intuitively understood him. They’d bonded. Over their pasts, over their work, over their daughter.
A deep connection he would always cherish.
Drawing her lips back to his, he kissed her, his thumbs toying with her nipples until they stood erect and she whimpered in pleasure.
‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said, ‘so tell me to stop if anything is uncomfortable.’ He kissed a path down the warm fragrant skin of her neck, across her chest, over her breasts. Embracing the chemistry they’d each fought for so long, he tongued her nipples one by one, smiled when she twisted his hair in her hands, groaned when she stroked him through his jeans.
He moved lower, kissing her stomach, the place where she’d carried their child, running his tongue over her skin, lower and lower, sliding off her underwear so he could kiss and tongue between her legs.
She gasped, holding his head, telling him all he needed to know with her pleasure-glazed eyes. He lingered, lost in their uncomplicated passion, the high of making her feel as good as she made him, spreading her thighs so he could lick her until she was clawing at his shoulders and crying out his name.
Wound too tight to wait any longer, he removed the last of his clothes, grabbed a condom from his wallet and covered himself, his fingers trembling with repressed need.
‘Why did we wait so long?’ she whispered as his body covered hers, their legs entwined, hands roaming feverishly.
He gazed into the depth of her eyes. ‘I have no idea.’
Holding her in his arms felt so right. Their passion seemed second nature. Their trust mutual after everything else they’d shared.
But he couldn’t wait any longer. He covered her body with his, kissing her deep. She clung to him, her hands around his neck, her legs encircling his hips, her kisses growing frantic. ‘Roman...’
His name was a plea on her lips and he finally relented, giving them what they both craved, pushing slowly inside her and then holding still but for the crazy beating of his heart.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, panting, using every scrap of his willpower not to move.
‘Yes. Don’t stop.’ She shifted under him, restless, needy, and he scrunched his eyes closed, seeing flashes of light, so intense was the pleasure.
He kissed her, swallowing up her mewls and moans as he gently thrust inside her, revelling in her hard-won trust and their strong emotional bond, which intensified his desire.
This time was so much better. He knew this woman. Her smile raised his spirits. Her sense of humour left him light-hearted. Her passion matched his, consuming him until she was all he could think about.
‘Sadie...’ he groaned as they held each other tight, the tempo building, each of them chasing the finish line.
Her nails dug into his skin as she gripped him tight. He pulled back from kissing her, stared into her beautiful eyes, now glazed with arousal. Their stares locked.
Despite everything, his own reticence, the promises he’d made, Sadie’s warnings, something inside him reached out to her. He had no idea if could ever again love, but the new hopeful part of him she’d awoken wanted things: this deep emotional connection, the passion that left him speechless, a relationship with a woman who understood him and asked nothing of him that he couldn’t give.
Now, moving inside her, he’d never felt more convinced that he was ready to try and open himself up to a new relationship.
With Sadie.
When Sadie shattered, crying out his name, his own climax tingled at the base of his spine, as if her pleasure was inexorably linked with his own. He groaned, staring down at her, and for a few blissful and heady seconds anything seemed possible while they were together like this.
As if she felt it too, Sadie gripped his face, holding his eyes to hers.
All his needs and wants coalesced. He was a flesh and blood man, yes, but since meeting Sadie, he had dreams and aspirations, hopes for the future. A future that included this beautiful, caring woman.
His orgasm tore at him. He buried his face against her neck, dragging in her scent, holding her so tight, she felt a part of him.
Having fought this physical release for so long, Roman already wanted Sadie again. Their bond was addictive. Sadie was balm to his body and soul. One he wasn’t sure he could do without.
They held each other, catching their breath, kissing, laughing, the release of a year’s worth of tension euphoric.
‘Please tell me you can stay the night.’ Sadie sighed, curling her body against his, her head resting over his thumping heart.
Roman stroked his fingers through her hair. He wanted that. Except he also wanted more.
Having Sadie in his arms while their daughter slept peacefully in the other room made the gaping holes in his life more evident, their edges sharper, their depths vast lonely spaces. He wanted to plan with her, to figure out a way they could be a family, know if Sadie felt the same way about him.
Did she see a future for the two of them? Or was she still too scared to look?
‘I can stay the night, if you think it won’t confuse Milly.’ His hand caressed her shoulder as he pressed his lips to her forehead. He couldn’t stop touching her.
‘She’s not even three months old.’ Sadie smiled up at him. ‘She’s not going to remember seeing you in the morning and even if she could, you’re her father.’
‘Good point.’ He drew her face up to his and kissed her lips.
He was Milly’s father. He needed to be there for his girl. And he wanted to be there for Sadie too. No one could replace Karolina and Miko in his heart. But just as he’d found a new and limitless source of love for his daughter, perhaps there could also be space for another relationship. With Sadie.
‘I know you have doubts,’ Sadie said, staring up at him, ‘but I hope you know that you’re a great father.’
He hummed non-committally. ‘Right now, all I can think about is how to be everything I need to be. How to do everything in my power to ensure that our girl is safe and happy.’
‘Our girl,’ Sadie whispered. ‘I like that.’
He gripped her tighter, worried that he’d never let her go. ‘I understand your fears for the future.’
Sadie stiffened, but Roman continued, needing some concession that they would have this necessary conversation. ‘But promise me we’ll talk about a plan for sharing the parental responsibilities some time. I know you’ve been hurt in the past. But I never thought I’d have a second chance at a family, and I never want to let anyone down again.’
Sadie raised her head from his chest, from the thump of his heart. ‘What do you mean? You don’t blame yourself for the accident, do you? Because it wasn’t your fault.’
‘Intellectually, I know I wasn’t responsible,’ he said, stroking her back. ‘I didn’t cause the accident. But there’s a part of me that feels like I let my family down because I wasn’t driving that day. I’ll never know if I might have been able to avoid the collision, if I’d been behind the wheel instead of at work.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, pressing her lips to his, her kiss a perfect distraction from his pain. ‘I promise we’ll talk about a shared custody arrangement,’ she said, her stare glittering with fear and uncertainty, ‘if you promise me one thing in return.’
‘Anything.’ He nodded, resolved to tread so carefully, to give Sadie the reassurance she needed. He didn’t want to hurt her. If he rushed her, she’d withdraw, so damaged was her trust.
But could he be everything he needed to be, could he keep Milly safe and happy and be the things Sadie needed also? Perhaps living day to day was the right plan.
‘Promise you won’t over-promise.’ She blinked, her stare so vulnerable, he wished he could kiss away all her fears. ‘This has all happened so quickly. And people change their minds. As you said, it’s Milly’s happiness that’s most important.’
So she was still scared for the future. She didn’t see them as a couple, only as parents with some depressing amicably shared custody situation. And she was right. He couldn’t promise more. Yes, he hoped they might be able to build on this intense chemistry and have a relationship, but he wasn’t ready to fully risk his heart until he knew he could always be there for Milly.
Because Sadie’s caution made sense: if it all went wrong, he could lose everything.
‘I promise,’ he said, her hesitation inflaming his own fears that he could be what both Milly and Sadie needed.
Satisfied with his word, she straddled him, kissed him, luring him back to the one certainty between them: their desire.
Roman closed his eyes and surrendered to his physical hunger.
Sadie didn’t want to get hurt again and he didn’t want to be the one to let her down. Nor did he want to fail Milly, the way he’d failed Miko.
But caution and sense were no substitute for the passion that made him feel alive. Could Sadie’s craving for him match his for her? Could she ever trust him, or was that a foolish illusion?
Did she expect any connection between the two of them to fail, and what if she was right?
His last thought, before his head filled with only Sadie once more, was now that his heart was inexorably linked with his little girl, the one thing he couldn’t do was mess up this second chance at a family or risk losing another person he loved.