WAS A WONDERFUL MAN, lover and father, and she’d thrown him away...
Disgusted, Sadie deleted her sixth attempt to write Roman’s bio for the Valentine’s Day auction that night, her finger stabbing angrily at the delete key. But the only person she had to be angry with was herself.
Taking her eyes off the accusing blank page before her, Sadie glanced over the top of her laptop to where Grace was playing with Milly, her heart a tender ache in her chest. Grace wheeled the wooden duck toy from Roman through Milly’s line of vision. The baby, now fully recovered from the ear infection that had led to Sadie’s soul-destroying showdown with Roman, squealed with excitement.
Sadie sighed, fixated on Roman’s simple gift and what it had represented. Their first outing together as a family, a day of blossoming love between father and daughter, hope for the future.
Of course, that unbreakable bond still stretched ahead of Milly and Roman. Sadie had no doubt that they would always have a wonderful relationship, be a close family. Roman wouldn’t let Milly down.
But that bright future awaiting Roman and Milly wouldn’t include Sadie. She’d messed up, thrown his dreams for the three of them as a family back in his face, breaking her own heart in the process.
No wonder she couldn’t compose a single word.
‘Shouldn’t you be working on his bio instead of watching Milly’s tummy time?’ Grace said, scooping Milly into her lap so the baby too faced Sadie, as if with accusation.
Sadie rested her head in her hand. The trouble was, every time she tried to summarise Roman Ježek into an appealing few lines of type, his handsome face swam before her eyes on the screen. All the wonderful things he’d said at the hospital that day returning to haunt her.
He wanted to date her. He wanted them to try and have a relationship. He wanted the three of them to be a family.
Sadie stared with stinging eyes, not bothering to plead ignorance about who he was. She’d never been able to hide anything from Grace. It was a twin thing.
‘Why don’t you just ask him for his CV? That would be a start at least,’ Grace said, spinning the cheerful yellow wheels of the pull-along duck.
Although Sadie hadn’t seen Roman since that terrible day, she’d spoken to him every evening on the phone. Grace didn’t know about the fat silent tears of anguish that had fallen down Sadie’s face for the entire duration of last night’s three-minute phone call, where they’d talked about Milly’s improving health, her impending childhood immunisations, about the fact that she seemed to be teething.
But not about them. Because there was no them.
Roman had accepted that Sadie had given all she could give, and she’d run scared, pushing away his wonderful offer. After what he’d been through, it had been easy to convince him that it was best to focus on being parents together, that neither of them could risk losing what they had, the way she’d convinced herself.
Except she’d spent every hour since certain that, by taking the safest option, she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.
‘Why don’t you just write that you’re cancelling his auction because you’re in love with him?’ Grace said, standing and ambling over to Sadie with Milly in her arms.
Rather than deny the accusation, Sadie bit her lip to contain the crushing pain in her chest.
‘Sometimes love isn’t enough,’ Sadie said, reaching for the baby for comfort.
Of course she loved Roman. Desperately. Now that she’d sabotaged their relationship, it was clear. How could she not fall for such an amazing man? But just like her wants, her love, too, was irrelevant.
‘It’s enough that he’s committed to Milly,’ she continued as Grace plopped down on the nearby sofa. ‘He adores her. I can’t let anything get in the way of that.’
Only, Roman wasn’t the kind of man to act or speak rashly. Yes, he’d been scared for Milly. That didn’t mean his declarations weren’t well considered and genuine. It must have been agonising for him, after everything he’d been through, to bravely put himself out there and fight for her and Milly, for the three of them as a family. Especially when Sadie had clung to her fear that she wasn’t good enough for Roman, that he loved Milly, but could never love Sadie.
‘Including the fact that he might love you too?’ Grace didn’t believe in sugar coating.
Sadie shook her head, refusing to consider the possibility. ‘He loves Milly. He wants us to be a sort of family. But he doesn’t love me.’
Roman loved Karolina and Miko and Milly. His devotion to their daughter was enough for Sadie.
‘He’s been through so much, he deserves happiness,’ she continued, cuddling Milly close for comfort. ‘What if he wants more children and I can’t give them to him...?’
Except what if Roman did have strong feelings for her? What if that was enough? What if she’d allowed fear to overwhelm her just because Mark had made her feel inadequate over her fertility issues? Wasn’t having any part of Roman better than having no part at all?
‘You hate what ifs,’ Grace pointed out.
Nauseated, Sadie closed the laptop. She should have given Roman a chance instead of shutting him down. She should have embraced what she wanted and gone after it. She should have kept her promise and discussed the future. So what if it was uncertain? Wasn’t that its very definition? If Roman didn’t care about having more children, Sadie should believe her own hype to live in the moment and trust his word.
Was it too late?
‘You’re right, I do.’ Excitement pounded through her veins. She should tell Roman how she felt about him and just take one day at a time. To hope that they could make a relationship work and, one day, he might love her the way she loved him. The opposite, embracing her fear, seeing him all the time because of Milly, never knowing how her future might have looked different if only she’d been honest and brave, didn’t bear thinking about.
Handing Milly back to Grace, Sadie headed for the shower. ‘I need to get ready for the fundraiser.’
‘You haven’t finished his bio,’ Grace called, playing peekaboo with Milly from behind a cushion.
‘I’ll make something up.’
She knew all the important things about Roman by heart. She knew he was the best man she’d ever met. She knew his heartfelt declarations meant more than a million flashy red roses. She knew, as he’d tried to promise, that he’d never intentionally let her down. And she knew the depth of her love for him.
As she stepped under the spray of water, she closed her eyes, praying that what she knew would be enough.
Valentine’s Day evening, Soho’s Thames Gallery was decked out with tables and a stage for the much-anticipated hospital fundraiser, lights dimmed and atmosphere abuzz, most of the hospital staff and their families dolled up in black tie.
Roman waited in the shadows at one side of the stage, his stomach knotted with dread. He’d arrived late after collecting his Czech friend, Xaver, from the station. His old surgical colleague from Prague was now working in Oxford and had agreed to be auctioned in Roman’s place. Roman had considered going through the motions himself, but his feelings for Sadie wouldn’t allow it, even though they weren’t reciprocated.
Now all he wanted to do was see Sadie. Maybe it wasn’t too late to tell her how he felt. Maybe there was something to salvage. Maybe he’d given up too easily, lured off course by the argument of ensuring Milly’s happiness.
But this wasn’t about their daughter; it was about them, him and Sadie.
Braced for the agony ripping through his chest, Roman watched Sadie approach the microphone from the other side of the stage.
She looked stunning in a black gown with a beaded bodice, her hair sexily tousled, silver earrings sparkling in her ears. Roman curled his fingers into fists, fighting the urge to stride on stage and kiss her until she changed her mind about them and gave him a chance.
The background music stopped, and she gripped the microphone, nervously clearing her throat.
‘Ladies and gentlemen. I hope you’re all enjoying the evening.’ She paused for the round of applause, her stare scanning the spacious room as if she was looking for Roman.
He’d texted her that he would be there, that he was working on a plan. He would wait until she announced him and then join her on stage with Xaver, declaring the last-minute substitution.
‘The next auction,’ she said, her voice tremulous, ‘is the highlight you’ve all been waiting for: A date with an eligible doctor.’
The room erupted with cheers and whoops.
‘I know you’ve all been looking forward to this one.’ Sadie’s smile turned feeble as she glanced down at the sheet of paper in her hand. ‘But thing is, I’ve...um... I’ve messed up.’
Roman’s heart thumped erratically. He ached to march on stage and wrap her in his arms, to tell her that she didn’t need to go through with this, because he was in love with her. Except she didn’t even want to discuss them having a relationship, let alone their feelings.
Sadie scrunched up the sheet of paper and glanced down at her feet. The audience fell silent, waiting.
Roman stepped forward, ready to show himself, to let her know that the auction could go ahead, but some instinct held him back.
Sadie raised her chin, addressing the crowd with determination. ‘You see, Dr Roman Ježek had kindly volunteered for this auction, but he’s not here tonight.’
Before the groans of disappointment could drown her out, she rushed on. ‘It’s really not his fault. It’s mine, but I’ve already said that... You see, I met Dr Ježek a year ago, funnily enough at another Valentine’s Day event. And, well...we had a relationship. And a daughter, in fact. Milly, although that’s by the by—’
She was rambling the way she did when she was nervous. Roman froze, his breath stalling. He wanted to hear where this was going.
‘And anyway,’ she continued, her hands twisting the paper, ‘neither of us had been looking for a relationship and Dr Ježek signed up for this fundraiser in good faith, because he is a wonderful man and a brilliant doctor and an amazing father.’
She stopped abruptly, swallowing as if choked.
Unable to stand still a moment longer, Roman stepped forward, only to have his path blocked by the formidable Sister Samuels, who held out her arm like a barrier. He almost didn’t recognise her out of uniform, she looked so glamorous. But he recognised her no-nonsense expression and stayed where he was.
‘And the thing is,’ Sadie said, her voice small, ‘he wanted us to be a proper family, for me and him to have a real relationship, and I want that more than anything.’
She held her hand to her chest. ‘But I got scared, you see, and I wouldn’t listen to his dreams for the future when he tried to tell me about them. And now he’s going to go to Ireland when I really want him to stay here, not just for Milly’s sake, but for me. Because, the thing is...’ she sighed ‘... I’ve fallen in love with him and I didn’t tell him that, and now he’s not here... And I might not get the chance now...’
She loved him?
Roman’s heart climbed into his throat.
‘But the final thing I wanted to say is this—’ She faced the audience defiantly. ‘Even if he were here tonight, this auction couldn’t possibly go ahead. Because I want to date him. I want us to be a couple. I want us to be a family: me, him and Milly. And if he was here, that’s what I’d say, so...’
Finally running out of steam, she glanced to the other organisers, who appeared either gobsmacked by the turn of events or on the verge of tears at Sadie’s heartfelt speech.
Stunned, Roman itched to go to her. He needed to look into her eyes to see if what she’d said was true. He needed to tell her that he loved her too. That they’d work everything else out, together.
Sadie stood tall, gripping the mic and pasting on a bright smile. ‘We’ll just move on to the next auction: a couples skydiving adventure.’
Without waiting for the crowd’s reaction, Sadie hurried from the stage and Sammy dropped her arm.
Roman took off running.