‘SO THE GOOD news is that you’re doing so well,’ Roman told Josh, resting a hand on the boy’s shoulder, ‘that we can take out the chest drain and make you more comfortable.’
Josh gave a hesitant smile, his eyes bright with excitement, a sign that he was clearly on the mend, and Roman glanced at Sadie for confirmation.
‘We can remove it this morning.’ Sadie nodded, making a note in Josh’s file while Roman answered a couple of questions from his parents.
Roman forced himself to look away.
Ever since the trip to the zoo two days ago, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Sadie and Milly. Sadie’s devotion to their adorable daughter had boosted his attraction to her tenfold. Motherhood brought out new and rousing aspects of her personality. He lived for the glimpses of her at work. Craved her texts and the pictures she sent of her and Milly together. Even now, with her standing right next to him, he missed their connection.
But just because they were parents who shared potent chemistry, didn’t mean a relationship between him and Sadie should be full steam ahead. As it was, he was reeling from a crash refresher course on how to be a father.
His daughter... He’d so easily fallen in love with his baby; he’d had little choice. Milly gave him a reason to open his eyes in the morning, already an undeniable and permanent piece of his heart.
After the accident, he’d embraced his solitary existence. But he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed simple everyday things. Family things. Outings. But now that there was Milly to consider, the things he’d lived without seemed important once more. His world had opened up. All the things he wanted to show Milly. All things they could do together. All the moments he would cherish and never take for granted leaving him full of restless excitement he hadn’t felt for many years.
And it was all down to Sadie, the woman who had given their daughter life, a passionate, caring woman who’d been badly hurt.
Could the three of them be a family, his second? Was he capable of being the father he needed to be while also trying to build a relationship? Would Sadie even want that after her past experiences?
Because if it all went wrong, he could lose everything.
‘Can I leave you to remove the drain?’ he asked as they left Josh’s bedside, wishing they were anywhere else but at work.
The more time he spent with Sadie, the harder it was becoming to separate the instant love he felt for Milly from the admiration, respect and gratitude he felt for Sadie.
And lust, don’t forget lust.
But that didn’t mean he was ready to risk his heart in a romantic way.
‘Of course. I’ll see to it.’ She looked up at him, questions in her beautiful eyes.
She wanted to know if he was okay after meeting Milly. Could he explain the disorientating collision of his painful past and this unexpected present he’d experienced meeting his baby girl. How mesmerised he’d been by the maternal love he saw between Sadie and Milly because he’d witnessed the same between Karolina and Miko. How holding Milly, inhaling her scent and touching her baby soft skin, somehow made his memories of Miko more vivid. How Sadie’s thoughtfulness when she’d asked for a picture of his son had almost undone him.
‘I miss her,’ he whispered, knowing that Sadie would understand who he meant. ‘Is she okay?’
The ward was busy; they had no privacy, and he needed to go to Theatre. Only he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.
‘She’s good.’ Sadie’s smile lit her eyes with tenderness. ‘Why don’t you come over after work? We can chat about the auction while we bath her together. You can read a bedtime story.’
Pain lanced his chest, bittersweet. ‘I’d love that.’
How many bath or story times had he shared with Miko? Not enough. He wouldn’t take the opportunity to participate in such a simple everyday moment with his daughter for granted. But the restlessness he’d felt since he’d learned of Milly’s existence, bloomed anew.
If he was struggling to go a couple of days without seeing Milly, how would he endure weeks or even months apart? His next locum position in Ireland loomed. How could he contemplate moving away when he’d only just begun to know his daughter? How could he miss another second of her precious life?
‘You’re hesitant,’ Sadie remarked with a frown.
He wanted to tell her all his fears and reservations, but he didn’t want to scare her after the things she’d told him about her past. Sadie had understandable trust issues and he couldn’t make her any promises while he was figuring out how he could be everything he needed to be: doctor, father, lover.
It was better to make a plan, find a way he could be in his daughter’s life first, take one day at a time.
The need to have his uncertainties mapped out beat at him anew. He wanted to know Sadie’s views on him having regular visitation or even shared custody of Milly. He needed to voice his thoughts on relocating permanently to London to watch his daughter grow up. He hated the idea of Milly being shipped overseas for her school holidays to visit Roman wherever he was working, and he wanted to know how Sadie saw co-parenting working for them.
Only now wasn’t the time to thrash out the details.
More pressing was exactly how he would spend more time with his daughter and not want Sadie.
But acting on those desires could undo the fragile ties of their tiny new family.
‘Only because it’s hard to be around you and not be...distracted.’ His gaze sought the temptation of her lips. She needed to understand that their furious chemistry hadn’t gone away. If anything, it was stronger.
‘Oh.’ She flushed, smiled. ‘Do you want to risk it?’
He nodded, wishing he could touch her, wondering for the millionth time why he was fighting his attraction so hard. ‘I think we should talk about it. Later? I need to go.’
‘I’ll text you my address.’
Because he could delay no longer, he turned to leave, his hand deliberately brushing hers at her side. It wasn’t the contact he craved, but it would need to sustain him for the rest of the day.
As he walked to the operating suites, he dragged in a deep breath. For a man who, until now, had been content to live out of a suitcase, this evening, spending time with his girls, shone like a beacon of golden light he wanted to run towards.
Except every moment he spent with Sadie was a lesson in temptation.
Roman sighed as he scanned himself into the theatre changing rooms. Never in his life had he needed to be more in control of his feelings, which were a confusing mash-up of past and present, grief and joy. Of his new relationship with his daughter, which would prioritise her security and happiness. Of his attraction to a woman who, because they’d created a life together, had overnight gone from temporary lover to a significant and permanent person in his life.
Determined to find that control so that no one—not him, or Sadie or, most importantly, Milly—got hurt, Roman pulled on his scrubs and prepared for a long day.
Milly jerked her arms and legs excitedly, squealing and splashing Roman in the face with bathwater. He laughed, smiling down at their beautiful daughter with delight in his eyes.
‘Good shot, Milly,’ Sadie said, reaching for a towel to dab at Roman’s dripping face. ‘She normally soaks me, so I’m glad that you’re here.’
‘I needed a soaking after a long day,’ he said, reaching for some suds and playfully dabbing them on the end of Sadie’s nose when she continued to giggle at his expense. ‘And I’m glad I’m here too.’
Sadie shuddered with desire; there was nothing playful about the heat in Roman’s eyes. She wiped her nose, taking a second to hide behind the towel while she struggled with the arousal leaving her breathless.
‘Are we ready to come out?’ Sadie asked Milly, splashing her belly with water to make her smile.
She lifted the baby out and handed her to Roman, who was waiting with a warm, fluffy towel to wrap her up. They dried and dressed Milly together, smiling at her funny facial expressions and the triumphant gurgling sounds she made when she managed to grab a handful of Sadie’s long hair.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Roman said, his expression falling serious as Sadie buttoned up Milly’s sleep suit. ‘I’d like Milly to call me Tatínek if that’s okay. It’s Czech for Daddy.’
Sadie froze, trying to downplay the significance of the moment. The last time he was called that, it would have been by Miko.
‘Of course it’s okay.’ Sadie picked Milly up, looping her other arm around his waist, holding him to let him know that she understood the importance of his request. ‘Tatínek it is.’
Choked by the conflicted emotion flitting across his face at her use of the Czech word, Sadie settled on the sofa with Roman at her side.
Roman read Milly’s favourite story and then sang a song in Czech.
‘An old Czech folk song my grandfather sang to me, that I used to sing to Miko,’ he explained, watching Milly latch on for her final feed.
‘Do you ever miss home?’ Sadie asked, scared to know but also aware that Roman’s heritage was Milly’s heritage.
He shrugged, entwined his fingers with hers in a gesture that now felt second nature. ‘Sometimes,’ he said in a quiet voice. ‘But I think home isn’t a place, a town or a city. It’s in here.’ He pressed his fist to his chest.
Sadie’s own heart thumped at his intensity, at how much she wanted to hold him and chase away the shadows in his eyes. At the fever-pitch of how badly she craved their intimacy.
‘That’s why I can travel around as a locum and still carry Karolina and Miko with me wherever I go,’ he added.
Sadie pressed her lips together, desperate to know if he also planned to carry Milly in his heart when he left for Ireland. But she couldn’t bear to ask, because thinking about the future meant admitting that Roman might want Milly in his life, but that didn’t mean he wanted a romantic relationship with Sadie.
The future was full of all the important days of Milly’s life that Sadie would miss while Roman and Milly and eventually some new woman in Roman’s life were together. No matter how much she fantasised that she and Roman might one day be a proper couple, reality intervened.
The minute he’d said he came from a big family, a part of her hope had shrivelled to dust. Roman had probably wanted a large family of his own before tragedy struck. But now that he had Milly, there would be nothing to stop him from filling his heart with the love of more children. With the right woman, of course.
And that wasn’t Sadie.
‘Mind if I put her down?’ Roman asked, taking the baby, who’d fallen asleep after her feed.
‘Go for it.’ Sadie pasted on a brave face, and flopped back against the sofa cushions as he left the room.
She’d never in a million years have imagined that the commitment-shy man she’d met the night they’d conceived would be such a hands-on, caring and dedicated father. But now that she knew the real Roman, she couldn’t have asked for a better tatínek for her treasured daughter.
It was a serious aphrodisiac, not that she needed one where Roman was concerned.
He was making it so hard for her to ignore what a special man he was, to hold him at arm’s length physically so she could keep her emotional distance from their deepening connection. They spent so much time together that the casual touches, comforting embraces and heated looks were becoming increasingly hard to fight.
But maybe she didn’t need to fight so hard. Maybe she could sleep with him, one more time, knowing that by keeping things physical she could trust him not to hurt her.
‘She didn’t stir,’ he said as he rejoined Sadie, looking slightly tired and rumpled, his hair mussed, in a thoroughly arousing way, as if he’d run his fingers through it.
He sat, stretched his arm out along the back of the sofa behind Sadie.
‘Thank you,’ she said, her eyes locked with his, her throat tight.
‘What for?’ A small frown pinched his brows together as he regarded her with quiet intensity.
‘For being you. For embracing Milly the way you have.’ His obvious adoration of their baby combined with his extreme hotness left Sadie dangerously off-kilter. ‘I’m so glad you found a space in your heart for our little miracle.’
‘How could I not? She’s delightful. I’m head over heels.’ His expression turned serious but his fingers found the back of her neck, stroking. ‘Although don’t thank me yet. I think I’ve forgotten how to do fatherhood. I’ll probably get it wrong at some point.’
Sadie shook her head, her body melting at the hypnotic rhythm of his touch. ‘I think it’s naturally coming back to you. Milly will help you remember.’
‘She already is.’ He nodded, holding her eye contact so she saw the love for their daughter shining there. ‘She’s a wonderful blessing, for both of us. Getting to know Milly, reliving all these beautiful everyday moments, is somehow making me also feel closer to Miko.’
Of course every joyful moment he shared with their daughter must remind him of similar moments he’d had with his son. That loving Milly was somehow easing his pain shifted something deep inside Sadie’s chest, her bruised heart trying to beat to a new, hopeful rhythm.
Sadie stilled, that same heart thudding. Tonight, they’d bonded deeper over their daughter, but they were also two adults insanely attracted to each other.
‘You wanted to talk about the auction?’ he said.
‘Did I...?’ Idiot. Why would she want to bring up the topic of him dating another woman?
Why hadn’t she given in to temptation and kissed him as soon as he sat down? They could be naked by now.
‘I need to work on your bio,’ she said. ‘I might need to ask you a few more questions.’ She sounded half-hearted at best.
His fingers sliding up to her hairline and then down to the bumps of her vertebrae were driving her crazy. But it stopped her thinking about him on a date with another woman. It stopped her thinking that after the Valentine’s fundraiser he’d be moving on to his next locum position.
‘You know everything important about me already, Sadie.’ His voice was low, seductive, luring her in.
But he was right. She did know the most important things about this man. She knew that he cared about people, including her. She knew that he kept his word. She knew she wanted him.
She’d never stopped wanting him.
‘But I want you to know this, too.’ As if he saw her deepest fears in her eyes, he cupped her face. ‘I know you’ve been hurt in the past. But I’ll do everything in my power to do right by you and Milly.’
Choked by the depth of feeling in his admission, by his vulnerability and the way he included her in his new family, Sadie groaned. ‘Roman...’
She was desperate now, his touch lighting up every cell in her body.
She rested her forehead against his. ‘We should stop.’ It emerged a feeble whisper.
His fingers curled into her hair at the nape of her neck, his breath coming hard. ‘I know... I know.’
‘I want you.’ Her hands found his waist, fisting his T-shirt.
Their breath mingled.
He pulled back, his hands sliding to her shoulders, fingers digging as he fought some epic internal battle. ‘Kick me out.’
Sadie shook her head, her heart rate dizzyingly high. ‘We just need to be careful.’
He nodded, something in his eyes shifting.
Sadie instinctively knew that he understood everything she’d left unsaid. That he’d be true to his word. That they would put Milly first.
Roman was different. She could trust him with her body, knowing that, with the exception of their daughter’s happiness, their priorities hadn’t changed since their first night together. It would just be sex. Amazing, wonderful sex.
Reaching the limit of their endurance together, they pounced. Their lips met in a rush. Eager. Days of longing rendering Sadie wild with desire.
Roman scooped his strong arm around her waist with a groan, hauled her close, chest to chest. Sadie gripped his neck, tunnelled her fingers in his glorious hair, returned his kisses with all her pent-up passion.
Yes, they were parents, but they were also humans. They had their own needs. And right now nothing mattered more than this connection.
‘I thought you’d never kiss me,’ she panted, straddling Roman’s lap.
‘I never stopped wanting to,’ he said, gripping her hips and tilting his head back against the cushions so Sadie could lean over him, press kisses to his jaw, his neck, his lips, in a thorough exploration. Every sigh and moan swallowed. Every taste savoured.
‘You are so sexy.’ His hands slid beneath her top, along her ribs, cupping her breasts through her bra. ‘Are you sure about this?’
‘Absolutely.’ She rocked her hips on his lap, grinding his erection between her legs, where she wanted him.
Despite the fact that since they were last intimate she now had stretch marks, Roman made her feel sexy. Wanted. And, oh, how she wanted him in return.
‘You’ve just had a baby,’ he said, his thumbs stroking her nipples. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘You won’t.’ Sadie collapsed against him, her tongue duelling with his to counter the pleasure he was wreaking with his touch.
He popped the clasp on her bra and raised her top, exposing her breasts with a groan. ‘I’ve thought about this so many times.’ He raised her breast and laved her nipple. ‘I thought I’d go mad for wanting you.’
‘Me too.’ Sadie removed her top and tossed it aside, moaning, as his mouth sought her other breast. ‘Although we need to be more careful with the condoms, this time...just in case I’ve become the most fertile woman on the planet.’
Tugging off his shirt, she pressed kisses over his bare chest, goosebumps rising as his chest hair brushed her nipples.
‘I’m always careful, but don’t worry; this time you’ve got my number.’ He winked, standing up with Sadie in his arms.
Sadie wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face there while he strode to her bedroom. As he laid her down on the bed and stood back to admire her partial nakedness, she feared that she might not survive another night as Roman’s lover.
Because, aside from his irreparably broken heart, everything else about Roman was dangerously wonderful.