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THE NEXT DAY DAWNED bright, but clouds were gathering on the horizon, promising rain.
Eleven o’clock found Fred sitting on the garden seat at the front of the house, overlooking the vineyard with the Pacific Ocean in the background, when her sister walked up to her.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Sandi said, sitting beside her. “I found a nice aerial photograph of the vineyard in the back cupboard, and I wasn’t sure if you’d want it for the house.”
“Oh lovely, thanks. I’ll take a look at it in a little while.”
Sandi nodded. Then she gave her sister a shrewd look. “You okay?”
Fred looked down at the phone in her hand, then slid it into her pocket. “Not really.”
“What’s the matter?”
Fred let out a long breath. “Mac and I were talking last night about why his parents broke up, and we started thinking that maybe his mother had had an affair. She’d been married to James for fifteen years before Mac was born, and it just seemed odd that she’d suddenly get pregnant, and then they’d get divorced. Mac started to think that maybe he wasn’t James’s son.”
“Oh my God.”
“He was so excited. We both were. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I hated that James was his father, and what a shadow it cast over us.”
“And? What happened?”
“He spoke to his mum last night. She said she’d never had an affair. He’s definitely James’s son.”
Sandi surveyed her for a long moment. Then she sat back, looking out at the view.
“I wanted someone else to be his father so badly,” Fred whispered.
“What difference would it have made?” Sandi asked.
Fred frowned at her. “You really have to ask that?”
“I do. How would it have changed how you feel about him? What difference would it have made to your relationship?”
“It would have made all the difference!” Fred couldn’t believe her sister didn’t understand. “I like him, Sandi. And he likes me. Against all the odds, I think we could have had something going. But what James did... It hangs over us all the time. I can’t get rid of it. It’s always in the back of my mind.”
Sandi turned on the bench to face her. She had a curious look on her face. “And you’re saying that you won’t consider a relationship with him because it didn’t turn out that he had a different father?”
“How can I?” Hot tears filled Fred’s eyes, but she refused to let them fall. How could she explain to Sandi the burning disappointment at the news that he was, after all, James’s son? When he’d gone, she’d hardly been able to sleep, so excited at the thought that they might be free. And then she’d got his call, and it had all come crashing down.
“I hate James,” she said, breathing heavily. “I can’t bear to think of Dad entrusting everything to him, only for James to stab him in the back. He was here, alone, thinking his daughters didn’t want anything to do with him, and yet he still left us his vineyard. He still loved us. He would have been so upset if he’d found out what James had done.”
Sandi nodded slowly. “That’s true. I’m not saying that what James did wasn’t a terrible betrayal. But sweetie, we know that Mac violently disagrees with what his father did. It would have been far easier for him to say nothing, to keep the estate for himself, and never admit what had happened. But he didn’t. Even though he was convinced we’d be furious with him, he told the truth and prepared to face the music. That was an incredibly courageous thing to do, don’t you think?”
“Yes, but—”
“We could have taken him to court, demanded some kind of retribution for any profits we’d lost.”
“I know, but—”
“You’re punishing him for what his father did,” Sandi said. “Do you really think that’s fair?”
Fred opened her mouth, then shut it again. She thought for a moment. Then she said, “That’s not what it’s about. I’m not punishing him.”
“No? You don’t think he’s partly responsible for what James did?”
“In what way?”
“I don’t know, in any way? Do you think that he should have paid more attention to what was going on at the estate, forced James to show him the books?”
“No. I don’t blame him for that.”
“Then...”
“It’s like James is a ghost hovering over him,” Fred said softly. “In just the same way that I feel Dad’s watching over us.”
“Do you?” Sandi’s eyebrows rose.
“All the time. And I can’t help but think that he’s furious with me.”
Now Sandi was looking pained. “Why?”
“Because I should have pushed more to get in contact with him. And... I should have known when he died.”
“How should you have known?”
“I should have felt it. In my heart. I can’t believe that he’d been dead for so long when we found out.” A tear finally spilled down Fred’s cheek. “That’s just awful. He had none of his family here—he only had James, and that makes me feel as if someone’s pushing a sword into my heart.” Her voice shook.
“Hey, it’s all right.” Sandi put an arm around her and hugged her. “Why have you never told me before that you feel like this?”
“I don’t know, we just never got around to it. We all focused on how angry we were, and of course there was Mum...” Fred leaned forward and put her face in her hands.
“Sweetie...” Sandi wrapped her other arm around her and hugged her tightly. “You have to let go of this guilt and blame, otherwise it eats away at you, and I’m talking from experience here. We’ve all had such an awful time over the past few years—it’s not surprising that we’re desperate to find someone to blame for all the hurt we’ve suffered. But look, life happens. Some of it’s good, and some of it’s bad. People aren’t perfect. Some of them are mean, and nearly all are selfish. But few people are truly evil. Did James do wrong by changing the will? Of course he did. Was he evil? I don’t believe that. I doubt he sat there planning it for years. He and Dad were friends—I can’t imagine that Dad would have worked with him for so long if he thought James resented him deep down. I think James saw an opportunity and took it. Who knows why? Jealousy, envy, greed... These are age-old emotions, and none of us are free of them.”
Fred wiped her face, then looked out at the Pacific, which was the color of Mac’s eyes. “I know you’re right...”
“Maybe James was desperate to hurt us,” Sandi continued, “but I doubt it. I doubt he even gave us a second thought. He was only thinking of himself. And we don’t know what he would say if he were here now. He might say that he hated Dad and his family and we got everything we deserved. But we don’t know that. He might see what his actions have done, and he might say sorry.”
Fred doubted it, but she appreciated her sister trying to help.
“The point I’m making—somewhat badly,” Sandi said, “is that it seems pointless to me to pour all your energy into hating James. And even more pointless is to resent Mac for being his son. From what I’ve seen, Mac would never do anything like what his father did. And you have to ask yourself, do you truly believe the sins of the father should pass to the child? When Mum died owing all that money on her credit cards and there wasn’t enough left in her estate to pay them, the debt was wiped. That was because the rule is the child isn’t responsible for what the parent does in his or her life.”
Fred rubbed her nose. “That’s true.”
Sandi kissed her forehead. “Mum shouldn’t have burned Dad’s letters, and James shouldn’t have changed the will. Things would have been very different if either of those things hadn’t happened. But they did, and it’s too late to change them now. We can only deal with the consequences.”
“I wish I could be like you,” Fred whispered. “I wish I could just put everything behind me. But I feel as if I’m caught up in a loop. I keep thinking about those moments when I could have changed everything. If only I’d tried to phone Dad, if only I hadn’t yelled at Mum and walked out... if only...”
“That’s natural, and it’s a part of grief. But we’ve been given this incredible opportunity.” Sandi gestured at the vines in front of them, now mostly free of grapes, ready to start the process all over again. “We have the vineyard, and the restaurant, and the B&B. We’ve escaped the place that holds so many memories for us, and we can start all over again. And you...” She squeezed Fred’s shoulders. “You’ve met Mac. Who’d have thought the two of you would fall in love?’
“Love?” Fred stared at her.
“You love him, Fred. Of course you do! And he loves you. It’s written all over his face.”
Fred’s jaw dropped. “But...”
“What more could you want? He’s gorgeous, he’s incredibly honest, and you’re already married to him!” Sandi laughed. “You think Ginger and I didn’t pray that the two of you would get together? We saw a spark between you the day we arrived here. Not everyone has the opportunity to find love, and you simply can’t let it go without giving it a chance.”
Fred didn’t know what to say. Her heart raced as she looked at her sister’s pleading face. Poor Sandi, who thought she’d found the man of her dreams only to discover that he’d hidden a terrible secret from her for years. Was she right? Should Fred put aside her blame and resentment and be honest about her feelings for Mac?
What was the alternative? Was she really prepared to say to him that she would never be able to see past his father?
“I’ll leave you to think about it,” Sandi said, rising. “But don’t take too long. Opportunities are like balloons, and we have to grab them while we can or sometimes they just float away.” Giving her sister a parting smile, Sandi walked back to the B&B.
Fred watched her go, then turned her gaze back to the view. Mac had said something similar: You’re like a balloon seller in a city, who occasionally lets go of a balloon and watches it rise into the sky until he can’t see it anymore. How strange that they’d used a similar analogy.
The clouds hadn’t moved from the horizon, and the sky above her was a clear blue, the Pacific a slightly darker shade beneath it. The color of Mac’s eyes. She shivered as she thought of them staring into hers the night before while he moved inside her. She hadn’t planned for that to happen—she just hadn’t wanted him to go. But when she’d seen him, the longing had turned into a deep desire she hadn’t been able to hold back.
She sighed. Her father would have sat on this seat just a few years ago, looking out at the same view. It gave her a strange feeling in her tummy to think that.
Among the vines, the shadows formed the figure of a man. Fred’s heart rate increased, but she sat still, her gaze fixed on it. It wasn’t a man, it was just shadows. But her skin prickled all the same.
“Are you there?” she asked her father.
Silence remained, but she imagined she heard a whisper on the breeze. Yes...
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish I’d contacted you. I wish I could have gotten to know you, and visited you. And I wish I’d been there when you died.”
She heard no words, and yet around her, the air changed—the temperature dropped, and she felt the touch of fingers on her cheek. Or was it just the wind?
“Mac’s right,” she said. “You made your will the way you did because you thought that would be best for me, and for Sandi and Ginger. I’m sure you hoped it would encourage us to settle down. You could never have foreseen what James would do. I know you thought he was your friend. I hope that, wherever you are, you can forgive him for what he did. I’m not sure I can, but I will try. What’s done is done.”
She took a deep breath. “And I hope you’ve made your peace with Mum, and she with you. I hope neither of you blame me for the things I’ve done. I would never have hurt either of you intentionally. I love you both from the bottom of my heart.”
It was tough, growing up, she thought. Making decisions for yourself, ones that you weren’t always sure your parents would approve of. Moving on, to a new life that didn’t involve them. And letting go, when they’d gone.
Beside her, on the seat, was a single dry red leaf, a symbol of the season. She picked it up and held it by the stem for a moment, feeling the autumn wind tugging at it, wanting to play. Then she opened her fingers and released it. It fluttered up into the air, spun around a few times, and then it was gone, spirited away by the breeze to join its brothers and sisters in the vineyard.
She watched it go, and smiled.
