Hera rose and walked over to Pandora. “As goddess of marriage,” she said, “I give you the gift of a very long and very happy marriage.” She tapped Pandora on the top of the head.

Smart move, I thought. If Pandora were happily married, she wouldn’t be interested in being wooed by Zeus.

“I’d better go next,” said Athena, goddess of wisdom. “She needs some brains.” She, too, came over to Pandora. “I give you the gift of good judgment,” she said, tapping Pandora’s head. At that touch, Pandora’s eyes lit up. The blank look vanished.

Athena smiled. “I think I’ll call you a . . . girl.”

“I’ll go next,” said Apollo. “I want to hear the girl say something.” He went up to her. “Pandora, I give you the gift of a lovely voice.” He tapped Pandora’s head. Tap!

“Thank you,” said Pandora. Her voice was sweet and musical.

It was thrilling to see Pandora come to life this way. And so far, so good on the gifts. Pandora was getting nicely set up. Good marriage, good judgment, lovely voice. But things went rapidly downhill from there.

Hestia popped up. “Pandora, as goddess of the home, I give you a gift every homemaker needs: the ability to get out any stain!” Tap! “Even grape juice!”

“Thank you,” said Pandora.

Now it was Po’s turn. “I am god of the seas,” he said. “Also a major party god. If you ever want to know where the action is, just call—”

“Get to the gift!” bellowed Zeus.

“Okay, okay,” said Po. “Pandora, you’re a great party giver!” Tap! “And, hey! When you have a bash, don’t forget to invite ol’ Po!”

“You’ll be first on my list,” said Pandora.

“And,” said Po, “ I’d also like to give you the gift of looking great in a bikini!”

“One gift!” Hera called out. “You’re done, Po.”

“Aw, come on!” said Po. “I was just getting started!”

“Demeter!” shouted Zeus. “You’re up.”

Demeter stood. “Any plant you tend will grow lush and have many blossoms,” said the goddess of agriculture. “For I give you the gift of a green thumb.” Tap!

Instantly, the thumb on Pandora’s left hand turned bright green.

Everyone in the room gasped.

Demeter looked horrified. “It’s a saying!” she said. “I didn’t mean for it to turn green.”

“Too bad,” said Zeus. “Next!”

But before anyone could speak, there was a knock at the door. Violence peeked through the crack to see who was there. Then he opened the door, and Hermes flew in.

“Thanks for deserting me, Hades,” he said as he darted into the conference room.

“How did you get up here so fast?” I asked.

“I followed you,” Hermes said. “Think it was easy in a bus? But it was worth it. Because now I know—”

“Shh!” I put my finger to my lips. I didn’t want everyone in Olympus knowing there was a shortcut down to the Underworld. Think of the drop-in company! “Let’s keep it between us, okay, Hermes?”

“Maybe,” said Hermes. “We’ll talk. Make a deal.” He sat down, and Hera filled him in on what was happening with Pandora.

“I’ve got a gift for you, Pandora.” He jumped up and flew over to her. He reached into the little pouch he always carried and pulled out a pair of sandals. They had tiny silver wings on the heels.

Pandora buckled on the sandals. She seemed pleased.

“The wings don’t work,” Hermes told us. “They’re decorative. I’m thinking of going into the fashion business. What do you think, Dad? Really primo leather goods with my name on them?”

“Fine, fine, whatever,” said Zeus. “Aphrodite?”

The goddess of love and beauty sprang from her chair.

“Cara mia!” exclaimed Aphrodite, ever eager to sprinkle a bit of Italian into any conversation. “My dear!” She tottered over to Pandora on her high-heeled sandals. She kissed her fingers and blew the kiss. “Pandorina! I need not give you the gift of la belleza—beauty. That you already have. Perhaps a touch too much,” she murmured with a quick glare at Hephaestus. Then she caught herself and smiled. “So I give you all the extras: long nails, perfect skin, and the gift of capelli interessante!”

“Hey! No fair!” called Po. “She’s giving more than one gift!”

Zeus ignored him.

Pandora’s nails grew, and her skin took on a rosy glow. I wasn’t sure what capelli interessante meant. But it had something to do with hair, for Pandora’s hair was undergoing a remarkable change. First the color turned from shiny black to hot pink. Then it burst from the knot at the nape of her neck and began whipping wildly around her head. Whap! Whap! Whap! When the last strand whipped into place, Pandora’s hair looked like a cross between a wasps’ nest and a battle helmet. Two little tendrils popped out on the sides and corkscrewed down over each ear.

“There!” Aphrodite smiled. “Now, cara mia, you are finished. Finita!”

Poor Pandora. She was finished, all right. Finished for any competition with Aphrodite in the looks department.

“Hey, Dad!” called Thalia, the muse of comedy. “Can I give the girl a gift?”

“No!” Zeus thundered loudly. “You’re a lowly muse. Gifts are to be given by gods and goddesses only.”

“Lighten up, Dad,” said Thalia. “You’ll get a kick out of this one.”

“Oh, all right,” said Zeus. He never could resist his own children. “But be quick about it!”

Thalia approached the former statue. “Here’s my gift, Pandora: the ability to tell a great joke!” She touched Pandora’s hairdo. Tap!

Pandora’s eyes lit up. “Say, Thalia, did you hear the one about the chicken?”

“Save the jokes!” snapped Zeus. “Let’s finish up here. Anyone else?”

No one else volunteered.

Pandora could only be the sum of her gifts. So that made her a joke-telling party hostess with great skin and nails, sound judgment, a lovely voice, a green thumb, and nice sandals, who could get out any stain and would someday be happily married. Whew! I thought there was a good chance that the girl was going to end up with a bad case of multiple-personality disorder.

“I have a gift for Pandora,” I said. I rose and walked over to her. I had something I figured she could use no matter how bad things got. I put my hand on her hot-pink hair.

“As god of the Underworld, I am also god of wealth,” I said. “And here’s my gift for you, Pandora. You’ll always be able to make a good living.” Tap!

“Thank you,” said Pandora.

“My turn!” said Zeus. “I’ve saved the best for last.” He hurried over to Pandora, smiling as though someone had given him the gift of cunning. “Here’s my gift, sweetheart,” he said. He put his hand on Pandora’s head. “I give you the gift of curiosity. Extreme curiosity!” Tap!

“Why Zeus?” said Pandora. “Why? It there a reason you chose that particular gift?”

“You’ll see, sweetheart,” said Zeus. Now he handed her a box.

“Is this for me?” asked Pandora as she took it.

“No, sweetheart,” said Zeus. “I want you to deliver it to someone for me. But whatever you do, don’t take the lid off and look inside!” Then Zeus burst out laughing like a maniac.