Keep A Lid On It Pandora!

Pandora stared at the spot where Zeus had been. Then she turned to me. “Hades?” she said. “Why did Zeus pretend to be the world’s best guesser?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” I told her. Zeus-in-disguise was getting to be a regular event.

Cerbie had run off into the woods, carrying Zeus’s mop of a wig. Now he trotted back without it. He had mud all over his paws. I figured he’d buried the thing.

“Good dog!” I told one head. “Good dog! Good dog!” I told the other two. First he’d showed me a shortcut from the Underworld to earth. Now he’d exposed Zorba as a great big fake. Cerberus was proving to be one useful pooch.

“Did you know that that was Zeus all along, Hades?” asked Pandora as we went.

Pandora nodded. “Why does this chief god have such strange behavior, Hades?”

“No one knows,” I told her. “He was raised by goats. Fairy goats. Maybe that had something to do with it.” I was getting worn out from all of Pandora’s questions. So I was happy when we reached the sign that said:

I slowed the steeds as we drove through the streets. Things had changed since the last time I’d been here. Then it was a forest, and the guys lived in caves. But now that the guys had fire, they’d figured out how to make stone-cutting tools and bake clay bricks. So the town was full of houses. And driveways. At the end of each driveway stood a long pole with a basket tied to the top. A few guys were throwing stones into the baskets. It looked as if they’d made up another game.

Some guys still wore bark and leaves. Other wore pelts. Still others had wrapped themselves in cloth. It seemed that before long they’d be wearing robes.

Pandora stared at the guys as we went. For once, she didn’t ask any questions. But she didn’t look too pleased with what she saw.

I slowed down as we reached two guys walking along the side of the road. They stared at Pandora, too.

“No!” the other guy answered for Pandora. “No guy have hair like that.”

“I’m not a guy,” I said. “I’m a god. Gods ask whatever they want. So tell me.”

“Okay,” said the guy. “Take next left, go to end road, take right. Go II blocks. You there.”

“No, go straight,” said the other guy. “End of road, take left. You there.”

“Thanks, guys,” I said as I left them to their quarrel. Maybe the guys had fire, but they still had a long way to go.

I glanced over at Pandora. She looked horrified. The guys had not made a good first impression.

After a few wrong turns, I pulled up to a big, two-story brick building. Cut into stone above the entry, letters spelled out: SCHOOL FOR GUYS.

Pandora took the box and walked with me into the school. A directory inside told where all the classes took place. We stopped to read it:

WOODWORKING	ROOM I
WAGON MECHANICS	ROOM II
METALWORKING	ROOM III
CAMPING SKILLS	ROOM IV
AVOIDING CHORES	ROOM V
DUCK HUNTING	ROOM VI
TOOLS 101	ROOM VII
SHOOTING DARTS	ROOM VIII
CAVE EXPLORING	ROOM VIV
FLY FISHING	ROOM X
WEIGHT LIFTING	ROOM XI
PLAYING POOL FOR PROFIT	ROOM XII
ADVANCED GUYS SEMINAR:	ROOM XIII
“THE COUCH POTATO WAY”

“Hades?” called a voice from down the hallway. “Is that you?”

I turned. “Epi! We were looking for you.”

“Well, you’ve found me!” Epi smiled. “And who’s this?” he asked, gazing at Pandora.

“Let me introduce the world’s first girl, Pandora,” I said.

“Hello, Pandora,” said Epi. “Interesting hair!”

“Do you like it?” asked Pandora.

“On you, very much,” said Epi. He could be quite charming.

Pandora smiled. “What do you do here at the school, Epi?”

“I’m a teacher,” he said. “My subjects are woodworking, darts, and weight lifting.”

“Would you like your gift from Zeus now, Epi?” asked Pandora.

“A gift? For me?” said Epi. “Wow! I love presents!” Epi had forgotten all about his brother’s warning. And about his promise never to accept a gift from Zeus.

Uh-oh, I thought. But some godly sixth sense told me not to intervene yet.

Pandora handed Epi the box.

“What could it be?” Epi shook the box. Then he started fiddling with the catch.

Pandora tilted her head, watching him. “Epi, do you think it is wise to open a gift from Zeus?” she asked.

Epi stopped. “Hmmmm. You’re right.” He tucked the gift under his arm.

“Epi,” said Pandora, “have you heard the one about the chicken?”

“No,” said Epi. “But tell me later, okay? Because I’d like to give you a tour of the school before my next class.”

Epi showed Pandora the wood shop, the wagon-mechanics room, the classrooms for Tools 101 and Cave Exploring, and many other classrooms. I followed along behind.

The guys saw Pandora looking into the classrooms at them. They huddled together, muttering, “Who that?” and “Is guy?” and “Not guy!” They couldn’t figure her out.

After we’d seen the school, Epi turned to Pandora. “Why don’t I take you down to the cafeteria and get you some java? Then you can tell me the one about the chicken.”

“Why don’t you?” said Pandora.

I could see that the two of them would have more fun without me. “I’ll go talk to Prometheus, Epi,” I said. “Where is he?”

“Probably in the art room,” said Epi. “Up the stairs, straight down the hall, and to the left.”

Epi and Pandora went off to the cafeteria. It took me a while to find it, but at last I stumbled into the art room. There was Prometheus, molding a clay guy. He was so intent on his work that he never even noticed me. I waited until he finished his guy. He put him down and looked at him proudly. Only then did he see me.

“Hades!” he exclaimed. “It’s been a long time. How do you like Guytown? Things have improved since your last visit to these parts, right?”

“Remarkably,” I told him. “I see you’re still making guys.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t need to tell you this Hades, but guys are mortal,” Prometheus said. “They don’t last forever. I have to deep making more to keep things going.” He covered his latest clay guy with a cloth to keep him from drying out. He stood up. “So what are you doing here, Hades?”

“I’ve brought the new mortal that Hephaestus made.” I told Prometheus how all the gods and goddesses had given this mortal gifts. “Her name is Pandora,” I added. “Athena says she’s a ‘girl.’ She and Epi just went down to the cafeteria.”

Prometheus wiped his big hands on a cloth. “I remember Zeus saying that Hephaestus was working on a new mortal.” He frowned. “Zeus doesn’t have anything to do with the one you brought, does he, Hades?”

“I’m afraid so,” I told him. “Zeus gave the new mortal a box. He told her to deliver it to Epi.”

“What?” cried Prometheus. The color drained from his face. “Zeus has sent Epi a gift? Why, this is terrible!”

He took off running toward the cafeteria. “Come on, Hades!” he called over his shoulder. “We have to get to him before it’s too late!”