The day was perfection. In my silver glitter sandals and custom gown, I walked down the makeshift aisle and onto the beach. Standing in front of the gently lapping waves, Sam looked glorious in his dark suit, the love shining in his eyes. Beside him Johnny, for once, had nothing smart to say.
As we exchanged our vows, I glanced out the corner of my eye at the intimate gathering. Mum and Dad were there, Adele and Brian, Sam’s mother, sister and father and all of our friends. There were only twenty or so of us in the end but that was all we wanted and despite the fact that the photographers from Women’s Day had mysteriously found our location, they seemed to respect our privacy by staying in the bushes. The only hitch came when one of them screamed during our kiss. He seemed to have been attacked by some of the local insects.
Later, after the exchange of simple gold bands, we walked back to the house and sat under the open-air marquee for a wedding breakfast that would lead us into a dinner. At some stage, Kirby snuck off and reappeared wearing a pink maxi dress. Her hair was back to normal and a waft of Britney’s latest perfume preceded her. In the middle of the long table, she resumed her seat beside Rambo, who seemed to have developed a newfound respect for his ex-lover now that she was a fully-fledged wedding planner. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
Opposite them, Johnny and Mel sat very close though she was heard to mutter, “Don’t think you’re getting a fucking shag because you’re sitting next to me, Johnny. And take your hand off my fucking knee.”
“Ah, Mel,” he replied, lovingly tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “You know you want to. By nine o’clock you’ll be gagging for what only I can give you. Again.”
“There won’t be any gagging in this relationship, you degenerate,” she’d replied. “I don’t give head.”
Then he’d reached across and whispered something in her ear. This time she smiled. And kissed him.
When dinner was over, Sam stood to make his speech and say his thanks to our guests. He toasted them one by one ~ a lovely gesture ~ and then his big green eyes came to rest on me.
“Millie, from the first day I met you, you were nothing but a pain in the arse. You avoided me and annoyed me. You broke my stuff and regularly drenched me with food and alcohol. You hated rugby and you didn’t do fishing or boats. You didn’t even like Bruce Willis. Yet when you laughed, I knew you were the girl for me. Your sense of humour is something I treasure. Your face lights up rooms, your love for everyone in your life makes me glad that I’m a part of it. I can’t imagine ever being without you or anything that could make my life more perfect. You are my bride and the love of my life.” Then he raised his glass. “To Millie, my bride.”
After the cheering died down, I stood for a little speech of my own.
“I want to say thank you to everyone for making this the most perfect day ever. I love you, Sam and though you might think nothing could make your life more perfect, I believe something will. Two things, in fact.”
The table went silent. Every eye was on me.
“Last week while you were planning our wedding I went to the doctor. He sent me for an ultrasound and its been confirmed that I’m pregnant. With twins.”
The glass fell from Sam’s hand.
I think Patricia’s botox stopped working because her eyebrows were last seen heading towards the stratosphere.
My mother began to cry. “Twins run in the family, you know,” she admitted.
“Are you for real?” Sam asked.
“Yep.”
Jumping to his feet, he grabbed me and swung me around and around till I almost threw up again. When he stopped, Johnny handed him the hanky he’d had in his pocket to wipe his tears.
“I don’t understand,” he whispered to me. “How?”
“Well, when a boy and a girl lay down together…”
“Don’t be a bitch, Mill’.”
I pecked his cheek drawing my lips around to his ear, “I’m not positive but do you remember the Full Monty night? We were unprotected.”
“You were so drunk and hot for it, I didn’t have time to get the condom.”
I looked around the gathering. Nobody seemed upset by the news.
“I knew it,” Sasha said. “When the dress wouldn’t fit…. I told Mel you were pregnant.”
“And the spa day. It was so totally weird for you to, like, go all red and green like that. This explains everything.”
“The crying and puking….” added Alex. “No wonder you were acting weird. Your hormones were having a field day. I can’t believe we didn’t spot it.”
Next to us, Paige began to jump up and down on her chair. He tiara flew from her head and landed on top of the cupcake mountain Sam had designed for our wedding cake. In a blue and yellow Western Force theme, each cake was custom decorated with a guest in mind. His, of course, was topped with a miniature rugby ball and mine with a teeny silver sandal.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Paige cried, pumping her fist in the air. “I’m going to be a freakin’ auntie. There’s no way Jennifer can top this one! Woohoo!”
And, for once, nobody told her to sit down.
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