Nolan

 

WHEN LINNZI LOOKED over her shoulder at me, my heart dropped to my stomach. The anguish on her face caused me to freeze in my tracks. Then I saw the tears, and my entire world felt like it had stopped.

She got in an Uber, and it raced off down the street.

“Are the keys in the truck?” I shouted as I ran by the valet.

“Sir, wait! Sir, she has the keys!”

I skidded to a stop. “What?” I shouted.

“Um, I handed them to her, then she said she had to go and threw your wallet into the passenger seat. Maybe she threw your keys there too?”

I quickly pulled open the passenger door and nearly dropped to my knees as a sickness I hadn’t felt in eight years hit me in the stomach.

“No…” I said in a pleading voice. “Oh God…please, no.”

“Sir, are you okay? Bill, call for help! Hurry!” I heard the valet say as I felt my entire body sway.

The valet’s voice was next to me as I heard, “Shit, Bill help me!”

My vision slowly faded as my body sank down to the ground until there was nothing but darkness.

“Nolan! Nolan!”

Something hit the side of my face and then came a smell. A terrible smell, like the inside of a pig barn. My eyes flew open, and I went to sit up but groaned when everything spun out of control. Holy shit, what in the hell was happening to me? My nose felt like someone had shoved tiny knives up it.

“Whoa. Hold on there. You passed out,” Truitt said.

“W-what?” I asked, shaking my head. “What do you mean, I passed out?”

Truitt stared at me like I had lost my mind. “You passed out, I used smelling salt to get you to wake up.”

I stared at him in disbelief.

With a shake of his head, Truitt went on. “Nolan, what’s going on? The valet said Linnzi freaked out about something, took off in an Uber, and then you passed out. Where is Linnzi? Did you get into a fight? What happened?”

I pushed at him to get away from me. He was hovering over me like a damn mother hen. “Truitt! Stop fucking asking me so many questions. Help me stand up first.”

He reached out and helped me stand. I glanced around and held up my hands, forcing a smile on my face when I saw a small group of people from the dinner all standing around. It killed me to smile, because inside I was dying a slow death. But I had to play it off like it was no big deal since I was out in public. “It’s all good, sorry about that, folks. Didn’t mean to scare anyone.”

Then I saw Amy and Steve. Someone must have called them.

Shit.

“Get everyone out of here except for Amy and Steve,” I whispered to Truitt.

Truitt stepped away from me. “Everything is fine, folks. Please, head on back into the ballroom. I do believe we’ve got an announcement.”

“We do?” Saryn asked with a confused expression on her face.

“Yes.” Then Truitt leaned in and whispered something to her.

She nodded and started gathering everyone up and leading them back into the event center. “We have a big giveaway announcement, let’s all head in and see what it could be! Trust me, you won’t want to miss this,” Saryn called out as she headed back in.

Amy and Steve walked over to me, concern etched all over their faces.

“Nolan, we’ve been calling Linnzi and it’s going straight to her voicemail,” Amy said. “The valet said she got into an Uber that was waiting for someone else and it left…with her in it!”

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. “Give me a moment, please, Amy.”

Amy pressed her mouth tightly shut.

I drew in a shaky breath and then exhaled. “She found out,” I softly said.

“About?” Steve asked, even though we all knew what I meant.

I looked at Amy and Steve and attempted to keep my composure. “She found the sonogram picture of Amanda in my wallet.”

Amy gasped and Truitt grabbed hold of her. “How?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know, Truitt! I asked her to get money out for the valet while I ran that check back in to you. It was behind my military ID. She couldn’t possibly have seen it unless she took my ID out.”

“Are you sure she found it?” Amy asked. I hated the fear and concern I heard in her voice.

“It was on top of my wallet. I’m thinking she might have meant to drop the keys, and instead dropped the photo.”

“It most likely triggered her memory from the way she reacted,” Truitt said.

I nodded. “We need to find her. I have no idea what kind of emotional state she’s in. She has never allowed herself to grieve Amanda’s death, and now she’s all alone.”

“Where do you think she went?” Truitt asked.

My gaze met Steve’s. “Your house,” I said.

He nodded and guided Amy toward the parking lot as he called back over his shoulder, “Have Truitt take you to the house—I’ll meet you there.”

Turning to Truitt, I went to ask him to get his truck, but he said, “I already asked them to bring it up. What about your truck?”

I searched for the valet. “Call a tow truck and have them bring it to this address.” I took a business card for the ranch out of my wallet that was still in the front seat. I handed it to the young kid and then pulled out a couple hundred dollars. “This is for you to get it taken care of as soon as possible.”

He nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ll call right now.”

When I turned back to the passenger seat, I reached down for the old sonogram photo and gently picked it up before running over to Truitt’s truck. “What about Saryn?”

“I’ll call her and tell her what’s going on. She’ll be fine.”

All I could do was nod as I glanced back down at the old photo in my hand. I hadn’t looked at it in at least a year. I folded it gently back up, pulled out my ID, and then put it back in its usual place.

“Why do you think she took out your ID?” Truitt asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Nolan, it’s going to be okay.”

Looking at him, I opened my mouth to say something, but no words would come. All I could do was drop my head back against the seat, close my eyes, and pray.

Please be at the house, Linz. Please.

 

 

Steve and Amy were already in the driveway of their house when Truitt and I pulled up out front. I pushed the door open to the truck and made a mad dash to the house.

“Her shoes are out here! Why are her shoes out here?” Amy cried out.

“She kicked them off,” I said as I ran by her and up the steps into the house. “Linnzi! Linnzi!”

“Linnzi, sweetheart?” Amy called out as she frantically searched through the rooms.

Steve went up the steps. “Check her room,” he said to me as he walked by. I wanted to follow him, but instead I ran to her room as I called out her name.

“Linnzi!” Amy cried out as she appeared in the bedroom door.

“She’s not here, but she was. She changed, and it looks like she grabbed clothes,” I said, surveying the mess of clothes and the open drawers of her dresser.

“Where’s Steve?” Amy asked.

“I…I don’t know. He told me to check here, and he kept walking down the hall.”

Amy’s eyes went wide. “The attic! The trunk!”

She spun around so fast she was gone before I had a chance to let her words register. We had put everything of Amanda’s into an old trunk, including anything that would remind Linnzi of me. I had begged Steve and Amy to let me keep the trunk at my house, but they insisted it stay with them.

I rushed out of the bedroom, down the hall, and then took the attic steps three at a time. Steve was sitting on the floor next to the trunk. Amy stood there, silently crying.

The trunk was open; the latch had clearly been broken.

“The picture of the three of you is gone, the baby blanket, and…” Steve’s voice trailed off.

“And what? What else is gone, Steve?” I yelled out.

He turned to look at me. “Her engagement ring and wedding band.”

I stumbled back and hit a large box. I stood there frozen as I let it all sink in.

Amy faced me. “Where is she, Nolan? Where would she go?”

“I—I…I’m not sure. I don’t know,” I stammered.

“We have to find her. Steve! My God, get up! Both of you snap the hell out of it. We have to find her!” Amy cried out.

I nodded and rubbed the instant ache at the back of my neck. My mind spun with where Linnzi could have gone. Did she remember everything? Did she even remember Amanda? She had to have. The expression on her face when she turned back and looked at me was one of utter devastation. The fact that she broke into the trunk, took the picture, took her wedding set—what did it all mean?

Steve slowly stood and asked, “Does she have her passport?”

“Oh, dear Lord,” Amy said as she rushed past me and back down the steps.

“You think she went back to Paris?” I asked Steve.

He shook his head. “No, but we need to know that it’s not an option for her.”

I swallowed hard as I placed my hands on my thighs and took in a few deep breaths. I felt sick to my stomach, and each breath seemed harder than the last. Steve walked up to me and placed his hand on my back.

“Tonight. I was telling her tonight,” I said. “I even told her I needed to talk to her. I was going to tell her tonight.”

“Steve! Nolan!”

Steve quickly squeezed my shoulder and then walked down the steps of the attic without saying a word to me. I followed and tried to push away the urge to throw up.

Amy appeared in the hallway from Linnzi’s room. “Her passport is still here.”

I let out a sigh of relief.

Steve sighed as he leaned against the hallway wall. “Nolan, is there any place that was special between the two of you, a place that holds meaning for you both?”

“A few places.”

He nodded, a look of utter defeat on his face. “Have Truitt take you back to the ranch, get in your truck and go to each place. Amy and I will start driving around, checking hotels, asking anyone if they’ve seen her.”

Truitt. I had completely forgotten about Truitt.

Amy suddenly stood up straighter and cleared her throat. “We’ll find her. Don’t worry. We will find her.”

All I could do was nod and then numbly make my way back down to the first floor. Truitt stood from the couch and made his way over to me. “Did she leave a note, anything?”

I shook my head. “No. Nothing.”

“She left your keys on the side table. I saw them when I walked in.”

“Good. Good. Will you take me home to get my truck? Then I’ll go looking for her.”

“I’ll take you home to change, then I’ll drive while we look for her. I already called Saryn and filled her in. She told me she’d call Ryan for a ride home. He left the dinner early.”

I nodded. “You go and get her. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re in no condition to drive, Nolan.”

I lacked the energy to even argue with him. All I could do was agree and follow him out the door. Truitt picked up my keys, and before I knew it, we had pulled up to my house.

“Would she have gone anywhere here on the ranch?” he asked.

“I don’t think so,” I mumbled as I stumbled out of the truck and up the steps to my front door.

Truitt took my arm and pulled me to a stop before I reached the door. “Nolan, we’ll find her.”

I exhaled and gave a shaky nod. “Let me go change.”

Five hours later, Truitt and I walked into my house and stepped into the foyer. No one had seen or heard from Linnzi. We had checked everywhere we could think to go and called everyone we could think of calling. Now I took a few steps into the house and then reached for a vase and hurled it across the room where it smashed and broke into a million pieces.

“Goddammit! Fuck! Son-of-a-bitch! Motherfucker!” I yelled as I picked up a lamp and sent it flying across the room as well.

Truitt sighed next to me and then walked past. “Go get some sleep, Nolan.”

“I can’t fucking sleep, Truitt. Where in the hell is she? Why in the hell would she run? What was she thinking!?”

He walked into the kitchen, opened the pantry, and pulled out the broom and dustpan. As he made his way to the mess, he spoke. “I think we all know the reason she ran, Nolan. If that sonogram triggered every memory that she’s been running from, the only thing she knows is that we all kept it from her. I can only imagine that she’s hurting, angry, confused. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found right now.”

I stared at him as he got to work sweeping up the glass. My body swayed, and I was physically and emotionally spent.

Closing my eyes, I felt myself sink to the sofa. I dropped my head into my hands and fought to keep my emotions in check. “She’s never going to forgive me,” I whispered.

“You don’t know that. Give her time. She’s not going to do something stupid.”

“You didn’t see her holding Amanda in her arms that night. You didn’t hear the pain and anguish in her voice when she realized our daughter was—”

I cut off my words and looked away from Truitt.

“I’m not going to lie and tell you I know how you’re feeling, Nolan. I cannot even begin to imagine. She has her phone—I’d call her, stay calm, and just let her know you’re here. When she needs you, you’re here.”

I exhaled and stood. With shaking hands, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and then made my way up the steps and to my bedroom. Once I walked into my room, I shut the door and sat on my bed. I pulled up Linnzi’s number and hit Call. I had been calling her off and on until her phone finally just started going straight to voicemail. It was either dead or she had turned it off.

My heart hammered in my chest as I waited to leave my message. Once it beeped, I somehow forced my throat to work. “Linz, I’ve been searching all night for you. I’m back home. Please call me…I’m here, baby. I’m here and I really want to see you. Hold you. P-please…L-Linz…please come back. Don’t go through this all alone. I’m here. I lo…lo…”

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to get control of my emotions. Taking in a shaking breath, I blew it out and said, “I love you so much. I love you. God, I love you.”

My hand dropped to my lap and I hit End. I laid down on the bed and cried as I stared up at the ceiling, praying for Linnzi to come back to me.