VALOR:

POSSESSING EXCEPTIONAL COURAGE AND DETERMINATION

“The Spartans do not ask how many are the enemy, but where they are.”

—Plutarch

W hen we think of courage, we think of people willing to put themselves in harm’s way to do what is right: Martin Luther King Jr. protesting for equal rights; Charles Lindbergh making the first nonstop flight from New York to Paris; Sir Edmund Hillary, the first to climb Mount Everest; the Navy Seals who raided Osama Bin Laden’s compound; airline Captain “Sully” Sullenberger, who safely landed a disabled US Airways flight on the Hudson river, saving the 155 people on board. People like that.

Those are exceptional acts of courage and they deserve our admiration. Most of us are not called upon to demonstrate that level of courage. We are not going to be asked to rush into a burning building to save a child, stand up to terrorists, or walk a tight rope over Niagara Falls.

However, if you are committed to fulfilling your vision, you are going to be called upon to leave your comfort zone. You are going to be asked to dive into the unknown with no guarantees of success. You are going to have to be willing to get out of prep mode and take action.

There is a cost for taking courageous measures. Yes, you might fail. People might call you a fool. But there is a greater cost if you linger on the sidelines. Fear can cost you your hopes and dreams.

If not killed, fear—like cancer—will sabotage your goals and destroy your health. Here’s the short list of problems uncontrolled fear can create: diminished immune system performance, digestive problems, teeth grinding, headaches, high blood pressure, edginess, depression, insomnia, fatigue, memory and concentration issues, over-eating or under-eating, and the use of recreational drugs.

It also wreaks havoc on relationships. The irritability triggered by fear and its cousin anxiety destroys your ability to be the friend and lover we all long to be.

How do you know you are fear-driven? Here are some signs:

• You obsessively think about the regrets of yesterday and the threats of tomorrow. When life is good, you can’t enjoy it because you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• You stay in your comfort zone—both physically and emotionally. You rationalize: If I don’t venture out, I won’t get hurt. Vince was told that it was too risky to try out for the Eagles, that he was too old and inexperienced. Dennis was told he was too small to be a center. Imagine if we believed those indictments and allowed them to imprison us in our respective comfort zones.
• You are fatalistic. You assume the worst and that gives you a justification to not even try: Why try? It is not going to work anyway.
• You fixate on mistakes and beat yourself up. Instead of seeing the 95% successful result, you focus on the 5% that didn’t quite work out as planned. The naysayer will surely focus on your 5%, won’t they? After every NFL game, there was a film review. The camera don’t lie. Even if we played a great game but messed up one play, we dreaded the film. The bad play would pop up for all to see. The coach would rip us a new one in front of the team. Mistakes are part of the game. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.
• You procrastinate. Instead of taking action, you read books about taking action. You wait until circumstances are perfect before acting. (Here’s a hint: They never are.)
• You don’t finish what you start. You rationalize: If I don’t finish it, no one can judge it.
• You apologize for yourself. If I play small, if I lower expectations, people will be less disappointed if I fail and will be pleasantly surprised if I succeed. That’s the attitude for the average Joe, and that is not what you’re about, or you wouldn’t be reading this book!
• You resist accountability out of fear that if people look too closely they will see flaws. In the NFL, we were held to the highest level of scrutiny. We not only had to rise to our own expectations, but also to those of our coaches, fans, and teammates.
• You’re a workaholic. You fear that if you slow down for even a moment, poverty or the negative opinions of others will catch you. This can destroy your health and rob your family of what they want most—time with you.
• You are addicted to drugs or alcohol. Nothing numbs fear like getting sloshed.

Yes, many fears are overblown and imagined, but there are some real threats to your health and wellbeing. What do you do about those?

A very real threat we faced in the NFL was doing serious damage to our bodies. Oh yes—we’re talking concussions and broken bones. We were known for wedge-busting—that massive four-man snow plow determined to intimidate and crush us.

To overcome our very real fear of being flattened by the wedge, we took a sober assessment of the threats (the wedge), took an inventory of our resources (agility, strength, and courage), and devised a plan of attack. Dennis would go low and run toward the point of the wedge, screaming a war cry. Vince would vault the wedge to get to the ball carrier. We usually succeeded.

We don’t recommend that any of you intentionally put yourself in the path of a wedge, but you get the point. There was a very real possibility of getting hurt, but we were willing to take the risk. We weren’t stupid (Okay. Some might argue with that); we took precautions against getting flattened.

There are real wedges to face in your life. The tactics for protecting yourself are the same.

• Identify the threat.
• Assess your resources.
• Develop a strategy for overcoming.

The real threats are easier to cope with than the pervasive, under-the-surface, imagined threats. They can be the hardest to resolve because they’re so tied up with our emotions. Look at it this way.

Fear =
F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal.

Fear is a paper tiger. It looks fierce, but it’s paper thin. You could poke a hole through it with your pinky. You could rip it to shreds with your bare hands.

Yet, that tiger roars:

If you fail, you are going to be a big disappointment to your spouse, your kids, and your friends.

If you fail, people will think you are a fool.

If you fail, people will reject you.

That roar can stop you in your tracks. So how do you shut it up? Here are some proven tactics that can help you manage your fear.

Do a reality check.

We don’t mind flying in airplanes, but we’re not the norm. Flying happens to be one of the most common fears and anxieties, right up there with public speaking (we’re not scared of that, either).

Dennis was once on a turbulent flight with his close friend, Kevin Buckman. Kevin was obviously uneasy, so Dennis offered some reassurance: “If we go down, Kevin, it’s up to the Universe, air traffic control, and the pilot to take care us. If it’s our time, it’s our time.”

Kevin, not particularly reassured, said, “Hey—what if it’s not my time, but it’s the time of the guy in that seat over there?” Wow. That was right up there with one of the most creative fear justifications we’ve ever heard.

These are the facts behind those fears, and you should rest in them: An American has a 1 in 11 million chance of dying in a plane crash, but a 1 in only 5,000 chance of dying in a car accident. Is that going to stop you from driving? The nation would grind to a halt. (By the way, the likelihood of dying on stage during a public speaking gig is pretty low, too.) Keep your fears in perspective. Most of them are wildly out of line with reality.

There is an old saying: I’ve seen a lot of trouble in my time, and most of it never happened. Think about it. How many days have you wasted worrying about things that never happened? Or, if they did, when was the outcome as horrible as anticipated?

Calculate the cost of fear.

The human brain is wired to fear risk. We don’t like to make ourselves vulnerable to threats. Yes—sometimes it is easier to “play it safe.” But cowardice has its cost. It can mean sacrificing your dreams.

Vince was told he was too old and inexperienced for pro ball. He was vulnerable to injuries. To give into those fears of potential bodily harm would mean sacrificing his dream. That was too big a price to pay.

Feed your mind with good stuff.

Read self-help books and blogs. Listen to uplifting podcasts. Listen to testimonials from people just like you who faced their fears, overcame them, and succeeded. They don’t call it en-COURAGE-ment for nothing. Hearing other peoples’ stories will give you courage.

Clarify your reason WHY.

Remind yourself that succeeding in your business is about taking care of your family. Losing weight or fighting a cancer prognosis is about living a healthy life so you can fulfill your purpose. Without a WHY, fear of dying, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and all those other “False Evidences that Appear Real” will devour you. With a WHY, you’re tiger-proof.

Manage your Stress.

Worry triggers the release of a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol is useful for giving you the energy you need for a short-term crisis (think fight or flight response), but if you continually soak in it, it will break you down—mind, body and soul. Learn some techniques for managing your stress. We’ll give you some tips on that later.

Surround yourself with likeminded people.

There is a saying, If you can’t change the people you are with, change the people you are with. If you are hanging out with naysayers and downers, it’s time to find some new friends. Hanging out with positive-minded people who have similar goals creates a comradery and a fearlessness by association. Seminars, networking events, and support groups are a great place to discover new friends.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

And what if you take a risk and fail? So what? Failure is just feedback. It’s not a personal indictment. It’s the information you need to get up, try again, and do it better this time.

Market America, Dennis’s company, started their international launch in Australia several years ago. They did the homework, but there were still a lot of unknowns. That didn’t stop them. They launched. There were challenges to face and mistakes made, but they did it. Fifteen years later, Market Australia continues to thrive and Market America has opened new markets in Europe, Asia, and North America.

Get in Focus Mode.

According to the Mayo Guide on Stress-free Living , when you’re laser-focused on a conversation or a project, a constellation of neurons in your brain called the task-positive network engage.2 You fall into a state of cheerful forgetfulness and anxiety is reduced. Instead of worrying about how well your book is going to be received by the critics, lock in and focus on writing. Instead of worrying about all the things that could go wrong with your business ideas, immerse yourself in your project.

Go for it. Trying ( taking action) is a win.

As the saying goes, Better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. World-class boxer George Foreman was told he was crazy to fight Michael Moorer, a boxer twenty years his junior. Foreman wasn’t worried about the outcome. His philosophy? “I’m a winner every time I go into the ring.” He won that fight and a place in the Boxing Hall of Fame.

Get help if you need it.

You might be wracked with fear and that fear is keeping you from reaching your goals. The tips we’ve provided here are to help conquer the fears and anxieties that are holding you in place. If you think your fear is more deep-seated or if it is making you incapable of working or maintaining your relationships and wellbeing, see a mental health professional. There’s no shame in taking a step that could help you live a better life.

Paper tigers, you’re going down!