VIGOR

the ability to thrive and survive

“Energy is contagious, positive and negative alike. I will forever be mindful of what and who I am allowing in my space.”

—Alex Elle

V itality is the physical energy you need to fulfill your vision. Vigor is the steady flow of emotional energy through mind, body, and spirit. You need to maintain your vigor to stay the course. That means getting rid of the things that drain it—the vigor vampires in your life. These are people, dynamics, and habits that prey on your energy. If you don’t eliminate them, you’ll have a hard time reaching your full potential. Here is a list of some of those vigor vampires to avoid.

TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS

They come in all shapes and sizes with a common goal of getting you off track. It’s like a bucket of crabs: one crab attempts to escape, and the others clamber up its ass trying to pull it back into the bucket. Like James Taylors’s lyric in “You’ve Got a Friend,” “They’ll hurt you and desert you. They’ll take your soul if you let them…but don’t you let them.”

Here is a list of hurters and deserters:

• The Funny Guy with his well-aimed, rude put-downs.
• The Well-Meaning Friend who tries to distract you from your goals.
• The Downer who constantly gives you the reasons your efforts won’t work.
• The Ball-Dropper who doesn’t keep his end of the bargain.
• The Whiner who drives you crazy with their complaints.
• The Know-It-All who doesn’t lift a finger but knows what YOU need to do.
• The Friendly Underminer who greets you with a smile and destroys you behind your back.

Lose ’em. They’ll disrupt the rhythm of your life and make you doubt yourself.

Ken Mok, the producer of America’s Next Top Model , describes a friendship he had to lose:

As I was moving up in the business, I had a friend. He was my best friend. We had been friends since the seventh grade, but he became toxic. He worked in the business but was not achieving the success that I was. As I was moving ahead, he continually tried to undermine me. I realized very clearly what his motivation was. He was jealous. After a while, I had to ask myself, “What is this person doing? Why is he doing this? What is his motivation?” Even though this guy had been my friend since I was thirteen years old, I had to cut off the friendship. He was a drain on my energies and my psyche.

When you can’t lose ’em, ignore ’em. There are people that you can’t entirely remove from your life—parents, children, spouses, or people above you on the corporate ladder. Though you might have to spend time with them, spend as little as possible. You are not doing them or yourself a favor by allowing their negativity to drain your vigor.

Vince found himself in the bucket of crabs several times:

When word got out that I was giving that free agent thing a shot, all sorts of crabs crawled up my back. “You can’t do it, man. You’re too old. It’s never been done before. Geez, you didn’t even play college football, dude!” Even Dennis (I gotta needle you on this one, bud), who is now my “brothuh from another mothuh,” razed me. “You’re too pretty, man. Pro ball is going to mess up that face.”

Some of these were people I competed against in tryouts. They were my prospective teammates. I had no alternative but to hang with them, so I went into selective hearing mode. I tuned out those who were tearing me down and listened to my soul. I was going to get this done. Through it all, I found out who my true friends were. Yes, Dennis became one of the truest. When I was on the field getting bullied, he was the one who had my back, who encouraged me to press on.

Tell it like it is. Let the crabs know you’re serious about your goal. If they’re discouraging you from reaching your objectives or undermining your efforts in word or deed, you will need to spend less time together.

Spend time with your true friends, the ones who are in your court cheering you on as you roll toward your goals.

DYSFUNCTIONAL PARTNERSHIPS

Strategic alliances change. Someone who might have been a partner in one endeavor might not be the best partner for another. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean the friendship must end, it may just mean the working relationship needs to change. Each goal requires the right people to make it work. Attempting a venture with the wrong people will steal your vigor.

Dysfunctional partnerships happen all the time. Every NFL team begins the season with the goal of qualifying for a championship—conference, division, or Super Bowl. It takes a fifty-three-man roster to make it happen. Head coaches will not hesitate to eliminate someone who is not rowing in the same direction as the team. That person might be talented and fun to be around, but it doesn’t matter. When it comes to the team, no one person is greater than the whole.

Dennis was a member of several different bands throughout his music career. Bands, like families, can become dysfunctional. You can leave a band or replace the member who is bringing negative mojo. And you should. Members of any team need to have a common vision and energy. That is the only way you will ever achieve success.

DISTRACTIONS

Success only becomes a reality for those who stay focused. The definition of focus?

F ollow
O ne
C ourse
U ntil
S uccessful

This can be a challenge for entrepreneurial types. Entrepreneurs are, by nature, idea generators. They see opportunities at every turn. This is not a bad thing, but it needs to be tempered. It can easily get you off track.

Sometimes it’s hard to discern between a great opportunity and a distraction. It is especially hard when you decide to pursue what looks like a great opportunity and you hit a snag.

Dennis was invited to play guitar and sing with country artist Stacy Whited. She was recording her album, GIVE , and asked him to join her on a song called “All the Way.” One of his goals was to develop as a musician, and this opportunity seemed in line with that goal. He was jazzed. He met Stacy and her husband, David, at a Nashville recording studio.

Come to find out, they wanted me to play guitar and sing harmony. The guitar part was no problem, but sing harmony? Wow. I was a melody singer. I’m self-taught. I started out as a garage band musician and worked my way through the ranks.

Shifting gears was tougher then he thought. He made several attempts to harmonize, but was not nailing it. Time is money when you’re renting a Nashville studio.

Should I pack up and go home? Was this a mistake? Should I cut my (and their) losses and bail? I decided no! This opportunity was totally in line with my vision. I called an audible. We requested an ear piece and let another musician sing harmony in my ear. It worked. I could follow. I’m glad I did not give in to the temptation to quit. That is a project I am proud to have been part of.

A simple solution to make you distraction-proof:

• Revisit, read, and meditate on your goal statements and your vision board. On days you are particularly distracted or discouraged, read it several times. Recommit yourself to its fulfillment daily.
• Life moves fast. Opportunities may hit you in the face when you least expect them. When presented with an opportunity, ask yourself, “Does this line up with my vision?” If so, seize it! Make adjustments (call an audible) as needed, like Dennis and the ear plug.
• If the opportunity doesn’t line up, let it pass. It’s a distraction from the next great step.

PROCRASTINATION

Putting off doing something that needs doing happens occasionally to all of us. The problem is when it becomes a pattern. Chronic procrastination erodes your vigor. It’s self-imposed sabotage and never ends well; down the road there will be anxiety and regret.

One strategy for overcoming this life-squandering habit is to learn how to manage your time. A basic tool of time management is the to-do list. Master it, and you will increase your productivity dramatically. You just need a notebook and pen. If you are the techy type, there are plenty of to-do apps. Whichever writing tools you choose, follow these steps:

• Before you go to bed, make the next day’s To-Do list. Include on it everything that comes to mind that you need to get done.
• Make subcategories to help you prioritize.
  • Do Now: These are the most pressing tasks that need to be completed the next day. Make time for them in your schedule. Be sure to consider your energy levels when you schedule them. Mentally or emotionally challenging activities should be scheduled when energy is high: if you are a morning person, get the tough stuff done first thing in the morning; night owls, put it after dinner. The less-energetic or mindless activities can be done when energy is lower. Scheduling difficult or involved tasks when you aren’t at peak motivation may mean a task goes unfinished.
  • Do Later: These are less-pressing tasks that are going to be scheduled for a later time—a different day, week, or month. Make sure you schedule them in a reasonable amount of time—not too close or too far out. This is called “strategic procrastination.”
  • Delegate: These are tasks you can give to someone else to complete. If you don’t learn to delegate, especially in business, you’re going to be running a race with a monkey on your back. Those monkeys will harass your mind and get you off track. Don’t feed them. Find qualified and reliable support people. Delegate the task and trust them to do it. Consider hiring a virtual assistant to do your social media management. Hire someone to clean your house. Use a mail-order meal service during crunch times.

Once you get your to-do system in place, it should only take about fifteen minutes a day to update. You will be amazed at the difference this habit will make in your life. It will decrease the night-time anxiety you feel because life seems so out of control, enhance your mental focus and attitude, and help you design the life you were intended to live.

If this isn’t the best system for you, find one that works for you. Ultra-successful serial entrepreneur Cosmo DeNicola has a different strategy:

I am super organized. It’s one of my biggest assets. Like right now, I’m staring at three bins. Keep in mind, I own several technology companies so I have access to all sorts of tools to keep me organized, but I use bins. I have bins labeled “Today,” “Tomorrow,” and “Later.” On the wall of my office, I have nine separate whiteboards. Each board reflects a different company and contains the small goals that must be achieved. When those goals are achieved, they are erased.

MONEY ANXIETY

Money is a common source of stress that can steal your vigor in a big way. Those with serious money problems—those with more stress—have a higher likelihood of headaches, depression, heart attacks, muscle pain, and digestive problems.11

There are a few things you need to learn if you are going to solve your money woes.

• You should have a handle on how much money is coming in and how much is going out. This will help you put together a reasonable budget.
• You need to learn the difference between a need and a want. A need is something you must have to survive (e.g. food and shelter); a want is something you would like to have NOW (e.g. a mansion in a gated community)! There’s nothing wrong with wanting things. Your vision statement is full of things you want. The important thing is to not jump the gun before you have the resources. That can lead to vigor-sucking anxiety.
• You also need to know the difference between a debt and an investment. Debt means you borrow money to be paid back with interest. In other words, you’re paying for your money. Be careful with debt. It can enslave you. It can limit your choices. It can force you to work at a job that you hate just because you must pay the bills. An investment means leveraging your money to create more prosperity in your life. It’s not just buying stock or putting money into a cause or company: a well-chosen training experience or seminar is an investment, too. It’s an opportunity to learn new skills and may help save you time and money down the road. Don’t shortchange yourself by not getting the training you need to succeed.

If you don’t know how to construct a budget or get out of debt, work with a a financial planner or a credit counselor. Make sure that anybody that gives you advice about your money is a fiduciary—that requires them, by law, to only give you advice that will benefit YOU, not advice that benefits them.

ALL WORK, NO PLAY

This is the ultimate vigor vampire. You need joy in the journey if you’re going to sustain vigor. Make time to celebrate your successes.

When we were playing for the Eagles, we lost plenty of games, but we would celebrate the small wins: a great tackle, a well-executed strategy, a well-called audible. Hey, sometimes just getting through a practice during scorching temperatures and suffocating humidity was worth a celebration.

Living a celebratory life has a biochemical effect. Setting aside time to acknowledge your success gets your happy neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin, pulsing. These hormones are the very same substances that get people hooked on gambling, nicotine, and alcohol. Why not cultivate a healthy addiction to achievement?

The “Last Laugh” photo captures a moment of celebration. Big, life-changing achievements (like being on the team that broke the Eagles’ losing streak) are the result of daily, small wins. So celebrate your little victories. And don’t forget to thank the people who helped you achieve them.