part0012

In this chapter, we’ll take a look at the things you should consider before getting into a negotiation. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes due to the contextual and practical factors of the situation, it’s not possible to do all of these steps before the negotiation is upon you.

But, taking 20 minutes or so to do some research, plan a strategy and identify what it is you ideally want from the deal is worth its weight in gold.

Negotiating is like flexing a muscle; the more familiar you are with the scenarios and contexts that can appear, the bigger they get.

I am a big believer in action, so I am not recommending that you dwell on the negotiation for days. The goal here is to get clarity over what you want out of it and what you are walking into. In most cases, 10-20 minutes of planning followed by action will achieve the desired results. The worst thing you can do is over-prepare or not think about it at all, as there is a subtle balance when planning the negotiation which allows yourself the flexibility to be creative in the moment. Each and every person will have their own threshold as to how much planning they need to do versus how quickly they can get into action. For some it will be 30 seconds, for others it may be a 10-minute ritual. It’s a bit like doing the warm up for a workout at the gym. There are some key things that will definitely help and then some things that are nice to have if the situation allows. As you get more experienced in negotiations, you will develop your own routine and it will begin to become second nature, so much so that you may do it unconsciously as you become more expert in your negotiations and experience more success as a result.

Here are some key elements that are useful to identify before going into a negotiation:

It’s important to understand who you’ll be dealing with. There’s nothing worse than walking into a negotiation and thinking you are dealing with one person, only to realise that you’re dealing with a whole posse and you didn’t bring any backup.

To get clarity on this just ask the question: ‘Who else will be there, or is it just you?’ If possible, try to get all the decision-makers who will need to sign off on whatever is decided in the room at the time of the negotiation. I know what you’re thinking; wouldn’t they already be there if this was an important negotiation, and you’d be right to think that. That’s logical but that’s not the way the world works. In reality, it can be slightly different. You might have gone through all of the motions of negotiating and come to an agreement only to find out that the person you have been dealing with doesn’t have the authority to sign it off and needs to clear it with their manager.

The best thing to do is to make sure you get yourself into this type of situation. It is actually very damaging. First off, it slows things down; secondly, it reveals your strategy and what you want, ultimately leaving you with less bargaining power when you have to renegotiate with the decision maker.

If possible, always make that sure you are dealing with the decision maker as well.

One-on-one can be one of the simplest and straightforward negotiations around; it can also be one of the easiest to mess up because it only relies on the two people and there are no other parties to mediate if things get tricky, so often the deal falls through before it’s even had a chance to begin.

This is the best way to look at it – you have a direct shot at getting the best deal possible for both parties if you are negotiating one-on-one, and of making the process as streamlined as possible.

That last one is super important. In negotiation, the power of influence that comes from making others like you is incredibly strong. If someone likes you they will be more likely to bend over backwards to help you reach your goal than if they have a strong dislike or are even impartial. The key here is that the ‘like’ must be genuine (e.g. would you want to spend time with this person outside of the negotiation?). This is why so many deals get done on the golf course, and why having common interests and revealing them can work to your advantage.

The negotiation is about much more than getting the deal done; it’s about building your network, your influence and the long-term sustainability of relationships. Remember that we get much of our information from others, so when you think about how someone likes to operate, you get that information from your network or others who’ve dealt with that person. You don’t want people reaching out to their network to ask how you are to deal with, only to find out that you rip people off or only like to ‘win’ in negotiations.

This is where things can get a little trickier, through the simple fact that there are two of them and one of you. The way to handle this is to call it out, but don’t make it ‘a thing’. For example, you could say, ‘That’s great you’re both here – this means we can get the deal done even faster.’ The way to approach this is to state your goal upfront. For example, ‘I would like to get a better understanding of your business and how we can work together, as well as share with you some of the considerations from my side, and it’s great that the two of you are here so that we can all work together to progress this.’

Ultimately, when there are two of them and one of you, so you will need to have your wits about you because they will bounce off each other to speed up the conversation, and use each other to back up what the other is saying (giving the perception that it is true) and be able to pause and reflect while the other is still talking. Whereas for you, it’s just you, but don’t let this put you off negotiating with more than one person. The important thing is to call it out if things are going south purely because there are two of them.

Often in business, we work as part of a team, and sometimes need to go in as a team to negotiate with another party as part of our jobs. What often happens is, you’ll walk into the room and begin conversations with the other side only to find out that you and your work partner aren’t on the same page.

It can be anything from the tone and style of the negotiation, to what you exactly want out of it, the amount of time you have to do the deal or even the strategy for successful negotiation.

In truth, there are a lot of variables that need to be worked out in the negotiation preparation stage, rather than in front of the client, where it would be embarrassing and unprofessional to do this and leave value on the table.

Firstly, it’s so important to remove anyone who feels awkward or would seek to discredit the process of negotiation when you’re at the negotiation table. Get rid of them now. This might sound harsh, but the truth is you are setting yourself up to fail by not having all team members on the same page. As we know, the negotiation may take many twists and turns, so those who don’t believe it’s possible will find their ability to stay the course is severely impaired.

These people don’t mean any harm; they simply believe the situation is too uncomfortable and believe the outcome to be impossible because they lack skill and experience in negotiation.

Ultimately, this is their own self-fulfilling prophecy playing out; it’s exactly because they don’t believe it can happen that it doesn’t, and they sadly experience less successful negotiations in their lives as a result.

Therefore, it stands to reason that they feel uncomfortable when they are around others while negotiating because of their own experiences. So they end up projecting their own experiences of negotiation onto the situation, which can sabotage the negotiation from the moment it begins.

My advice is to remove these people from the negotiating team. There is no room for pessimism; we want people who will be fully on board from the get-go and believe that it is 100% possible to find an agreement.

As we know, conscious beliefs and unconscious beliefs are incredibly powerful drivers. Tony Robbins, the motivational guru, often talks about how our beliefs influence the level of ‘potential’ that we see in a situation. This has an impact on the actions people are willing to take and on the result they achieve, ‘and then ironically that result, reinforces their belief’. We end up in a downward spiral where the results get weaker and weaker because of this self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, imagine you are in a restaurant, stood at the counter ready to order food and you say to your friend, ‘Watch this, I’m going to see if they’ll give us a discount on our meal.’ Immediately, your friend reacts by saying ‘Nooooooo’ and cringing at the thought. This reaction surprises you; after all, you’ve been reading The Art of Negotiation and you want to practice your new-found negotiation skills. In your eyes, this is the perfect opportunity. So, you step up to the counter, make eye contact with the waiter and begin to order food, building up a rapport as you go, engaging fully in the event. At the end of the order you say, ‘I don’t suppose you could do us a discount?’ The waiter looks up from the till. After looking at you, he looks at your friend, who by now has his head in his hands. He is sending off all the wrong signals, rather than supporting you with your positive suggestion of a discount, appealing to the waiter’s good nature and optimistic attitude. Your friend is unsupportively signalling to the waiter that this was a bad idea, that you aren’t in agreement, and that he is correct to deny your request and that it’s okay.

The next thing your friend does is even worse: as soon as the waiter presents their rationale for not being able to give you a discount and you are about to respond, your friend tries to get you to stop, saying: ‘No, don’t, he said he couldn’t do it.’

Your friend will start to almost agree with the waiter, helping him to close the negotiation down. This undermines your initial request and damages both your credibility and position. In this way, they are acting solely on their fear-based beliefs that it can’t and won’t happen. Therefore, without even realising it, they have caused the negotiation to grind to a halt so suddenly, just as it was beginning to get started.

You, on the other hand, expected the waiter to come back with a reason as to why they ‘can’t offer you a discount’; but you know this doesn’t mean that they won’t give you a discount and you are fully prepared to have that conversation.

Whereas your poor friend gave up before you even got past the first round. In fact, they didn’t even want you to get into the ring and have a go. Their beliefs held them back before the negotiation had even begun; that is why you must be so careful about who you have on your team when negotiating as part of a team.

In the above example, it is much harder to deny the request of two enthusiastic, persistent and positive people when negotiating in a team, but as soon as one of them breaks rank, it’s all over, and the landslide begins to happen. As soon as one person on the team indicates the opportunity for an ‘out’ or agrees with the other side in the early stages, you can be sure that the negotiation will rapidly conclude with a less desired outcome.

In a quick-fire negotiation like this, there is a split second where the person being negotiated with needs to make a decision, and it they will look around for reassurance and external signals that they are doing the right thing. They will check you, the situation and your friend, as well as whether their boss is around. All of this happens in the briefest of moments, almost like an assessment or appraisal of the situation. They will make a judgement and then respond. If you and your friend hold your position, just for that moment, it is likely to work in your favour, because you are signalling to them, and to the world, that you believe it should happen.

Tony Robbins says that when we have ‘absolute certainty’ that something will happen, when we have no doubt in our mind, the potential it has of happening is a given, and we skip right past that stage to taking the actions that are necessary to get the results we want. This is why visualising the results that you want is such a powerful tool, as you are almost thinking your future into existence. By focusing on the result, you are willing it to happen; your beliefs rise and you go all out for it.

Of course, different cultures and upbringings play a big part in why certain people have an aversion to negotiation and will experience less successful negotiation in their lives. For example, if you grew up in a family that believed asking for a discount or haggling on the price was somehow rude or not ‘the done thing’, then you will carry this with you. Whether you are aware of this or not depends on your motivation to become world class at negotiation. People who have spent time understanding how they truly feel about negotiation will be more aware and, as self-help books tell us, self-awareness is the first step to change. Those that are unaware will go about their negotiations less successfully or even seek to avoid negotiation altogether in their lives because it provokes feelings from their past that are really to do with how their parents viewed negotiation.

In my experience, it takes longer than just one negotiation for someone who carries these beliefs to see that it is possible. Beliefs are deep rooted, especially when they come from our childhood, as they form the foundation and the very basis of our thought processes. However, the great thing is, our thought processes can be changed over time with repeated exposure and retraining. Experts estimate we must reframe the situation in our minds between 30-180 times in order to change the thought process and make it the default thought. Therefore, someone who desires to make a change to their view of negotiation needs to consciously reframe how they feel about the outcome of a negotiation 30+ times before they can begin to see a change.

If you have a ‘negative nelly’ on your team, don’t worry about it. Just remove them from the process before you start, as it will work to your disadvantage if you don’t.

Secondly, I believe there is a negotiator in everyone. This is my motto. It is, therefore, vitally important that members of the team who ‘don’t think it’s possible’ have the opportunity to have coaching in order to build up their experience of successful negotiation.

Therefore, I suggest that you work closely with them and coach them through the process. You can do this by giving them a more suitable low-risk opportunity to negotiate and learn from. The best experience in negotiation is practical experience. Therefore, if these people have a desire to learn, there is absolutely no reason why they shouldn’t be able to become world-class negotiators.

Let me make it crystal clear; the people that I am referring to will sabotage the negotiation purely because they don’t believe it is possible. They will interject during the negotiation process because they are driven by their uncomfortable feelings, fear and a desire to prove that it won’t work.

There are many variables that influence the direction of successful negotiation and nudge it along the way to the end. All your efforts should be spent on creating the maximum opportunity for success, rather than convincing someone that it is possible. After all, why make it harder on yourself?

Negotiations can be subtly influenced by many external factors, like body language, the ease that humour is allowed into the conversation, the flow of the conversation, the environment and what’s going on around you. So, the embarrassment of another will only discredit your team and potentially harm the path to successful negotiation.

The successful environment you have created can be reduced and that moment of consideration lost by external factors or your friend jumping in when there is a pause in the conversation and saying, ‘Don’t worry about it, we don’t need a discount.’

One of the biggest factors is other people. They may not be part of the negotiation; they may just be watching and may even be on your team and want you to succeed.

But ultimately, if they’re uncomfortable with the process, their behaviour and actions will be counterproductive, even if it’s unintentional, and the journey of negotiating will be a bumpy ride.

Even small gestures, such as shaking their head, laughing at you, rather than with you, and hurrying the negotiation along can have a negative impact. (This is a big one, as people who are not comfortable and don’t know how silence works tend to want the situation to be over) These people think that once your request is knocked back, that’s it, job done, game over; let’s pay the normal price and move along.

You don’t want these people around you when negotiating because it will hinder the process and make the outcome less positive. Until they are full ready to stay silent, remain non-judgemental and let you do your thing, it’s best to keep them away, no matter how much you want them to understand that it’s possible, especially if they are friends. There’s nothing more frustrating than a friend telling you they think a negotiation won’t work and then unintentionally letting their own beliefs externally influence the outcome. It will cause you grief with your friend.

The same goes for work colleagues too. Those who believe that negotiation is completely possible and are on the same page will experience more successful negotiations than those that don’t.

It’s important to agree upfront the tone of the conversation, what the goal is and who will say what, or introduce which parts.

It’s important that you set yourself up for success and do everything you can to control the variables that you have influence over, like the timing, the pace, the speed, the way you start the interaction, and the person you pick to negotiate with.

Personally, I usually prefer to work alone or with one other person for the first part; it helps to cement the relationship and get the ship sailing in the right direction.

Like chefs in a kitchen, the team works together to create a dish, so you and your negotiating partner need to find your rhythm. Working with others can be great as long as the naysayers and the doubters are kept well away.

To be a master, we must think about strategy. The best way to revise for exams at school was to practise past exam papers and types of questions that are likely to appear. The purpose was to prepare us, and the same strategy can be applied to negotiation. You can do this by thinking about what type of negotiation you are likely to be in. This helps us to apply strategy. For instance, if we overlook the fact we are in a time-bound negotiation, and instead choose to focus on multiple issues, we may miss the mark by a long way as we are failing to acknowledge the time pressure that’s involved. It’s a vital part of our negotiation preparation strategy – get this wrong and the consequences will be dire.

Get in, get out, and get the job done. Focus on the issue at hand, and when the negotiation is done, resist the tendency to rehash old ground. If you negotiated and got what you wanted, there’s no need to justify it, explain or do anything that risks damaging the relationship you have built. Say thank you, and if you want to continue the relationship, suggest catching up for lunch. Don’t go over the details of the negotiation, especially if it was easier than you thought; just accept that it was easy and move on.

The same goes for making it overly complicated; sometimes, when you are negotiating there is one matter at hand and it’s over in a few seconds. That’s it, job done.

With one-issue negotiations, have your upper and lower limits in mind. Focus on specifics in your preparation and have an order of priority as to what matters most, so that you can clearly and confidently work your way through the list as it progresses.

By preparing, you are giving yourself a head start, which will be crucial if the other party comes at you with a quick-fire round of questions or asks you directly what’s the most important thing. By having these points neatly organised in your mind, you can succinctly articulate the priorities as you see fit. This will make you feel jovial, flexible and keep the negotiations moving at an appropriate pace.

Often with one-issue negotiations, there is a lot of detail that you can very quickly agree upon. It’s usually only the specifics that need to be ironed out.

Focus on one issue at a time. Where issues are interlinked, break them down to the extent that you can start making decisions on small pieces of the puzzle. With large, complex deals, it’s often easier to start with what you agree on first and then separate all the issues out. That way, you can connect the dots and work out the best order to tackle each issue and what really matters.

Multiple-issue negotiations run the risk of becoming emotionally charged because people get overwhelmed and it adds to the frustration when they don’t see progress happening. This is where you need to engage in the mental toughness strategies of the world-class negotiator by controlling your emotions and not letting the external affect your internal decisions.

That is why making ground early is important. By discussing what you can agree on and what’s working allows each side the platform to explain what doesn’t currently work and how it could work for them.

People love to feel that things are moving forward, so these small wins that are achieved by breaking down the problem will keep the momentum going while the overall picture is still being painted.

It’s a bit like painting by numbers. Over time, the picture comes together; you just need to figure out where to start and where to go next, based on the issues’ importance and the linkage between them.

This could be at a house auction. You’ve got one shot to get it over the line and want to take it off the market before anyone else comes along and gets it, but you don’t want to pay the reserve. The key to this is emotional energy; you need to get the seller so excited to do a deal and move on they will engage with you on emotion and experience, rather than logic.

Logic says, ‘I set this price; I now want this price.’ Emotion says, ‘We can do a deal. You’re looking for a buyer, and hey presto, here I am, ready and willing to take this property off the market and solve your problem. Rather than go through the stressful rounds of auctions and wait it out, let’s wrap this up now and get on with our new lives.’ Yeah!

People love energy; they love the idea of it and, after all, we are emotionally beings. With one-shot negotiations, just go for it. Don’t beat around the bush, go in with all guns blazing and do whatever it takes to make it happen. Send them flowers, take them to dinner, and go the extra mile for that one-shot request.

When time is a factor, it’s not always a factor for both parties, so it’s important to understand how time is a factor, and who for.

For example, if there is a contract that needs to be signed in order to secure an order by a certain date, time will be a factor.

If the date can move, then who’s in control of the date? What happens if they don’t sign the contract and you lose the sale?

These are all questions that need to be considered regarding time, including who does time affect the most?

Once you know this, you can figure out what you would do if time wasn’t a factor. Knowing this, you have your benchmark. The negotiation can then work in degrees of closeness to your benchmark, depending on your needs that are driven by the time factor.

The question to ask is this: is time really the factor or is it just being blamed so that they can try to get a good deal? It’s also a matter of perspective. Think about it this way; you get to the airport and want a discount on your ticket, but the plane leaves in an hour, so you don’t have much time to waste. What you don’t know is the plane’s only half full and the airline is under pressure to deliver more to their bottom line. By doing this for you, they can get an extra person on board and build your brand loyalty at the same time. The point is, if we assume we know the full story, then we may miss out on opportunities. It’s all about how the information is presented, so make it a habit to routinely get it clear in your mind, what it is you don’t know and then challenge your assumptions.

Time can be to your advantage. For example, the fact the flight is leaving soon can work for both of you. It might even mean the airline decide to honour your request because they don’t have much time to discuss it.

It rarely comes down to price alone; it can be for all manner of reasons, such as ego, likeability, experience, history, background, expectations, upbringing, family, friends, open-mindedness and many, many more. The point is, whenever someone says it’s down to price, you need to question whether it really is, as the price gets blamed for a lot of things. Not just because that’s the way things have always been done. Never underestimate habits and routine in price-based negotiation. For example, is it really true that your business couldn’t give its customers a 25% better deal right now today and still operate with enough profit to keep the lights on? Is it also true that in the right set of circumstances, this type of discounted agreement would make sense?

Price is a common thing to have to negotiate; but the funny thing is, price isn’t the only thing you need to take into account. People have been doing deals for centuries, long before the Egyptians were making huge pyramids out of stone, and these deals were based on likeability. Hell, some people even give things away for free. Don’t underestimate the power of other factors in price-based negotiation. I bring this up because you should tap into it in a genuine way. When you’re told that price is the biggest factor, the next question you should ask is, ‘Who for?’ Is it for the person that’s getting the sales commission? Yes, definitely. Then wouldn’t it be better for them to get a sale, rather than no sale at all? Well, this depends on how much they need to sell. If it’s their last item, they’ll be reluctant to sell it for less than the typically price unless you can give them something more, that speaks to them as a person. Like introducing them to your network (including more potential buyers) or recommending them for a job.

If price really is the main objective, then stating this up front doesn’t always get you the best deal, as people become blinded by it and forget to look out for all the cues and clues that the other side are giving that could help you to get a lower price.

By focusing so much on the low price, they may not get it, or if they do, it comes with a string of caveats that couldn’t be considered a ‘good deal’.

My honest advice on price-based negotiations is to go in with a sensible, yet commercial proposition and state your expectation. For example, I expect a 20% discount for this deal, 60-day payment terms and blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. Stating this upfront, when we are talking business and there’s still excitement in the room, is a strategically advantageous idea. It puts it on the table and makes your requests easier to manage at the time. If you don’t, and bring them up later, they can feel like an afterthought.

When you are presented with a contract that states what you asked for; thank the other party for putting it together, and then ask if there’s the opportunity for a few more percentage points to be taken off ‘because if there could be, then you see a really opportunity for traction in the market,’ and reiterate how this will benefit them as a business.

Then, when the deal is done and you are up and running, call them to say thank you for putting the deal together. This goes a long way and shows you care about the effort they went to in order to make the deal come to life.

This is the strategy that I recommend, as opposed to hammering on about price. Although price was still an issue in the other example, there was much more value created, compared to the price is king strategy that leaves so much undiscovered. After all, the objective of negotiation is to create maximum value and part of that includes the strong bond that can be formed with the counterparty through the creation process of crafting a superior deal together. If the negotiation becomes fixated on one element, it is hard to describe the full extent of the opportunity available because it remains unexplored. This is rather like driving down one road in a city and then trying to describe what it’s like; it’s difficult to describe the whole place when you’ve only seen one street.

There are a number of highly useful questions one must ask before going into any type of negotiation. These cover the context, the reality, the history and who else is going to be around. Questions like this might seem a tad trivial, but actually they play a major part in successful negotiation.

It’s not always possible to find out who will be in the room with you at the negotiation table, but if you can get an idea of the set up beforehand, it comes in mighty handy. This is not only useful from a pre-negotiation visualisation perspective, but also to find out what and who you are up against. In business negotiations, you can often get a scenario where you are dealing with one individual. You discuss the negotiation in depth (probably over the phone), feel it out, define the boundaries and even go through the various stages of the negotiation bargaining process, but then you hit a road block and it’s suggested that meeting up is the best step to take. You rock up either at their place or yours and you go into the room to continue the conversation. Then, out of nowhere, their boss or someone with more authority appears and proceeds to take over the negotiation like a bullet train. You realise you are being railroaded, as they straight away start to explain in detail all the reasons why they cannot do what you want. You might as well sit back and relax because you will be listening to a barrage of words for the next few minutes as they outline extensively what’s going on for them.

What’s happening here is the negotiation has been delegated to a more senior person. You must be prepared for this and think about the possible steps that the other side might take to make the negotiation more favourable towards them before you go to any face-to-face meeting.

Sometimes delegating the negotiation to another person can be a great relief, especially if a level of tension or emotional confrontation is added to the mix. However, it can also be an attempt to press reset on any of the negotiation steps that have previously happened. It’s more common to see this type of negotiation strategy play out in a retail environment because there’s typically a hierarchical business structure, with the manager at the top having decision-making power over deals, discounts and freebies.

In negotiations like these, you will only get so far. You may even get what you’re after and then they will turn around and say, ‘I’ll just get my boss as they’ll need to approve this.’ The boss will come in with limited, or ‘perceived to be limited’, amounts of information about the situation and quickly list off all the reasons why it is not possible (as a demonstration of confidence). This is not a situation you want to be in, so that is why asking the right questions upfront is crucial; so that you won’t get yourself into this less than ideal predicament.

The questions to ask upfront are: ‘Are you the manager?’ ‘Who has the authority to do this?’ and ‘Who do I need to speak to?’ They are important as these questions streamline the conversation.

When you have developed a relationship with someone the negotiation may well need to take various forms and get sign-off at different levels as it progresses. Patience and perseverance are the key traits of any successful negotiator. To be the best, you will need to have both in droves. It’s about being able to go a number of rounds with one party and then stand back up again and do the same thing with the next.

In cases where you do find yourself being railroaded by a manager who picks up the conversation and then lists out all the reasons why you can’t get a deal across the line, it’s best to stay humble and keep your cool. As frustrating as it is to have the ‘back to square one’ button pressed, it is a part of negotiation, so be prepared to face this quite frequently. This is an area where anger can flare up, as the deal was so close to getting done, you could almost smell it, and now it feels like it’s been snatched away from you. It’s not surprising you get annoyed at the new state of play, but you must remember that this isn’t the truth. What we are aiming for here is the ability to negotiate in any situation, including annoying ones. This is when it’s important to hold your nerve, rein in your emotions and have the grit to push through. We’ll talk more about emotions later.

The way to handle this is to break the deal down into bite-sized chunks. It is like the old saying, ‘How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit, piece by piece.’ You need to take the conversation back to the fundamentals of the relationship and the mutually beneficial reasons for doing the deal. Once the manager has done their thing and given their spiel, acknowledge what they have said by using active listening and repeating what they have said back to them. This demonstrates that you have heard them and shows them respect. This doesn’t, however, mean that you agree with what they are saying; it just means that you have heard them. Remember this is only their side of the story, and by acknowledging that you have heard it, you are opening up the conversation to explore your side. Say something like, ‘So, is there anything else I need to get from your side to understand where you guys are at?’ Or you could say: ‘No, OK, cool. Do you mind if I share with you where we’re coming from?’

This moves the conversation back into negotiation territory; there may be a way forward you might not be able to see yet. By continuing on, rather than giving up just because the negotiation seems to have hit a restart point, you are increasing the chances of getting closer to what you want.

On top of all of this, it’s incredibly important to understand the context of the situation when negotiating. For example, who else is around? Is their boss in the room? Do they need to impress their boss? Try to put yourself in their shoes. Is it their first week in the job and are they under pressure to deliver incremental value as justification for the new role? This is where open questions help you to uncover and elicit new information that may give you a clearer picture of the context.

Is their girlfriend, boyfriend, friends or family watching? If so, these other witnesses will influence the way in which the negotiation proceeds. Being aware of this and who else is around or involved will help you to understand how you can use this to your advantage.

It’s not a case of manipulation, it’s a case of understanding the situation and whether this it is the ideal moment to strike a win-win deal. If not, it may be better to hold off and wait for a more appropriate setting. If the deal absolutely needs to be closed now, then bring them in closer with humour. You will find that acknowledging the elephant in the room can take the pressure off.

So say something like this: ‘I understand we’ve got an audience [elephant and humour], I also understand that you want to get a deal away [reframing and understanding] and I’d really like that too [demonstration of possibility]. We just need to make the numbers work [the how].’

Negotiation is a process and the language we use is a vehicle that gets us to our destination. By utilising language and asking the right questions, we will streamline the conversation in a way that brings the other side with us, rather than alienating them.

The quality of the information you receive is one way to improve your ability to negotiate. As they say, knowledge is power and by understanding the difference between open and closed questions, and when to use each of them, we can become a force to be reckoned with.

Be careful of closed questions, such as: ‘Can you do a discount?’ This only provides the opportunity for one of two answers – ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Whereas, ‘What kind of discount can you do?’ gives room for a much more open response. The easiest way to remember the difference between open and closed questions is this: open questions start with What, Why, When, Where and How, and their purpose is to uncover information. Closed questions begin with Can, Do, Are and Is, and their purpose is to confirm information.

Using both questioning styles to uncover and confirm information is a tactical strategic skill that requires practice if it is to be done effectively. The beauty of this questioning style is the quality of the information that it yields and the speed at which you can change the pace of the negotiation. We are only as good as the information that we receive and this is driven by asking the right type of questions. If you aren’t receiving either the answer or information you want, have a look at the type of questions you are asking. Are they open or closed, and is this the appropriate style for the purpose you are trying to achieve?

There are times when a bit of introspection is needed, as it enables us to be real with ourselves and the situational reality.

Key questions that you must ask yourself include: ‘How badly do I need this deal to go through?’ A question like this, if answered honestly, helps to define your upper and lower boundaries. Only you can be the judge of what’s appropriate; however, sometimes we need to level up and get real, so that we can prioritise what’s important.

Here’s another one: ‘What’s the history between you?’

These types of questions require subjective analysis, but it is your ability to be real to yourself and look at something minus the biases, hopes and wishes, and just understand what is actually going on, that will determine how successful you can be at negotiation.

For example, if you want to negotiate the salary for a new job but you are unemployed and need to pay the rent, how much does an extra $5k actually matter, and is it worth losing the job over? If you aren’t honest with yourself and have not worked out a systematic prioritisation system to help you identify what’s more important, you will end up negotiating for your life goals at all the wrong times.

Quick Summary

•	Take time to plan for the negotiation
•	Debrief after the negotiation
•	Increase the number of variables in team-based negotiations, and be clear on who’s taking the lead, what success looks like and what the order of your priorities is.
•	Open vs. Closed questions: know when it is appropriate to use each of these questioning styles.

Activity

For the next seven days, I want you to take note of your automatic assumptions about negotiation, and then challenge them. Keep a journal of what you assume and what you know as a fact. Then write down how you are going to reframe your assumptions in a way that gives you unlimited possibility.

The goal of this exercise is to gain a better understanding of what your tendency is to assume details. In this way, you can apply an optimistic mindset to each opportunity that you have for negotiation in your daily life.

By doing this over time, your expectations of the outcome will shift, and as a result, you will see there are more options available than just your automatic default. Sir Richard Branson is a big advocate of carrying a notebook wherever he goes, so that he can jot down his ideas, thoughts and concepts as he goes about his daily life.

Why not create this practice in your own life? By consciously engaging with a journal each day, we allow ourselves the opportunity to reflect and broaden our sphere of understanding .

1.	Who are you dealing with? (Status, number of people; what’s their negotiation style?)
2.	History of the relationship (How invested are they in the negotiation? What history do you have with this person?)
3.	What does the other side want from the negotiation? (Do you know? How sure are you of this? Could there be something else that matters more?)
4.	Time of day (When will the negotiation take place? Is this the best and most appropriate time?)
5.	Context of the situation (Are there time constraints or reputational, financial and situational factors that need to be considered?)
6.	Where is the negotiation taking place? (Are you likely to get interrupted? Is it the ideal place? What can you do to limit disruption?)
7.	What do you want? (Ideally, plan b, what is the least?)
8.	What are your non-negotiables? (Are they subjective? If so, replace them, be specific)
9.	What don’t you know? (What is unknown? What isn’t it known by both parties?)
10.	What type of negotiation? (Complex, simple or multiple factor?)

•	What’s motivating the other person?
•	What do they want out of the deal?
•	What’s the history of the relationship? Are they related or have they been referred through a friend or colleague? Have you done business with them for years or is this a completely new relationship?
•	How do they usually like to do business?
•	What are their expectations?
•	What is their understanding of your business, your proposition and of you?
•	Do they like you?

•	Don’t let the conversation run away with itself
•	Ask for further clarification and explanation if you need it
•	Don’t feel pressured to answer right away; use silence to slow the conversation down and give yourself time to pause and prepare your response
•	Tell it how it is; if it’s feeling pressured, let it be known and call it out
•	Don’t feel intimidated; the goal is to work together and if you can find the right momentum, positivity and trust then there is no reason why this can’t be the best-case scenario

•	What success looks like? (What’s the agreed ideal outcome? Be specific)
•	Who will take the lead?
•	What is your style?
•	What style is best for this particular negotiation?
•	What is your relationship with the other party?
•	Are there time parameters?
•	What is the walk away point?
•	In order of priority, which issue matters the most?