Ariel grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “The Millers are the family adopting her baby.”
“She’s met them?”
Ariel gave me a quizzical squint. “Of course. Haven’t you talked with the adoption people yet? They’ve been here a couple times since you’ve been here.”
“No.”
“Jasmyn chose the Millers. They’re getting her baby. She’s met them twice.” Ariel stared off toward the front door. “Maybe no one will get to keep her baby now.”
“Don’t say that. The baby will be fine. You’ll see.”
But I didn’t believe my own words.
“Have you chosen a family?” I asked Ariel.
“Of course. My mother would never help me raise a baby. Besides, it’s a girl and…”
She didn’t continue.
“And what?”
“Mom doesn’t like girls.”
I stared at her. “What do you mean?”
Ariel shook her shoulders as if shrugging off a heavy coat. “Never mind. Not important.”
I stood for a moment, my thoughts whirling. “If something happens to Jasmyn’s baby, what happens to the Millers?”
“I guess they’ll go back on the list.”
Steve emerged from the office, saw us, and flinched as if surprised we were still standing there. “Shouldn’t you be getting out there to the bus?”
“To school? Are you serious? How could we concentrate with Jasmyn at the hospital?” Ariel asked.
He ran his hand through his hair. He left one wisp sticking straight up in the front, giving him an antenna in the middle of his head. “I see your point. Fine, you can stay home, but if we get word soon, I’ll drive you to school for the rest of the day. Where’s Lizbet?”
“She never came to breakfast,” Ariel said.
“She got up and showered. I’ll go find her.” I left them and went down the hallway to our room. Lizbet was sitting in the middle of her bed with her legs drawn up as close to her chest as she could over her pooching stomach.
“Jasmyn went to the hospital,” I said.
She nodded. “I saw everything.”
“What are you doing hidden back here then?”
“Is it going to hurt real bad for us, too?”
“We don’t even know if it was labor, she might have had indigestion or something.”
“Bloody indigestion?” Her eyes pleaded with me.
“Don’t look at me. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Plus, I’ve never been through labor.”
“I want this to be over,” Lizbet said, lying over on her side. Her braid fell down her back and zigzagged across the bedspread. “I’m tired of it.”
“You and me both.”
“Would you do it again?”
I gave her a sharp glance. “I didn’t do it on purpose this time.”
She sat up. “But you weren’t attacked. You had a choice.”
I pressed my lips together and tried to ignore the swell of irritation rising inside. “I didn’t choose to get pregnant, Lizbet.” Her name snapped out of my mouth like spit.
She flinched. “Sorry. It seems like I’m always making you mad.”
I took my hairbrush from the bedside table and pulled it through my hair with vigor.
“Don’t be mad, okay?” Lizbet’s voice was soft.
“I’m not. Let’s drop it.” I kept brushing my hair, and it cackled with electricity.
“We’re going to miss the bus.”
“We’re not going to school until we know how Jasmyn is.” I put the brush down and noticed it was full of red hairs that reminded me of Pete’s bathroom and the mystery girl and the sorry mess I’d made of everything.
I sank to my bed and leaned against the headboard.
I checked the clock. The bus would already have passed our drive so I slipped off my shoes and kicked them aside. Ariel peered around our open door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” Lizbet said.
Ariel entered and rested against my side of the closet. “It’s creepy out there.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Steve cleaned up the mess. Now it’s all quiet and eerie — like Jasmyn died or something.”
Lizbet’s mouth dropped open.
“Bite your tongue, Ariel,” I said. “You’re freaking us out.”
“It’s true. Rosaline crept back to her room. You guys are in here. Steve disappeared back into the office, and Jasmyn and Edie are gone. I’m telling you, it’s creepy.”
I patted my bed. “Sit down in here with us, then.”
She sat and we all stared at each other.
“Let’s talk about something happy,” Lizbet said.
We continued to sit without a word. A crow screeched outside the window like we were deep in the woods at a wilderness camp.
Only this was Pregnant Fool Camp.
Ariel twisted her bracelet around and around on her wrist, pulling on the chain, and then letting it slip through her fingers. I watched her, mesmerized.
Lizbet coughed. Ariel and I both drew back.
We were a sorry group.
I jumped off the bed. “Come on, let’s go watch TV or something. It’s ridiculous to sit here waiting for the sky to fall.”
“The sky did fall,” Ariel said, and her expression tightened into a scowl. “We’re all here, Jasmyn is in the hospital, and we don’t even have cell phones. The sky has more than fallen — it’s disappeared.”
I pushed on her shoulder. “I never pegged you as the Queen of Depression. Come on, you guys, snap out of it.”
“Ariel’s right, the sky has disappeared,” Lizbet said. She hadn’t moved from her perch, and her shoulders sagged as if some invisible creature was pressing on her. “And sit down, Farah, you aren’t a cheerleader. Who are you kidding? You’re as cynical as they come.”
I heaved a huge sigh and plunked back onto the bed. “Fine. I tried.”
For the next twenty minutes, I sat next to them with my own muddy imaginings until finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m going to find Steve. He should know something by now.” I headed out to the hallway and saw Steve coming my way. His face was drawn, and the wrinkles around his eyes were shadowed.
I paused.
He knocked on Rosaline’s door. “Rosaline, can you come out here, please?” He tipped his head. “Will you get the other girls and meet me in the den?”
I nodded, and dread grabbed my gut. I leaned back around the bedroom door, and when Ariel and Lizbet saw me, their eyes grew huge. “Steve wants us in the den.”
They exchanged worried glances and then rushed to follow me. The hallway had never seemed so long. Rosaline walked in front, cradling her stomach. My insides shifted, and I put my hand over my tummy, sending silent reassurances to my baby. I glanced behind at both Ariel and Lizbet and realized each one of us had our hands over our bellies.
Steve stood in front of the TV. We filed in and sat on the couches. We were birds perched on a wire, wondering what storm headed our way.
“I got a call from Edie,” Steve said, and his voice caught when he said Edie. He coughed and wiped his hand over his brow. Steve was a slender guy and standing there, I noticed how tall and scrawny he was.
“What is it?” Rosaline asked.
“Jasmyn is fine, thank God.” He shuffled his feet and shook his shoulders. “But she lost the baby.”
All four of us sucked in air. Lizbet’s hand flew to her mouth, and she began to cry.
“Why?” Rosaline asked, rising from the couch. “She was fine. Perfect, in fact. What happened?”
“Edie said it was a prolapsed cord, so the baby’s oxygen was cut off. Sometimes things like this happen. It’s unusual, but not unheard of. I’m sorry, girls.”
“It makes no sense. She was seven months along. Why couldn’t they save the baby? The Millers are waiting. This isn’t right.” Rosaline’s voice grew louder and higher with each choppy sentence.
Steve took a step toward her. “I’m so sorry. But Jasmyn is okay. We need to concentrate on her. She’ll come home tomorrow.”
“It makes no sense,” Rosaline kept on. “The baby was fine. We laughed yesterday about how strong it kicked.”
Lizbet sniffled and hiccupped. Then she stood and bolted from the room, her hand still over her mouth.
“Farah, Ariel, you two all right?” Steve studied our faces.
I opened my mouth to say we were fine, but no words came. I sank back into the couch, and tremors of shock zipped through me.
Ariel stirred. “Jasmyn is lucky,” she said, her voice low and quiet. “She’s lucky. It’s over for her.”
Rosaline whipped around like a mad woman. “How can you say she’s lucky? A baby died! Are you insane? What’s wrong with you?” She lunged toward Ariel, and I scrambled to the side of the couch. Steve was quick. He grabbed Rosaline and pulled her off Ariel.
Ariel screamed and leapt from the couch. “Me insane? You’re a flippin’ nut-case!”
I jumped up, grabbed Ariel’s arm, and pulled her through the house back to my room. I yanked open the door, heard Lizbet’s sobs, and shoved Ariel inside.
“Everyone’s crazy around here. Sit down, Ariel. Lizbet, dry it up.” My voice rose to Rosaline’s level.
I was surprised when they both obeyed. Ariel sat on my bed, glaring at me like a mad bull. Lizbet sniveled and shut up.
My bravado drained, and my limbs went limp. I sank to my bed next to Ariel.
“What should we do?” I asked.
“You’re the self-proclaimed boss — you tell us,” Ariel said.
I rested my hand on her knee. “Sorry. I don’t know what to do.”
Lizbet grabbed a tissue from the desk and blew her nose. “What happens to Jasmyn now?”
“She goes home,” Ariel said. “Lucky girl.”
“So she’s done. Her baby dies and she’s done.” Lizbet reached over the edge of her bed to throw the tissue in the wastebasket.
“Weird,” I said. “For it to be over.”
“Who are we kidding?” Ariel snapped her fingers. “She’s lucky. We all wish we were her.”
“I do.” Lizbet was quick to agree.
Ariel stared into my eyes. “So do you, if you were honest.”
I scooted over the bed like a crab across sand, until I pushed up against my headboard. “No, I don’t.”
“Liar.”
I couldn’t hold her stare, so I concentrated on pulling my shirt over my stomach and straightening the seams.
Ariel leaned toward me, bending low to look up into my eyes.
“Liar.”
“Shut up, Ariel. Mind your own business.”
“Fine, but you know it’s true.” She scooted back against the wall. “So, are we going to school?”
“How could we concentrate? Steve never said anything about it just now,” I said.
“He’s kind of got a lot on his mind,” Lizbet said.
We were so silent, we could hear the cars zipping by on the road at the end of the drive. I wondered how Jasmyn felt. Was she glad? But she wasn’t going to keep the baby anyway. My leg cramped, and I straightened it across the bed. What was I thinking? The baby had been growing in her for seven months. How could she be glad? I wouldn’t be glad. I couldn’t. It was a baby. A human being.
There was no reason for Jasmyn to stay at the Home if she wasn’t pregnant anymore, so she’d be leaving for good.
“Is Ned coming tomorrow night?” I asked Lizbet.
Her eyes were red and watery. She drew in a long breath. “He comes every Tuesday and Saturday.”
“Yeah, what’s with that?” Ariel asked. “Are you sure he’s not your boyfriend in disguise?”
Lizbet leapt off her bed and hurtled toward Ariel. “How dare you!” she screamed.
My face froze in total shock. Lizbet was a feral cat, clawing at Ariel, while Ariel threw up her arms to protect herself. I jumped on Lizbet pushing her to the floor where we both landed with a heavy crunch.
Lizbet panted in my ear and wailed from her throat until it filled the room.
Ariel stood over us with fury curling every feature. “What is wrong with you?”
“Stop it, both of you!” I yelled. My legs were still flopped on top of Lizbet. “Stop it, I said!”
Lizbet went slack beneath me. I crawled onto my knees and gazed down at her. “You all right?”
Ariel heaved air above me. “She’s ravin’ crazy.”
I looked up at Ariel. “You hit low. Ned’s her brother, and he’s the only good thing in this nightmare.”
“I wasn’t even serious, I was just talking.”
“You talk too much.”
“Thank you, Miss Farah the Perfect.” She turned on her heel. “I don’t need any of this.”
“Come back. Man, everyone around here’s a hot mess.”
Lizbet struggled to a sitting position and leaned against my bed. “Sorry, Ariel,” she said in a whisper.
Ariel walked back and joined us on the floor. “I guess we are a hot mess. I feel awful about Jasmyn.”
“We all do,” I said. I reached over and smoothed Lizbet’s hair from her forehead. “We’ve got to stick together. Otherwise, none of us will make it through.”
A car pulled up, and Ariel jumped up and ran to the window. “Can’t see who it is from here. Come on.”
We scurried up and followed. We hung back at the end of the hallway to peer around the corner. Steve opened the door to a couple who were both crying. The woman held a tissue to her face and kept mumbling, “It’s not true. It’s not true.”
I leaned close to Ariel’s ear. “Are those Jasmyn’s parents?”
She shrugged. “Not sure. I didn’t think Jasmyn had a dad.”
Lizbet clutched my arm like she was about to fall off a cliff.
Steve hugged the woman and ushered them into the living room. “Please sit,” he said.
The three of us plastered ourselves back against the wall, so we wouldn’t be seen.
“What happened?” the man asked. “She was fine.”
Steve sat with them on the couch. He spoke in low tones, but we could hear him. “It was sudden. The doctors say it was a prolapsed cord. There was nothing to be done. The baby couldn’t get air. I’m so sorry.”
The woman burst into another round of sobs. “And Jasmyn? Is she all right?”
Steve nodded and patted her shoulder. “Jasmyn is fine. Edie is with her, and her mother is on her way.”
Ariel jerked back and gave me a questioning look. “Who are they?” she mouthed.
“My baby,” the woman choked out and clasped the tissue over her mouth.
Ariel’s eyes grew wide. “The Millers?” she mouthed again.
The Millers. A sick heaviness twisted inside my stomach. My heart sagged with a strange sorrow for these people I’d never seen before. Jasmyn’s baby had been their baby. Their child — one they’d probably already lavished with dreams and hopes. And it had died.
Lizbet’s grip on my arm tightened further. Her body shook with silent cries. I blinked and realized I was crying, too. It was all so wrong. I put my arms around my waist and hugged my baby. Nothing was right. Nothing was fair. Ariel pushed us back toward our room. We stumbled down the hallway, and I was grateful for the carpet so Steve wouldn’t hear us. We passed by Rosaline’s open door. She sat on her bed, and her face appeared as if someone had erased all emotion, like chalk from a chalkboard. Her eyes were dull as she watched us go by.
Ariel kept pushing us until we were all back on my bed.
Lizbet shook her head as if in slow motion. “Their baby is dead.”
I hit the bedspread, sending a hard vibration through the mattress. “It’s nobody’s fault. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Come on, let’s do something. This is sick, sitting here.”
Lizbet frowned at me and then whispered, “What’s sick is Jasmyn’s baby died, and I was jealous.”