The knife is not a small knife. It is a big knife. With a sharp blade. From a West Hampstead kitchen. Designed for butchering, skewering, dicing. Nicole can’t see it yet – it is held down by Adam’s side. Our secret.
‘I’m not going to prison, you see,’ Adam says. ‘I can’t do that to myself.’
‘Why would you go to prison?’ asks Nicole.
Adam does a little laugh. ‘Because you’re so conscientious, my darling. This great passion for justice that you have.’ He bends down and stage whispers, ‘Because you’ll tell your new best friend, DC Huhne.’
Nicole shakes her head. ‘I won’t, I won’t. I promise I won’t.’
Adam nods. ‘You’re right, Nicole. You won’t.’ Adam lets Nicole see the knife. Our moment of shared secrets is lost. Nicole does not seem to understand the privilege of being let into the secret, because she starts to whimper, and shake her head.
‘You won’t get away with this. You won’t. Dan is here. Dan, call the police!’
Adam turns to look at me, his eyebrow raised in amusement. I love him. I love that look. I want to frame it forever. Adam chuckles to himself and turns back to Nicole.
‘Don’t worry about Dan, sweetheart. He is a loyal, loyal friend. And not too keen on the police.’
Yes, you see, he recognises me. My loyalty. He is going to kill Nicole and then in reward, we will be together forever. I don’t need Nicole now, we don’t need Nicole now, closeness is achieved, love is achieved – salvation is nigh!
‘You deserve each other, you know that?’ Nicole says. ‘He kills women too, you know.’
Adam looks at me again, differently this time. Taking me in. I am still the same. I still love him.
‘Is that right, Dan?’ Adam asks.
I want to tell him about it all, not the way Nicole described it earlier, but the whole plan, what Luke and I did for him, as practice, to seduce Nicole, to get close again to him. But Nicole might tell him about the first closeness. So instead I just nod.
‘That woman, in the flat, opposite where we had dinner. He murdered her,’ Nicole fills in.
Adam doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he smiles at me, like I’ve suddenly done him a favour. I smile back. Maybe he understands. Maybe he is, in fact, He and omniscient.
‘You two deserve each other. You can rot in prison together. Because they’ll know, they’ll know that you were here,’ Nicole continues.
‘Nicole, I’m not here,’ says Adam softly. ‘Just like I wasn’t there when Helen died. Jimmy is here. Dan is here. No one who matters saw me come in or go out.’
It’s okay, because I know he doesn’t mean that I don’t matter. He just means I don’t matter in this context, because I’ll never tell the police.
‘Your friend Jimmy? How do you know you can trust him? He’ll tell people. Then you’ll be done for both me and Helen. Don’t do this, Adam. We can work it out.’
‘Sure, Jimmy’s outside. He’s probably gazing at his new Rolex. And for all he knows, we’re in here, having tea. In fact, I fancy some tea. Put the kettle on, will you, Dan?’
Tea, devotion, love – whatever it is, Adam can have it. I go into the kitchen and fill the kettle.
‘You’ve got time for some tea, too, I think, Nicole,’ says Adam. ‘Or are you still off the caffeine, with the baby?’
I put the kettle into its base and flick the switch to boil.
‘So, you remember we’re having a baby, then. That you’re going to kill, as well, right?’
The swooshing noise starts in the kettle. Heat begins to rise. Little bubbles start to form, through the window.
‘Nicole, I’ve already done the logic there, remember? With Helen.’
Steam is now rising from the spout.
‘It’s like this: You can only love a baby if you love its mother. If you got divorced, she might have an abortion anyway. If it lives, it might inherit all your money.’
Bubbling and bubbling and – now – yes, boiling, boiling. I put two bags into the teapot and pour the water over them both, so that they are saturated.
Next door, Nicole has stopped whimpering. She is sobbing.
‘I thought you loved me,’ she is saying, over and over again. It is an easy mistake to make, with Adam.
‘Nic, honey, I did. I loved you so much.’ His voice waivers.
I clatter the cups and pot down onto a tray.
‘Tea’s up,’ I say. Since I’ve been in the kitchen, Adam has changed position. He is squatting down now, facing her, level with her neck. She is still bound to the chair. Her neck and her belly are exposed for incision.
‘I did, I really used to love you. In fact, what I loved then, I love even more now,’ says Adam. His voice is strong again, now he has an audience.
‘Milk, sugar, you two?’ I ask.
‘Then don’t do this, Adam. Don’t kill me, for God’s sake! We’ll work it out.’
‘I loved you in a special way, Nicole, so different from what I loved about Helen. Do you know why I loved Helen?’
I think back to the picture of the castle with the queen scrubbed out. I think I can guess.
‘Her castle and her jewels?’ I volunteer.
Adam looks at me and smirks.
‘Yeah, why not, Dan? What a lot you know about love. Her castle and her jewels, Nicole. And we already had the castle, didn’t we, when you came along? And you weren’t above helping yourself to its contents.’
Nicole is shaking her head. ‘I didn’t know. I didn’t know.’ I can imagine her thinking of all the jewels, all the diamonds, all the kitchen designs – her house and herself decorated with blood.
‘But the castle would be so empty, alone. And you were so pretty to put in it. So glamorous. My Nicole, my actress.’
‘It can still be that way, Adam,’ Nicole says.
He looks at her. He raises his free gloved hand, and hovers it above her forehead, as if to stroke her. Then he takes his hand away.
‘I can’t go back, Nicole. To that. Or to a jail. You’ve no idea what it’s like.’
‘Because you never told me. You never told me about Feltham. You never share. Just bottle it up, then act.’
‘You’d have divorced me. And taken your split of the house and my money. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t. Indecent assault isn’t attractive. Is it, Dan?’
He doesn’t wait for an answer, but carries on. ‘I’d be awful in prison, again, Nic. I attract odd people. People I don’t want. Look at Dan.’
I know I shouldn’t take offence at this. I know he is just doing Nicole one last kindness, before he kills her – make her not know his real motive. His love for me.
‘I’d be there with all sorts of people, Nic,’ he continues. ‘Horrible ones. Odd ones. Locked up, in a tiny place, with shabby clothes, and no hope. Why couldn’t you just put Helen out of your mind, like I did? Why the constant discussions with Huhne? Why did you put it all at risk?’
‘I’ll stay away. I won’t talk to her. I promise.’
‘I can’t believe you, Nic. I know you will, eventually. You’ll be in bed in the middle of night, or after we’ve made love. And you’ll think: How do I know he won’t kill me too? And then you’ll betray me. Trust me; I know who my betrayers are.’
Adam is right. Nicole lies. But who betrays him? I don’t.
‘I’m sorry, Nic,’ he says. ‘But it was you who destroyed us. Now it’s my turn.’
I expect Adam to use that moment to insert the knife, to slit down her front, to the roe. But he doesn’t. He stands up. Then he takes the pot in his gloved hand. And he pours tea all over Nicole. She cries out – the water must still be scalding. And yes, it is, because she is going red, lobster red. She cannot fight back, her hands still tied, so all she can do is shut her mouth, shut her eyes, endure it.
And then comes a voice that I did not expect to hear.
The voice of DC Huhne.