The coffee shop was a blip in her past. Over and done with. She got through an entire week without going anywhere near it or Xander’s place.
Yeah, okay, maybe it wasn’t a major achievement. He’d called about fifteen times in the hours after she left his apartment, so she’d blocked his number. Making him a blip too. Cutting ties was the easiest way to forget about him.
That was all she had to do.
Forget.
Every step counted.
Her cellphone rang as she hurried along the corridor toward a conference room at work. Stacey had sent her an email requesting her presence. No meeting was scheduled, not in her calendar or mentioned at the morning briefing. Not much went by unscheduled these days.
The phone. Right. The phone.
“Yeah?” she asked, the weight of her thoughts stalling her as she answered.
“Shiny?”
“Dem,” she said, closing her eyes. “Sorry, I missed your call.”
More than one of them. He’d left a few messages over the weekend, and she hadn’t returned any of them.
“Yeah, I’m getting a complex over here since you ran out on me the other night.”
Ran out on him at Xander’s almost two weeks ago.
“I’m sorry. I had my reasons. Long, complicated reasons. I can’t get into it right now.”
“You hate complicated.”
Thank you! At least one man understood her needs without her having to explain herself. “Thank you, Dem. Yes, I hate complicated.”
“You busy tonight? We could start over… over again. Just us this time.”
Without her tagalong friends. Should she? Probably not. Being around him hadn’t felt great the last time they’d met up. Though Xander had his own role to play in that hot mess.
“What do you want to do?” she asked. “Dinner? Drinks?”
“The Grand. Room two thirty-four,” he said. “We can get room service.”
And there it was. Just like she’d said, Dem wanted it and was direct about it.
Getting down and dirty with any man was about the furthest thing from her mind. While she was conscious anyway. Her subconscious kept R-rated dreams running all night, but Demetri wasn’t the star of those.
Even considering being with Demetri felt like a betrayal. Damn, she needed to get over it. Xander wasn’t the one putting that guilt on her, she’d told him they were over. She didn’t owe him anything.
It was a betrayal of whatever was going on inside her.
A betrayal of what her body craved. Giving herself to anyone else would be a bad substitute. She couldn’t con her body into thinking Demetri would be enough. Even in the dark, and despite never being intimate with Xander, her libido would know he wasn’t the one devouring her if she got it on with Demetri. A ringer would never satisfy it.
“Let me think about it,” she said. “I’ll call you later?”
“Sure.”
They hung up and she stayed there, leaning on the wall, her phone resting on her jaw. Sex with Demetri. She could do it. He was good in bed. Present. Though he didn’t spend a lot of time staring into her. Even if it did feel awkward or weird, Demetri probably wouldn’t notice.
Xander.
Why couldn’t she get him out of her mind?
Closing her eyes, she lowered her chin, bouncing the corner of her phone off the center of her forehead. Was she a gold-digging whore? Had she turned out to be one of those people? Xander was used to people like that, probably had a sensitive radar for it. She didn’t have any concise idea how she felt about the money. Did it matter to her or not? With that uncertainty, she couldn’t argue the point with him.
Though he was the one who wouldn’t get out of her head, not his money. She didn’t obsess over how the money kissed. How its hands felt on her. How it put a smile on her face and teased her with gentle touches.
“Stop it,” she hissed at herself.
The guy had made one comment. She, being her, jumped on it as a major insult only to then conclude he was possibly correct. She should apologize. That would be the decent, human thing to do.
But whatever they weren’t, she looped back to his condition. No other guys. And the caveat… That would only matter if they were still friends. If they were still…
Why had she bolted so fast? Because Xander touched a raw nerve? Because she was terrified he could be her everything? Her mind was all screwed up. The same thoughts had been floating around, intruding on her every moment for the last eight days.
Damnit, something had to change. She stood up straight and went into her contacts. Text would just memorialize her muddle. Voicemail? What was the chance she would get through to his voicemail?
With the conference room just a few meters away, at least she had an excuse for getting off a call quickly if he picked up.
Clearing her throat, she scrolled through and found his number, saved as X. Nothing more. It was supposed to be just his initial but seemed prophetic.
Quick. Come on. She didn’t have all day. Fuck it. She pressed call. No going back.
Raising the device to her ear, her whole body was tingling. Her stomach flipped over and over. Why was she nervous? Could adrenaline be responsible for numbing her fingertips, or was she having a stroke?
It rang and…
Another tone echoed from further down the corridor. Frowning, she peeked left and right. There was no one there. And that ringtone. It wasn’t typical. In fact, she’d only heard it one other place.
Creeping along the corridor toward the suspicious sound, trepidation seeped in. Her boss wanted her in that conference room.
Lowering the phone from her ear, she rounded the door and…
Xander.
Several people occupied the conference room, but she only saw one. Him. Standing there behind a trio of Northberg associates. Dynamics own top-tier team stood near Eric Donal and her supervisor, Stacey. Everyone was fawning over the older guy surrounded by the Northberg people. Everyone except Xander.
This was a nightmare. Had to be a nightmare. Oh, God, she better not be naked.
Xander slipped his hand into his inner pocket. For his phone? Maybe.
Without looking, she pressed the disconnect button on hers.
What was he doing there?
Why was he loitering in the background? Not that he looked suspicious. No, despite being closest to the corner, he was still the most intimidating. Maybe the brooding, unimpressed thing was a tactic.
Although his phone stopped ringing, Xander retrieved it anyway. It took him just a second to read her name on the screen. Like he sensed her, his attention pounced to hers.
She wasn’t a bad person. Being clumsy, and sometimes saying the wrong thing, didn’t make her evil. Xander had told her if going to the press and outing him would make her happy she should do it. It hadn’t even occurred to her. Never would she do something so callous and intrusive. Why open a can of worms she’d be powerless to close?
Except, he was doing the equivalent.
Alex, the man she thought her friend to be, would never intrude on her livelihood. Her job was her life. Not because she wanted it to be exactly, but she wasn’t like him. Her savings were meager. If she lost her job, she wouldn’t make rent.
And she hated games. He knew she hated games.
Why would he invade her workplace? What could be his reason?
They just stood there. Eyes locked. The contrition she’d seen in him in the past wasn’t gleaming like she expected it might. Xander wasn’t sorry to be there. He was determined.
The setup didn’t seem right if his aim was to get her fired. Ruining her would take nothing more than a single phone call for a guy of his influence.
Her mind wasn’t as shrewd as his. How conniving might he be? To reach his stratosphere of success, Xander must have a ruthless streak. Something she was learning in real time.
“Rainie.” That happy voice belonged to Stacey, her boss. “Come over here and meet Hal Crean, Northberg’s CEO.”
So that was the older guy surrounded by his cronies? Ignoring the menacing figure in the corner, she pasted on a smile as she crossed to join Stacey and Eric Donal.
“It’s a pleasure,” she said, shaking his hand and the hands of the three people around him.
The Northberg trio were Viva’s usual contacts. Having their CEO in the room, with Xander in attendance too, couldn’t be a coincidence.
“We were just discussing what’s next for Northberg,” Stacey said. “Won’t you please sit down?”
The top-tier team took their places around a central Donal at the closest side of the table while she sat at the edge of the room at their backs, like always. Xander didn’t take a prominent position. Quite the opposite. He sat at the other side of the room, behind the Northberg delegation.
Like an underling.
It didn’t make sense.
If he was such a bigshot, why was he seated there like a lowly assistant?
Hal Crean, the Northberg CEO, started going on about a renewed relationship and a bright future. Taking notes on her phone was normal; no one batted an eye. Sometimes they had tablets, but there was a finite number in their department and the others were in use.
Notes on Hal’s monologue weren’t required, giving her the opportunity to text the interloper.
“What are you doing here?”
Xander’s phone chimed in the same moment she hit send, reminding her to put her own on silent. She tried to focus on Hal’s talking. Northberg was moving into a new era, stronger than ever. They needed a dynamic team to rise with them. Her phone quaked in her hand.
“I miss you, Button. x”
That was his reason? It didn’t make it right. Hal was still going on about synergy and diving deep, so she responded.
“That’s not an answer. This is my workplace.
I don’t like games.”
His reply was quick.
“No games. I’m here to stay, baby. Meet Xander Gauge.”
Listening was getting more difficult as her thoughts got louder. She’d said she didn’t know Xander Gauge and wanted to get to know him. This. In her work, surrounded by colleagues, was not what she’d meant. She texted back.
“What does that mean? Is that a threat?
I have bills to pay, I didn’t think you were this guy.”
Threatening her was beyond what she’d expect. But she wouldn’t have expected him to show up at her work either.
Her phone vibrated again.
“I am your guy, Rainie. I don’t give up.
You have to know how serious I am about you.
About us being together. I’d give you anything I
have, anything in my power to give is yours. We
agreed to communicate, Button. Lay that honesty
On me. Don’t block me out. x”
Honesty. How could she be honest with him when she couldn’t figure herself out? Doubting him was secondary to her doubting herself, that much was obvious.
In the interests of honesty, she could only tell him what she knew for sure.
“Dem wants to have sex in his suite tonight.”
That was the truth. She read it back. Oh, God, was that callous? Hurting him wasn’t her goal. She’d been calling to tell him that. Her heart raced. Peeking up, past the people at the table engaged in discussing promoting their products, her eyes met his.
Those weren’t happy eyes. Weren’t amused or even reasonable. It was rage. Cold, disgusted, almost challenged anger burned across the width of the room, losing none of its potency on the journey.
Slowly, his head shook. Not for long, but she got it. He was saying it wasn’t allowed.
He shouldn’t be able to say no if they’d put their relationship behind them. No person should have the right to tell another what they could and couldn’t do if all parties were single, legal, and consenting. Yet, she wasn’t mad or even offended by his nerve.
Whoever Xander was, however much of Alex was in him, if he’d said the same to her about Courtney, she’d not only be mad, she’d be devastated too.
Exhaling, Xander said he’d craved her advice after learning Lance lied to her. She got it. She wanted to talk to her friend and ask for his advice right then. Maybe that was the key. Whether they could work out the romantic part of their relationship or not, their friendship was real… or it once had been. Maybe she cut that part off too quickly. She missed her Alex.