brass, stare, best, bears, bras, bass, rest, beast, bare
MRS E LOOKED at me suspiciously when I showed up at their back door the next day at five, looking for Cosmo. Her hands were covered in flour and she was wearing an apron. I could see bread dough rising on the counter behind her.
‘What are you two up to?’ she asked, as we waited for Cosmo to appear.
‘Cosmo’s going to teach me self-defense,’ I said. ‘But maybe we don’t need to mention it to my mom.’
She studied me for a moment. ‘You’re not doing anything naughty?’
‘No, Mrs E. You have my word.’
‘Then I see nothing.’ She winked at me and went back to her baking, just as Cosmo appeared. He was wearing a tank top and sweatpants.
‘I hope you’re not going to wear that on our date with Amanda,’ I said, as we headed into the backyard.
‘Our date?’ He cuffed me on the top of my head, but not too hard. ‘Tell you what. I won’t wear these if you won’t wear your hat. Or your purple cords.’
‘I told you, I like my purple cords. And my hat.’
Cosmo took a deep breath, but all he said was, ‘I know you do.’
It was surprisingly mild for March, and the sun kept breaking through the clouds. Purple and yellow crocuses were sprouting up all over their garden. Cosmo had strung up an old punching bag to the branch of a maple tree. He held on to it while I punched. I’d always wanted to hit a punching bag, but I was surprised at how much it hurt. It hurt a lot.
‘It’ll get easier as you build your strength,’ Cosmo said.
I looked at his muscular arms, then at my own toothpick arms, and I felt a sudden wave of hopelessness. ‘Maybe we shouldn’t bother,’ I said.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. It’s like improving your Scrabble game. It takes time. Now get down and give me twenty-five push-ups.’
Twenty-five push-ups just about killed me, but we were far from over.
‘Now I’m going to teach you a few blocks,’ he said.
‘I don’t want to learn blocks. I want to learn how to fight back,’ I said, although, at that moment, all I really wanted to do was retreat to my room and have a nap.
‘One step at a time, Ambrose. Now, try to punch me in the face.’
‘I can’t do that—’
‘Sure you can.’
So I tried to punch him.
Cosmo swiftly brought up his right arm, bent at the elbow, and easily blocked my fist. ‘You can do better than that. Put some force into it.’
So I tried again, harder this time, and he easily blocked my fist again. ‘No offense, Ambrose, but you swing like a girl,’ he said.
‘Offense taken,’ I retorted.
He showed me high blocks and low blocks. ‘Blocking is your number one line of defense against jerks like those bullies at your old school,’ he told me. ‘Now, try to block my punch.’
Cosmo swung at me, not too hard, and I quickly brought my arm up.
‘I did it!’ I shouted. ‘I blocked your punch!’ But in my excitement, I didn’t see the next one coming. He hit me in the stomach. I doubled over, winded but not hurt.
‘Geez, Ambrose, I’m sorry,’ he said, as I got my breath back. ‘Are you OK?’
I nodded – then I punched Cosmo in the stomach, taking him by surprise. He looked more startled than hurt, then he burst out laughing. ‘You’re a fast learner,’ he said, and I felt a bubble of pride well up inside me.
Cosmo decided we’d done enough upper-body stuff after that. I was ready to call it quits, but he took a soccer ball out of the shed instead.
‘I don’t play soccer. I hate soccer.’
‘You’ve never played it.’
‘Because I hate it.’
‘You hate it because you’re afraid you might embarrass yourself.’
‘I’m not afraid I might embarrass myself. I know I’m going to embarrass myself. It’s happened many times.’
‘Well, you can’t be embarrassed in front of me.’
So we kicked the ball around for a while and I was terrible, but he was right. I didn’t feel embarrassed. Near the end I actually managed one beautiful kick, and Cosmo high-fived me. A little jolt went through my stomach because, outside of gym, I’d never kicked a ball of any type around with anyone, except maybe once or twice with Phil, before my mom stopped taking his calls.
When we’d put the soccer ball away, Cosmo lit up a cigarette.
‘You keep your car spotless, but you fill your body with poison,’ I said, watching him.
‘This is my only addiction right now,’ he replied. ‘In my books, I’m doing pretty good.’
‘Why did you start using drugs?’
He shrugged. ‘I was messed up. I didn’t know what to do with my life.’
‘I don’t know what to do with my life, and I don’t do drugs.’
He smiled. ‘It’s complicated. I was depressed. And angry. And confused … A friend offered me something at a party one night and it made me feel a lot better. For a while, the drugs kept making me feel better. Then they made me feel worse, but by then I was addicted.’ He ground out his cigarette. ‘What can I say, Ambrose? There’s a lot of paths to choose from in life. I took a wrong turn.’
‘What do you owe Silvio?’
‘What?’
‘UOME. I read the note.’
‘What’d you do that for?’
‘You left it beside the car. It was tempting.’
‘You’re such a weiner.’
‘Are you going to tell me, or not?’
Cosmo sighed. ‘I owe him some money.’
‘How much?’
‘Two grand.’
I whistled, or tried to. I’ve never really mastered whistling. ‘That’s a lot.’
‘He loaned it to me just before I did that last B and E. We were supposed to do the job together, but he didn’t show up, so I did it alone. I figured I’d sell a bunch of the stuff I stole and get him his money back. But that’s not what happened.’
‘What did happen?’
‘I didn’t know the owners had a dog.’
‘A Doberman pinscher? A German shepherd?’
‘A Labradoodle.’
‘A Labradoodle?’
‘Labrador crossed with poodle. Tiny little thing.’
‘You’re kidding me.’
‘I wish.’
‘So what happened?’
‘I was high, which was my first mistake. I was carrying this big flat-screen TV to the back door and, next thing you know, this little pup came tearing out of nowhere. I tripped over him and knocked myself out on a corner of the TV. I guess the owners came home because, when I came to, the cops were already there.’
‘Wow. That’s kind of …’
‘Embarrassing? Yeah. What can I say: crime doesn’t pay.’
‘Supper’s ready!’ Mrs E called from the back door. ‘And Ambrose, I insist you stay. Peanut-free,’ she added with a laugh, and I suspected she was having a little fun at my mother’s expense.
Cosmo and I walked toward the house.
‘Was the Labradoodle OK?’ I asked.
‘The Labradoodle was fine. Now shut up about it and let’s eat.’
Mom noticed I was acting awfully perky as she headed off to work on Friday. ‘You’re in a good mood,’ she said, as I spun her around to a song on our boombox called ‘Darlin’’. It was a peppy, countryish number by a Canadian band – Luther Wright and the Wrongs – and it was on one of my mom’s favorite CDs. When our budget would allow it, she’d pick up interesting music from a used CD shop on West 4th Avenue.
‘Fridays,’ I said, as the song ended. ‘Royal Canadian Air Farce on CBC. Who wouldn’t be in a good mood?’
‘By the way,’ she said, as she put a bunch of term papers into her bag, ‘I found out why Cosmo was in prison.’
My stomach did a flip. ‘Oh, yeah?’
‘Mrs Economopoulos told me. I guess she felt I should know, which was good of her.’
‘So?’
‘He got caught breaking into someone’s house. To support a drug habit.’ She shook her head, disgusted.
‘But he’s not on drugs anymore,’ I said.
She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. ‘How on earth would you know?’
‘Well, he doesn’t seem like he is.’
She put on her brown suede jacket that she’d got for only twenty bucks at Goodwill and that looked amazing on her. ‘His mother says he isn’t using anymore, either.’ By the way she said it, I could tell she didn’t believe it.
‘Why are you so skeptical?’ I said. ‘Maybe he really is clean. Maybe he really is trying to make a new start for himself. Maybe he’s really a good guy who took a wrong turn.’
She looked puzzled. ‘Why do you care so much?’
‘I don’t. I’m just saying, you shouldn’t always expect the worst in people.’
She put her hands on my shoulders. ‘Ambrose. I don’t mean to expect the worst. But in my experience, the worst is what often happens.’ That hung in the air. Had she always felt this way, I wondered, or was it only after ‘the worst’ had happened to my dad?
‘Believe me,’ she continued, ‘I sincerely hope that he’s managing to stay clean. Because if he falls off the wagon, he might try to steal from us, too.’
‘We have nothing to steal.’
‘Drug addicts don’t care about that. Mrs Economopoulos told me he used to steal money from her wallet all the time.’
I thought about the jar of quarters in my room.
Mom put on the floppy hat with the flower on it, then she held out her arms and I gave her a hug and a kiss. ‘I’m going to have a drink with Jane after our classes,’ she said. ‘I’ll be home by midnight.’
Once she left, I went into my bedroom and hid my quarter collection under my bed. Just to be safe.
At six o’clock, Cosmo picked me up in his Camaro at the end of our block. Having dinner and getting self-defense lessons from him in the backyard were secrets the Economopouloses didn’t seem to mind keeping, but I figured going out with Cosmo in his sports car on a Friday night would be pushing the envelope.
‘You look good,’ I said. He was wearing new-looking jeans and a short-sleeve button-up shirt that partially hid his tattoo.
‘Thanks. You look … unique. Quite bright.’
I’d opted to wear my good pants – the brown ones that were a bit tight in the crotch but otherwise perfect – my Ikes, and a neon green T-shirt that I felt brought out the flecks of green in my brown eyes.
‘You washed the car too,’ I said.
‘Inside and out.’
‘Funny how you take better care of your car than you do of your own self.’
He just gave me the stink-eye.
But as we drove through the neighborhood streets to pick up Amanda, who lived in a low-rise apartment building near 4th and Burrard, I could hardly breathe. ‘What’s that smell?’ I asked, unrolling my window.
‘My aftershave,’ said Cosmo.
‘What’d you do, pour it over your head?’
‘Is it too much?’
‘Yes!’
So Cosmo turned the car around and I ducked down in the passenger seat as he ran back into the house to shower and change. I’d never seen him like this before.
Once he was back in the car, I asked him: ‘Have you ever fallen off the wagon?’
‘What?’
‘With the drugs, since you got out of jail.’
‘No. I was tempted at the beginning, but no.’
‘Promise?’
‘Where is this coming from?’
‘Would you steal from us?’
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘You stole from your mom.’
‘Aw, for – yes. I did. When I was using. I’m not now. That part of my life is over, understood?’
I wanted to ask him how he could be sure, but we’d arrived outside Amanda’s apartment building. She was waiting out front, and even to my untrained eye, I could see she looked drop-dead gorgeous in a peasant top with a plunging neckline, a short brown leather jacket, and a pair of tight jeans tucked into red cowboy boots. She smiled at us and headed toward the car.
‘Get your ass into the backseat,’ Cosmo said, as he climbed out to open the door for Amanda, a big goofy grin on his face.