I smirk as Rolan fumbles to unlock the door. I'm sure that's why he tosses me in hard enough that I tumble and land on my face. I roll over, grinning at him as I get to my feet. I think I've won something. Kind of.
But then the door slams and I'm back at square one, without Garrett and alone in my cell. I can't use the tunnel again. Robin said they're watching and I believe it. The hall outside the window is back to looking as dark and shadowless as a closet but I have to be extra careful of what I'm doing now. I can't even hint at anything near the bed tunnel. It'd be stupid for me to risk it.
My thoughts churn. Whose side are the three Procella really on? Are they just confusing Milo's projections on Sean as being from Grace? Can a baby actually be an Addo? And where is the Addo? He should've been projecting on Sean the whole time. What is really going on with Sean?
The last thing that Garrett said comes drifting back: pray for help. Well, drifting like a tidal wave that crashes in my ear. I slip off the edge of the bed, pressing my knees against the cool floor and lace my fingers together. I rest my elbows on the mattress. It's the way my mother showed me how to pray. Between my knuckles, I whisper so quietly that my words are barely more than a sound in my throat. I don't want The Fury hearing one syllable.
"Please God... help."
The answer doesn't come in a voice. It comes as a thought that feels so right, I know it's the help I need. The answer is: Connection. I pop open my eyes with a wide smile. I need a new Connection. That's exactly what I need.
When I get over the excitement of being answered, I crinkle my eyelids shut again. I ask for even more help.
"Please send the right Connection. The one I need," I mumble and the answer this time is a voice.
You? a woman's voice says. It is dark and stringy and makes my skull ache to hear it. That, and it's frighteningly familiar.
This is not the voice of a person I loved. It is the voice of a thief.
Worse, a thief I murdered.
The yuck factor of it hits me like a wet wool sweater. Peggy, was her name. She was one of The Fury; a thief who had been looting houses. She and her boyfriend jumped Milo and me as we were making our way back to the Cache. It only occurs to me now that Milo and I were looting too. It doesn't matter that we were looting purely for survival. We were thieves too, just like Peggy and her boyfriend, Victor. It doesn't even make it okay that the reason I killed her was that Peggy attacked and was going to kill me.
Her voice, echoing in my skull, messes with me. I cannot trust a thief, especially one that I murdered.
No, I answer her in my head. Not you.
This ain't my fault. Not like I'd have come lookin' for you. I was sent.
Then let's send you back. I can't take you as my Connection. I can't trust you.
Let's talk about trust. Which one of us is dead? Which one of us made it that way? You asked for the Connection you needed--not what you wanted. And here I am. Get over it.
I can't reconcile it. You're a criminal.
And you're a murderer. Peggy's voice is flat. But you must need a criminal. So what do you want to do?
Holy crap. I sit back on my heels and open my eyes just to escape her. I'm facing the wall, the one with the tunnel inside it. It's where I need to go if I want to get out of here. But once I'm out, where am I going to go? I'll need to be able to take care of myself. But dang... couldn't I have gotten some other criminal, besides the one I killed?
I don't need a thief. I need to survive. I tell Peggy. She snorts.
Well, then I am the right pick. Nobody knows survival better than a thief.
I can't trust you. I don't know how to say the next part. It's not getting any easier, no matter how many ways I think to say it either, so I just go ahead and blurt it. I can't trust you because I killed you.
She pauses then. When she finally replies, her voice is deep and bumpy. Not like she's crying, but like she's trying not to.
You can trust me 'cause you saved me, she says. I was lost. The Fury soaked me up. Remember Victor? He was my fiancé once. My soul mate. We forgot all about that though, when we got into The Fury. By the time the rioting got going, we were both entrenched in the life. I just wanted what I wanted--mostly money and jewelry and cars and things I'd never been able to have growing up poor--and I didn't really care about Victor anymore. I only cared that he would help me get what I wanted.
"Death was the only way I started seein' straight again. Not that I wouldn't have wanted to be cured some other way. But I think you had to kill me. I don't think there was no other way. Another couple weeks and I would've lost my mind for good. I would've killed Victor myself. Probably would've been for the best. He's insane now.
So I guess that's how you can trust me, darlin'. You can trust me because you saved me."
I take a deep breath that doesn't do beans to clear my head. Peggy's standing there in the center of my gray matter, waiting for an answer, and I have no idea what I should tell her. Everything she's saying could be a lie. She could be trying to draw me in so she can even the score. But she sounds so sincere. Real, in the way that truth smacks the tuning fork inside me.
And I prayed for help and she's the one that showed up for the job. I should probably hold out for the next applicant, but the thought wells up into a word before I can stop it.
Alright, I tell her and before I can say another word, Peggy throws herself at me in a bear hug and our fields crash as they meet.
I've scrambled up my field with Connections three times now, so I know what's coming. All I can hope for is that nothing major would happen while I was sleeping off the exhaustion that comes along with getting a new connection. I fall back on the bed and I'm asleep before I can even throw a blanket over myself.
I'm out for who knows how long.
What's weird is that when I wake up, everything seems pretty much the same as I left it. Best of all, I'm not dead. The only real difference is a tray of food, which looks a little expired, sitting on the table and my pillow is soggy where I drooled on it. I sit up slowly, my muscles weak and my stomach lurching like I've been on a boat. Probably from not eating. In the back of my head, Peggy says, Whoa! Steady as she goes, there, Captain.
Why are you here? I ask. Aren't you only supposed to be around if I'm in trouble?
You kiddin' me? You're in an Ianua holding cell. You can't get in more trouble than that.
My excitement over still being alive fades a little. I rub my head. I need a shower, but when I glance at the open stall in the corner of the room and align it with the window-wall, I figure I'm fine with stinking. Peggy snorts.
That's what bras and underwear are for, sweetie. Bathing suits.
Can you tell if any of them are watching?
Nope.
A Connection's ability is limited to giving you the information you need, when you need it, to keep you out of danger. I'm surprised that Peggy's coaching me with shower tips at all, until I realize the dangers she might be keeping me from.
Thank you. I say.
Yeah, whatever. Guess you weren't raised up in a family with three roughneck brothers that liked to bring their creepy friends down to the creek for a swim. That learns you up fast.
Sorry.
Shoot, ain't nothin' to be sorry for. I made it.
I strip down to my bra and panties and take the shower, feeling smug. However, the smugness runs right off me when I'm standing there in my soaking wet undies, the fabric clinging to me like a wet Band-Aid. I shiver, even after I wrap up in the towel that hung beside the shower. But I'm clean. Once I get a handle on the shivering, I think I'll be able to be smug again.
The window doesn't even hint a shadow when the door swings open. Tuco and Rolan file in, along with the third and fifth Cura's Procella, Angus and Heema. I'm anxious, without having a clue as to where Angus and Heema stand. Van strides in last and my field bristles, but doesn't open around me. Tuco has a new tray of food, but it's not like he smiles or even makes eye contact as he crosses the room and drops the second tray of food right on top of the first.
"What do you want?" I ask. I'm a little afraid to hear any of their answers, but I'm itching to get whatever they've got in mind over and done.
"You have a new Connection?" Rolan's eyebrows lift with the question.
"Nope. Why?"
Van harumphs. He steps forward and I can't hold my field back. It explodes around me and he smirks. "Yes. There we are. Contego don't sleep for two days straight unless they've acquired a new Connection."
There it is. I've lost two whole days. Might as well be a lifetime.
Peggy pops up in the back of my head, whispering, Don't you tell them it's me. Don't tell 'em nothing. They can't tell who you got without an Addo to tell 'em, and if you say it's me, Van'll kill you. He knows me. Just keep quiet.
There is only a beat between Peggy's last words and Van asking, "Who is the Connection?"
"I don't know his name."
"Don't play games, Nalena."
"How about I lie? Like the way you lie about not being the Mastermind of The Fury."
Van closes up the last couple steps between us. He raises his palm to his opposite shoulder and when he lets the backhand fly in my direction, I let go too. I surrender to my instincts and jump out of my body, so it can respond without holding back. I watch, from inside my field, as my body takes over, blocking the hit and twisting into Van. I jab a sharp elbow into his gut, before spinning out of his reach. He folds in half. I shouldn't have been able to lay a hand on him. Van is highly trained, but running with The Fury is making his skills flabby.
I'm not the only one to notice. The other Procella watch closely as Van straightens up, his hand still on his stomach. I am a little terrified by what I've done and by what will happen next, but since my spirit is hanging around in the ether, my body's heartbeat doesn't give me away. It plods along, slow and steady, each beat like a clap on the back, telling me I'm doing the right thing.
But 'doing the right thing' doesn't make what I'm doing any less uncomfortable. Van was someone I trusted. He was my high school principal. He was a Procella in my Cura. Despite knowing what he is now, he was on my side once, so having to protect myself from him messes with me in ways I can't even describe.
He looks as stunned as I feel.
"How dare you accuse me of being the Mastermind!" he snaps. "You better have solid proof, if you're going to make those accusations!"
He wants you to tell him what you know. Don't you give him a thing, Peggy hisses in the back of my head. I clamp my mouth shut.
"Yes," Heema says, "if you have proof, now would be a good time to share it."
Nothing. Don't say nothing! Peggy insists. I almost nod in an attempt to shut her up, but it's not like she'd see it.
"You see?" Van jabs a finger in my direction. "Liars. They're trying to break us down, divide us, just like Angus said they would."
Angus hardly looks impressed. In fact, he swings his full blown scowl in Van's direction, but Van just keeps on going, driving home his point.
"These traitors are dangerous to us. They're obviously from The Fury and they're trying to worm their way back into our community with their lies. We need to keep them under lock and key. Who knows which naive souls among our people might buy into their deceit?"
"A good point," Tuco says. Heema tips up her chin, looking someplace over their heads as she thinks through what they're saying. I can see the pile of crap they're selling her, and how Rolan and Tuco are playing off each other to both appease Van and persuade Heema and Angus. It makes me wonder if the latter two are the only ones in this room, besides me, that are actually still true to the Ianua. Heema sighs.
"At the rate with which we are identifying traitors, our cells are filling too quickly."
"She is right," Tuco says. "We do not have room to spare, but we can not turn traitors loose."
"We need to think of how we can combine prisoners." Rolan strokes his chin. "We could pair Trig with Larson. They're both vegetables now anyway. We could even add another prisoner into the cell with them, maybe one that is not so dangerous."
"Milo." Van's brows lift in excitement. "Or Kanit."
"Kanit and Milo could be paired. Or the girl, Deila? But they are only Alo, hardly worth worrying over."
"Houle. Deeta Houle," Tuco says. "All she does is work. It might give her something else to do."
I'm trying to stay invisible and suck up as much info as I can. Deeta would have her hair in knots if she knew what they were planning to do with her. My back aches and I shift my weight, drawing Tuco's attention. I hold my breath, but he only glances briefly and looks away. It doesn't seem to matter that I'm here at all, which tells me that I'm at the very bottom of the Contego barrel when it comes to being considered any kind of threat.
"We could put them in with the vegetables," Angus says.
"Yes," Van chuckles as if this is a party game and he's winning. "I still vote for Kanit. Maybe his skin disease will transfer and finish them both."
Kanit? I think that's what they're calling Nok.
Heema clears her throat with a frown. She glowers at Van as if she'd like to blast him herself. "Our purpose, as the Ianua, has never been to encourage harm, even to our enemies. I would like for all of us to continue to honor our traditions and beliefs, even in the midst of this chaos. Who we are is already an endangered notion. We should seek to strengthen it with our resolve, rather than poach it with our anger and fear."
"What I meant," Van adds quickly, "is only that these traitors are taking resources from our community."
"It is not our way to encourage tragedy," Angus says, "but natural reduction is going to happen. We need to do what we can to maintain fair conditions for our prisoners, but we aren't responsible for keeping them alive under every circumstance that arises. Van's right that we only have so many resources and they must go to our community first."
"We could bind this one and the Reese boy," Rolan sneers in my direction, as if the sight of me really hops on his last nerve. I feel the same way about him, but I try not to sneer back. I try to stay as invisible as I can and my ear tingles with Peggy's whisper, Yep, that's right. Keep on bein' a tree.
But it's also true that the idea of being bound to Garrett now, rather than being stuck in a cell with who knows what, makes me want to climb up onto Rolan's bandwagon. Not being alone in all of this seems like a really stellar plan that I can buy into.
"I agree," Tuco's lip lifts in the most disgusting leer. "Bind them. All they'll do is mate all day anyway."
My fingers twitch to curl into fists at the insinuation. My cheeks blaze on high roast and the angry blood flow snakes all over my body.
Invisible! Peggy hisses. I try to do as she says. I stand there like a ginormous, seething eggplant.
Heema makes a thoughtful humph. She makes a delicate cup of her fingertips and rubs them softly beneath her chin. Her dark eyes flash to mine. They are anything but delicate. Her gaze crystallizes the warrior inside me, almost as if she is trying to call me to battle.
"Do you wish to be bound, Nalena Maxwell?" Her sharp, blinkless eyes tell me the only answer is yes. I nod as if it hasn't occurred to me that I wanted to bind with Garrett. I realize that the answer is clear. When Garrett asked before, I was wishy-washy about it, but now I know it is the only thing in the world I really want.
"Then we should proceed with their binding," Heema says with a sliver of a smile. "Do we all agree?"
Tuco and Rolan and Angus all nod their consent, but Heema is really only looking at Van. He notices and tucks his fingertips into his front pockets as he puffs out his stomach like a flattered turkey. Heema smiles her faint little smile again.
"Yes, I agree. Completely," Van says. It's disgusting how he gloats in front of them. From what Heema said, about not encouraging harm, I know it's wrong of me to still wish I could sink a sledgehammer into his Cavis. And I wonder if it is some code of honor which keeps any of them from doing it.
Van locks eyes with me. "You know what that means, don't you, Nalena? If you break your binding with Garrett, you will never be bound again. The two of you will never enjoy the covenant of identified marriage. You will never have children together."
Tell them you don't care about The Fury or the Ianua anymore, Peggy instructs, but I have my own words.
"I just want to be with Garrett. I don't care about anything else," I say as my gaze passes by each of them. Van's smile curls into his cheeks. Angus looks away, while Tuco and Rolan exchange pleased glances with one another. Heema holds my gaze only a moment, but before she looks away, I see it. She gives me the slightest, most inconspicuous squint of a wink that tells me what I really needed to know.
We have an ally after all.