I remember seeing most of the Procella at the Totus, when they first arrived at the Hotel Celare. I wondered then who of them I could trust, and I wonder now, as I sweep up and down the wall that is lined with them, which ones would try to kill us at the first chance they get. After the ambush, and seeing who the traitors were that went with us to the Cache, all I know for sure is that I can't trust anyone.
And I am sure that Garrett is just waiting too. He will kill Van, even if the opportunity to do it doesn't unfold perfectly. All Garrett needs is an opening and I know he'll go for Van, no matter what the consequences. The heat of his anger is right on the surface of his skin and I feel its intensity every time we sway together, even if we don't touch.
Garrett doesn't take his eyes off Van, so I've got to keep an eye out for any peripheral threat. It could come from any of them, really. Even if the Addo trusts some of the Procella, I don't. I trust Garrett, and me, and Mrs. Reese. That's it.
"We are here to accept the binding of Garrett Reese and Nalena Maxwell," Rolan says, "as a precautionary measure against their escape and a solution to the overcrowding expected in the holding cells."
"What say you, Procella Reese?" Heema asks, tipping up her chin. Van lifts Mrs. Reese's hand to his lips. He gives her knuckles a quick peck before he answers.
Garrett shifts. I reach over and clamp onto is hand, stepping right in his line of vision and blocking out his mom. It takes him a blink to see me. He looks so drained. I lean in and brush his lips with mine and then I kiss him, right in front of everyone.
"Garrett's mother and I give our permission for the binding," Van says behind us. I break the kiss and immediately wish I hadn't, because the moment we look at Van, he kisses Mrs. Reese's hand again and peeks a hint of a grin to Garrett from over her knuckles. It's too much. I turn to grab Garrett's arm and miss as he throws himself at Van.
Angus, Rolan, and Sisi are on Garrett before he can cover the five steps to his target. Van drops into fighting stance, the welcome attack flashing in his eyes, but Mrs. Reese is also ready. She crouches beside Van, making it hard to tell who she would've attacked, but I know.
I know.
"Garrett!" Mrs. Reese shouts. For maybe the first time ever, Garrett ignores her. He strains in the arms of the other Procella. The veins ridge up on his neck, his muscles are solid and ready beneath the sleeves of his shirt. Rolan grunts, but manages to holds Garrett back, even as Garrett bucks against the Procella like a bull in a rodeo pen.
"Garrett!" Mrs. Reese snarls. "You are my son, but this is my Vieo! Don't you dare disrespect me by making me choose who I will protect!"
Her tone snaps Garrett out of it. He knows better than to blow her cover. His body immediately relaxes out of attack mode. Rolan pushes him back from the Procella's barricade and Garrett returns to his place beside me. His anger isn't any less, especially when Van flashes another crappy grin our way, but Garrett gets it back under control.
"My binding is not for Van to decide," he grumbles. "He is not my father. He is my father's murderer."
"If you don't shut your mouth," Van says, stepping forward himself this time, "I'll be sure it never opens again."
The other Procella don't jump to block him like they did with Garrett. Instead, it's Mrs. Reese that catches Van's arm. She tilts her chin to Van and it is a small gesture that says he shouldn't forget his place with her either.
"Don't make me choose between you." A foreboding syrup oozes from her tone as she adds, "I couldn't live with myself."
It seems obvious to me that she would dismember Van, but her words, and the way she dips her chin down submissively with that last bit, is enough to fool him. He lifts her hand to his lips again and I just about herk up my Desino leaves. I don't know how she doesn't shrink away from his thin, creepy lips as he kisses her hand. Like he's some knight in armor. She swallows and I like to think she is trying to hide the urge to vomit too.
Van takes his place against the wall again.
"Please," Mrs. Reese bows her head to the other Procella around her, "forgive our outbreak. We give our consent to the binding."
We. Garrett's teeth grind, but he stays still.
"When?" I ask. Everyone turns to look at me, as if no one remembered that I was even in the room or have a voice.
Rolan puffs, amused. "Do you have other plans we need to schedule around?"
My impulse is to smirk, but that would only make them watch me even harder, so I just do what Mrs. Reese did. I tilt my chin at Rolan, as if he should watch who he's talking to. He barks a short laugh.
"I don't have the right to know?" I say. In my peripheral, I see Mrs. Reese conceal a tiny flash of a grin. It settles things in my chest.
"What difference does it makes to you?" Rolan says.
"Because I've been waiting forever," I whine. I know it's the right answer just by the way Rolan smirks. It's that you're-a-dumb-girl smirk, the kind that underestimates me completely, the kind I want.
"Told you," Tuco adds from his place on the wall. "They'll be too busy to..."
"Now now," Angus clucks. "No need to give the Vieos any more ideas than they already have."
"No, we don't need any more ideas," Van says, looking deep into Mrs. Reese's eyes. Garrett's frame goes fluid. I wrap my fingers around his arm this time and my fingers burn as his own fury radiates through his skin.
"Let's begin, if we are to bind all the Vieos in one ceremony," Heema says.
"All?" I ask. Who else is there?
"Milo Frangere and Deeta Houle, Trig and Masha Royza of the 8th Cura, Mark and Lenta Alstad of the 3rd Cura, Van and Miranda..." Angus lets the list trail off. My knees go wobbly and I'm not sure if my grip on Garrett is to hold him back anymore, or to hold me up.
"The Addo allowed my brother to bind? He's just a kid!" Garrett snaps from between clenched teeth. He switches his glare to his mother, but she doesn't transfer away from Van's gaze. I can't believe that Mrs. Reese would let Mark bind either.
"The Addo okayed it all," Tuco sneers when no one else offers an answer. His eyes dart between Garrett and I, as if we're supposed to understand something about this that we don't.
"The Addo wouldn't allow this--" Garrett says.
"The Addo did," Van jumps in. "You can ask him yourself at the ceremony. Addo Sean gave the whole thing his blessing."
Addo Sean? I want to shake my head till my brain stem blows off. Tuco, Rolan, and Wojtek knew the truth about Sean being a decoy Addo, but they also said he was a traitor. Is it because he's playing up to Van that they think that?
I curl my body around Garrett's. I reach up and run my fingers through Garrett's hair to distract him from what they are saying. Sean is not a traitor. But he must be getting in close with Van and not explaining it to Rolan, Tuco and Wojtek. Maybe Sean doesn't trust them either. It's very confusing, but what I do know is that Sean's Simple and he would never trade out to The Fury. He knows how much is at stake and no Simple human being loves the Ianua more than Sean Reese.
But I have one nagging memory that snags me. It is the one that Garrett told me about when Sean was younger and bitter about not being chosen for the Ianua. He was the only one of his brothers that wasn't, and in a family firmly planted in the community, it was miserable for Sean. Garrett said Sean eventually rose above it. He made himself an asset to his family and the Ianua by being a genius and steeping himself in Ianua culture. And now his chance has come. The entire Ianua community's survival rested on him being a decoy for Milo, so that even if The Fury got hold of Addo Larry, they still wouldn't have Milo. But what if something happened that we don't even know about? It makes me cold in the deepest places to even think that Sean would ever consider deceiving us all.
I can see that one worry simmering in Garrett's eyes. This is how The Fury weasels its way in. Doubt. I try to catch Garrett's gaze. He's with me, but not, as that one doubt continues to consume him. I need it to stop.
"Aren't you happy?" I ask, nose to nose. "We're going to be bound, Garrett. Finally."
He falls in step with my plan to keep him alive and hopeful. His entire face softens and he brings his face so close to mine, I think he is going to kiss me. A hard blush pushes across my cheeks. We need to show the Procella here that we aren't going to cause them any trouble, that we're going to be so busy with each other that we'll never think twice about running away or finding the Core or killing them. None of that.
But I don't know if I can be so convincing as to seriously make out with Garrett, right here in front of everyone.
It doesn't matter. What I think, I mean. Because Garrett doesn't just kiss me. He holds the back of my head as he pulls me into his arms and forces my mouth open with his. He jabs his tongue into my cheek and hums his enjoyment into my throat.
I can't enjoy the kiss. The intimacy with a whole audience looking on shocks me. Tuco and Rolan hoot and urge Garrett on as I panic and struggle, but Garrett holds me so tight that I can't get away from him. I try to calm down. Garrett wouldn't do this unless we really need to.
But the grossness of the entire thing hits me dead center--of Mark being married off when he's only 13, of Mrs. Reese being forced to marry Van and I can't even imagine what is happening to Trig, since he just found out his wife died in the ambush and is now being paired off to save space. Even Deeta, who is probably the most willing participant in this whole thing, since she's had such a huge crush on Milo, is probably totally flipped out. Deeta might be a little desperate, but she's not dumb. I can't imagine she'd agree to any of this.
"That's right," Rolan laughs as he jabs Garrett's arm, "get her."
Tuco adds with an echoing laugh, "There's more of that, all you want, once you're bound!"
Garrett locks his arms around me and I know we need the Procella to believe we will not be looking to do anything except mess around once we're bound, but everything about having to prove the intimacy between us makes me want to hurl. I force myself, in front of Garrett's mother and all of our enemies, to put my feelings for Garrett on display. I mold my body to his in ways that make me feel shameful and dirty. I press my chest to his and when his hands travel down my ribs in a caress, a crop of embarrassed goose bumps rise up on my skin in response. I notice how Garrett tries to shield me from them, while giving every impression that he's not. I close my eyes and pour my focus solely into his lips and the sharp citrus scent that fills me. This way, it is not hard to lose myself in Garrett's kiss.
When he finally pulls away, I cannot look at Mrs. Reese. Or anyone. My face is so hot, I think I could hold my face against a kettle and boil water.
"Yes," Heema says, "they should be bound immediately."
"Tonight," Wojtek agrees.
"Now," Rolan says.
"Now is perfect," Van pipes in as he plasters a kiss on Mrs. Reese. Garrett's muscles react and I hook my arm through his in response. I swing myself right in front of his face again, blocking the view of his mother as she kisses his father's murderer.
"Kiss me again," I whisper to Garrett. The muscles in his arms tighten as his gaze trails to my lips. He is as grateful for the distraction as I am to give it. His body responds to my request and this time, I am not embarrassed at all to weave my fingers up his neck and into his hair, in front of everyone, and pull him to me.
His lips on mine remove the room.
It is just Garrett and me. Nothing else matters.
They don't waste any time pulling the binding together. There is no waiting around, no special attire, no decorations. We are hustled into the outer hall for the first time since we got here. The Procella line each end of the hall, Rolan, Wojtek, and Tuco on one side with Sisi, Heema, and Angus on the other. In the center, Hyo, and even Mrs. Reese and Van, herd us together like sheep as the doors of the cells open up one by one.
I finally get a glance into the cell beside mine. Inside, Milo sits on his bed. I'm ashamed at how little I've thought of him. He saved me more than a few times in the Cache and even more important, he is our Addo. But there is no tug that pulls on my protective instincts when I look in at him. I wonder how he is projecting his energy away from himself now. I wonder if the little cone in the ceiling has syphoned off any clue as to who he really is, but if any of our enemies know, I doubt Milo would still be imprisoned and safe. He is staring into the window, as if he's staring right at me, but he looks straight through me like I'm Swiss cheese. His view of the hall must be dark.
Lestyn opens the first cell and Trig steps out. Seeing Trig before, and seeing him now, is the only way I can tell exactly how wrong he looks. His shoulders are a little hunched, his chin drooping on his chest. His hands stuffed in his front pockets, he shuffles toward Garrett and I. He lifts his head enough to give us a shallow nod hello. I put a hand on Trig's back and feel the suffocated tremble in him beneath my palm.
Tuco opens the door at the far end of the hallway, the one that leads into the Hotel Celare. Procella Kaya escorts three girls in, but I only know one of them. Deeta tries to resurrect her usual, bubbly smile for us, but it's too twitchy, as if she really means to puke. I move across the carpeted hall to her before I even think about it. As I reach Deeta, I'm shocked that Kaya doesn't hop on my back and take me down to the floor. But Deeta grabs for my arm and squeezes me hard. She doesn't even giggle.
We walk back to the little crowd in the middle of the hall and pass Nok's cell. Sitting at the table, Nok is still in his tall, gangly guy 'costume', staring at the window wall. He's spinning a plastic knife round and round on his finger like a lazy helicopter blade. Without disturbing the spin of the knife, he reaches up once to scratch his cheek. Then he reaches down and scratches his ankle. The knife never hesitates in its rotation. I don't wave, but I wonder if his eyes are tracking Deeta and I outside, or if it's just an illusion. He doesn't gives me any clue, either way.
"If anyone is confused," Rolan begins and the only sound is the soft scuffle of our feet as we all turn toward him. "We're here for binding. So let's get this under way."
Mark's head swivels to Garrett, to me, to his mother. It's not like we have any answers as to why they're dragging him into this. He still plays Hacky sack and hunts for worms. He's not even done being a boy and they're binding him as if he's ready to be a man. The girl that Kaya nudges toward him--Lenta is her name I think-- is a couple inches taller than Mark, but she slouches as if she has no idea how beautiful she is. She's got soulful brown eyes and long brown hair that curls in delicate ringlets at the tips, as if she twisted each lock around her pinky finger. She doesn't even look at Mark before she pushes the flat front edge of her knuckled fist against her mouth. Trying to stop herself from crying proves to be an epic fail.
Deeta's not doing much better. Her hand breaks out in beads of sweat. Her skin on mine feels both clammy and slurpy as she clenches my forearm a little tighter.
I don't know what to say to her or Mark. I'm being bound to Garrett, which is what I wanted to do in the first place. Deeta looks like she's about to poop a wheelbarrow. Milo limps to stand behind us and I realize the bullet wound he got when we escaped the Cache must still be healing. Every time I glance back at him, he is busy rubbing his palms down the thighs of his pants. From what I see, he and Deeta don't even make eye contact once.
It's not just them either. Trig shuffles around the crowd until he's standing beside a tall, dark haired woman with an overbite. The two of them stare off miserably in opposite directions from one another. While Van clings to Mrs. Reese, her polite smiles only flash at him when he's looking. He looks away and her smiles dissolve as quickly as snowflakes on a stove.
"Where is the Addo?" Lestyn asks.
"Yes, where is the Addo?" Rolan asks with a smirk. Heads turn, looking from one to another for an answer. I look too, making sure my glance at Milo falls in the middle of all my other glances. He's so frozen, a pigeon could land on him. When I look over at Mrs. Reese, her smile pops up without missing a beat.
"He's coming," she offers to everyone in the room. "He just needed an extra moment to prepare."
Van cocks his head with a grimace. "Prepare?"
"Prepare, yes."
"It's the simplest ceremony an Addo..."
"He lost his father." Mrs. Reese's smile disappears completely. For a moment, the pain breaks through, dipping her brow and trembling her bottom lip, but she stretches her neck and snaps herself back into place. She reaches for Van's hand. I don't know how she can stand to touch him, let alone resuscitate her smile, but she does it.
"He loves you as much, but he still has to make peace with the decision."
"Which makes no sense," Van snaps. "If he loved me, he would show it by being punctual to my binding. He wouldn't be off mourning a dead man."
Mrs. Reese winces and I untangle from Deeta to reach for Garrett. His muscles are so loose they're almost a liquid. There's going to be a fight. Mrs. Reese sees it too.
"Garrett." There is a shake in her voice, but not the trembling sadness I expected. Instead, it's a grab-your-puppy-by-the-scruff-and-snap-him-out-of-it shake in her tone. And it works. Garrett blinks his burning glare off of Van and it melts away as he meets his mother's gaze. She licks her lips. "Garrett, tell Van how much you love him. Tell him how grateful you are to have him in our lives and to have him as your father."
Um...what? I tighten my grip on Garrett. I can't believe she's asking this. She might as well be asking him to soak himself in gasoline and light a match. Van led Garrett's father into an ambush and then held Garrett back, as if he were protecting him, so that Basil Reese would be vulnerable, alone. He was overcome and killed. Even though we went through the Memory Ceremony and even though Garrett got to feel his father's presence and love for him, that doesn't mean it changed what Van did. It may have even made it worse.
But Garrett is not impulsive, like I am. The most he gives away about his feelings is a solitary blink, even though Van's lips curl with another victory. Van knows what we are, who we are, but when Garrett wraps his arm around me and opens his mouth, I see the glint of Garrett's plan. He focuses his speech to the man who not only commands The Fury, but who is also it's prey. There is one way to manipulate The Fury and that is with compliments.
"I am grateful that my mother chose such an honorable man to be my father," Garrett says. "A brilliant leader, a family man, a warrior. Someone so concerned with the love of her children. I may not have known him before the way I do now. But I've finally come to understand him, and truly appreciate him and I am honored to call him my father."
Van opens his hand toward Garrett and then slaps his palm back to his own chest, clasping his heart. He couldn't be more of a drama queen if he were wearing a wig and a house dress. Zoned into his own ego, Van bows his head slightly to Garrett, as if the compliment was really meant for him. Only one of The Fury could mistake it. When Mrs. Reese gives Garrett a wink, I know she is probably bursting with the same pride I am, for Garrett's clever and loyal public tribute to Mr. Reese.
"Do we have everyone that's going to be bound?" The familiar voice follows the closing latch of the hallway door, and I know exactly who it is before I even turn to see him. The need to protect him floods the room. The blast of it catches me up and pulls me under. With one inhale, the need to defend shoots through me, surging straight into my nerves. And my field explodes.
What are you doing? Peggy shrieks in my head.
I can't control it! I shriek back. I glance over my shoulder at Milo. His energy must've built up too much or something, so when Sean walked in, Milo must've sent it screaming. But I'm standing right in front of him, right between him and Sean. Having Milo's white-hot energy race through me hit the trip wire on my field and now all the Contego are surrounding me like a national threat. They think I'm going to attack Sean.
They're going to kill you if you make a move, Peggy whispers. Stay still.
My whole head tingles with her words and it makes my skull itch. And it's the very, very worst time to have an itch like this. I twitch my fingertip, as if my index finger can do any good, scratching a lick of air near my thigh. Peggy hisses, STOP MOVING! Chill! Just chill, dang it! You gotta let them know you don't mean to attack!
The fear rises up in me, that I'm going to be torn to shreds right here and now, for something I don't even mean to do. The sweat beads up on my forehead and my skull tingles so much that I want to yank off my hair and throw the clump of it on the floor. My finger twitches again, Peggy hollers for me to knock it off again, and then, that familiar voice takes over the room.
"Learn to control your field, Contego," Sean sneers. "What a teenager."
Sean looks like he always looks: like Garrett, only bowlegged, and a little more precise with his details. His hair is combed so every strand is in place, his shirt doesn't have a wrinkle on it, and he doesn't have a hint of any five o'clock shadow on his face. I do expect him to be smirking, but he's not. He drops a loose, gray fleece bag on the floor beside him.
"You didn't bring your sister or your brother...or your daughter," Tuco says. "I thought you would have liked your whole family to be included."
"My daughter is right outside--safe--with her uncle. Thank you for your concern." Sean's eyes flash at the Procella. I realize that Sean knows. He knows that some of them think Grace is the Addo and that at least some of the Procella know he is just a decoy. He wouldn't have brought Grace even this close if he didn't. But I can't imagine Sean allowing his baby daughter to be in that kind of danger, becoming a possible target if anyone really buys that she is an Addo.
I realize in that same moment that I don't know how far Sean Reese will go to protect our community. Or maybe I am gravely underestimating how far we all need to go.
"Five couples are ready for binding," Lestyn says. Sean gives the Procella a nod of acceptance.
"Good." Sean bends down and opens the bag. He digs around inside and fishes out boxes with cord nooses sticking out from each end. I saw these things before, when Sean and Teagan were bound, except that these boxes have cords that look a lot stronger than the ones I saw before. Sean tests one, pulling the cord so it advances and retracts from inside the box, before tossing it on the floor beside the bag. The last one he pulls out doesn't have a retractable cord. It's got a shiny, silver cable that glints like a sharpened knife. I wonder why it's different. When he's got all the binding boxes out of the bag, he reaches his hand back in and rustles it around again. His eyes widen like he's surprised to find something else inside. He pulls out a bag of cookies.
"It's tradition," he says with a goofy, Sean-grin that puts me at ease. "Who's up first?"
"Us." Garrett takes my hand and pulls me along with him, to stand in front of his brother. "I think we should be first."
Sean's grin turns tight.
"Sure," he says. He takes a cookie out of his bag and breaks it in pieces. He hands some to Garrett and I and the minute I put it in my mouth, I taste what I knew would be there. Bitter, blue flecks squeegee up my taste buds and they taste better than chocolate and peanut butter cups on my tongue. Sean pops the last piece of the cookie into his own mouth. "So how are you doing, Garrett? Nalena?"
"How do you think?" Garrett swallows down the cookie, but his expression remains cold. "We're being held in cells."
"You should be grateful that you're receiving the blessing of a binding, brother."
"Yes, especially when it makes holding us in a cell more convenient for you, brother."
Sean lifts an eyebrow. "Maybe you want to be bound to someone else?"
And in the back of my head, Sean's voice pops up: Anybody on line? Anybody?
Here! Garrett laughs and all my curiosity about which side Sean's on totally evaporates. I'm a little embarrassed I ever doubted him and his ability to be the most believable decoy on Earth.
I'm here! I add.
Watch it, Nali, Sean says. Don't let 'em see you smile...Ok, G, time to make this look good.
It's going to hurt, isn't it.
You know it's got to look like we mean it.
Fine, Garrett says. It's weird to hear the conversation but not see a trace of it in either of their body language. Before I can ask what they're planning, Garrett opens his mouth.
"Someone else? You got another girlfriend you want to give me?"
Sean grits his teeth and swings. Sorry, Nali. Sean delivers a hard crack to Garrett's jaw. Garrett's head rocks with it. Whether they mean it or not, my Vieo being hit in front of me deploys my field. I launch myself at Sean, even as Garrett's shouting in the back of my head, I'm okay! Nalena, it's okay!
But Lestyn plucks me out of the air. I figure I'm going down hard and brace for it, but Lestyn just plunks me down beside Garrett, right where I was before. It's actually the smarter thing to do, considering my Vieo is getting to his feet, and even though he's rubbing his jaw like none of it matters, Garrett's so relaxed, he's almost sliding out of his skin. Which means, he will die trying to kill Lestyn if the Procella actually lays a finger on me.
"Whoa!" Sean laughs like it's entertainment, drawing the attention back to himself. But in my head, his voice is a little more stern: get a grip, you two. "Looks like you had the right idea, Rolan. He'll still kill for her."
"Which means they'll spend all their time..."
"Gentlemen," Mrs. Reese interrupts. "No matter what, this is still my son you're discussing."
Her tone has that shake in it again that halts the whole conversation. Even Rolan tucks his lip and looks away.
Alright, Sean starts up in my head again, but I cut him short.
Who's projecting for you?
Uh, Milo.
Garrett chimes in, Who's on our side?
Not completely sure, Sean says, but Heema, Wojtek, Tuco and Sisi seem to be. Maybe Angus too.
Tuco's not. I say. No way.
Don't be so sure. Sean says. Nah, scratch that. You're right, Nalena. Don't trust anyone a hundred percent. You understand me?
Sean gives me a meaningful glance before he swoops down to pick up a binding box. He's knows about the mission. Garrett catches the glance.
Hold up, Garrett's voice sounds like it's leaning on a wall, chewing hay, watching, contemplating. What is that all about?
What about? Sean asks as he selects a box off the floor. The innocence in his tone is off and Garrett catches that too. I nearly groan out loud.
"I think everyone here knows, but since I'm new to this, I need the practice, so I'm going to do the whole ceremony as if you don't know what's going on, alright?" Sean's eyes flick around the room. There are grumbles of agreement, Deeta nearly burps her frightened giggle. Lenta sniffles and Mark scoots closer to her, holding up a hand to her back, but dropping it before he actually touches her. He stuffs his hands in his pockets.
Sean continues in an almost ominous tone, "This cord isn't magical, although it is a little more special than the usual stuff we use. This cord is actually a metal cable, a specialty under these circumstances, since we are binding two Contego and we don't want either of them to make any rash decisions."
It's metal? How is that going to work? I project to Sean, but Garrett's finger rubs my pinky, trying to get my attention. I won't give it, and his voice ratchets up to a demanding tone, Nalena... how is what going to work? Are you planning on breaking the binding?
Don't worry about it, Sean says between my ears, but I don't know if the thought is meant for me or his brother. Not being able to sever the binding rope is going to be a ginormous problem if he's really expecting me to hightail it out of the Celare and pull off some whacked mission without Garrett flagging along behind me.
Oh, I'm worrying about it... Garrett starts, but Sean barks a cough that is a whole lot like telling his brother to shut up and listen.
"Other than the cable, this binding box functions like any other. The cable can be stretched a foot or two and immediately retracts into the box when slack. It's allows a bound couple to get only a few feet away from each other. The Ianua bind so that the Vieos can learn as much as possible about one another during the binding period..."
This is what's coming out of Sean's mouth, but he and Garrett are having a small battle in my head.
What are you two hiding? Garrett asks. I scratch my arm, looking down at my inner elbow so I don't have to look him in the face.
We're not hiding anything, Sean says. Garrett angles toward Sean and I, as if he's just intent on the ceremony. He dangles an enchanted grin on his lips that doesn't give anything away.
Then what's up with the concern over the cables? Garrett asks.
These are cable. Less comfortable.
That's not it.
The Procella insisted on using cable since you're both from the 13th Cura and nobody trusts us because we're still keeping the Addo under wraps. We're pretty sure some of them know, you know, about me, but they still don't know how it's happening, if you get my drift. They're watching. They also know you two might run off or try to get out of the bindings to protect the Addo, so they're making sure that if you try that, it won't be easy.
That's not what you're not telling me. Come on!
I go back to scratching my elbow and Sean substitutes a roll of his shoulders for a shrug. I'm kind of amazed how Sean can keep up the argument with Garrett in my head while he's also explaining the Binding ceremony to the room.
"I can tell you from experience that binding will test what you think you know of each other. You're going to learn things that you never knew before. You're going to learn the differences in your bodies, in both appearance and function; you'll get a handle on each other's emotional landscapes, and if you observe the true practice of the Binding, you will honor each other by..."
Tell me. Before I do something stupid. Garrett's words suddenly growl in my forehead, right over my eyes, but the same sweet grin is still hanging effortlessly on his lips.
It's not about you, Garrett! Not everything is your concern... Sean's voice rises enough that the vibration smarts. I lift my hand and rub my eyebrows. Garrett doesn't let up.
She's my VIEO.
She's also our Contego. It's not just a cute title.
You're planning something that involves her, aren't you? Garrett's outrage is so loud, it's painful. That's it, isn't it!
This isn't your concern, Contego.
Are you trying to back me down by pulling rank, Sean? Garrett snaps. This has all gone to your head. You're not the real deal, remember?
Well, ouch.
Tell me what is going on. Garrett's fingers curl into fists. Now.
I have a mission, alright? I direct the projection back to Garrett, but the way he and Sean both blink at once, I think I overshot and crashed into both their heads. I don't even care. The Addo gave me a mission! Just relax and let's get through this ceremony without everyone else knowing, okay Garrett?
Garrett's face pales two shades, although he doesn't disturb anything in his expression. Not even one muscle jump in his jaw. But his projection is so strong to me that I cringe. Why didn't you tell me?
"...not partaking of one another until your binding period is over and you are joined at...at the uh..." Sean falters for the first time, as I blast my own projection back at Garrett, It wasn't for you to know!
His eyes close as he absorbs the battering ram of my thoughts. Sean snatches his brother's hand.
"The Mandare," Mrs. Reese interjects.
"Yes, that's right, thank you, Mom," Sean says. He slips the cable loop over Garrett's right hand, as if that's why he grabbed Garrett in the first place. Pull it together, buddy, Sean pleads in a whisper through my head. But he trundles along with the ceremony, even as Garrett and I hammer out the whole mission thing in rapid-fire projections to one another.
You okay? I ask.
Not really. You should've told me.
Addo told me I have to do it alone. They would notice if you were gone, you're the son of the Addo's Lead Procella.
And you're the daughter of the Lead...
C'mon Garrett. Not really.
You would be missed and suspected just as much. You should've told me. You're my Vieo.
You think I want this? You think I wouldn't ditch this whole thing if I could?
He shifts from foot to foot. It's the same as a sigh, but with his entire body.
I'm sorry, he says. You know, you're braver than I am, Nalena. And in some ways, you're stronger.
This sucks, Garrett. Don't blow me up like this is some heroic mission, because I don't have any choice in this.
Heroes hardly ever do, Sean pipes up as he takes my wrist and secures the cable around it. The binding box releases some cable between Garrett and I. Sometimes bravery isn't the result of a choice, sometimes it's the result of a test.
Don't make me prove to you two that I'm a coward. My eyes glaze up, admitting it. Sean releases my hand back to my side and the box whirs as the cable retracts. Because if I had the chance to turn down the Addo, or give this mission thing away, I would. I suck, but I totally would.
"If you decide this union is a mistake, you can sever the rope at any time. Well, not really," Sean chuckles, but it sounds a little flat. "But if you do happen to sever the cable, once it is cut, it cannot be rejoined. You would never be able to have children together or to be considered as joined in the eyes of the community."
No, Garrett says. He feels around until he finds my hand, takes it, and gives it a squeeze. He turns his face to me and his grin brightens, as if he found something new hiding inside me. You wouldn't give the mission away. You think so, but you wouldn't when it came down to it. That's who you are, Nalena. You're a hero, no matter how much you would like to run from it.
"At the end of the binding period," Sean says with a smile, "if you still choose to be together, then we will recognize you as permanently bound."
Garrett? I say and Garrett almost gives us away as he brings my fingers to his lips and whispers across them, "What?"
His skin is thicker than mine and rougher in spots, but I know these strong hands would never hurt me. But there is nothing I can do to stop mine from hurting him. At some point, I'm going to have to cut our binding and give him up. I roll my wrist, so I'm gripping his fingers in mine. I squeeze them tight.
If I could choose, Garrett, I would be bound to you forever.
As a tear works out of his eye and rolls down his cheek, I break down. When I try to raise my hands up to my face to hide, Garrett's hand rises with mine. He steps forward so I can cover my face, but he wraps his arms around me like a shield and molds his strong body to mine as if it were a lucky coin he could press into my palm.