Good morning Alice,

You owe me $13 from yesterday. Please don’t use the moustache man emoji unless you can pay for it. You could get into a lot of debt if you keep this up. My mum says that people today buy things they can’t afford with money they don’t have. It sounds like you might be like that too.

By the way, you look kind of sad today.

Yours unfailingly,

Captain Jimmy Cook