Well, congratulations (I guess) on your team winning the 20-metre Rubber Duck Push. I’m not being mean or anything, BUT you really should have been disqualified. Firstly, your team totally cheated because I definitely saw Conrad touch the rubber duck with his elbows and not even go back to the start, which was the rules. Also, you shouldn’t have been allowed in the pool in the first place because You were just wearing underpants! Underpants are NOT swimmers. GROSS. Actually, double gross. And why were you wearing Princess Snow Cone undies??? I mean, I really like Princess Snow Cone, but I didn’t think you did. You’re always making jokes about her and saying that Princess Snow Cone wouldn’t survive in Antarctica because she’s not dressed appropriately for a blizzard and you’d like to see her eat a real penguin like Arctic explorers had to in the olden days.
Anyway, I don’t even care that you won the stupid Rubber Duck race because it’s like a novelty race and I got three ribbons for serious events like the 25-metre Tug Boat Challenge and the Wobble Wobble Ring Race.
I just want you to know that I officially complained to the principal about you wearing undies instead of swimmers. I told my dad about it too, and he said that in the Olympics when someone breaks the rules (LIKE YOU DID), they have to hand their medal back and it gets awarded to the person who should have won. I’m sorry, but that’s what’s probably going to happen to you now.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
