It doesn’t say anywhere in the rules that you can’t wear undies as swimmers … or at least I think it doesn’t. Besides, it really wasn’t MY fault. My mum should have packed my swimming bag, but she’s got this whole new thing about how I have to do stuff for myself and be ‘self-sufficient’. But I think this proves that ‘self-sufficient’ is not a good idea, because then I end up forgetting my swimmers and have to wear my undies in the pool!
The worst bit was that Mum hadn’t done the laundry for AGES because of this stupid self-sufficiency thing she’s on about at the moment … apparently I’m supposed to put my own dirty laundry in the washing machine and she’s been really letting it pile up if I don’t. Anyway, that meant that I was down to my very last pair of clean undies which happened to be these stupid Princess Snow Cone undies my aunty gave me last Christmas! My aunty is always giving backwards gifts, so she gives my baby sister trucks and robots and gives me DUMB things like PRINCESS SNOW CONE UNDIES!!! One time, she gave me this doll that actually does poo and wee when you feed it this special mush (that was pretty cool, actually). But then after Healthy Harry came to our school and told us about the five food groups, I realised it needed more variety in its diet so I feed it some Choc Muck Balls and Sour Slime Worms. It wasn’t such a great idea because it all just got stuck and the doll hasn’t done a poo for more than a year.
Anyway, apparently these backwards gifts are meant to help me and my sister like stuff that’s not just for boys or girls. But what actually happens is that my sister just throws trucks at my head and I end up with all these stupid princess undies and then one day I run out of REAL undies and have to wear them … and OF COURSE that day has to be swimming carnival.
So you go ahead and tell on me if you want, but that ribbon is mine. I won it.
Yours winningly
Captain Jimmy Cook