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MITCH WASN’T SURE IF it was the doorbell that woke him up or the sound of his mother’s voice when she opened the door. As soon as he was awake enough to realize that someone was at the door, he knew. A sick rush of adrenaline washed over him at his mother’s cry and he threw back the cover and stumbled to the top of the stairs. Two uniformed police officers stood awkwardly in the doorway of their home and Mother stood rigidly with one hand braced on the door, and the other resting on her throat. Even from where he stood, Mitch could tell she was shaking.
“What happened?” she choked out.
“It appears that he got shot, trying to protect a kid that was in a standoff with a gang.”
Mother was silent, shaking her head every so often, swallowing compulsively and looking wildly from one police officer to the other.
“Is the kid okay?” she finally managed to say.
“Yes, he was the one who called us. He said your husband pulled him to safety before the gang opened fire, so he stayed with him until we arrived.”
Mother shook her head again. “How like Harvey. Where is the boy now?”
“He gave a brief statement then took off before the ambulance arrived. He left before we could get his name.”
Mitch made his way down the stairs on rubber legs, hanging on to the railing for support. When he reached his mother, he touched her shoulder and she turned to look at him with frantic eyes.
“Your father...”
“I heard.” There was nothing else to say.
“What do we do now?” she whispered. “What do I do now?” She looked up at her son again. “Mitch, he promised, didn’t he? He promised us he would be safe. What the hell was he thinking? He promised me everything would be okay.”
“I know Mom.” Mitch wrapped his arms around his mother and could feel her trembling. He looked at the police officers. “What’s next?”
“We’ll be in touch,” said the older officer. Mitch recognized him but couldn’t remember his name. “We can get you any help you need,” he said. “If you need anything at all, you just need to call us. We’ll have a support person contact you and help you with, um, arrangements.”
“Jessica,” the younger officer reached out to touch her arm. “Your husband was a good man, and an exceptional cop. Everyone loved and respected him. We know this is a terrible loss, but understand that he gave his life in the line of duty, protecting this town. He will be sorely missed.”
She looked at the two cops and Mitch was startled to see cold rage darken her face.
“Get out,” she said quietly, her voice shaking breaking with anger. “Don’t tell me what kind of man my husband was. Don’t tell me how much he’ll be missed, and don’t patronize me with useless platitudes. Just get out. I don’t want to see you or any other cop right now.”
They nodded and backed out of the door.
“We understand,” said the older one. “Someone will contact you shortly.”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” she replied, and slammed the door shut.
Mitch crossed his arms and shivered. “Mom, they were just doing their jobs.”
She rounded on him and he took a step back, shocked at the fury in her eyes. “Shut up,” she said. “Don’t tell me...don’t tell me anything. Just shut up.”
The two were silent for a moment, staring at each other.
“Mom,” Mitch’s voice broke. “You’re not the only one...grieving, here. I just lost...my dad.” The shock and grief washed over him and spilled from his eyes in hot tears.
“Oh Honey,” she moved suddenly to wrap her arms around her son. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Oh god, I’m so sorry.”
They clung to each other, sobbing hysterically.
***
BY THE TIME DAWN BROKE, Mitch had managed to doze on the sofa for a few minutes. When he opened his eyes to the sunlight streaming in the living room window, he could see that his mother was still pacing in the kitchen, putting dishes away and wiping down the counters. He doubted she had rested at all.
He closed his eyes again. The ache in his chest blossomed anew as he remembered.
Dad. Dad was gone.
He got up and made his way to the kitchen.
“Mom.”
She turned at the sound of his voice and he could see that her eyes were red and swollen, her face pale and blotchy. She had been crying for hours. He gave her a hug.
“Sweetie, I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“No.” He got a glass out of the cupboard and opened the fridge to get the bottle of orange juice. He poured himself a glass of juice and sat down at the kitchen table, running a hand through his tousled hair. “Do you have any idea what our next steps are?”
She picked the kettle up from the stove and took it to the sink to fill it with fresh water. “I’ve been thinking about that. I mean, I’ve got my job here, and with your father’s...well, the house will be paid for, so we’ll be okay from that standpoint.” She set the kettle on the stove and turned it on, then came to sit down at the table. “I don’t want to stay here, though. I hate this. I hate this place, I hate that everything here reminds me of your father, of everything he promised, of the plans we made for after he retired. I just can’t stand it. Right now, I’m so angry, I can’t think straight. I just want to get out of here.”
“Do you want to sell the house?”
“I don’t know how easy that will be. People are leaving this town, not buying up real estate. I don’t know what to do.”
Mitch took another sip of juice, trying to pull together his scattered thoughts.
“I know we can’t make any major decisions right now, though,” she continued. “There is a lot to do in the next few weeks, and I need to come up with a plan. I do know that I want to go be closer to your sister.”
Pam, Mitch thought, how is Pam going to take this? “Does she know?”
“Yes, I called her a couple hours ago, when you were sleeping. She’s pretty upset. She’s going to be flying back here in time...in time for the funeral. I don’t know when that is, yet.”
For a moment, the gentle simmering of the kettle was the only sound in the silent kitchen. The early morning light sketched long shadows across the table and Mitch watched a floating dust mote drift aimlessly through the light, free of any connection. I can’t leave yet, he thought. I can’t leave Mom like this, not until she knows what she wants to do.
“Mom, I’ll get a job here, just something temporary, to help you out for a bit. Let’s just wait until everything is sorted out, then we’ll know what our next steps are. We don’t have to make any decisions right now.”
She looked at him and a small smile turned up the corner of her mouth. “Yeah, you’re right. We can talk things over with Pam when she gets here. Everything will work out.”
He finished his juice and stood up. “It will. For now, I’m going to have a shower and maybe get out of the house for a while, if you’ll be okay here for a bit.”
She waved him off. “I’ll be fine, Honey. I have a lot to think about, and I’ve got some calls to make. You go on.”
The teakettle started whistling as Mitch climbed the stairs to his room.
***
MITCH DIDN’T DRIVE far before he pulled over to the side of the road and called Cory. His best friend had left town right after graduation, as promised, but thankfully, they could still talk by cell phone. Glad that he could talk without breaking down, he told Cory briefly what happened. After expressing his own shock and condolences, Cory reiterated his invitation to join him in the larger town.
“I can’t right now, man,” Mitch said. “I need to be here for my mom, at least for the next few weeks. I’m going to get a job here through the summer, and then I’ll decide what to do after that.”
“All right, but the offer is always open, just remember that.”
Cory’s familiar voice over the phone was a soothing comfort, and Mitch felt fresh tears welling up in his eyes. Talking to his best friend was softening the dam. “I will. And Cory...thanks. I miss you, you goofball.”
“Miss you too, you doofus. It’s just not the same, not having you around.”
“Yeah, same here.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Look, I gotta go. I’m supposed to be out looking for a job.”
“Got it. Say, my mom’s cousin runs that big gas station and convenience store out on the end of Main Street there. He’s always looking for someone to take the night shift. You should go talk to him. Tell him I sent you.”
“I will, thanks. And Cory?”
“Yeah Bud?”
“Take care of yourself, okay? Keep me posted about what you’re up to.”
“Always. Hang in there, Mitch.”
“You too.”
Mitch watched the cell connection drop, then lowered his head onto his arms and cried like a four-year-old until the ache in his chest eased somewhat.