I wish I didn’t have to
Drag you down with me
Follow me
Follow me down
Nicholas
I know I must close my mind before my father discovers that I don’t want Elodie to die – but it’s too late. As I cradle her in my arms, he knows. I feel the disapproval in his thoughts before he speaks.
Another one, Nicholas? I see that Martyna was easily forgotten, as was Sarah. Are we on to another love of your life?
My heart burns with rage. It’s not like that. I care for her.
And my father laughs, like it’s all really funny, to play with me like a cat with a mouse, to deliberately destroy everything I love.
Stop torturing her, Father. Please.
But I’m not. Like you said, it’s just a memory. It’s your memory. I couldn’t stop it, not even if I wanted to.
I’m doing what you said! Leave me alone!
Just having a bit of fun.
My rage spills over. I’ll kill her, the one you need. I’ll set her on fire, and your plans will go up in smoke with her. Is that what you want? The brain fury hits me at once, but I’m too angry to care or react. Keep doing this to me, and I won’t take her to you. You’re too weak now to come this far. It’ll be all over. We’ll all die.
And suddenly, after one last, piercing beam of pain right between my eyes, he’s gone. I seem to have won this one. Which means he’ll make me pay.
Right at that moment, Elodie quietens. The recollection is over. For a moment I fear she’s dead. She’s so still and so cold . . . but she’s breathing. Her heart is beating, her blood – mixed with mine – running beneath the soft skin of her wrist. She’s alive. Sean tries to take her away from me, but we hold on to each other. “Nicholas,” she calls.
“I’m here. I’m here.”
And then she speaks inside my mind, like only my father and mother could ever do, because we share the same blood. Nobody – not even Martyna – could do that.
I can hear your thoughts, she says. How can this be? She’s frightened. I can feel it. My head is a scary place to be.
You drank my blood. You’re part of me, I explain.
I feel . . . strange. Like I used to be. Like I’m strong again.
The Azasti is gone. You’re cured. A wave of happiness floods my thoughts – Elodie’s happiness – and I smile a little. But then, a cold bout of fear, like icy water in my veins, pierces me. She’s cured, but she’s one with me. And that means she shares my pain, my father’s torture. There’s no going back for her. She’ll never be the same again.
And now she’ll know of my plans. Will she give me away? Will she stop me?
I picture her, those lips I kissed, that body I held – even if when I did that Elodie was controlled by another woman – and I feel a rush of desire. I want to be alone with her. Right now. I want our bodies to fuse together again, like our thoughts. I shouldn’t feel this way, not with Martyna’s spirit still alive. But it’s not love, it’s something different.
Possession. The word flashes through my mind. My face is close to hers and I can feel her features, though I can’t see them. I want to kiss her more than ever. “We need to go,” I say instead, getting to my feet. I help Elodie up, and she sways for a moment and leans against me. It’s the other way round now. It used to be me leaning on her, in my blindness. I feel something wet on my face, trickling down my lips and chin. My nose must still be bleeding after Sean’s pounding. Before all this is over, I’ll twist his neck, I swear.
Elodie and I cling to each other. I can’t see, and she’s weak and dizzy, but we remain close. Her words resound in my mind once more.
I know what you’re doing, she says. I know what your plan is.
It’s the only way.
I know it is. I’ll help you.
Relief fills me whole. She won’t give me away.
You must keep quiet, even in your thoughts.
I will. It will be done.
She squeezes my hand, and we walk on like one.