CHAPTER 36

 

Just like the night of my first rescue, the blanket around my shoulders doesn’t provide any comfort. My insides are frozen to ice, and every time I flinch, my sore body aches in protest. What is different, though, is that I am alert despite the late hour, my mind racing at mega-warp speed. I still refuse to come to terms with the events of the last hours as my eyes stare blankly at the wall.

The hospital went by in a blur. They bandaged my arm and torso, gave me a bunch of painkillers, and told me to take it easy when I refused to stay. Luke was being attended to in the next room, and I couldn’t stomach being anywhere near him.

Finn has not left my side, holding my hand through the entire ordeal and allowing me to cry into his chest when a new wave of sorrow sears through my soul. I am glad. Since my days of cutting are over, I desperately need a friendly face in my corner.

“Hey, how are you two holding up?” Marcel asks from the doorway of the small office they stuck us in, studying us before closing the door behind him. I’m still utterly confused about his role in all of this, but judging by the fact that he is still walking around a free man with his DEA badge dangling around his neck, he must somehow fall into the category of a good guy.

The look Finn gives him reflects my mood—he is thoroughly pissed at his friend. “Bro, you better start explaining why you knocked me out.” He rubs the back of his head. “First, Luke, then you. My head is about ready to explode.” His gaze travels to the badge. “And what’s with the dog tag? Don’t tell me you’re some damn cop.”

Marcel smirks. “Sorry.” He plops into the chair behind the desk, propping up his feet. “You were just about to spill that I was supposed to be in jail, which would have raised Luke’s suspicion. Didn’t mean to hit you so hard.”

Finn doesn’t look convinced, and neither am I.

“So this was something like a setup?” I ask.

“Yep.” Marcel shifts his weight in the chair with a twisted face. He seems to be in a lot of pain. “I suspected Luke already while we were all searching for you. He was a little too nonchalant for my taste, like he wasn’t really worried. Even tried to convince me once that you might’ve just needed a break and I should let it go.”

I frown. Why didn’t he tell me this before?

“The night he shot Jed, I knew I was right,” he continues. “But Larouge couldn’t pin him down. Luke was slick, always putting his father into play whenever he got himself into a tight spot during the interrogation. At some point, he refused to cooperate altogether. That’s when Larouge threw him in jail. He thought Luke might break under the pressure, but no, he hung in there. Eventually, he would have walked on the self-defense claim, and if he was found not guilty after a trial, double jeopardy would have prevented us from ever charging him for Jed’s murder again. That’s when we made up that story about the knife. Larouge needed more time to investigate.”

Finn lets out a low chuckle. “So let me get this straight. You and the cops—tonight was all part of some grandiose thought-out plan?”

Marcel grimaces. “Unfortunately not. We didn’t think he would grab Kelsey again without Jed—too risky. There was clearly an accomplice, but I thought it was his dad. Roy is a corrupt lawyer, but no kidnapper, so I never figured Luke could have a helper. It was stupid on my part. I should have known something was up with Hallie when Donna voiced her concern about her odd behavior. After her arrest tonight, she gave a full confession. Luke and her started dating when they met while he was taking you down to Portland for your therapy sessions. She’s totally obsessed with him and would’ve done anything he cooked up in his deranged mind.”

Finn rubs his head again. “She sure is a conniving little bitch. They lured me out of the restaurant, claiming they had this surprise for Kelsey. When they got me to the van and I noticed it was my uncle’s, Luke jumped me from behind while she gave me this angelic smile. Luckily, she wasn’t a Girl Scout—she couldn’t tie a knot worth shit.”

I jump on my feet, unable to breathe. All this conspiracy with me as bait doesn’t sit well with me and I long for some fresh air. I head for the door. The two guys don’t stop me, probably knowing that I will take Marcel’s head off if he gets in my way.

It’s still dark when I step outside, the chill of night freezing me to the bone. I stare into the sky, wondering how this could be justice. In one night, my brother, my stepdad, and my friend are gone from my life. What did I do to get the losing end of the bargain?

With chattering teeth, I rub my arms, hissing when I accidentally touch the bandage. The pounding pain is quickly overpowered by surging rage—the whole world has been fooling me. My bawled fist hits the wall, accompanied with a loud “Arghhh” shouted into the darkness.

“I guess you’re mad.”

Marcel’s voice startles me, and I punch him in the shoulder, which makes him cringe.

“Careful there, Kelsey. I’m already damaged enough.”

“Why?” I snap. “You could have told me the truth the night we were arrested in New Haven. I could have died tonight if Finn hadn’t been there.”

He fishes a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, offering me one. I shake my head, done with everything that could harm my body. After lighting the cigarette, he takes a long drag. His eyes close when he allows the smoke to escape from the corners of his mouth. For the first time, I realize his hand is shaking slightly—his nerves must be shot.

“Truthfully, Kelsey, when it came to Luke, I wasn’t sure where your loyalties lay. You were so dead set on trusting him that I was scared you would let it slip eventually.” His eyes drill into mine. “Believe it or not, this case was more important to me than Tyrone’s, and even though I had some pretty selfish motives, I do care about you.” When I frown, he laughs. “Not like that, just as a friend. Despite what everyone might have been tellin’ you, you’re a really strong woman, which I admire. I know you’ll pull through this eventually, even though it might take some time.”

I search his face for a sign of insincerity, thinking he is just trying to smooth things over, but he openly holds my gaze. He doesn’t even break eye contact when he takes another drag, and it is me who finally ends our staring contest.

“So what were your motives?”

“Simple really.” He flicks the ashes away before taking another drag. “I wanted out of the DEA, but no police department would touch me with a ten-foot pole. You see, before I became a cop, I was really in a gang.” The drags are more frequent—this is hard for him.

“How did you get out?” I ask when he remains silent.

“When I was sixteen, I shot an FBI agent during a raid and put him in a wheelchair. They were gonna lock me up for a really long time, but he intervened, making me a deal. If I turned my life around, he would make sure my case stayed in juvie court, and eventually, he’d get my record expunged.” He lights another cigarette with the butt of the first, tossing it away with a little too much force.

“So I agreed”—he blows the cigarette smoke toward the sky—“but police agencies who hire transfers still have access to your file and know about these things. No one wants a former thug on the team unless it’s for undercover work, and Larouge actually laughed in my face when I inquired if there were any jobs. He told me to get lost. In his eyes, I was nothing but a criminal.”

I click my tongue; that’s so typical for Larouge. He’s third-generation detective and undoubtedly looks down on guys like Marcel. What he doesn’t realize is that not everyone is born with a silver spoon up their behind.

“So Larouge said if you give him Napoleon, he’ll hire you.”

“Pretty much. Your abduction case was one of the few he hadn’t been able to solve, and it looked bad on his record. Yet he didn’t only want Napoleon, but also the guy who tipped off Jed. His department looked terrible after the warrant incident and he wanted blood. After we zoomed in on Luke, Roy was the most likely suspect, but with his reputation and pull with the bar association, we needed hard evidence. And the only one who could give us that was Luke.”

Now the pieces finally come together. Larouge wanted the full package, handed to him on a silver platter, and since I was already messed up and Marcel his pawn, he didn’t care what would happen to us as long as he could make his arrest.

In a sense, he had done me a favor, since otherwise, there would have probably never been enough evidence against Roy. And knowing my stepdad, he would have found a way to get his son off. I would have been denied justice once again—now, I at least have a chance.

“Look, I’m sorry I deceived you,” Marcel flicks away the second cigarette butt, lighting a third. He inhales deeply, staring into the darkness. “If it’s any consolation, they tracked you pretty quickly after Luke snatched you tonight, and we were about to move in when Finn and you escaped. If you hadn’t been so quick after he took me out, they would have shot him in the head.”

It doesn’t exactly make me feel better, but it will help me to look at Larouge without constantly imagining how best to strangle him. I study Marcel, pondering if we can still be friends. He looks pitiful as he hops from one foot to another to stay warm with this guilty expression on his face. Though he was way out of line, at least he had a good reason.

“Are you in a lot of pain?”

“Yup.”

“Good.” I glare at him. “You know that’s your punishment for fooling me.”

“I know.” He glances at me with a goofy grin and I’m almost ready to forgive him.

“What about your ear?”

“That’ll heal. Donna did a great job and the doctors say they’ll be able to reconstruct most of it. I got hurt on the job, so the government will foot the bill.”

I smirk to myself. “You know, you should take this as an opportunity to grow some hair. I think it’ll suit you.”

“Yeah, maybe.” His eyes glow mischievously as he flicks the next butt away.

When he’s about to light another cigarette, I stop him. “And you should stop smoking. Girls like Donna don’t like that.”

He shoots me a dark “who made you my mother” look but stuffs the pack back into his coat pocket. “So are we cool?”

His eyes are just like Maisie’s when she begs for a treat, and it strikes me that he is actually quite lonely. The people he hangs out with are criminals he intends to betray, and as far as I can tell, Donna is the closest thing he has to a girlfriend. After what happened tonight with Hallie, she might turn her back on him. He can use a friend as much as I could.

Yet I’m not ready to let him totally off the hook. “You’re not out of the dog house, Agent Brown, but you’re getting there.”

“Good.” I can tell he is dying for another cigarette, but he fights the urge. I hold his pleading gaze, wiggling my eyebrows to show him I mean business.

The door behind us opens and a young cop sticks his head out. “Excuse me, Ms. Miller. Your mother is here and would like to see you.”

Crap. They probably arrested Roy and she is freaking out.

“Do you want me to talk to her?” Marcel asks.

I shake my head. This one, I have to do on my own.

 

~~~~

 

Four hours later, I tuck my mom into bed at our house after the doctor prescribed a strong sleeping aid for her to rest. She took the betrayal and loss of her husband and stepson worse than I could have ever imagined, forcing me to step up to the plate and take care of her for once. Before I switch off the light, my eyes rest briefly on Maisie, who has curled up on my mom’s feet. Her eyes are wide with a hint of sorrow—even she can sense that nothing will be the same after tonight.

For the longest time, my mother wept in my arms, asking me questions over and over again I had no answers to. Finn finally pulled her off me and managed to halfway calm her down when he noticed I was close to collapsing. Bravely, I swallowed down my own tears, though I’m dreading the next few days. The emotional drain of the night is about to bubble to the surface and I have no clue how to cope with it.

Finn is fighting with the coffee maker when I get to the kitchen. Glancing at me, he mutters, “You should lie down. You look absolutely exhausted.”

I slump onto the barstool, burying my face in my hands. “I don’t think I can go to sleep.” Every time I close my eyes, I see Luke and his vicious grin. A sob runs through me when I remember that less than twenty-four hours ago, he and I were in this very kitchen, devouring my mom’s pancakes and making plans for the evening. I can still hear his laughter—now it’s making me sick to my stomach.

“Damn it, I can’t get this thing to work.” With a huff, Finn chucks the kitchen towel on the counter. “You need a college degree for this.”

The coffee maker is one of those fancy Italian designer machines Roy got my mom for Christmas. I never used it and am no help to him. With my chin propped up on my palms, I watch him as he rummages through the fridge for something else to drink. It occurs to me that I have never even asked how he’s doing. “How is your head?”

“Alright,” he grumbles. “Doctor gave me some painkillers.”

“And the rest of you?”

He peeks around the fridge door with a frown. “What do you mean?”

“I want to know how you feel, Finn. About everything.”

His head disappears in the refrigerator again. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m still pissed at Marcel, and I’m totally confused about everything else. All I know is that I want to be there for you because whatever I’m feeling, you must be feeling a hundred times worse.” He slams the door to the refrigerator closed, banging the orange juice container on the counter next to me.

“Easy there, tiger.” I smile. “I’m not gonna clean up after you if you spill the juice all over the floor.”

There is a moment of silence before he explodes. “This whole situation is totally fucked up.”

Tell me about it. “It is what it is, Finn. There’s nothing I can do to change it.”

The truth that I lost almost everything in just one night hits me like a bulldozer. My chest is tight as my eyes dart around the kitchen. My mom will likely have to sell the house and go back to work without Roy’s income, though I don’t really want to spend another night here anyways—not in the place where I was once happy with my brother. There will probably be a trial and I will have to look Luke straight in the eyes when I tell the jury what he did to me.

Suddenly, I’m terrified of the future. The tears spill before I can control them, and a sorrowful sob resonates from the depth of my soul.

“You know you’ll get through this,” Finn says, turning my chin to force me to look at him. “You ain’t that girl anymore that I met back at the hospital nine months ago. Sometimes, your strength almost scares me.”

I blink at him through my tears—he and Marcel should form a fan club. With a feeble smile, I wipe the wetness off my cheeks with my sleeve. “What if I can’t do it?”

He squeezes my hand. “You have no choice. That’s what life is all about—we have to keep pushing no matter what is thrown our way. You can’t let life slip through your fingers by living in the past.”

More tears roll down my cheeks—this time because I’m thankful to still have him in my life. Whoever said that you can’t fall hard as long as there is someone to catch you sure knew what they were talking about.