CHAPTER 2

 

I stare at Jed with an open mouth. My mind screams for me to run and hide—anything to get away from him—but my legs refuse to move. When tears pool in my eyes, some of my brain’s commands finally reach their destination. In a daze, I slap the twenty-dollar bill on the counter and dart from the store.

Luke’s truck seems to be at an unattainable distance, and I don’t even make it halfway there before breaking down on my knees. The sting in my chest is unbearable when my lungs come up short of oxygen with every breath I take. I feel I’m about to choke. My arms wrap around me as I rock back and forth, sobs mixing with low whimpers.

Luke’s hand weighs a ton on my shoulder when he squats down next to me. “Kels, what’s wrong?”

I point at the store while struggling for air, black dots dancing in front of my eyes. My lips form silent words, but no sound escapes. As I have so many times before, I curse my worthless body. He tries to pull me into his arms, but I slap him away, unable to stand his touch.

Finally, I manage to croak the word “Jed” in between tear spurts.

He goes rigid, sucking in a deep breath. “Is the jerk in there?”

I nod, digging my fingernails into his sweater when he slowly rises. “Don’t.”

He ignores my plea and marches toward the store with a stony face. Crazy thoughts race through my mind, imagining all kinds of impending doom—Luke hurt in a physical altercation or even shot. I force myself back on my feet and follow him with slumped shoulders.

The situation is already hairy when I step through the door. Jed is pinned against the wall, Luke right in his face. “What the hell did you do to my sister?”

Jed, who doesn’t seem fazed at all by Luke’s assault, offers him a smug smile. “Nothing, man. I just said hello and she totally freaked out.”

“What are you even doing back in town, asshole?”

Jed snorts. “It’s a free country. I can live wherever I want and I just really like it here.”

“Well, that was a big mistake.” Luke raises his fist. “No one wants you here.”

“Luke, don’t,” I cry in a feeble attempt to stop him. “You know what happened the last time.”

Jed’s eyes come to rest on me. “Yeah, listen to your sister, man. If you beat me up again, I’ll press charges, and this time, you won’t get away with community service.”

Luke’s face is full of struggle. When his gaze falls on the camera above the counter, his arm drops. “I swear this is not over, Jed. If I were you, I would get the hell out of town before someone jumps you from behind in a dark alley. You have a lot of enemies around.”

“Sure I do.” Jed’s tongue runs over his lips as he gives me a good once-over. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m walking around a free man while your sister here is still screwed.” He laughs. “And I mean that literally.”

I lower my eyes when a few tears trickle down my cheeks, my breath heavy again. “Please, Luke, let’s just go.”

With a growl, he releases Jed and grabs my hand. I allow him to whisk me away after glancing one more time at my tormentor. Jed’s glare burns into my back as I walk to the truck. The fact he knows what’s underneath these clothes and would probably love nothing more than to tear them off stabs painfully at my insides.

On the way home, I fight the nausea while Luke rants and rages about the injustice. Most of his words fall on deaf ears. I’m captured in my own little world, thinking back to the moment when I first woke up after my abduction.

 

It was dark, the scent in the air musty. A shudder ran through me when a cold breeze hit me, goosebumps covering my body. I realized I was naked. My throat was raw and it hurt every time I swallowed, a foul taste coating the inside of my mouth. A pounding headache overpowered the rest of my senses.

I turned my head toward the screeching door and instinctively curled into a ball when a dark figure entered. The light came on and I blinked. My eyes teared from the sudden brightness.

“Good, you’re awake.”

My heart cringed in my chest at the slyness in Jed’s soft voice.

“Why did you bring me here?” I bit my trembling lip, trying to give my words some firmness. Though I wanted to scream, my instincts told me that getting myself all worked up wouldn’t get me anywhere.

He lowered himself onto the bed next to me and ran his fingers down my back. I recoiled from his touch, sickness cramping my stomach.

“I’m sure you know the answer to that, honeybun.” His eyes were greedy when they wandered up and down my frame. “You’re a terrible tease, always parading around in those short tight skirts and flirting with guys any chance you get. You drive me crazy, but all you’ve ever had for me was ridicule. Whatever happens, you brought this on yourself.”

Tears dribbled from my eyes. “I’m sorry, I never meant to upset you. Please, Jed, just let me go. I swear I won’t tell anyone that you kidnapped me.”

He clicked his tongue. “Kidnapping is such an ugly word. You should see it more as an invitation to an extended party.” He tried to roll me on my back, but I hugged my knees with such force that he couldn’t break my grip. He laughed wickedly. “If you continue to be such a prude, I’ll have to tie you down.”

His words were like a fist, punching into my stomach. “Please, Jed, I’m still a virgin. Don’t do this.”

His thumb caressed my wet cheek. “Don’t you think I know that, honeybun?” He sighed. “Unfortunately, I lost the coin toss, so my friend will do the honor. He’ll be over later.” His eyes filled with darkness. “If you’re a good girl and let me take a peek, I’ll bring you some food and water.”

I didn’t move, my head spinning. Somehow, I needed to escape.

“Suit yourself. Just so you know, you’re underground and there’s no one around who can hear you scream. The door is solid metal with three different locks. You’re trapped, honeybun. You can either make this a whole lot easier and cooperate, or fuss and learn the hard way that we mean business.”

When he walked toward the door and had his back turned, I seized the opportunity and jumped him. Luke had shown me a few self-defense moves when we were wrestling out back for fun, but my feeble attempts were no match for the number one lightweight contender in the state. One punch knocked me out cold. I didn’t wake up until later with my arms and legs tied to the bedposts, my head bursting from pain.

I screamed for help at the top of my lungs until my voice was hoarse and reduced to a whisper. As Jed predicted, no one came to my rescue. I was trapped and at their mercy.

 

When Luke’s hand brushes over my arm, I almost jump out of my seat.

“You look really upset.” His eyes are filled with worry. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I lean back in my seat, trying to calm my ragged breath. “Talk about what?”

“You’ve never told anyone what actually happened and keep everything bottled inside. Maybe if you confided in someone, it would help you to process the trauma.”

I roll my eyes—Dr. Stromberg is already constantly on my case about opening up. Last thing I need is his probing. “I was raped, Luke. What’s more to say?”

“Well, how do you feel about it now?”

I glare out of the window with empty eyes. “You can search the Internet about the experiences of rape survivors.”

“I don’t want to know about a bunch of strangers.” The words are sharp with a hint of anger. “All I care about is my sister. Why are you even fighting me here, Kels? Don’t you know I’m in your corner?”

“I’m just not ready, Luke.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to fight the oncoming headache.

He opens his mouth, but I cut him off.

“And don’t tell me again that it has been three years. I need more time and I’m tired of people trying to rush me.”

He sighs. “Fair enough.” His hand comes to rest on my lower arm and squeezes gently. “Just promise me that you won’t do anything stupid in the meantime. No more cutting or other form of self-harm.”

I avoid his searching eyes. “I swear,” I say—damn well knowing that this is not a promise I intend to keep.

When I get home, I dash into my room, just to be ordered back downstairs by my mom.

“Kelsey, dinner is almost ready.”

I know she won’t give up and will insist on me joining the happy family get together. Her plans apparently include an all-night torture—Roy is just starting the grill when I step onto the porch. Luke breaks out the old badminton set from the garage and approaches me with a wide grin.

“Come on, grouchy, let’s play.”

I just shake my head. “I don’t feel like playing. Didn’t you have plans with Rhonda tonight?”

“Not anymore.” He starts to bounce the shuttlecock on the string bed. “I cancelled after, you know . . .”

He allows his words to trail off and I eye my mom and Roy.

“You didn’t tell them, right?” My mom would freak out again and I can’t handle that right now.

“Nope, I didn’t say a word”—he catches the feathered ball—“but I will if you continue to be such a whiner.”

I can’t believe he is blackmailing me, but I am not prepared to take any chances. With a small growl, I grab the racket and soon we’re bouncing the shuttlecock around. The basics come back to me quite quickly and I actually find the game a little fun. With every hit of the racket, a little piece of today’s memories is pushed further and further to the back of my mind.

“I saw that.” Luke laughs.

My eyes narrow. “What?”

“That little smile you were trying to suppress.”

I give him my best impression of Grumpy Cat. “Oh, shut up.”

We continue our game until the aroma of grilled meat taunts my nostrils. My stomach grumbles. I’m famished for a change and toddle into the kitchen to help my mom. As I cut the tomatoes for the salad, Luke sets the table, chatting away with his father about some upcoming baseball game. For a moment, my heart aches with nostalgia—that’s how it was almost every weekend before my abduction. Back then, I had stupid fights with my mom half the time and didn’t even appreciate my easy-going existence.

When the steaks are done, we gather around the table. I pile up my plate with meat and corn on the cob. The food is delicious and the light atmosphere continues until almost the end of the meal. That’s when Roy returns me to my harsh reality.

“Detective Larouge called today to inform me that Jed Edwards is back in town.”

Luke gives me this “should I tell them, or will you” look.

“We ran into him at the Easy Mart,” I fess up. “He works there.”

“Oh my god, what if he takes Kelsey again?” My mom’s hand is clutched over her mouth. “You have to do something, Roy. Can’t you file a restraining order?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t. Since the charges were dismissed, there’s no basis. Unless he threatens Kelsey, the law is on his side.” His fingers wrap around my mom’s hand. “Don’t worry, honey. Nick agrees that the chances he will kidnap Kelsey again are slim to none since everyone would immediately point the finger at him. Not even he is that dumb.”

“I still want Kelsey to be careful.” Her lips have that overprotective poutiness to them that I used to hate. “One of us should be with her when she leaves the house, and hopefully, he’ll disappear again soon. Don’t you play tennis with the owner of the Easy Mart? I mean, if Jed lost that job—” Her gaze drops when she meets her husband’s frown. Usually, Roy is straighter than an arrow and only calls in these types of favors when he absolutely has to.

“Okay, I’ll talk to him,” he says when her eyes fill with tears.

Trying to ignore the growing unrest in the pit of my stomach, I pick at the last pieces of my salad to distract myself. With my mom’s worry, my daily walks will most likely be suspended, something that would have been beyond thrilling just hours ago. The prospect that I could bump into Jed at any given moment is nerve-racking. On top of that, her smothering will become unbearable.

Roy’s clearing of the throat finally breaks the uncomfortable silence that has fallen over the table. “Did anything else happen with Jed I should know about?”

Luke stuffs the last piece of steak in his mouth. “Nothing,” he says while chewing.

Roy’s eyebrows quirk. “That’s not what I heard. Jed called the station and claimed you threatened him.”

“It’s unbelievable that he can complain and we can’t,” my mom pipes in with a huff. “It’s so unjust.”

“I know, honey, but that’s just the way it is.” Roy pats her hand without taking his eyes off his son; he is obviously still waiting for his side of the story.

Luke and I exchange a glance. “He was way out of line, Dad, and really upset Kelsey. I swear I didn’t touch him.”

Roy gazes at me and I confirm Luke’s story with a nod.

“Okay, Luke, but I don’t want any further trouble. Any more run-ins with the law will negatively impact your bar admission once you graduate law school.”

Luke grabs a beer from the cooler. “I promise, Dad, I’ll behave.”

I’m sure he is just as insincere with his words as I was earlier. Hopefully, he won’t encounter Jed alone on the street. Jed looked just as sturdy as he used to and has probably continued with his boxing training, even if he hasn’t performed in public since the scandal. Luke could get seriously hurt.

I dart from the table as soon as dinner is officially over and hide back in my room. My mood is thoroughly ruined and I stretch out on the bed, staring at the ceiling, which has been my favorite activity over the past three years. Jed’s nasty insinuation about me being screwed sliced deeper into my soul than I want to admit. It seems like no matter what, he has always been on the winning team.

After he got off on a technicality, Luke took a couple of swings at him and broke his nose. Jed had nothing better to do than run to the cops and cause a big stink. The prosecutor was Roy’s friend and Luke got away with forty hours of community service. When he turned twenty-one six months ago, he had his record expunged, so his criminal conviction was luckily gone. Yet the unfairness of it all rattled not only my world, but my belief in justice in general.

The pain hits me head on—everything that happened is really my fault. My mom had warned me not to walk home alone after the party, but I thought I was invincible and didn’t listen. I almost ruined Luke’s life when he fought my battles. Now, I drag the whole family down with my constant whining and impossible mood. Ultimately, I’m poison for everyone who cares for me.

Driven by a sudden undeniable urge, I hop off the bed and stroll over to my desk. The razor blade is hidden on the bottom of my wastebasket. I remove the tape holding it in place before finding myself in front of the bathroom mirror. With a grimace, I stick out my tongue. Dull eyes respond with a frown and I hold the blade next to my cheek. I’m sure if my face had been totally disfigured, I would never have been abducted. Maybe Jed will never look at me again if I do it now.

I picture how the blood would pulse out of me like red rain and drip into the sink— how the pain would surge through my body and overpower my pitiful existence. Cutting myself is like an addiction these days, the one thing that always makes me feel better. The physical agony is so powerful that everything else around me is numb. The adrenaline does the rest. It’s a high which allows me to forget—the burning pain the only sensation that has a total grip on me—even if it’s just for a few moments.

My hand moves farther down, running the blade over my skin just below my breast. Maybe I should slice it off? No man would ever be interested in me and a lot of heartache could be avoided. I run the edge over my belly, but know deep down that I would never have the guts to end my life. It is one thing to cut myself, yet another to call it quits for good. The latter is something I could never see through. Death would be the easy way out, but would leave my mom and Luke in shambles. They don’t deserve that, just so I could be taken out of my misery. I don’t even think I want that respite—not forever, anyway. The small escapes that I get from cutting are enough for now.

The razor ends up on my lower arm, which is already decorated with several scars. My last night’s despair cost me my coffee today. I only scratched the surface of the skin—it hardly even bled; the satisfaction ever so slight. Tonight, I need a real kick to forget the pain of the past. I will have to slice deep.

I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath when I finally slash into my arm. The pain spreads up through my shoulders and below into my fingertips. My hand shakes when I move further down to repeat the exercise. After my third gash, I move over to my other arm. My hand is trembling so hard that I almost drop the blade, but I manage three more cuts before my legs buckle.

I slide to the ground. The blood pulses from my veins and I’m stunned to see so much more than usual. It sprays everywhere, the white tiles next to me soon coated with crimson streaks. Nevertheless, I indulge in the pain as hot and cold flashes run through my body, balling my fists to stop my arms from shaking. When my eyelids grow heavy, I’m pulled into the depths of a bottomless ravine.