First and foremost, my thanks go to my lover and creative collaborator Chris, without whom this book and so much in my life would not have been possible. Writing this book was tough and I couldn’t have done it without his unwavering support and belief in me.
Thanks to our dearest son, Nick, and daughter-in-law, Tatis, for their encouragement and for bringing such joy into my present life as I waded through my past.
Special thanks to my longest-standing, dearest friend, Les, who has been and continues to be a constant loving presence in my life – who never ceases to amaze me or make me laugh like no one else can.
Thank you all at Faber, especially my editor, Lee Brackstone, who wrestled with my huge word count and won, and managed to make the process as painless as possible. Dan Papps for his enduring enthusiasm. Silvia Crompton, Luke Bird, Jack Murphy and Dave Watkins.
Big thank you to Matthew Hamilton, my literary agent, for his encouragement and support from the very first time we met.
A big thank you to Luke Turner for introducing me to Lee Brackstone and thereby instigating the chain of events that led to the completion and publication of this book.
Thanks to those who gave me advice and encouragement to write about my life: the astounding Maria Fusco, Jack Sargeant, my wonderful generous friend Paul Buck, who is always ready to help, John Doran, and Graham Duff, a man of huge talent who took the time to offer me advice and friendship – always with great humour.
Thanks to the Newby family: especially Mum, who tried so hard to make things work, and my dear sister, Pam; Debbie, Simon, Lily, Danny, Uncle Mike and his inspiring guitar-playing, Edwina, Beryl, Ken and Barbara.
The Carter family, especially Rose and Albert – Rose for being my much-loved surrogate mother – Nan, Shud, Pat and Ernie, the Fosseys, Phillips and Drapers.
A huge thank you to all my friends and collaborators for being a part of my life, enriching it beyond measure – especially dearly loved but sadly departed Sleazy and Geff – and with apologies to those whose names aren’t included for whatever reason. You are far from forgotten.
Thanks to Spydeee for bringing light where there were shadows, dearest sweet Fizzy Paet, Ian Goodrich, Anna Stillmaker, Foxtrot Echo, John Lacey, Menzies Brook, Alan Worsley, Tim Poston, my close friend and confidant Skot Armstrong, James Tallon, the extraordinary and lovable Monte Cazazza, Alex Fergusson, Alaura, Fred Giannelli, Sasha Grey, Marc Almond, Blixa Bargeld, Anohni, Gaspar Noé, Robert Wyatt, John Duncan, Olga Gerrard, Barbara Rogers, Steve Montgomery, Chris Connelly, Brian Williams, Tracey Roberts, Robert Crouch, Richard Chartier, Bob Eckhardt, Jo Ahmed, Bobby Bonbon, Andria Degens, Ossian, Steve, Todd Snow, Chesney Phelps, the effervescent, lovely Terry McGaughey, and Jenks, whose visits bring peace and a dash of down-to-earth northern common sense. Peter Edney, Nik Void, Tim Burgess and my godson Morgan, Pam Hogg, Suzan and Robert Swale.
Thank you, Jill Drower, for permission to quote from your excellent book, 99 Balls Pond Road: The Story of the Exploding Galaxy (London, 2014).
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For those who supported me in my music and art:
Thank you Andrew Wheatley and Martin McGeown of Cabinet, London.
Thank you Rough Trade, Peer Music, Mute Records, Mute Song, PIAS, Wax Trax!, Nettwerk, Cargo UK, Heike Munder, Catherine Wood, Anthony at Baba Yaga’s Hut. Especially Daniel Miller, Paul Taylor, David McGinnis, John McRobbie, Zoe Miller, Darren Crawford, Phil Hill, the remarkable Paul Smith, brilliant musician, artist and friend Susan Stenger, the master of live sound Chris Fullard, and fabulous TG family and crew: Mitch Flacko, Kirsten Reynolds, Ashley, Charles Poulet. The marvellous, once-met-never-forgotten Andrew Weatherall, friend and DJ extraordinaire Richard Clouston of Cosey Club, JD Twitch (Optimo – Keith McIvor), Gavin Toomey, André Stitt, Xeni Jardin and John Grant.
Extra-special thanks, love and respect to all the Throbbing Gristle, Chris & Cosey, Carter Tutti and Carter Tutti Void fans around the world.