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Brody pulled up to the farm and parked his truck. He couldn’t stay away. He creeped in up the stairs to his room, and he looked at the woman in his bed. He wanted her more than anything before in his life. But could he believe he was what she needed? What she wanted?
Brody stripped down and crawled into his bed. He left his boxers on and when he snuggled next to her, he leaned in, and inhaled her scent at her neck.
Sarah startled awake, and before she could move away, Brody whispered, “It’s me, Sarah.”
She shifted and turned to look up at him. Her, on her back, and him, on his side, looking down at her.
“What are you doing here, Brody? You left. You left me.”
Brody leaned down and gently kissed her lips. “No. I was upset. I was confused, and to be honest, I’m terrified.”
Sarah reached a hand up to cup his cheek. “Why?”
Brody took a deep breath and said, “Part of me has felt love for you for a long time. I never knew if it was real. I never knew if it was just in my head, or some fucked up responsibility to Trent.”
Sarah shifted, wanting to put distance between them. Brody saw how his words hurt her.
“Stop, Sarah. Just listen before you pull away.”
She relaxed against him again, so he continued.
“I know what I feel for you, now. After spending time with you and getting to know you, I know my feelings, and they sure as hell aren’t feelings of responsibility. I want you in my life, Sarah, but I don’t want to be in the shadows of Ted and Trent. I need to be me. I need to not have to fill shoes of the men that came before me. Ted, as your lover and husband. Trent, as the larger-than-life son and hero to your heart. I can’t. I won’t.”
“Brody,”
“No, just listen. I want to hold you in my arms tonight. I wanted to be able to feel you wrapped around me, knowing your divorce is final. I want to know that you’re mine, all mine, when that happens. I don’t want the shadows.”
“I don’t understand, Brody. I want you. I want to be with you.”
“No, Sarah. You’re filling a void. You mean too much to me to just be a filler in your life. I want to be your life. I’m too weak to not be here in this bed with you tonight. I’m going to hold you in my arms, and if it’s all I get of you, then I’ll remember it forever, but it’s time for you to go home, Sarah. Let your heart heal, and then,” he shrugged and kissed her forehead, “we’ll see what happens.”
“Brody,”
“No, Sarah. Go to sleep. Please, just don’t say anything right now.”
Sarah nodded and reached her hand up to trace his face. She slid her hand down the side of his jaw, down his neck, to his shoulder. Brody shifted and fell onto his back. Sarah lifted up on her elbow and ran her fingers over his collar bone and then down the center of his chest.
Brody groaned, “Sarah.””
********
Sarah listened to him, but she needed to touch him. So now, it was his turn to listen.
“I don’t know what is going on in your head, I don’t even know what’s going on in mine. After you walked away from me today, my heart fell apart. I felt nothing. I don’t want to feel nothing, Brody.”
She continued to move her hands over his broad, muscular, and tan chest. She shifted to straddle his hips and he protested her movement.
“Sarah, don’t.”
Sarah moved, not letting him stop her.
“Don’t what? Don’t be so close? Don’t touch your skin?” She bent down and kissed his lips gently, nipping his lower lip, then pulling back to hover closely to his lips. “Don’t kiss you like I want to? Don’t what, Brody, tell me.”
Brody looked into her eyes, took his hand up her cheek, and threaded it through her hair. “Don’t make me want you anymore than I already do.”
Sarah didn’t grin, she didn’t smile, she let her sadness show. She let a tear slide down her cheek, making Brody curse under his breath.
Sarah stared into his eyes and said, “Don’t make me give up on love, Brody. Don’t walk away from me. Don’t let me leave here without you. I don’t know if I can take another man walking out on me. I pride myself on being strong. I’m not as confident as I like to pretend, so having another man walk out of my life may just destroy what’s left of the confidence I have left.”
Brody pulled her lips to his and kissed them. Just a whisper over her lips he said, “Phoenix, you don’t give yourself enough credit. Ted didn’t walk out because of you. He walked out because of him. He knew he couldn’t give you what you needed. He tried in his way. Trent loved you as much as you loved him. He learned from you how to open his heart, and he shared that with me. I’ve been closed off most my life. I’ve never let anyone in. NEVER! You, snuck your way in. You’ve taken every thought, every feeling from within my soul and made it yours.”
“But, then why, Brody? Why are you pushing me away?” Sarah whispered.
“I’m not pushing you away, Sarah. Do you see where you are right now? You have control over me. Because you have the confidence within yourself to push for more. I’m holding on by a fucking thread not to pull you underneath me and bury myself inside of you. I’m holding onto that thread for you, for us. I don’t want to be your mistake, Sarah. I want more than that for us.”
Sarah looked into his eyes, and she rocked her hips on him. The only thing between them was the thin fabric of her underwear and his boxers. Sarah had a tank top on tonight to sleep in because the house was too warm for much else.
Brody moaned at the motion and the arousal she created. He placed his hands on her hips and tried to still her.
Sarah looked down at him and said, “No more words, Brody. Let me have just this. I’ll leave tomorrow and I’ll try to figure out why you’re driving me away, but tonight. I need to feel this between us, one more time. If you’re denying me your heart, at least give me this.”
Brody grabbed her with his hand behind her neck, and pulled her face within inches of his and growled, “I’m not denying you anything, especially my heart. Phoenix, you’ve owned that for years. I’m setting you free to soar, baby. I’m letting you stretch your wings and take flight. If I don’t, I’ll never know if you truly will ever let me own your heart.”
Brody pulled her and her lips crashed on his. The two pressed their lips together, meshing tongues, there was no telling where one began and the other ended.
Sarah’s hips rubbed over Brody’s length, and he moaned deep in his throat. Sarah pulled back from his mouth and sat up over him. She rocked her hips and looked down into his eyes. Never had she felt so comfortable with a man. She had no embarrassment, no issues doing what felt good, what felt right to her.
She ran her hand down her chest and cupped her breasts. She watched Brody’s eyes move to her chest to watch. She pulled and squeezed her breasts, but when she pulled and pinched her nipples, Brody groaned, met her eyes and the heat seared her to her soul.
Brody grabbed her hips and pulled her hard to him and he pushed up against her, making her throb and ache for more. She ground down against his hardness. She could feel him throbbing against her, or was that her throbbing? She couldn’t tell, all she could feel was the pulsing of her need for this man.
Sarah thought her body would ignite into flames at the heat between them. She thought that she’d never get enough to crest over that edge and then Brody placed his hand between them and pressed against her throbbing and aching clit, which threw her over the edge. She bit back the scream that wanted to burst from inside of her and met Brody’s eyes as she felt the warmth of his release against her core that made her pulse even harder. “Brody,” the whisper of his name over her lips and the tear that slipped down her cheek, were the only things she let escape.
“Hell and damnation,” Brody cursed. He held her to him and then looked her in the eyes as he said, “Never, Sarah. Never have I felt like this with anyone. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Please understand why. Please.” Brody pleaded with her.
Sarah leaned down and kissed his lips. A soft slow meeting of lips. She parted her lips and licked his open and slowly, she tasted him. One last kiss. One more taste of this man that crumbled her. One last moment to savor and reflect on when she would leave here and go home. Alone, again.
When Sarah pulled back, Brody cupped her cheek and said, “Don’t make this a good-bye, Sarah.”
Sarah shifted off of him and knelt beside him. She looked down at the man before her, so much unlike anyone she’d ever met, but yet the same as the man who gave her up time and time again. Doubt crept into her soul, and she said, “How can it not be good-bye? You are here and I’m going home.”
Brody sat up to be more eye level with her and said, “Home is not a location, Sarah, it’s where your heart is.”
With that, Brody got up and went into the bathroom to clean up. Sarah laid back down on the bed and willed herself not to break. Never again would she allow a man to break her. NEVER! AGAIN!
