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If the car ride to school was any indication of how uncomfortable my day was going to be, I was screwed. My mom almost ran a stop sign, since she just couldn’t stop looking at me. Finally, I was the one to break the silence.
“Yes, I am wearing makeup. I am seventeen, and everyone else my age is wearing makeup too.”
“I don’t think I really need to use the whole jumping off a bridge analogy, do I?”
“You really don’t.” I laughed. “At least, I hope not. I wasn’t really expecting makeup to result in my death today.”
“I wasn’t expecting it to result in mine either.” She laughed nervously and paid extra attention to the next traffic sign.
When we finally pulled up in front of the school, she reached over and patted my knee. “For what it’s worth, sweetie, I think you’re beautiful with or without makeup.”
“I love you too, Mom.” I hopped out of the car feeling a little better, only to be snatched by the arm and hauled around to the backside of the cafeteria.
“What’s going on with you?” Chloe hissed at me.
I jerked my arm away from her. “Ow.”
“You skipped our after-lunch visit yesterday, and then you didn’t return any of my calls or texts last night. Did I do something to upset you?”
“No, I’ve just been busy.” I shrugged and looked away.
“Whoa. Where did you learn how to put on makeup? And what’s up with the tights?”
I blushed and stepped further away from her. “I’ve worn makeup before.”
“Not like that, you haven’t.” Chloe grabbed my arm again before I could walk away. “Are you doing this because of Wayne? Do you think he expects you to be more like Matilda?”
“No. I’m not doing this because of Wayne. Grief, Chloe. I’m seventeen. I can wear makeup if I want to. Back off.” I pulled my arm away from her again and left her standing wide-eyed behind the cafeteria.
I felt mildly bad about snapping at her, but I didn’t know what else I could have said. I wasn’t used to being uncomfortable in my own skin, and having her throw all my not-so-subtle changes out in the open just made it that much worse.
Chloe was definitely the prettier one when it came to us. She didn’t wear much makeup either, but where my mother peppered me with little mandatory, motherly compliments, Chloe was a true natural beauty. She had an exotic, Egyptian look to her. Her eyes were lined with thick, dark lashes, and her shiny black hair always lay perfectly smooth down to her jawline, where it was cut in a sharp bob.
I wanted to be mad at her and pretend that she was just jealous that I looked better than she did for once, but that was a lie. She was just being Chloe, trying to decipher her best friend’s odd behavior in that blunt way she had about her. Maybe I would feel better by lunchtime, and I could apologize when I visited with her in the art room.
I was almost late to first period, but I didn’t rush to my desk when the bell rang. I followed Matilda’s instructions and walked slowly, like someone who was utterly bored, even though the day had just begun.
I didn’t look at anyone as I made my way to the front of the class, but I heard Mitch and Denise whispering. I sat down and crossed my legs under my desk. Mr. Hammond did a double-take when he noticed me, and I quietly prayed that he wouldn’t make a public announcement about my appearance. At least Chloe had the decency to drag me behind the cafeteria first.
Mitch and Denise whispered away behind me all through class. At one point, Denise giggled. It could have been about anything. Mitch could have just cracked a funny joke. It might not have even been about me, but I felt my cheeks flare all the same. I wondered if Matilda’s heavy duty makeup would hide my discomfort. The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous I was sure I looked. After the bell rang, I forgot Matilda’s advice and rushed out of class ahead of everyone else so I could find sanctuary in the bathroom.
I had a wet paper towel in hand and was trying to decide the best way to go about removing the makeup when the Ds walked in. I froze and looked away from them. Act bored. Act bored. Act bored. I tossed the paper towel in the trash and popped out a tube of lipstick Matilda had given me to touch up with throughout the day.
Danielle slipped a cigarette out of her purse and lit up right in front of me. She glanced over to see if I would say anything before passing it to Denise. I ignored them and continued applying the lipstick.
The Ds were a pretty pair. They weren’t Matilda pretty, but they tried. They had both colored their hair to match Matilda’s platinum blond, and it was painfully obvious that they bought their clothes at the same skanky boutiques. Their collective look rarely strayed from stripper-casual, unless Matilda wore something new or unusual. Then the Ds would rush out to find the item like they were searching for the Holy Grail. I often overheard them discussing their shopping missions in the bathroom.
The Ds were typical cutthroat snobs. They never seemed to particularly like Matilda’s style. They were just simply too unimaginative to take the kind of risks Matilda did. They wanted to be trendsetters, but Matilda was the one with all the guts. Their catty discussions made it sound like they begrudged Matilda for beating them to it, but really, they just couldn’t admit the sad fact that they were bitter little clones. To anyone with ears, it sounded like they hated Matilda just as much as I did, but instead of avoiding her like the plague, they chose to shove themselves neck-deep up her arse.
The Ds weren’t the real deal, but that didn’t mean that they hadn’t had plenty of practice. The Matilda residue was still strong, and it hung around them like a vile aura of snobbery and ill intentions. I felt it seep into my very bones as Denise stared me down through the mirror. I did my best not to stare back, but it felt too much like playing possum with a mountain lion. She finally looked away and passed the cigarette to Danielle. “Nice liner. What brand is that?” she asked, looking down at her nails.
“Rimmel,” I answered without looking up. I was suddenly glad that I had paid attention to everything Matilda had instructed me to put on my face.
“I like it.” Danielle tilted her head to look at me in the mirror over my shoulder. She gave me a little grin and held the cigarette out to me. “You want?” Denise grimaced at her.
My chest tightened, but I shrugged and took the cigarette. I’d never smoked before, and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to. It smelled awful, and I really didn’t want to choke up a lung in front of them. I did my best not to inhale the smoke, only sucking in the smallest amount. I held it for a half a second and blew it out, unable to hide my disgust.
Denise chuckled. “You don’t smoke, I take it?”
Lie. Lie. Lie. Matilda’s snob tips were like mantras circulating in the recesses of my mind. “I just prefer menthols.”
Danielle raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to the party at Lovers Playground Friday?”
I shook my head, feeling dizzy from the smoke. “No, I have a date.”
“Really?” Denise laughed. “With Wayne?”
“No. My boyfriend is coming home from college for the weekend.”
“Whatever.” Denise curled up her nose at me.
I snarled right back at her. “What do you care what my weekend plans are?” I left the bathroom, not bothering to wait for her reply. It didn’t seem like a very friendly encounter, but I already knew Matilda would note it as a success. Snobby girls were weird like that.
Second period was a little sigh of relief. We were still watching movies, due to the lab theft. Mrs. Roth turned down the lights, so I didn’t have to worry about anyone looking at me cross-eyed. The documentary we were watching today wasn’t as outdated as the one about the atomic bomb. It was over the recent research done on Mars. I really wanted to pay attention. I wanted to enjoy it. I loved space science, but I was entirely too distracted.
By third period, I had finally come to terms with my new look. If I was going to be stuck with the zombie Matilda makeover, that didn’t mean I had to let it get to me. If I could just forget about the makeup and the clothes long enough, then maybe I could get my head to start working right again.
I sat up straighter in history class and tried to pay attention, though not too much attention, since Mitch Brown was watching. Matilda said I didn’t have to let my grades fail, but that I did need to stop raising my hand so often.
Five minutes into class, Mitch asked to borrow a pencil. Mitch Brown asked me to borrow a pencil. Last week, he would have asked anyone but me. I kept Matilda in mind and tried not to make a big deal out of it, handing my spare pencil over without even looking at him.
Ten minutes later, when Mr. Charles had his back to the class, Mitch flipped a little folded note onto my desk. I raised an eyebrow at him and rolled my eyes, but I went ahead and opened it.
Hey Janie. You should come to the party at Lovers Playground Friday. Everyone’s going to be there. My cousin is in college, and he’s twenty-one. He’s buying alcohol for us. I could place an order for you, if you want? Just let me know what you’d like by Thursday. Hope you can make it! –M
Well, that solved the question of who was providing the booze. If only Officer Russell knew how to apply mascara like Matilda Hunt, maybe his investigation would have been more successful.
I thought about hanging on to the note to show Matilda or to frame as some sort of evidence that I had graduated from my lame nerd status, but I knew I had to give it back. It would give Mitch too much too soon. He would think I was saving it to build a shrine to him in my closet or something. Instead, I scribbled a quick note at the bottom.
I have a date Friday night, but thanks anyways. Maybe next time. –J
I waited for Mr. Charles to turn his back again and tossed it on Mitch’s desk. I didn’t watch his reaction, even though I really wanted to. I imagine watching a jock get all disappointed over me would have been entertaining. I was struggling to maintain my bored aura as it was though, so I refrained.
My nerves spiked again as lunchtime drew near. Sitting with Eddie definitely didn’t seem like something Matilda would have approved of, but Wayne’s presence seemed to counterbalance the nerd status of our table.
Eddie’s face as he watched me approach made me want to crawl under the table and die. His eyes went all alien, and his mouth gaped open, exposing a bite of half-chewed tuna sandwich. Wayne’s expression wasn’t much better. He blushed and looked away, scratching a hand over his short hair.
“Hey.... Janie,” Eddie said, like he had momentarily forgotten my name. I gave him a tight smile as I sat down.
“Hey,” Wayne said softly. His eyes dropped down to his lunch tray. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of his reaction. It almost seemed as if he was sad about something. Maybe I’d ask him about it after lunch on the way to algebra, as long as Eddie didn’t tag along.
I looked down at my cup of yogurt and milk. It wasn’t a lot, but my nerves made it hard for me to stomach much. I hadn’t found time to pack a lunch this morning, and Matilda had said that only nerds brought a bagged lunch anyway. I sighed and opened the yogurt. It was the cheap regular kind, not the creamy Greek yogurt my mom bought at the health food store. I almost choked on the first bite when Mitch plopped down at our table.
He slugged Wayne on the back and leaned in close to whisper to him without being overheard by the lunch ladies. “Dude, party at the playground Friday. You got a special beverage request?”
Wayne glanced back at me and shook his head violently. “I can’t. Still grounded.”
Mitch chuckled softly. “Like that’s ever stopped you from sneaking out before? I can pick you up around ten, if you need a ride.” He glanced over the table at me. “You two are neighbors, right? If you decide to cancel your date, I could give you a ride too, Janie.”
Wayne and Eddie’s heads snapped up at the same time. “Date?” they asked simultaneously.
Mitch jumped and looked back and forth between them with a nervous laugh. He gave me a little nod before leaving me alone with Wayne and Eddie’s questioning stares.
“What?” I barked at them.
Wayne looked away again. His ears turned pink, and his cheeks puffed out. I almost couldn’t stand it. I wanted to tell him it was a lie. I wanted to tell him that he was the only boy I’d ever wanted to go on a date with, that he was the only boy I’d ever kissed. I wanted to come clean so badly, but it would have to wait. Right now, my entire life depended on the façade that Matilda was forcing me to maintain.
“Who are you going on a date with?” Eddie was used to being awkward and weird. He didn’t have the same pride issues as Wayne.
“None of your business.” I frowned at him and put the lid back on my cup of yogurt. My stomach was doing cartwheels. I had to get out of there. I stood and left the table, but before I had gotten very far, I heard Eddie whisper over to Wayne, “What’s gotten into her?”
I threw away the yogurt, saving the milk to take up to the art room with me. I wasn’t really ready to see Chloe again, but I couldn’t handle sitting across from Wayne and Eddie any longer either. At least part of my discomfort had to do with the fact that I was now fully, painfully aware that not only did Wayne like me, but so did Eddie. I had a nagging little feeling that that had been true even before the Matilda makeover. I’d had my suspicions about Eddie, but I’d never really given it much thought before the jealous slip he and Wayne had just shared. I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it.
Eddie was attractive and interesting. He didn’t care what everyone else thought was cool or lame. He didn’t care what everyone thought of him. He was also bat crap crazy. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he actually believed half the crazy stuff he rambled on about or not. Still, he was genuinely kind and entertaining.
Wayne, on the other hand, was more of a nostalgic heartthrob for me. We had grown up together. We had learned how to tie our shoes on the same day, and we had played house in our backyards for years before I realized that I wanted to do more than pretend with him. We had grown apart through high school, due to his desire to be cool, and I could only blame it on Matilda for so long before having to accept that no one had forced Wayne to date her. He had wanted to. When that notion really sunk in, I realized that Chloe had been at least a little right. Part of me was wearing Matilda’s trampy makeup because I wanted to impress Wayne.
I stopped at the art room door and took a deep breath before going in. Some foreign pop song blared from the radio on the windowsill. Chloe had her back to me. She was painting on a new canvas, but I couldn’t tell what it was since she was blocking my view. Her brush strokes were sporadic and angry. I cleared my throat to catch her attention.
Chloe glanced over her shoulder and frowned at me. “I’m not talking to you until you wash that crap off your face.”
“Excuse me?” The olive branch I had planned on extending suddenly went up in flames.
“You heard me. You look like one of the Ds. It’s freaking me out. For real.” Chloe kept her back to me and continued painting while I fumed.
“There’s a good reason why I look this way.”
“Oh, yeah? Well let’s hear it.”
I folded my arms. “I can’t tell you, but I promise it’s necessary.”
Chloe finally turned around. “That’s weak. I’m your best friend, and you can’t tell me why you’ve made yourself up to look like a hooker? Would it happen to be the same reason I had to hear about your Friday night date from the Ds?”
“I do not look like a hooker.”
Chloe snorted. “Were you even planning on telling me about your date? I mean, this would be your first one ever. Why wouldn’t you tell me about that? Or did you just make it up, like your face?”
“Would you lay off about the makeup?”
Chloe raised an eyebrow. “You won’t wash it off. You can’t tell me what this necessary excuse is, and you keep avoiding the date questions. Fine. Then I can’t talk to you.” She turned back to her painting.
“That went well,” I grumbled to myself as I left the art room.
The bell for fifth period rang. Normally, I would have gone straight to algebra, but since I shared that class with Danielle, I had to wait for her to arrive first. I thought about hanging out in the bathroom, but I didn’t want to risk the Ds offering me a cigarette again.
I made it back downstairs just as the tail end of the lunch crowd scattered from the cafeteria. I slipped back inside amongst the abandoned tables and opened the carton of milk I was still carrying around with me. I sipped at it slowly, watching the clock over the exit.
The cafeteria was completely empty. Even the lunch ladies were gone. They must have slipped outside for a cigarette break now that the lunch rush was over. The smell of pizza and overcooked green beans hung in the air. The mostly deflated Lancelot swayed in the draft created by the sudden evacuation. He turned slowly to point his droopy lance at me, as if to say, “I see you. I see through your skanky disguise, and I dub you lady of eternal geekery.” I huffed at his imagined slight and heaved my half-full milk at him.
A door slammed somewhere in the kitchen behind the serving area, and I jumped. I hurried back out of the cafeteria before I got caught acting like a crazy. That was Eddie’s job.