35

One Year Later

The Feast of First Fruits approached, but Hannah could not bear to go to Shiloh. Not yet. Not when she knew the day would come when she would have to leave Samuel in Eli’s care. She held the boy to her breast, comfortably nursing in the shade of the overhanging awning of the courtyard, catching the early summer breeze. How fast he had grown in the past eighteen months!

Oh Adonai, I don’t know if I can bear to let him go. She sensed that God knew her feelings. Hadn’t He given them to all mothers? Wasn’t it better to be honest with Him?

It’s just so hard. She stroked Samuel’s ruddy cheek, and the boy opened his eyes and smiled at her. Something stirred within her that made her ache for the mingled joy and pain of motherhood. She had given birth and her shame had left her, but what would people say when she went to the feast and Samuel didn’t come home? Peninnah would love that. And the taunts would surely begin again.

Footsteps caused her to look up and swipe an errant tear away. Elkanah trudged into the courtyard and sank onto a bench beside hers.

“He’s growing fast.” Elkanah touched the boy’s soft hair.

“Too fast.” She swallowed to avoid the emotion churning within her.

Elkanah nodded and clutched one of her hands. “The plans for the feast are almost done. Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” He searched her face. “I hate leaving you alone.”

“I’m sure,” she said, keeping her tone confident. “I don’t want to take him there until he is weaned and I can fulfill my vow.”

He nodded. “Do what seems best to you. Stay here until you have weaned him.”

“Thank you. And besides, Nava is nearby and not going because her child is due soon, so I won’t be the only person left in the city.”

“I’m not afraid of that,” he said, touching her cheek. “A few of my sisters-in-law are staying behind as well, so if you need anything . . .”

“I will know exactly where to find them.”

He stood. “If you’re sure.”

He seemed so hesitant to leave her, yet he had to go to the feast not only as a Kohathite but to keep the law. She studied him a moment. “Are you afraid of sharing the feast with just Peninnah and your children?”

His brow quirked, and he lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I’m sure Peninnah will be quite happy.” She didn’t miss the sarcasm in his tone. “She has not been easier to deal with since Yafa’s passing. I had hoped it would change her.”

“Only God can change a person’s heart, beloved. You and I both know that.”

He nodded. “I know. Perhaps I need to pray for her.”

“And I will do the same. Perhaps it will cause her to understand kindness if we ask God to help us show it to her.”

Elkanah bent down to kiss her cheek. “I love you, you know.”

Hannah smiled. “I know.” She met his gaze just as Samuel stopped nursing.

The boy sat up and lifted his arms to his father. “Abba . . . up.”

Elkanah laughed and took Samuel from her arms. How good it felt to be a whole family. She would not think about the day when they would go back to being two instead of three.

Four Years Later

Elkanah held Samuel’s hand and walked beside Hannah on the way to his parents’ home for the Sabbath meal. It was the week before the Feast of First Fruits, the last moment when they would be together as a complete family before he had to present Samuel to God in Shiloh. Every memory of the vow Hannah had made pained him now.

He glanced at her walking beside him, carrying a clay dish of food she had prepared to help feed the many family members. Even his sister, Meira, and her husband and Hannah’s entire family planned to join them, a rare occurrence.

“All of my cousins are going to be there?” Samuel asked, skipping along beside Elkanah.

“All of your cousins and your brothers and sisters and your aunts and uncles and grandparents,” Elkanah said, hoping his voice sounded lighter than his heart felt.

“A big celebration!” Samuel’s enthusiasm did little to lift Elkanah’s spirits.

Why, Adonai? Why did it take a vow to give us this child? I don’t want to give him to live at the tabernacle. Hophni and Phinehas are as corrupt as ever. He had seen it only a few months ago on his regular trip to work there. Nothing had changed, at least not for the better. How could he put his only son by his favorite wife in such a position?

“Yes, my son,” Hannah said, keeping in step with the boy. “This is a big celebration. Do you remember why?”

Samuel stopped suddenly just as his grandfather’s house came into view. Elkanah looked at him, saw his son’s gaze move between mother and father. “It’s the last time I will be eating with all of you, because I’m going to live where Abba goes to work sometimes.”

A knot formed in Elkanah’s throat and he couldn’t speak.

“That’s right. And why are you going to live there?” Hannah had surely already asked the child these questions, but Elkanah knew she was simply trying to reinforce his understanding. At five, Samuel was a bright boy, but still a young boy. Could he possibly understand separation?

“Because you promised God that if He would give me to you, you would let God have me back to do His work.” He gave Hannah a toothy grin, minus the few teeth that hadn’t yet come in.

“And God has some great work for you to do there, my son. He hasn’t told us yet what it is, but in a few years He will show you, and Eli the priest will teach you more than Abba and I can.” Hannah knelt to meet Samuel at eye level. “But you know that Abba and I will visit as often as we can. I will still make you new robes and tunics, and Abba will see you every time he comes to work there. And the priests’ wives will look after you too.”

Samuel nodded, his expression suddenly serious. “I won’t see you every day.” He frowned.

“No,” Hannah said softly. “No, my love, you won’t.” She opened her arms and he came close and hugged her hard. “We’ve talked about this for a long time, but it’s different now that it is so close, isn’t it?”

Samuel nodded against her chest, and Elkanah felt completely helpless. In the five years since Samuel’s birth, Hannah had not borne another child. She was giving God all she had.

He swallowed hard against that thought. He still had sons to raise, and daughters too, but Hannah would be left with nothing but him. How was she able to speak to Samuel so peacefully? Oh God, this is so hard.

“But you will come to see me,” Samuel said.

“As much as I can. At every feast and maybe even when Abba works in Shiloh. We can count on those as our special visits, and in the in-between times we will do the things God has for us. Okay?” She kissed his forehead and held him at arm’s length.

Samuel nodded slowly, but a moment later his face was wreathed in a grin. “I will be the only one to have two homes. One with you and Abba and one with God.” He turned and skipped ahead, then stopped to look back. “Can I go see my cousins?”

Hannah nodded and Samuel ran off. Elkanah looked at her as she picked up the dish she’d set aside and began walking again toward his parents’ home.

“You are truly all right with this?” He put his hand on her shoulder.

She nodded, but he didn’t miss the tears in her eyes. “It will not be easy,” she said, slowing her step as they neared the entrance to the courtyard and heard the rumblings of men and women and squealing children racing about the yard or talking inside the house. For a brief moment the court was empty. “But it is the right thing to do. And God will take care of him.”

Elkanah held her gaze. “I wish I had your faith.”

“You do. You’re just grieving.”

“I wish we didn’t have to leave him.”

“Me too.”

They stared at each other in silence a moment. “May the Lord make good His word,” Elkanah said.

Hannah smiled. “He will, beloved. If He could give us Samuel, He can be trusted to do the rest of what we entrust to Him.”

Elkanah nodded, marveling at this woman. He didn’t deserve such a woman of faith. Not when his own faith seemed so fragile at this moment. But as they entered the house with the entire family gathered, he knew he would have to announce their intentions. Pray God he would have the words to answer their questions.

Hannah stood over an exhausted, sleeping Samuel, her heart pounding. She knew she should lie down beside him and rest, but her mind would not settle from all of the questions thrown at her and Elkanah after the announcement to their families. Should they have told them all sooner?

“How could anyone do such a thing?” Peninnah had been the first to throw out a barb. Though she might have meant it as sarcastic, the gleam in her eyes had given away her delight in Hannah’s loss.

“Hannah, how can you bear to do this to us?” Galia’s comment had been no better, and Jeroham had supported his wife, for he had come to dote on the boy. “We love Samuel. You know how long you waited and prayed.”

“Yes, I do,” she said, looking to Elkanah for support, but even his composure seemed to be hanging by a thread. “You all know that I was barren for years.” The word had lost its sting, even though every female head nodded in solemn agreement. “And that God granted my petition after I prayed and vowed to give my son back to Him. So please, do not fret or think this a bad thing. God has brought about this moment for a purpose. I believe He wanted me to be willing to give Him everything because He has a greater purpose for Samuel.”

The room had grown quiet after that, until everyone started to ask questions about how they could help or how she could bear it and how Samuel was taking the idea of not living with his parents. Even now she could not stop their words from creating a hint of doubt in her heart.

Oh Adonai, I know I am doing the right thing, for to break my vow to You is not possible. But please give me strength to carry it out, because living without Samuel’s voice in this house or holding him close each day is going to be impossible without Your help.

Soft footfalls sounded behind her, and she turned to see Elkanah enter the room. He came to her and wrapped her in his arms, the two of them looking down at their innocent son.

“It will be all right,” he whispered into her ear.

She leaned against him, felt his heart beating steadily as he himself was always steady, always there for her.

“I know. It will be hard, though.” She looked at him. “But God has given me peace.”

Elkanah nodded. “Strangely enough, even through the chaos tonight, I felt His peace as well. I don’t know what God has in store for our son, but I feel certain that he is chosen to bring change to Israel. Good change.”

She smiled and rose up on her toes to kiss his bearded cheek. “I am sure of it too.”

He kissed her, a kiss full of promise, of a future to come. “We have a week left with him.”

“Until the next feast.”

“Yes. Which reminds me that we need to gather what we will sacrifice on his behalf.”

“I have already chosen a three-year-old bull.”

“And I have an ephah of flour and a skin of wine waiting.”

“Then we will enjoy this last week until that day.”

He kissed her again as though he needed her, suddenly more than she had realized. Until that last day she would enjoy her son. But right now she pulled Elkanah aside and showed him she needed him too.